lucy_in_disguise Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 What's your stance on reconciling pets and allergies? Do you believe there is a way to compromise on the issue? If you are a pet owner, would you consider: moving to a bigger place (so the pets can have their own space), moving the pets outside, or finding the pet a new home, under any circumstances? For the allergic partner, would you consider taking meds in order to be able to stay at their place? I am starting to date a guy with multiple cats, to whom I'm extremely allergic. It is so bad that normal doses of antihistamines make no difference. Wondering what others' experiences have been in this situation.
InnocentMan Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Experiment with different drugs before you give up completely. I found over the counter ones next to useless. I eventually had to get a prescribed one from the doctor, which I take everyday. Seems to kill any problem before it starts. I'm not sure it's good to be exposed to what is affecting you too often, but for an occasional visit, the right drug will make it bearable.
FitChick Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 If you are allergic to cats, why would you date a cat owner? In your dating profile make it very clear that you cannot date a cat owner. 2
BlametheIrish Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 What's your stance on reconciling pets and allergies? Do you believe there is a way to compromise on the issue? If you are a pet owner, would you consider: moving to a bigger place (so the pets can have their own space), moving the pets outside, or finding the pet a new home, under any circumstances? __________ Pets need attention so if you moved to a bigger place only to keep.them locked up somewhere is not fair to the pets. Domesticated pets should never be strictly outdoor animals. Most all pet adoption agencies would agree with me. As far as finding them a new home, most pet owners that lobr their pets woukd never consider that. But if they found a,loving home it's much better than living outside or being stuck alone in a part of the house all day with much less attention then they deserve. __________ For the allergic partner, would you consider taking meds in order to be able to stay at their place? ___________ I'm not allergic to anything but my cousins wife is highly allergic to cats and loves them, but is not a fan of dogs. So she takes shots to.combat the allergies, she had for years now. The fact that she's a RN means she is bery aware of any negative reactions the shot could havr but takes it to have her cats around. ____________ I am starting to date a guy with multiple cats, to whom I'm extremely allergic. It is so bad that normal doses of antihistamines make no difference. Wondering what others' experiences have been in this situation. __________ To help your situation he can keep the hpuse.vacuumed very regularly and keep the cats brushed out daily. I recommend a zoom groom for short haired cats and a slicker brush and greyhound comb for long haired cats.(I'm a certified pet groomer btw, I've worked on cats and dogs for years) This will nit be a night and dau difference but it will help. Most people are allergic to tge cats saliva and cats lick themselves an awful lot so taking care of hair will help For futute referencr,.the siberian is the only hypoallergenic cat. So if you ever jave a bf or child ehos dead set on getting one doen the line then tjis id tje breed for you. Good luck OP
salparadise Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Wondering what others' experiences have been in this situation. I am allergic to cats. I started dating a woman with three. I had been around cats quite a bit and would experienced some mild symptoms, but thought of it as more a nuisance than a real problem. Well, the second time I stayed at her place I had a severe reaction, an asthma attack, and had to go to the ER. I realized immediately that it probably meant that things aren't going to work out with her, but she came to vist me several times and stayed with me at Christmas. So I got optimistic again... for awhile. Now it seems she expects me to figure it out somehow so that we can take turns traveling (about 100 miles) to see each other. We were tentatively planning to get together this weekend for the first time since the holidays, but she said it's my turn to come there. She feels that I should get a hotel room. She also feels that if I went to the doctor and got some medicine that I could stay at her place again. I think this is the end of this one. It would just be stupid of me to go back in her house again, and I'm not much a fan of hotels. To continue would be 2-4 nights a month in a hotel, plus eating meals out while I'm there. That would be anywhere from several hundred to a thousand bucks a month. I also don't like that she's suddenly acting obstinate and passive aggressive about the whole issue. I haven't asked her how she feels about getting rid of the cats because I already know the answer. Phukk it. I don't think I'll ever see her again.
lollipopspot Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 If you are allergic to cats, why would you date a cat owner? In your dating profile make it very clear that you cannot date a cat owner. I agree with this. OP, did you meet this person in OLD? You don't want someone who would even consider rehoming their pets without trying everything to make it work out, and perhaps not even then. Because having pets is a big commitment to another living being. And if they're going to dump this commitment in any way easily, then they're showing you how they deal with commitments, and you may not fare well either. It's like sleeping with a married person, and then expecting them to be faithful to you once you get together. 4
pickflicker Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 If you are allergic to cats, why would you date a cat owner? In your dating profile make it very clear that you cannot date a cat owner. Agreed. If it's a bad allergic reaction, perhaps they are not the person for you. You can't just rehome the pets or change the living arrangements on a hunch that a relationship might work out. Either find a drug regime or maybe kiss this one off and look for someone else. 4
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 If you are allergic to cats, why would you date a cat owner? In your dating profile make it very clear that you cannot date a cat owner. We didn't meet online. I don't do OLD.
SoonMyFriend Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 What's your stance on reconciling pets and allergies? Do you believe there is a way to compromise on the issue? If you are a pet owner, would you consider: moving to a bigger place (so the pets can have their own space), moving the pets outside, or finding the pet a new home, under any circumstances? For the allergic partner, would you consider taking meds in order to be able to stay at their place? I am starting to date a guy with multiple cats, to whom I'm extremely allergic. It is so bad that normal doses of antihistamines make no difference. Wondering what others' experiences have been in this situation. As a pet owner I would never consider rehoming my pet for a new relationship, and I would never keep my pet outside. Domesticated animals stay indoors. The only time I would consider rehoming is if it were an established relationship (ie marriage or something similar) and one of us develop life threatening allergies to a NEW pet. If the allergy cannot be managed by medication, or other therapies then the pet needs to go. Case in point - my father almost lost eye sight in one eye due to his cat allergies. We had a cat growing up and my father is asthmatic and allergic to cats. His sneezing got so bad one year he injured his eye. He was seeing double vision for months and had to wear an eye patch to heal his eye. If you or your partner has asthma or severe pet allergies there can sometimes be no compromise. You need to decide how important this new relationship is. Are you willing to try different forms of medication/alternatives to try and alleviate your allergies? If he wants pets for life, are you prepared for this if you see this as a long term commitment? Are you willing to risk your health in some cases? Really, you need to assume the pets will win over you every time. I would suggest speaking to a doctor if you can. You might also want to try alternative therapies if you can as well. If those don't work then you and your partner need to have a serious discussion. For some people pets are a dealbreaker, much like kids.
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I agree with this. OP, did you meet this person in OLD? You don't want someone who would even consider rehoming their pets without trying everything to make it work out, and perhaps not even then. Because having pets is a big commitment to another living being. And if they're going to dump this commitment in any way easily, then they're showing you how they deal with commitments, and you may not fare well either. It's like sleeping with a married person, and then expecting them to be faithful to you once you get together. I agree to an extent. It would not be a good sign if he considered getting rid of his cats for someone he just met. I am happy to experiment with medication for the odd sleepover. However, I am wondering about the hypothetical situation down the line, not necessarily in this particular relationship, but any serious relationship with a cat owner. For me, it would be a big compromise to medicate myself full-time in order to be able to function in my own home. But, I understand giving up your pets would be difficult as well. I would never expect someone to give up a dog. I know I will be flamed for this, but to me, it seems like cats don't get as attached, so finding a new home for a cat is more acceptable under the circumstances.
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Some more food for thought: does your stance change depending on the type of pet? For example, would you consider giving up a hamster for a relationship? Rabbit/ bird/ chinchilla? Where do you draw the line or expect the line to be drawn?
SoonMyFriend Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I have a guinea pig and if someone asked me to get rid of him I don't think I could do it. To someone who loves that pet, it may not matter what "type" of pet it is. It is still a being they care about deeply. But, that depends on the person too. I understand not everyone cares as deeply about smaller pets like I do.
salparadise Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 You don't want someone who would even consider rehoming their pets without trying everything to make it work out, and perhaps not even then. Because having pets is a big commitment to another living being. And if they're going to dump this commitment in any way easily, then they're showing you how they deal with commitments, and you may not fare well either. This is one way of looking at it, but certainly not the only way. Not everyone thinks of pets the same, and there is no right or wrong as long as they're taking care of them. It's like sleeping with a married person, and then expecting them to be faithful to you once you get together. No it's not.
ThatMan Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I agree to an extent. It would not be a good sign if he considered getting rid of his cats for someone he just met. I am happy to experiment with medication for the odd sleepover. However, I am wondering about the hypothetical situation down the line, not necessarily in this particular relationship, but any serious relationship with a cat owner. For me, it would be a big compromise to medicate myself full-time in order to be able to function in my own home. But, I understand giving up your pets would be difficult as well. I would never expect someone to give up a dog. I know I will be flamed for this, but to me, it seems like cats don't get as attached, so finding a new home for a cat is more acceptable under the circumstances. See a doctor. See a doctor. Be sure to see a doctor. Especially see a doctor if you plan to experiment with over the counter medications and take these medicates long-term. There are also allergy shots for cats which are often successful.
newmoon Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 how can you even ask a pet owner if they would give up their pets? yikes! if they truly love their pets this isn't an option. I'd help my partner as much as I could, but it's probably better to just not date someone who has allergies to your dogs/cats at all. I have dogs now but I formerly had a cat and the bf took some meds which helped him, and my place is kept vacuumed every other day. only so much you can do. 1
lollipopspot Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I would never expect someone to give up a dog. I know I will be flamed for this, but to me, it seems like cats don't get as attached, so finding a new home for a cat is more acceptable under the circumstances. Not flaming, but this is based on a misunderstanding of cats. Cats do get very bonded to their caretakers too. Some more food for thought: does your stance change depending on the type of pet? For example, would you consider giving up a hamster for a relationship? Rabbit/ bird/ chinchilla? Where do you draw the line or expect the line to be drawn? It does depend on the type of animal and if good care is assured on re-homing. Reptiles don't really bond to their caretakers, but not everyone can take good care of a reptile. So if someone made a commitment to one, and then wants to re-home, they need to make sure that it is as good a home as they would have provided. And that it's permanent and the animal won't be shuffled off to someone who doesn't care at all. This is one way of looking at it, but certainly not the only way. Not everyone thinks of pets the same, and there is no right or wrong as long as they're taking care of them. I would argue that not bonding or doing the best you can to provide a lifetime commitment to the pets you take on in is inadequate caretaking. The people who own cats who think they don't attach to people are people who haven't bonded or attached to their own cats - it's not the cats, it's the person who can't bond. It's true that sometimes pets may need to be re-homed for some reason, but for an owner to do that without a lot of thought means that they weren't a great owner - they're failing on a major part of what it means to be a good caretaker - it's not for a moment, it's for life. Pets are a commitment, and it's really unfortunate that humans decided to domesticate animals so they are dependent upon us, and then we do such an inadequate job of making sure that their lives are decent and they're not killed in the millions for lack of homes. If people can't commit to their animals to the best of their ability, then they shouldn't get them. 4
InnocentMan Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Have to agree about cats becoming just as bonded as dogs, sometimes even more so. My cat used to follow me everywhere. I couldn't even go to the toilet without him. It's usually cold owners they don't bond with, and ones who don't play with them. When this happens, they act like they don't give a ****. They just have more pride than dogs. 3
Allumere Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I am a pet owner. I do rescue work. I have my own herd of cats (please, skip the cat lady jokes) and in 2003 got a sinus infection that lasted pretty much a 1 1/2 years. I was initially tested for allergies but nothing showed up. When I didn't improve after surgery I was tested again and I had become allergic to everything...including cats, birds, horses, hay...all things I have and handle daily. In addition to prescription medication I did 2 allergy shots a week for over 3 years and then went to every other week and so on...I did shots for 6 years. Today I have no problems except a couple weeks in the spring and in august in which sudafed and claritan work. Ok, so back to question. No, I would not get rid of my pets and no, I would not kick them outside full time (my cats are 14 and older, my bird is 18). That said there is a ton of stuff that can be done. Limit where animals go...keeping bedroom etc. safe zones (no pets allowed ever), vacuuming, using dander sprays etc. High end air filtration systems etc. If someone is so allergic they will end up in the hospital that is a different situation but again over time with shots that could improve dramatically but the pet person needs to get that they have to come to you AND APPRECIATE the effort~ 1
salparadise Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 It does depend on the type of animal and if good care is assured on re-homing. Reptiles don't really bond to their caretakers, but not everyone can take good care of a reptile. So if someone made a commitment to one... I would argue that not bonding or doing the best you can to provide a lifetime commitment to the pets you take on in is inadequate caretaking. The people who own cats who think they don't attach to people are people who haven't bonded or attached to their own cats - it's not the cats, it's the person who can't bond. So do you really not get it that all you're doing is declaring that your own perspective is the only valid perspective. Even down to drawing the line between one type of animal and another. My perspective is that... never mind. I learned a long time ago not to argue with anyone thinks that their feelings are empirical evidence.
lollipopspot Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Yep, I believe some ways of caretaking are better and worse. I have values, based on outcomes, thought, and compassion for dependents. Same as: I think it's better to spend time with one's young children than to neglect them, except for their most basic needs. Are you going to stomp your feet about that value too, because you take it as critical of those who have a different parenting style, and you think no one should have a value about such things? Sal, you're allowed to treat your pets pretty much however you want, unfortunately. But if you find your pets disposable, I think that's poor guardianship.
HeartDesires Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 If you are a pet owner, would you consider: moving to a bigger place (so the pets can have their own space), moving the pets outside, or finding the pet a new home, under any circumstances? No...these are undesirable options. I would never expect someone to give up a dog. I know I will be flamed for this, but to me, it seems like cats don't get as attached, so finding a new home for a cat is more acceptable under the circumstances. Cats are no more disposal than dogs are. 3
mortensorchid Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 In case no one has noticed (and I am not being sarcastic when I say this, truly), allergies are on the upswing. Right now it seems to be a problem with little kids (ages 12 and under), and maybe some will grow out of it as they age, but they may not either. You have no idea who you could simply walk by in a public place, you may never say a word to or in any way touch the other person, but if they get a whiff of something on you, they could go into shock and die. This is why the public schools have completely banned nuts. My niece goes to a Catholic school in MI (preK-6), 2 classes for each grade, and the kids are separated by allergies (nuts and no nuts). No really. And if you don't think this is a serious matter to consider, when we are talking about allergies, then you all have another thing coming. But I digress ... In terms of allergies and dating, you must be as equally cautious. The above mentioned situation is horrible enough, but when we are talking about adults or even teenagers in any kind of public interaction, you must be careful. If you have pets, tell others you have pets. If you have allergies to pets, foods, medications, metals, etc. make mention of it. You never know who will or won't have a violent reaction. It's just a courtesy you should or shouldn't do or say for others. If you are a highly allergic person, I'm sure you take precautions already with medications and your own behaviors to begin with.
salparadise Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Yep, I believe some ways of caretaking are better and worse. I have values, based on outcomes, thought, and compassion for dependents. Same as: I think it's better to spend time with one's young children than to neglect them, except for their most basic needs. Are you going to stomp your feet about that value too, because you take it as critical of those who have a different parenting style, and you think no one should have a value about such things? Sal, you're allowed to treat your pets pretty much however you want, unfortunately. But if you find your pets disposable, I think that's poor guardianship. You're trying to put words in my mouth, which I categorically reject. I did not make the crazy assertions that you're attempting to attribute to me. I did say because you feel a certain way does not make it universal truth, and stand by that. I think you're spending too much time on the computer, and that's time that you could be dedicating to cats.
lollipopspot Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I did say that what you feeling does not constitute universal truth, and stand by that. I think you're spending too much time on the computer, and that's time that you could be dedicating to cats. I think this must have really hit a sore spot for you and your care of pets. Do you argue when someone makes a statement about their values concerning caretaking of children, i.e. that it's better to spend time with one's young children than to neglect them? Do you find that an assault on your sense that no one can present a value in this way, i.e. better vs. worse caretaking? Do you hold any values? If you think pets are disposable, that is not good caretaking. I'll stand by that as a value, and sure, not everyone holds it, but I think they're poor caretakers if they believe and treat their pets as disposable, and I wish they didn't have pets. I'll spend my time how I want, thanks anyway.
FitChick Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Some people think pets are fashion accessories or pieces of furniture to be discarded at whim. If they are not pet owners, they are clueless. No point in arguing. Just make it very clear if you don't like pets or if you have them. Then what people choose to do with the information is up to them. Some people like to create drama.
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