imperfectlyhuman Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I know that first of all I will definitely get flamed for this, I've read other posts and have seen what people call the OW, but I need to get this off my chest so... Here's my confession. Last night I did something I have never done before. I met a guy at the local club, hit it off with him straight away and slept with him despite the fact that he has a gf. I was pretty drunk, and the worst part is that I didn't care about his relationship. Anyway, today I had the time to think it through and I feel so guilty for what I did. I looked up the gf on facebook and put a name and a face to this person who I could be causing a lot of pain to. I felt awful so I told him that even though I wanted to I couldn't see him again. I've never done anything like this before, and feel like a horrible person for doing it. I've spoken to a few friends and they've told me not to beat myself up over it because he's the one in the relationship and should take responsibility. I'm also so angry at myself for being so weak, selfish and stupid. I'm not an uncaring person and I regret doing what I did. So, anyway. I doubt this will make me feel any better but I don't really want to at this point in time. I'm ready for whatever you have to say...and you can call me whatever you want to because I deserve it!
sunburned Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Hi, IH Welcome but the good news is you probably don't belong here. I'm guessing since you are single, clubbing and hooked up with a guy with a GF (not a wife), you are pretty young? I would worry more about why you had a ONS with such reckless abandon and less about the girlfriend. The cheating louse is her problem, not yours. I'm sorry you are feeling so low today but I bet it has more to do with the ONS itself than the fact that the stranger may have been in a "committed" relationship. You did the right thing by telling him you couldn't see him again. Now, go get tested for STDs and get on with your life, friend!
Quiet Storm Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Those feelings are normal. Use them to learn and grow from this. Don't try to bury the feelings or rationalize them away- that's when people start to lose themselves. You are a good person that made a mistake. What happened is a sign that you should be careful when drinking. You see that you made an impulsive and reckless decision. Other people won't have your best interests at heart. You must acknowledge this part of yourself, so that you can avoid repeat scenarios. We all have weaknesses. When we can recognize them and protect ourselves, from ourselves, we mature and become wiser, stronger, confident and balanced individuals. 3
Appreciate Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 You sound like a good person with a conscience. You had too much to drink and you made a big error. You betrayed your values. Either go back to your values and never make the same mistake again (good idea) or start rationalizing your behavior and be open to being the other woman again (bad idea). You don't blame it entirely on the alcohol, though. You recognize that you wanted what you wanted and you did't care about the other person in the moment. It was probably a boost to your ego. But you woke up and sat that there's a real live person who has just been betrayed, and you played a part in that. Stand up for other women. Don't be a woman that sleeps with other women's men. Take a look around, your story pales in comparison to the regular threads on this board. 1
Author imperfectlyhuman Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks for the advice guys. It does help but honestly I feel just dreadful at the moment. I think I did the right thing telling him that I couldn't see him and my feelings about causing hurt to someone. He's just told me he's moving out of his house because he thinks I'm right and he doesn't feel it's right to be disloyal to his gf. I caused this and I feel awful
Arieswoman Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 imperfectly human, You made an error of judgement, now learn from it. Just be thankful that this guy wasn't a real oddball. Going back home with a guy you don't know can be risky. So now you know to make better choices in future. And stop beating yourself up over it. Everyone makes mistakes, that's how people learn. Move forward and forget about him and his girlfriend, they aren't your responsibility. Good Luck.
Speakingofwhich Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Thanks for the advice guys. It does help but honestly I feel just dreadful at the moment. I think I did the right thing telling him that I couldn't see him and my feelings about causing hurt to someone. He's just told me he's moving out of his house because he thinks I'm right and he doesn't feel it's right to be disloyal to his gf. I caused this and I feel awful He wasn't unfaithful to his gf because of you. He was unfaithful because of himself. Each of you have your own part in this to deal with and you're both dealing with it. So, that's good! You've figured out you made a mistake. Forgive yourself and don't repeat the mistake. In the grand scheme of things you've both learned a lesson or two. I don't know his situation but it's likely that he would have moved out from his gf anyway. So please don't take on more guilt in this than is warranted. And again, forgive yourself and move on!
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