BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Ok, I texted my guy friend, cause he called me up drunk last night and was disrespecting me. He has been pissing me off though lately cause he's talking/dating this girl again and she was so mean to him! She insulted him and everything, but yet he disrespects me? When I never insulted him and I always helped him out. Always gave him time and everything, and I am very supportive of him, so I texted him the next day to let him know how I felt. Here are the texts below, thanks! Me: Hey. I understand that you were drunk last night, but I felt blatantly disrespected by you. I never disrespected you, if anything I always stood up for you, and like I said before, I have loyalty to my friends. I am there for you when in need, and I feel hurt that I was disrespected for no reason, even if it was just drunk talk, it still affects me cause either way I thought I was a good friend. I feel that I don't deserve disrespect, considering that I was always supportive, considerate and respectful towards you. Him: What did I say? I asked you to come out lol Me: Well you called me stupid and other names, and you said **** you to me viciously, and I felt that was just rude. Him: Lol. Oh. Okay. Sorry. Me: I'm not looking for a apology or a fake one for that matter, I'm just letting you know how I feel. But ok. Him: Lol don't take it personally Sara. Love ya. Sorry, it won't be the last time I call you a ****er, douche, or stupid etc. That's just me! You're not any of those I just like those words I guess lol Me: I took it personally cause it didn't seem like you were joking, but maybe there are other girls that find that cute and funny but I'm not like other girls, lol He didn't respond after that, so was I being rude? Do you think I stumped him? Or was he being rude about this? I'm sorry but the deep down issue is that he was out at a bar with a girl that insulted him and made a fool out of him, but yet he calls me up drunk and asks me to come to the bar and I decline and he starts disrespecting me. It pisses me off cause he is disrespecting the wrong girl! I am always there for him and never insulted him but yet he treats the other girl like she was gold? So what do you think? Do you think I stumped him? Do you think I was being rude or over-reacting? or was he? Thanks!
BlametheIrish Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Sounds like he took his frustrations out on you. Tell him if he can't respdct you as a friend then he doesn't deserve you as one. I have a few guy friends who have mouths on them that could make a sailor blush sometimes. But I've known them for 20 years and they are very respectful to me. If they weren't then I wouldnt allow them to be part of my life. He didn't seem ti take your texts seriously either. Is he a good friend ehen he hasn't been drinking? 1
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 You were expressing your displeasure but he did apologize several times yet you felt the need to beat the dead horse. You said your piece now let it go or drop him as a friend. 3
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Sounds like he took his frustrations out on you. Tell him if he can't respdct you as a friend then he doesn't deserve you as one. I have a few guy friends who have mouths on them that could make a sailor blush sometimes. But I've known them for 20 years and they are very respectful to me. If they weren't then I wouldnt allow them to be part of my life. He didn't seem ti take your texts seriously either. Is he a good friend ehen he hasn't been drinking? Yes I agree! He is respectful towards me when he isn't drinking, but when he even got drunk in the past he wouldnt get rude with me. Like he'll be exceptionally flirty with me when he gets drunk. It just hurts me cause I am there for him all the time, and he treats me like this? When the girl he use to date and I guess is now currently dating treated him like **** and insulted him about his looks and I felt so bad for him! I never insulted him! If anything I always made him feel good about himself when he was with me, cause he would talk badly about himself. I just was and always a caring, good friend! ALways helped him out and did favors, and I just feel like I should get respect. But yet this girl who has done NOTHING for him and insulted him, made a fool out him, she gets respected? It's so unfair! But thank you for commenting! I am hoping to get more opinions on this, thanks!
chelsea2011 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 It's more of a question about why do you allow him to treat you like you aren't as important as the others. You told him how you felt. There's no harm in that. If its any chelp, I know you feel as I'm grappling with that same issue within myself.
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 It's more of a question about why do you allow him to treat you like you aren't as important as the others. You told him how you felt. There's no harm in that. If its any chelp, I know you feel as I'm grappling with that same issue within myself. I'm sorry you are going through the same thing! He usually does treat me with respect, it's just i'm mad that he is giving a girl who treated him like **** more attention than me, but yet he did disrespect me last night. I just want to see if I was over-reacting though. But thanks for commenting.
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Just to give a stupid update, lol! He replied to my last text which was this one "I took it personally cause it didn't seem like you were joking, but maybe there are other girls that find that cute and funny but I'm not like other girls, lol" He just replied to that 9 hours later just saying "Oh" Like WTF??? WTF is that suppose to mean? I don't know if he was trying to start a conversation? But that's not a conversation starter at all, so I don't know how to take that, lol! Any thoughts? I know it could be anything, but what comes to mind as to why he would say "Oh" 9 hours later? To me he should have just left it at my last text and not responded. I am not responding to it though.
justa_guy Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Sounds like a great friend, I'd drop him, you get in life what you allow, so don't tolerate being treated that way, or the ****ty "apology" You don't deserve to be treated so disgustingly, if he values you as a friend he'll have to come crawling back with a decent apology. 2
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Sounds like a great friend, I'd drop him, you get in life what you allow, so don't tolerate being treated that way, or the ****ty "apology" You don't deserve to be treated so disgustingly, if he values you as a friend he'll have to come crawling back with a decent apology. I totally agree! That's why I am not responding to his text and i'm just going to let it be. My mother is on his friend's list on Facebook, and she has been commenting under his pics and posts and he has been ignoring her, lmfao!!! Like he is so immature! He's like a little baby that pouts! I really do think he's acting that way just because I didn't respond to his "Oh" text, even if I wasn't mad I still wouldn't reply to that, cause that is something you can't reply to, lol! I think he sent that to puzzle me or something, but whatever, it's immature. But thank you for commenting!
Tayla Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 First, short of being a saint, friends who live in the overgeneralized world of "always", and 'nevers" at some point drop to earth and realize they are "rarely pure". I doubt that either of you are genuine friends or have an inkling of what it takes to be a friend. You are social buds at best. genuine friends know that they falter , know that they disappoint, know that they have boundaries. Genuine friends actually talk in person when trying to resolve matters, if not then a brief phone call works. But this technology of texting because you are too afraid to talk it out really does tell you the socialness of the friendship and not the sincerity. Sometimes its what someone "doesn't say" that says alot! Holding tongue is equally important. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 You took his words a certain way, texting can confuse things and make one take things out of context, but once he TOLD you, explained himself and apologized, you should have dropped it. Instead you still accused him and he didn't answer because he didn't feel like answering after that. If you have friendships with men, keep it simple and keep your emotions out of it. He isn't a girl, he is not being bitchy - He's being a smart ass and seeing the humour in it. Accept him for who he is, laugh it off or call him a douche or a phuk head, something stupid and funny. 1
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 First, short of being a saint, friends who live in the overgeneralized world of "always", and 'nevers" at some point drop to earth and realize they are "rarely pure". I doubt that either of you are genuine friends or have an inkling of what it takes to be a friend. You are social buds at best. genuine friends know that they falter , know that they disappoint, know that they have boundaries. Genuine friends actually talk in person when trying to resolve matters, if not then a brief phone call works. But this technology of texting because you are too afraid to talk it out really does tell you the socialness of the friendship and not the sincerity. Sometimes its what someone "doesn't say" that says alot! Holding tongue is equally important. I understand, but honestly I rarely ever get emotional or tell my problems. It was a build up, and I just thought he was being a disrespectful tool, when I have been good friend to him, helped him out, helped him through his problems and everything! But he treats me like crap? I don't think so! I understand though to call, but I am not good with emotions cause like I said I really don't get emotional or call people on their ****, I usually do let things go, so I figured I would send a text about it. It's not that i'm socially inept, or anything, I am just uncomfortable with my emotions. I have accepted him through his bull****. I know friends aren't perfect, but he has done other things that I let go, and I felt the need to tell him cause it was bothering me. He in the past has done some things that pissed me off and I let it go. It was a build up. I do consider myself a good friend, cause I do accept his flaws. But thank you for answering!
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 You took his words a certain way, texting can confuse things and make one take things out of context, but once he TOLD you, explained himself and apologized, you should have dropped it. Instead you still accused him and he didn't answer because he didn't feel like answering after that. If you have friendships with men, keep it simple and keep your emotions out of it. He isn't a girl, he is not being bitchy - He's being a smart ass and seeing the humour in it. Accept him for who he is, laugh it off or call him a douche or a phuk head, something stupid and funny. You're right! I did keep it going in a sense. I was still mad cause through text it seemed like he didn't take me seriously and it seemed like he was laughing about it. He has done other things in the past that I let go of and it was a build up. I was just thinking "Well I helped him through everything, and this girl did absolutely nothing for him and if anything insulted the crap out of him, made a fool out of him, but yet he disrespects me? He calls me names? When I was always a good friend!" I probably would have let it go though, but it was build up of other things. But you're right I should have just left it at that but since it's through texting it's hard to actually see if the person is sincere or not. I made that mistake, but I am so uncomfortable with my emotions that I refused to call him, and I figured I would text. But it just confused things more, but thank you for commenting!
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I'm not mad anymore. I am honestly over it, it's just awkward now, lol! Cause he replied by saying "Oh" but I didn't reply to that, but like I said I wouldn't have replied to that even if I was cool with him, cause it's just something you don't reply to. I just want to make sure we are in good terms and we're cool, so how should I go about this? lol! I just honestly want to be cool with him and be on good terms, but keep my distance. Like I don't want to be super close buddies like we were, cause he's a douche, I just don't want tension. I just don't know if I should wait for him to text me again or if I should text him? If so what should I say? Thanks!
Tayla Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Say nothing and walk away. Friends may use jovial nicknames in talk but calling him a douche places you both on rather shaky ground. I don't buy the "you're afraid of your emotions" ... you demonstrated thru text just how unafraid you are of them. You do though seem to like to hide behind the phone as a way to make a quick get away for your responses and interpretation of his. Learn to approach things thru voice. Sounds like confrontation is more the weakness....Its okay to lay low til you gather your thoughts, its also okay to speak up and admit your wrongs. Only be accountable for that which you know was improper.
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Say nothing and walk away. Friends may use jovial nicknames in talk but calling him a douche places you both on rather shaky ground. I don't buy the "you're afraid of your emotions" ... you demonstrated thru text just how unafraid you are of them. You do though seem to like to hide behind the phone as a way to make a quick get away for your responses and interpretation of his. Learn to approach things thru voice. Sounds like confrontation is more the weakness....Its okay to lay low til you gather your thoughts, its also okay to speak up and admit your wrongs. Only be accountable for that which you know was improper. Thanks! Yeah, I think it's confrontation. But I wasn't gonna call him a douche, I'm just saying he's a douchebag, but I know not to call him that. I just don't want tension, but I don't really trust him, so I would rather have a distance and no tension than have tension and distance. So I just want to be on good terms and then let it go, and then keep my distance. Thank you!
bubbaganoosh Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 You have a right to be upset with the way he talked to you and you don't have to take it, but I do have a question. Does he do this often? Does he have a drinking problem? If the answer is yes then you should have a talk with him about it and tell him to get help. If he's getting drunk because he's in a crummy relationship with a woman, then he's the only one that can do anything about it. 1
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) You have a right to be upset with the way he talked to you and you don't have to take it, but I do have a question. Does he do this often? Does he have a drinking problem? If the answer is yes then you should have a talk with him about it and tell him to get help. If he's getting drunk because he's in a crummy relationship with a woman, then he's the only one that can do anything about it. I only have been around him a few times when he was drunk and those times he just acted crazy. Like he didn't disrespect me or anything, like he was just wild and crazy and out of control. If anything when he's drunk is when he acts way too flirty and bold with me. I think he does have a drinking problem though. From what I heard from others and how the way he acts, I am certain he's a alcoholic. I found out recently that he does Coke too. He told me himself on that one. I am a very loyal person and even though I am not like any of that, but I looked at him as a poor soul, and I felt bad for him, so i figured I would be a good friend to him, and be a loyal friend and stay by his side through thick and thin. but I just felt that he took advantage of that. He didn't really appreciate our friendship. I do like him more than that but after I got to know him, I just know a relationship on a deeper level would be toxic, thus why I just remained friends with him. I can't help what I feel, and I just honestly think I went off on him cause of the buildup, and plus I was mad he was respecting and giving a girl that treated him like total crap more attention then me. When I would never hurt him and never did. He always talked bad about himself, but I always tried to encourage and boost himself, and make him feel like he is worth something and not worthless. I was just always there for him, but yet he says "You're Stupid" and I said "I was gonna go to my friend's house" He said in a mad voice "Well **** YOU then!" and that's when I hung up on him. I can take a joke but he seemed mad, didn't sound like he was joking at all! like if he was saying that in a joking kind of way I wouldn't have honestly taken it seriously. I don't think he's getting that. Thank you for commenting! Edited January 27, 2014 by BrunetteBabe1005
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Would it be dumb though if I were to text him and just be civil? Like I said I would rather have distance and no tension, than have tension and distance. I'm not mad anymore, but I can't really trust him, so I do want to keep my distance and not really engage with him anymore. In the same breathe I don't want anger, sadness, or tension. I would just rather be cool and keep him at arm's length. So would that be the right decision? Or is it dumb to do that? If so what should I text him? I know I sound so clueless and ridiculous, but I don't know if I should text him back, but I really don't know what to say cause it's just awkward now, lol!
bubbaganoosh Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 When I got out of the army back in 1969, my best friend started using drugs. Joints and acid. He was never mean, just hungry from the joints but one night I saw him and he was in a bad way. He was having a bad trip and I was able to get him home and calmed down before he went in his house. The next day I went to go see him and just looked him in the eye and told him, "your my best friend and I'd cut an arm off for you but if you think I'm going to sit and watch you destroy yourself with drugs, your crazy. You either cool it now or your going to go over the edge and I have no intentions of attending your funeral because you wouldn't listen" I'm glad he listened to me. He was my best friend for 43 years and back in 04, he passed away. 43 years to have a best friend who you shared everything with and he knew more about me then my family. I'm glad I had that time with him. Not many people can make that kind of a claim to have a best friend that long. I hope you can talk some sense into your friend before he goes over the edge. 2
todreaminblue Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 friends forgive only you know if you are willing to do that to keep the friendship...best wishes....deb 1
Author BrunetteBabe1005 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 When I got out of the army back in 1969, my best friend started using drugs. Joints and acid. He was never mean, just hungry from the joints but one night I saw him and he was in a bad way. He was having a bad trip and I was able to get him home and calmed down before he went in his house. The next day I went to go see him and just looked him in the eye and told him, "your my best friend and I'd cut an arm off for you but if you think I'm going to sit and watch you destroy yourself with drugs, your crazy. You either cool it now or your going to go over the edge and I have no intentions of attending your funeral because you wouldn't listen" I'm glad he listened to me. He was my best friend for 43 years and back in 04, he passed away. 43 years to have a best friend who you shared everything with and he knew more about me then my family. I'm glad I had that time with him. Not many people can make that kind of a claim to have a best friend that long. I hope you can talk some sense into your friend before he goes over the edge. I am so sorry to hear that your friend has passed away! But you seem like a really good friend, and that is something i'm sure your friend cherished alot. Beautiful butsad story. Thank you for the advice
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