ShiningMoon Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 So I am a bit interested in how men distinguish a girl who is "dating material" from a girl who is merely a "hookup". As a matter of fact, every single man I meet tends to see me as "dating material", hence they put me on the "back burner" for when they want to have an actual "girlfriend". They don't want to let me go, but they don't want to date me. What the heck? It happened so many times. Guy tells me he doesn't want a relationship. I move on and cut him off. Then he comes back months or even a year or two later asking me for a second chance because he's ready and wants to start something with someone. Great. Except, back when they were looking for a hookup they didn't consider me at all. It's a repetitive cycle for some reason. Hence my question: Guys, why do you think you tend to see certain girls as hookup material, and others as purely "dating material"? Can't a girl be both? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
natwilliams Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I think when a woman has similar values, interests, lifestyle choices, etc, it makes a guy see her as "girlfriend material" as you put it. Otherwise, a woman who is physically attractive, stylish, flirtatious, etc probably gets guys who are drawn to her more superficially. Link to post Share on other sites
natwilliams Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Just a continuation of the above: So it's odd that every guy you meet sees you as girlfriend material since presumably you're not exactly compatible with everyone. Perhaps you have a very friendly, supportive, wholesome personality which attracts guys thinking of a relationship. Seems it shouldn't be to hard to drop a hint to guys that you're open to hooking up and be succesful if that's what you're seeking. I'm guessing a little more sexual style of dress/makeup/behavior even subtly could communicate that. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) naah... those guys come back when their other options have run out and are hoping to 'hookup' with you... this time with a new story. If they really saw you as someone they wanted a relationship with before, they would have had a relationship with you then. Noone lets a good catch go. Period. Their excuses about not wanting a relationship are just a test to see if you are willing to hookup with them. Good for you for not taking the bait. I'd recommend keeping them cut off. It's nothing to do with you. Life is too short to deal with wishy-washy, indecisive people... but to answer your question... it's anyone's guess and it differs from man to man. I'd recommend you not worry about what they want and spend more time focusing on what you want. All you need to concern yourself with is their consistency, honesty, and other admirable traits. Edited January 25, 2014 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShiningMoon Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Just a continuation of the above: So it's odd that every guy you meet sees you as girlfriend material since presumably you're not exactly compatible with everyone. Perhaps you have a very friendly, supportive, wholesome personality which attracts guys thinking of a relationship. Seems it shouldn't be to hard to drop a hint to guys that you're open to hooking up and be succesful if that's what you're seeking. I'm guessing a little more sexual style of dress/makeup/behavior even subtly could communicate that. Well, I tend to be very picky with guys so whenever I go on a date with a guy, I have a feeling we're going to be compatible. If I don't sense chemistry, I don't on a first date with them. Now, the thing is I think I dress sexy in the sense that I wear form fitting clothes, short skirts, makeup bla bla when I want to. I know how to dress sexy on dates and I even get told I am "hot" by guys, but oddly enough, they can't be bothered. The thing is I'm not one of those who is gonna go over the top to dress "sexy". I keep it conservative with a hint of sexiness (a nice skirt with heels but a conservative top bla bla). Edited January 25, 2014 by ShiningMoon Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I've never been interested in "hooking up" because I'm a relationship oriented guy. If a woman does the "hook-up" thing I will lose complete interest in her because it's clear we have different values. So in other words, it's pretty simple. A woman that has casual sex would be considered "hook up" material (one that I'm not interested in) and a woman that views sex as being something exclusive and meaningful in a monogamous relationship is girlfriend/dating/marriage material. Or even more simply - women that have hook ups are for hook ups. Those that don't, aren't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShiningMoon Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 I've never been interested in "hooking up" because I'm a relationship oriented guy. If a woman does the "hook-up" thing I will lose complete interest in her because it's clear we have different values. So in other words, it's pretty simple. A woman that has casual sex would be considered "hook up" material (one that I'm not interested in) and a woman that views sex as being something exclusive and meaningful in a monogamous relationship is girlfriend/dating/marriage material. Or even more simply - women that have hook ups are for hook ups. Those that don't, aren't. The thing is, they usually put me in the back burner before we even have sex! I'm surely not that ugly or fat. I get hit on quite often, but nothing good comes out of it. I don't know. I don't wanna be viewed as a mere "hookup". But I don't get why every guy I meet puts me in the back burner. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 The thing is, they usually put me in the back burner before we even have sex! I'm surely not that ugly or fat. I get hit on quite often, but nothing good comes out of it. I don't know. I don't wanna be viewed as a mere "hookup". But I don't get why every guy I meet puts me in the back burner. Honest question - when you say every guy, how many guys are we talking? Are there enough data points to logically come to this conclusion? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShiningMoon Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Honest question - when you say every guy, how many guys are we talking? Are there enough data points to logically come to this conclusion? I'm not talking about 5 or 6 guys here. It's a substantial number, for me anyway. It's a repetitive pattern I have come across with guys I went on more than 5 dates with. Some I even dated on and off for a few months. This happened before college, especially during college and even now after college. Edited January 25, 2014 by ShiningMoon Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I'm not talking about 5 or 6 guys here. It's a substantial number, for me anyway. It's a repetitive pattern I have come across with guys I went on more than 5 dates with. Some I even dated on and off for a few months. This happened before college, especially during college and even now after college. So if this is the case, I'd say it has much more to do with the guys you are attracted to / choosing to date than anything else. The question you have to ask yourself is why do you keep choosing men that put women on the back burner? Trust me, A LOT of men are not like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShiningMoon Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 So if this is the case, I'd say it has much more to do with the guys you are attracted to / choosing to date than anything else. The question you have to ask yourself is why do you keep choosing men that put women on the back burner? Trust me, A LOT of men are not like this. The worst part of it all is that I tend to go for guys who are not party animals, those who are more conservative and "bookish". I never go for the "hot" player because I'm not interested in this type. However, even the guys who claim to be nice and conservative are deluded. I'm not supposed to be aware they put women in the back burner until I start going on a few dates with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 The worst part of it all is that I tend to go for guys who are not party animals, those who are more conservative and "bookish". I never go for the "hot" player because I'm not interested in this type. However, even the guys who claim to be nice and conservative are deluded. I'm not supposed to be aware they put women in the back burner until I start going on a few dates with them. Sure - but figure out the pattern, because clearly there is one. Once you figure out your pattern you will likely find your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I've learn through personally experience that it takes a few to realize if a girl is "dating material" Clearly, both parties are at their best behavior and perhaps put on a façade to impress the other. It's not until you get to a place where you need to compromise or perhaps test his/her character that you realize if the relationship is worth pursuing. I intend to listen to my brain more than heart and objectively analyze if she is worth it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Pompeii Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Dating material: Sensible. Wise. Makes good decisions. Trustworthy. Not impulsive. Cool to be around. Hookup material: Hot (prerequisite). Nonexistent attention span. Follows the crowd. Bitchy. Liar. Manipulative. Annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Aquanut Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Hmm. I'm confused. Your story doesn't make sense. You say 1. You move on because they don't want a relationship. Then you say 2. They don't consider you when they are wanting to just hookup. It looks to me like they do want a casual fling but you tell them to hit the road. If you just want to hook up then don't tell them to hit the road. Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Going to borrow Pompeii's definitions and make them my own ... Dating material: someone I would introduce to my world and trust implicitly. Hookup material: someone who gets me hard. My current gf is both and I pursued both from her (meaning I was angling for the hook up and the relationship from the get go). She's incredible. Link to post Share on other sites
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