disclosure Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. Had dated for a year. There has not been a single day where I haven't thought about her, multiple times. She sent me a letter 2 weeks ago, basically full of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me. I have not responded, because I don't have any answers. Current thoughts are: Respond committing to break up? Break no contact, start from square one..but maybe have closure. Don't respond at all? Hurt her pretty bad initially, but possibly help her move on faster in the long run. Won't be able to explain my reasoning though, and her reason as to why I broke up (she thinks it has to do with her depression) is potentially worse than the actual reason. Have to deal with the fact she now thinks I'm an *******, which makes the healing last a lot longer for me. Respond positively? Get back together...most likely have the same mixed feelings/no change. Break up again further down the road, do this same **** all over again. Hurt her more. I have done this once before, waited a week really and couldn't do it. We were back together for a month when I broke up with her again. I can't keep doing this, because it is emotionally exhausting for both of us, but especially for her. I feel like now when I get back with her it has to be for good. I feel now that I should not have broken up with her, it was too soon and I wasn't ready. Ideal situation? Respond positively, continue things off slowly/as friends, see how she is doing now, somehow voice my concerns without hurting her, we talk it out, she understands wants to/is going to change, I work on making myself better for her. All is well. Chances of it working out like this? Slim. Very slim. After all "people don't change" right? But right now this seems so stupid. She wants to contact me, I want to contact her. It's like I've fallen in love with someone who has qualities about them that I don't like AT ALL and I know this, but at the same time I can't stop thinking about her/shut my brain off of all the good qualities. My family and friends have all said that she is not the one for me as well. If I broke up with her, shouldn't I have moved on already? Why do I still care about her so much? I thought being single was supposed to be great. When does that start? All I want is to be back in a relationship.
Author disclosure Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) You sound like you don't even know what you want. Why are you playing with this girl's emotions? Give her a clean break so she can move on and so can you. Text her back if you want and tell her it's just not going to happen. She will be fine - but what is your deal? Sounds like you have some self discovery ahead of you... best not to string her along for the ride. Have you read what else I said? The reason I have posted this thread is to NOT play with her emotions. The reason I have not responded to the letter is to NOT play with her emotions until I figure out what I want. For 2 months I have given her a clean break, no contact. She bombarded me with texts afterwards, and I had to sit there and take it and ignore them even though it killed me. She contacted me 2 weeks afterwards to give me a bunch of stuff back. I knew it was a bad idea, I felt tremendous guilt and couldn't ignore her anymore. We met for coffee, I knew as soon as I saw her it was a bad idea. I stuck to the break up afterwards and told her "I just don't feel the same way about you". I ended it firmly so she could move on even though I had no idea if what I was doing was the right thing. She has a blog that she posts on, and I can't help but read to see how she is doing. Talks about drinking the pain away and she can't do this anymore etc. You know how hard it is to read that and not be able to do anything about it? Reading this forum it's always the person breaking up with someone who is the bad guy. Everyone talks so negatively about the person who initiated the break up. Has nobody ever been in that situation? It ****ing sucks. Putting the blame on me does not help, I know I have already hurt her and the last thing I want is to do it again. Sorry that this is my first lengthy relationship and I don't have my **** figured out and know exactly what I want at 23. Edited January 25, 2014 by disclosure 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 First, you have to know what you want. You didn't said the reason for the break up, if there is even one reason... She is trying very hard to get to you. You better figure what you want ASAP and stick to it, or you're gonna end up hurting her more. She deserves security on this.... You don't know what you want (so far).
Author disclosure Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Why did you broke up with her? When we were together (just her and I) things were amazing. She is extremely thoughtful (one of the most thoughtful people I have met, and definitely my favorite quality about her) and caring and I love being around her. Went on roadtrips and had a blast, she is funny and sweet. We have a lot in common emotionally/mentally and really are both the only people we have really opened up to. When we go out on the other hand, with friends or family even. It's like she is a different person. She is insecure, which I can understand and feel as though I can show her more attention to help with that. But the way she deals with it, it's like she puts others down to build herself up. She tends to speak her mind, but it's like she lacks empathy and some of the things she says are pretty cruel. Often times I can't really believe that the same person who is so thoughtful in getting my family gifts etc upon visits, is the same person who will talk about a girl being a slut who I personally knew and she had never met and was sitting right across from her. Friends seem to think she is fake, as in she seems nice on the exterior but once she starts drinking or when we go out she becomes very snappy. If I do something to make her upset, she seems to handle it by "getting back at me" ("you don't want to come with me to my friend's birthday with a bunch of girls that you don't know? I'm not going to go to your family dinner tomorrow"). Lacks motivation, partly I'm sure due to her depression, but how does one know? She is very dependant on weed, she drinks a lot...uses them both as ways to cope. Our relationship was kind of long distance for the first couple months, and will be now if we were to get back together. Because of how she acts when she drinks (becomes very "sexual") I have a difficult time trusting her when I'm not around.. Already had an instance where her ex had messaged me saying that they had slept together multiple times and the dates coincided with when I was away at work. She insisted he was lying and said she would never ever do something like that and honestly she seemed pretty sincere. She was also up front about him constantly trying to contact her at the beginning of the relationship and told me about how he keeps calling her and doesn't want to hide things. But she was extremely sad when I found out about the messages, and never seemed angry at him for blatantly lying, which tbh if it were me and my ex made that **** up I would call them on the spot and lose it on them. I have never fully had closure and because of it it has created trust issues for me. Also the same time I found those messages I asked when the last time she spoke to her ex was, and she openly admitted that she texted him the other day because she was mad at me. Just "how are you", but still... Edited January 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Mondmellonw Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) When we were together (just her and I) things were amazing. She is extremely thoughtful (one of the most thoughtful people I have met, and definitely my favorite quality about her) and caring and I love being around her. Went on roadtrips and had a blast, she is funny and sweet. We have a lot in common emotionally/mentally and really are both the only people we have really opened up to. <SNIP> Ohhh, ok. This completely changed my perspective. I think you deserve better, honestly. I mean, at that age everyone has a little insecurities going on (I am myself, a 20 year old girl). But she is having issues with addictions. Trust me, that is a hard thing, and you don't have to deal with it. I had a boyfriend some time ago and he was addicted to weed, tobacco and alcohol. He was (like your ex) a very thoughtful person. He was also one of the most funny people I ever met. He even tried to let go of these things when we were together. Why was I with him, you may ask. Well, I ask myself the same question. I was 18 at the time, and for this and my very last relationship, it seems I have been making a looooooooot of bad choices (being with people I can't help or change while they have real issues, and not "average" issues, like everyone does)... I think that giving her another chance will just make you feel the same again. The story is going to repeat. For what I heard, A's got to stay sober and single for at least a year before they can be with someone. Edited January 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
OhThatGirl Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Breaking up is for the best. You've already taken it back once and ended it again. Have the courage to know you're doing the right thing and move on. If you have explained your reasons, she will have to let it sink in and work on those things that didn't sit right with you. This doesn't mean that you should be waiting around to see if to happens. Using alcohol and weed to cope is unhealthy. You've both got some growing to do. Part of growing is learning about yourself in the context of different relationships. This was the first lengthy relationship you've had and likely won't be the last. You're hurting 2 months later because you cared for her but also because you don't know that you will eventually get over her. You will. You'll find someone who has traits you don't like too.. But ones that you will know you can work with and don't involve trust. Trust in the process, keep NC, keep going. 2
Allumere Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 You can respond, be bluntly (but not cruel) honest about why you can't be together. She has a major problem and to be honest you don't know if her behavior out in public is affected by the depression or insecurity or if she is just not that nice of a person (you of course don't need to state that). You can't be with someone who doesn't take care of themselves or that you can't trust. She needs to get therapy and get on meds and knock off the weed and alcohol because as much as she thinks that stuff helps her by numbing her and quieting her mind, they are destroying her and will eventual hurt those around her. She shouldn't feel bad about having depression, no one should! But she does need to realize that how she is handling it is destructive. Ultimately you care what happens to her and wish her well because you know there is potential for her as a human being to be happy, have a good life and be a good person as you have gotten glimpses, but you can't risk "you" or your emotions. If you do choose to respond then prepare to cut all ties. Block numbers, emails, delete accounts, etc. in case she fires back. If you respond it needs to be to close the loop and move on for good. 2
Author disclosure Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Ohhh, ok. This completely changed my perspective. I think you deserve better, honestly. I mean, at that age everyone has a little insecurities going on (I am myself, a 20 year old girl). But she is having issues with addictions. Trust me, that is a hard thing, and you don't have to deal with it. I had a boyfriend some time ago and he was addicted to weed, tobacco and alcohol. He was (like your ex) a very thoughtful person. He was also one of the most funny people I ever met. He even tried to let go of these things when we were together. Why was I with him, you may ask. Well, I ask myself the same question. I was 18 at the time, and for this and my very last relationship, it seems I have been making a looooooooot of bad choices (being with people I can't help or change while they have real issues, and not "average" issues, like everyone does)... I think that giving her another chance will just make you feel the same again. The story is going to repeat. For what I heard, A's got to stay sober and single for at least a year before they can be with someone. Breaking up is for the best. You've already taken it back once and ended it again. Have the courage to know you're doing the right thing and move on. If you have explained your reasons, she will have to let it sink in and work on those things that didn't sit right with you. This doesn't mean that you should be waiting around to see if to happens. Using alcohol and weed to cope is unhealthy. You've both got some growing to do. Part of growing is learning about yourself in the context of different relationships. This was the first lengthy relationship you've had and likely won't be the last. You're hurting 2 months later because you cared for her but also because you don't know that you will eventually get over her. You will. You'll find someone who has traits you don't like too.. But ones that you will know you can work with and don't involve trust. Trust in the process, keep NC, keep going. But see I wouldn't say she is addicted to alcohol. The hardest part about this is that she has told me she feels like she has no one. She has friends, but for whatever reason feels as though she doesn't connect with them and isn't open with them. She is extremely depressed, and trying to fight it on her own. Part of me thinks that simply being there for her and helping her overcome her depression may show that she is in fact the person I fell in love with in the first place, and see a lot of her negativity dissipate. Although she has been struggling with this for 4 years now and it only seems to be getting worse. But I feel as though as long as she is struggling and dealing with this, I will never be able to move on myself. And to be honest I am not in a great place myself right now. That is part of the reason I broke up with her and I told her that. I am not very open with my feelings though. And although I know we should figure it out on our own, it doesn't make sense to me when we can both be there for eachother, yaknow? The bolded is definitely something I am struggling with. Part of me really wants to be the one to help her through this. But if I do, and she is the same person on the other side then I have not helped at all. I think in a way as well, I am using the idea of helping her to help me through/mask the **** that I need to figure out on my own. But in regards to the letter. What do I do? Ignore it completely? She spent all this time writing out these amazing things, I want her to know how much she means/meant to me, but how can I do this without ****ing with her. If this is going to end, I don't want to end on the note that she thinks I am an ******* and never cared about her in the first place. It's a lose-lose situation.
Author disclosure Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) You can respond, be bluntly (but not cruel) honest about why you can't be together. She has a major problem and to be honest you don't know if her behavior out in public is affected by the depression or insecurity or if she is just not that nice of a person (you of course don't need to state that). You can't be with someone who doesn't take care of themselves or that you can't trust. She needs to get therapy and get on meds and knock off the weed and alcohol because as much as she thinks that stuff helps her by numbing her and quieting her mind, they are destroying her and will eventual hurt those around her. She shouldn't feel bad about having depression, no one should! But she does need to realize that how she is handling it is destructive. Ultimately you care what happens to her and wish her well because you know there is potential for her as a human being to be happy, have a good life and be a good person as you have gotten glimpses, but you can't risk "you" or your emotions. If you do choose to respond then prepare to cut all ties. Block numbers, emails, delete accounts, etc. in case she fires back. If you respond it needs to be to close the loop and move on for good. Wow. This is spot on, exactly how I am feeling. Seriously, it's like you've tapped into my mind. I don't know if that is her personality or related to the depression. And I want to stick around and find out but at the same time...I can't, can I? How do I get her the help she needs without being a part of it though? How do I tell her that she needs help without toying with her and leading her on? And if she does get help and comes out a better person, then what? We no longer have been talking, she has moved on, she is now the person I thought she could be, and now it's over.. I have tried so hard to tell her that she shouldn't feel bad about the depression, because honestly she blames herself and thinks that this is all HER fault now, since she has tried to get help and it hasn't worked.. and now the only way to overcome this is by herself. I am reading this self-help book myself atm and honestly wish I could share it with her somehow. I also wish I could tell her that I am in her corner and wish she could see how much I truly care about her, because as of right now she seems to think I have just dropped her like a hat and moved on so easily. Edited January 26, 2014 by disclosure
Allumere Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 You tell her in the letter, just as I said before. She does have to do this herself and she will have to lean on other people in her life. If you stick around and help you will actually slow her down. Instead of seeking a professional she is going to seek you. If you stick around, given her logic switches are stuck and the fact that you did have a relationship, it will give mixed signals...she will not be capable of separating "friend/caring person" and "boyfriend". And what happens after 3, 6, 9 months and she hasn't made the effort and she is still drinking and smoking. The reality is that you nor I are a doctor and unfortunately many times the people that care the most are nothing more than enablers. There is no easy, comfortable end to this. Understand, I am one of the few who is not a fan of no contact but I think each situation and individual calls for it's own combination of tools.
OhThatGirl Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 The only tool you have to help her is removing yourself from the situation. The only tool you have to help yourself is to remove yourself from the situation. See a theme here? You can explain this to her, recommend that she get some help (and stick with it) but you aren't doing either of you a favor by trying to fix someone instead of fixing yourself. She has the ability to find the book you did. She has resources and capability. Let her do it. Don't be afraid that things will magically be fixed and you've missed out. It's possible they will improve but it's going to take time and there are no guarantees. No guarantees she will do the work, change, or even that she will be someone you'd still want to be with. Work on your own issues and when you're ready find someone that you can have a healthy, adult, trusting relationship with. Maybe down the line it will be her but likely not. Hanging around is never going to give you a chance to find out though.
Author disclosure Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 And recently I have had such intense urges to contact the ex. I so badly want to see how she is doing, see what she looks like, etc. Any excuse to bump into her or talk to her, even if only for 2 seconds. But I'm worried about giving false hope if I do contact her, depending on how she is coping. Talking or seeing her would do me wonders though I feel. I want to assess the situation, as I'm still feeling the same as I did when I first broke up. If it seems she has moved on, it hurts but it helps me move on as well. If I talk to her and things go well and she is doing well, then maybe we can start talking more. But a major downside is that if I do talk to her and she hasn't gotten over me and I still realise breaking up was for the best (which I feel I could completely cut her out at that point), then I have potentially just given her false hope and ruined her no contact (if she responds..). But tbh I'm tired of this mentality of doing **** for her, avoiding her so SHE doesn't have a hard time. I want to talk to her and see how she is doing, so why can't I?
STM206 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 And recently I have had such intense urges to contact the ex. I so badly want to see how she is doing, see what she looks like, etc. Any excuse to bump into her or talk to her, even if only for 2 seconds. But I'm worried about giving false hope if I do contact her, depending on how she is coping. Talking or seeing her would do me wonders though I feel. I want to assess the situation, as I'm still feeling the same as I did when I first broke up. If it seems she has moved on, it hurts but it helps me move on as well. If I talk to her and things go well and she is doing well, then maybe we can start talking more. But a major downside is that if I do talk to her and she hasn't gotten over me and I still realise breaking up was for the best (which I feel I could completely cut her out at that point), then I have potentially just given her false hope and ruined her no contact (if she responds..). But tbh I'm tired of this mentality of doing **** for her, avoiding her so SHE doesn't have a hard time. I want to talk to her and see how she is doing, so why can't I? 1.) it sounds like you broke up with her. 2.) contacting her at this point WOULD give her false hope. 3.) if you really care about her, you would give her her space and respect that. 4.) you want to see her because it makes you feel better? Dude, you made the choice to break up with her, she's done NC because she needs to heal... I know what it's like to be dumped, and if my ex contacted me right now, it would be false hope, breadcrumbs. 1
Author disclosure Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 1.) it sounds like you broke up with her. 2.) contacting her at this point WOULD give her false hope. 3.) if you really care about her, you would give her her space and respect that. 4.) you want to see her because it makes you feel better? Dude, you made the choice to break up with her, she's done NC because she needs to heal... I know what it's like to be dumped, and if my ex contacted me right now, it would be false hope, breadcrumbs. Yeah but the only hope of working **** out and getting back together is through contact, which is what I have been leaning towards for the last month...but I can't do that without baby steps...can't just jump right back in it and immediately start where we left off. But if I do contact her and it turns out it's still not going to work, then I'm the bad guy (even more so than I already am).. Edit: Basically I want to test the waters...but I feel like I can't. ****'s dumb.
STM206 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Yeah but the only hope of working **** out and getting back together is through contact, which is what I have been leaning towards for the last month...but I can't do that without baby steps...can't just jump right back in it and immediately start where we left off. But if I do contact her and it turns out it's still not going to work, then I'm the bad guy (even more so than I already am).. Edit: Basically I want to test the waters...but I feel like I can't. ****'s dumb. I see your point, and that's what you need to say to her... But only if you really mean it. If you contact her, you'll be putting her back into square one. If you seriously believe in your heart that you want to try things... Say that to her. Let her know EXACTLY how you feel and don't give her any false hope. "Hey Ive been thinking a lot and would love to try and see if we can talk about some things, meet for coffee?" Keep it direct. Don't toy with her, if you feel like you're meant to be together then it's worth the effort but if you think "meh, just like to see how it goes" then why bother her? Let her heal. Can't have your cake and eat it too! 1
Author disclosure Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 I see your point, and that's what you need to say to her... But only if you really mean it. If you contact her, you'll be putting her back into square one. If you seriously believe in your heart that you want to try things... Say that to her. Let her know EXACTLY how you feel and don't give her any false hope. "Hey Ive been thinking a lot and would love to try and see if we can talk about some things, meet for coffee?" Keep it direct. Don't toy with her, if you feel like you're meant to be together then it's worth the effort but if you think "meh, just like to see how it goes" then why bother her? Let her heal. Can't have your cake and eat it too! I would love to do this. But it has less to do with my heart and more to do with my brain. Heart definitely wants to try things, brain is telling me to stay away. Battle I've been having for the last couple months, really. Logic vs emotions.
herself Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. Had dated for a year. There has not been a single day where I haven't thought about her, multiple times. She sent me a letter 2 weeks ago, basically full of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me. I have not responded, because I don't have any answers. Current thoughts are: Respond committing to break up? Break no contact, start from square one..but maybe have closure. Don't respond at all? Hurt her pretty bad initially, but possibly help her move on faster in the long run. Won't be able to explain my reasoning though, and her reason as to why I broke up (she thinks it has to do with her depression) is potentially worse than the actual reason. Have to deal with the fact she now thinks I'm an *******, which makes the healing last a lot longer for me. Respond positively? Get back together...most likely have the same mixed feelings/no change. Break up again further down the road, do this same **** all over again. Hurt her more. I have done this once before, waited a week really and couldn't do it. We were back together for a month when I broke up with her again. I can't keep doing this, because it is emotionally exhausting for both of us, but especially for her. I feel like now when I get back with her it has to be for good. I feel now that I should not have broken up with her, it was too soon and I wasn't ready. Ideal situation? Respond positively, continue things off slowly/as friends, see how she is doing now, somehow voice my concerns without hurting her, we talk it out, she understands wants to/is going to change, I work on making myself better for her. All is well. Chances of it working out like this? Slim. Very slim. After all "people don't change" right? But right now this seems so stupid. She wants to contact me, I want to contact her. It's like I've fallen in love with someone who has qualities about them that I don't like AT ALL and I know this, but at the same time I can't stop thinking about her/shut my brain off of all the good qualities. My family and friends have all said that she is not the one for me as well. If I broke up with her, shouldn't I have moved on already? Why do I still care about her so much? I thought being single was supposed to be great. When does that start? All I want is to be back in a relationship. People grow & change over time. Tell her EXACTLY how you told us including "qualities you dont like AT ALL" give her a chance to grasp your feelings then take your time. Doesnt matter your friends or families opinion. Its just you and her. She loves you and vice versa. That should tell you something. It seems like theres more chapters for you two but you need to love her for WHO she is not how you want her to be. All your qualities arent perfect & perfect mates dont exist. Reach out, meet up, be HONEST....then listen, with your ears & heart.
ComingInHot Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Disclosure, you wrote, just want to be back in A Relationship". Do you mean a relationship Or a relationship with Her??
Author disclosure Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 People grow & change over time. Tell her EXACTLY how you told us including "qualities you dont like AT ALL" give her a chance to grasp your feelings then take your time. Doesnt matter your friends or families opinion. Its just you and her. She loves you and vice versa. That should tell you something. It seems like theres more chapters for you two but you need to love her for WHO she is not how you want her to be. All your qualities arent perfect & perfect mates dont exist. Reach out, meet up, be HONEST....then listen, with your ears & heart. Haha I would like to do this, but I am still absolutely terrified if it doesn't go as planned that I will just break her heart again and it's back to square one for both of us. Disclosure, you wrote, just want to be back in A Relationship". Do you mean a relationship Or a relationship with Her?? I have spent 3 months trying to get over the feeling of loneliness to truly find out if it's just simply that. And to be 100% honest, any relationship at this point would be better than this, but I truly don't even come close to seeing myself connecting with anyone else other than her. I realize I may not be fully healed. But A huge part of me doesn't want to be. It's pretty stupid really. Go through potentially a year of pain to finally get over my ex so I can truly move on, only to realize that you messed up. I think I'm leaning towards the advice above (though gonna sit on it for a night or two probably), give it one last shot, start talking/meet with her/explain my feelings honestly and then allow for some time for both of us to register everything. If it works out, then we're both happy. If it doesn't, then at least hopefully we can both find some closure in the fact that we tried to work it out more than once and it just wasn't meant to be.
Author disclosure Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 (edited) Honestly this feels dumb. Here I am, same as every day, talking myself out of contacting my ex to keep the no contact thing going. Constantly weighing the pros and cons, with the ending of every day being "it's for the best" and then sticking to no contact. Is it though? Really? In certain situations, maybe it is. Cheated on etc, you don't want any part of that person any longer. If you are contacting them but your ex is ignoring you on the other end then you really have no choice. But a relationship that just ended because one wasn't feeling it as much...is cutting them out completely the best way? Why can you not just continue talking, know in your head that **** may not work, but slowly ease off? That's honestly what happened in my last "relationship" and it wasn't nearly as hard as this. Like not even close. She eventually dated another guy and I moved on. Sure it was still tough, but **** doesn't even compare at all. This ongoing battle has been happening every day straight for the past 3 months. No joke. I'm emotionally exhausted, I can't even think straight anymore. Seems every one of us is like this, going through all these threads of 3/6/12 months no contact etc etc and every person is the same...dying on the inside. Not to mention the whole post-break up "game" that seems to occur here/"bread crumbs"/"he liked blahblah on facebook what does that mean"/ "I feel like I have won"/"made him/her jealous"/"i cant acknowledge him/her because I need to act like I've moved on when really I haven't". Trying to pretend like they don't exist when really they have never left your mind. I can't stand it, **** seems so childish. And yet that is exactly what it is. A game. Why? Edited March 4, 2014 by disclosure
erklat Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 That is not a game. You stop communicating with her and start looking after yourself. You are not friends. The other party opted out of you emotionally investing in them the moment they decided to leave the relationship.
Author disclosure Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 It's like people are made to feel guilty here for going back on no contact. But did all of you who are preaching no contact TRULY stick to it from day 1? I bet the majority of you entertained contact for quite awhile before going completely no contact. From this experience I honestly think limited contact for the first couple months is better than straight no contact. Looking back I would much rather munch on those "breadcrumbs" from my last relationship, eventually coming to the realization that **** just isn't going to work.
Author disclosure Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 That is not a game. You stop communicating with her and start looking after yourself. You are not friends. The other party opted out of you emotionally investing in them the moment they decided to leave the relationship. I left this relationship though. And that's not true, that's why I'm struggling with this. So many people on here seem to think that the dumper just completely shuts off and all of the sudden no longer gives a **** about you. That idea is killing me. Is that feeling honestly better than the breadcrumbs one might receive from the odd "Hey how are you?"?
jphcbpa Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 been 2.5 mo since BU, NC from day 1. I did that for me. It is not a game or a way to get her back. It is for me and me only, to heal/move forward. She ended it, it was a sad but friendly BU, no fighting and no begging. I left calmly. I have not heard from her either so that silence says alot imo, but it is really for the best. if she does not want to be with me, then leave me be. if she really wanted to be with me, she would let me know. she is a big girl and knows where to find me. one of the last things she said as I was heading out, "I hope I dont regret this". I replied, "you know where to find me". There is nothing else to say for now. 3
Recommended Posts