liloldlady Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 OWs: Are there certain times of day or week when you know it's not ideal to be contacting your lover? Do you sometimes find yourself doing it anyway, maybe texting on the weekend when you know that's supposed to be his "family" time, or late at night, around the midnight hour? If you find yourself doing this, what is his response? Is he responsive, silent indefinitely, or silent until later? Are you surprised to hear from him during times when he's supposedly off limits?
bentleychic Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 We don't have anything like that. The ONLY time he's ever requested that I not text is the times he's been in the hospital for emergencies and he knew she'd have his phone. Otherwise, I can text whenever I want, no problem. He may not respond right away if she's right there, but that's it. 1
sunburned Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 xMOW here. I did when I was in the A b/c I expected the same from him. Sometimes, it was humorously insulting the way he'd admonish me not to text at certain times. Like he was scolding the dog. Ironically he was usually one to break the agreement. I wasn't that worried about it (we had legit reasons for occasional texting). But I would get the "Stop Ginger," "Down, Ginger," "Bad dog, Ginger," if I happened to text at an inconvenient time that was normally part of the approved period. You might say he turned me into the b*tch I am today!
Author liloldlady Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 I can text whenever I want, no problem. Even if it's 3am?
PreciousOne Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 For me I called whenever I wanted to of course he wouldn't always answer when she was around but sometimes he did and hinted when she was. We never text but even if I call him in the middle of the night he would answer and actually have a conversation or help me if I needed him to come and help me. 1
Author liloldlady Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Sometimes, it was humorously insulting the way he'd admonish me not to text at certain times. I keep waiting for my friend to call me out, but he hasn't. Then again, I usually keep modest hours, so I haven't given him cause to complain.
Snipercatt Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Even if it's 3am? Honey chile, are you confused? You posted that you told him he could call YOU at 2, 3, or 4 am and you posted he said he might have to do that. Elsewhere you posted he doesn't respond to your early am communiques. Hint: his ringer is off. LOL!
bentleychic Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Even if it's 3am? Absolutely. If he doesn't want to be woken up or have her hear it, he will have the volume off on the phone. He is more than welcome to message me all hours of the day and night as well. (I'm a single OW, but do not sleep well so texting me in the middle of the night has the potential (and has many times) to ruin my entire night's sleep.) I don't call him at home when she's there, btw. Again, texting is never limited unless she has the phone during an emergency. 1
Author liloldlady Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Elsewhere you posted he doesn't respond to your early am communiques. Hint: his ringer is off. Actually we frequently touch base around 8 or 8:30am, and he keeps his phone on vibrate but uses it as an alarm clock on Sunday, so you must be thinking of someone else. I don't call him at home when she's there, btw. They have a land line?
Snipercatt Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Nope, early am communiques as defined by you as 3:00 am. You always try to deflect your incongruous posts by stating that posters must be thinking of someone else, or by changing the content of your posts. Why is that? I could link you to those posts, but then this thread would go on forever. I suppose posters could read your previous posts to help them aid you in their responses. 1
skylarblue Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 When xMM would tell me not to do something, I wouldn't do it (with one exception: using scented products). The only thing he really put a restriction on that I could affect was phone calls. Basically to only call him during work hours or on occasions when he stated it was okay. Later in the R, I called/text whenever I wanted. If he answered and she was there, I knew from his tone and would call/have him call me later. If he didn't answer, normally he'd get away long enough to give me a quick call or text that he'd talk to me later. He never got mad if I called him at night or dinner time or any time that they were together, and we had just as much contact when he was away on family vacations. There were times when he said not to call, but it was on individual and specific occasions because he knew he wouldn't be able to answer. I was still allowed to text him though. Now as friends his M.O. is usually a cold tone means his kids are around and a hang up or quick kick to vm means the W is around.
Author liloldlady Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 When xMM would tell me not to do something, I wouldn't do it (with one exception: using scented products). LOL, why? Later in the R, I called/text whenever I wanted. I understand.
anne1707 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 You are just not important to him. We can see it but you can't. Actions not words. 1
Author liloldlady Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 You are just not important to him. He begged me not to go when I suggested I might move an hour away
bentleychic Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 They have a land line? No. I have a feeling you're leading questions looking for a specific answer to your own situation. Sorry I can't help. Good luck finding the answers that you need.
Author liloldlady Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I have a feeling you're leading questions looking for a specific answer to your own situation. Not really. We're doing great.
bentleychic Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Okay then. LOL You do sound like you're searching for something which is why I responded originally. Good luck with whatever. 1
Author liloldlady Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Good luck with whatever. LOL, thank you.
Got it Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 No we didn't have that outside of normal hours. I had little use to contact him at 3am so that never came up. I have little reason to contact anyone at 3am. 1
Berkley Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 You are just not important to him. We can see it but you can't. Actions not words. I don't know the OP's story...but in regards to THIS thread alone - that is really a ridiculous statement. Lack of respect for a MM's time with his family is selfish and ignorant. Calling a MM at 3 AM when he's at home, in bed, in his family home ? The great majority of those men would be in bed, sleeping...with their wives. Anyone interfering with family time and activities is simply inviting discovery....as well as being incredibly inconsiderate. 1
Anne Boleyn Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 During my affair, we didn't have on/off hours. I texted him more when he was at work, and vice versa, but when I knew he wasn't, I'd still text, and vice versa. If either one of us was unavailable, we wouldn't answer right away. And we had other ways to keep tabs on each other, beyond the phone, that didn't have communication so we knew what the other was doing. Neither one of us really called each other much... We are not "phone people." Maybe a little during the start of the relationship, before he had a cell phone, but not that often. We at no point limited when we could or couldn't talk to each other, save for NC periods. But even then, one or the other would text, the other wouldn't reply. Nobody said "don't call/text me." 1
Berkley Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 During my affair, we didn't have on/off hours. I texted him more when he was at work, and vice versa, but when I knew he wasn't, I'd still text, and vice versa. If either one of us was unavailable, we wouldn't answer right away. And we had other ways to keep tabs on each other, beyond the phone, that didn't have communication so we knew what the other was doing. Neither one of us really called each other much... We are not "phone people." Maybe a little during the start of the relationship, before he had a cell phone, but not that often. We at no point limited when we could or couldn't talk to each other, save for NC periods. But even then, one or the other would text, the other wouldn't reply. Nobody said "don't call/text me." I still think texting your AP when you know he's with his family is inconsiderate....to his family if nothing else. If you think it worked for you that's fine...but it still does not justify telling someone else that if she isn't allowed to called a MM at all times of the day or night it means that she's not important to him. Your arrangement is yours and does not reflect anyone else's 1
pickflicker Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 He begged me not to go when I suggested I might move an hour away The break up section will show you that begging is not an act of love. 1
SolG Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Yes, I do respect his boundaries. I do not call when he is with his W and/or children. And since DDay, I do not text either. We do however email 24/7. He also respects my boundaries in that he does not call when I am with my daughter or family. They know him as my (married) work colleague and it would just be odd and difficult to explain if he were to be calling me willy nilly. Key word here - 'respect'. 1
Anne Boleyn Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I still think texting your AP when you know he's with his family is inconsiderate....to his family if nothing else. Our dynamic was admittedly different than most, but I don't think either one saw the texts while we were home as disrespectful. He'd often be the one to initiate them, actually. It was just the dynamic of our relationship. If you think it worked for you that's fine...but it still does not justify telling someone else that if she isn't allowed to called a MM at all times of the day or night it means that she's not important to him. Your arrangement is yours and does not reflect anyone else's I never told her that she's not important to the man she's seeing... I know nothing about her and would never say such a thing unless somebody specifically asked my opinion to that specific question. I thought the question was what our experience was with boundaries and if we had them and followed them, not a suggestion or justification to do as we did in our specific situations for somebody else. 1
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