I'm interested in my co-worker but I'm not sure if he's interested in me, too.

January 25, 2014

When I was dating my ex, there was a slight period of hesitation where I felt attracted to a supervisor at my work place. This guy was interested in me, but I made it known to him that I had a boyfriend. He respected this and stopped contacting me.

Fast forward a month after my ex breaks up with me, I attend this going-away party for a coworker and he was there. We chatted for a bit and somehow, our conversation led to him asking me if he could kiss me. He tried to, but I stepped back because I wasn’t in the mindset to be physical with anyone other than my ex.

Since that night, I could help but wonder “what if” and I started to find myself more and more attracted to him. He called me on Christmas Eve and then shortly after, he took me out for coffee. For weeks I did not hear back from him, it seemed like he wasn’t interested. But after texting him a few times, he called me and told me that he “really likes talking to me”.

There is no question in my mind that he knows that I am interested in him. But I have no idea if he’s still interested in me. I don’t know if he’s still attracted to me. I would invite him to have a cigarette with me. We would grab coffee together. During the blizzard, I invited him out for drinks with two other coworkers and he declined saying, "Maybe if it was just you". I text him and he wouldn't text back. Sometimes he'll reply with just "ok".

I went out for drinks with him and friends after he got out of work and we didn't talk to each other much. We would smoke cigarettes with each other and talk, but he would walk away without saying a word and I would follow after.

Today I confronted him about something a coworker said about him wanting the supervisor position when he knew I was working towards it.

I sent him a text saying: There’s something I’d like to discuss with you when I see you in person next time.

He replied: Oh what is it?

I said: Unfortunately I won’t be able to convey it through text. I would rather discuss it with you in person

He said: Ok

Then I said: But I will say this, I hope you’re not pretending to be friendly with me for some sort of gain in our company.

He replied: I have no other intention but having a professional relationship with you.

Then I called him to discuss the situation rather than holding it off. He told me that he’s told me twice and that he didn’t realize that I didn’t hear. We discussed over the phone and he clarified the confusion. Then I referred to his text stating that he wanted a professional relationship. I told him that he didn’t feel comfortable with us hanging out outside of work and talking, that we could stop if he wanted. He said he had no problem with talking to me and he does like hearing my feedback and talking to me. He said if I didn’t then we can just can stop. I made it clear that I don’t. I felt a bit silly and I could hear him laughing quietly to himself. He told me to have a good weekend and hung up.

I don’t know what to do next. I’m not sure how to further our interaction and most importantly, I’m not sure if he’s interested. What should I do to spark his interest in me again?

January 25, 2014

Dating a co-worker is tricky.

Although I was a bit confused by your post, I'm going to assume that in your phone conversation you made it clear that you were now open to a romantic relationship but he didn't immediately ask you for a date.

If you want to pursue this, reach out & ask if he wants to grab a drink or coffee after work next week. If he goes, just enjoy but don't press the "let's the define what we're doing" conversation. If he starts the conversation, fine but you should not.

If he doesn't make a move or ask for a date then you have your answer -- that ship sailed.

January 25, 2014

Dating a co-worker is tricky.

Although I was a bit confused by your post, I'm going to assume that in your phone conversation you made it clear that you were now open to a romantic relationship but he didn't immediately ask you for a date.

If you want to pursue this, reach out & ask if he wants to grab a drink or coffee after work next week. If he goes, just enjoy but don't press the "let's the define what we're doing" conversation. If he starts the conversation, fine but you should not.

If he doesn't make a move or ask for a date then you have your answer -- that ship sailed.

I dated a coworker and this thing just doesn't work out if you work in the same area. I think if you two worked in different departments it would be better to work through. I think both of you are sending mixed messages.

January 25, 2014

I dated a coworker and this thing just doesn't work out if you work in the same area. I think if you two worked in different departments it would be better to work through. I think both of you are sending mixed messages.

Well, we do. I work with the art department and works with the sales floor. We don't work together, but we do see each other every day. I think it would be fine to pursue something casual with him, but I'm not sure how to go about getting him to be interested in me again. I was told by a mutual friend that back in October he thought I was so beautiful the moment he saw me. The only issue was, I was in a relationship.

He's a really cool guy and I'd like to have some sort of relationship with him.

January 25, 2014

Dating a co-worker is tricky.

Although I was a bit confused by your post, I'm going to assume that in your phone conversation you made it clear that you were now open to a romantic relationship but he didn't immediately ask you for a date.

If you want to pursue this, reach out & ask if he wants to grab a drink or coffee after work next week. If he goes, just enjoy but don't press the "let's the define what we're doing" conversation. If he starts the conversation, fine but you should not.

If he doesn't make a move or ask for a date then you have your answer -- that ship sailed.

I would be the one to initiate. I asked him to join me for a cigarette. I would ask him to come out for a drink with me. When he came out for a drink with me and two other coworkers, we didn't really speak to each other. Our interactions were short and somewhat sweet.

January 25, 2014

Well, we do. I work with the art department and works with the sales floor. We don't work together, but we do see each other every day. I think it would be fine to pursue something casual with him, but I'm not sure how to go about getting him to be interested in me again. I was told by a mutual friend that back in October he thought I was so beautiful the moment he saw me. The only issue was, I was in a relationship.

He's a really cool guy and I'd like to have some sort of relationship with him.

Um...if u like him so much why don't u go & tell him huh? Why are u so so scared to tell him that u want him? Girls are so hard to understand. Don't make it hard for him u know or another girl will get him.

January 25, 2014

Um...if u like him so much why don't u go & tell him huh? Why are u so so scared to tell him that u want him? Girls are so hard to understand. Don't make it hard for him u know or another girl will get him.

It's really not that easy. He's in a position of higher authority. We're both working towards something. If we were to get caught, we would have to change locations. It's complicated but I'm really interested in him.

January 25, 2014

We chatted for a bit and somehow, our conversation led to him asking me if he could kiss me.

For weeks I did not hear back from him, it seemed like he wasn’t interested. But after texting him a few times, he called me and told me that he “really likes talking to me”.

I text him and he wouldn't text back. Sometimes he'll reply with just "ok".

I went out for drinks with him and friends after he got out of work and we didn't talk to each other much. We would smoke cigarettes with each other and talk, but he would walk away without saying a word and I would follow after.

He replied: I have no other intention but having a professional relationship with you.

He said if I didn’t then we can just can stop.

All the above are clear signs that he is NOT interested. And also that he is NOT good person.

Why would you want to be with such a person???

I don’t know what to do next. - Do Nothing.

I’m not sure how to further our interaction and most importantly, I’m not sure if he’s interested. - He is not interested.

What should I do to spark his interest in me again? - Why do u want to spark his interest in you? You should move on from him. He is no good. And you cannot make someone like you.

Edited January 25, 2014 by winny
Edit

January 25, 2014

I would be the one to initiate. I asked him to join me for a cigarette. I would ask him to come out for a drink with me. When he came out for a drink with me and two other coworkers, we didn't really speak to each other. Our interactions were short and somewhat sweet.

Ok I read your examples and it sounds like you put yourself out there more than enough times so he needs to do put in some footwork and if he doesn't forget him seriously. I would surely follow up on a girl that did that for me because I would take her seriously and this man doesn't seem to be.

January 25, 2014

Ok I read your examples and it sounds like you put yourself out there more than enough times so he needs to do put in some footwork and if he doesn't forget him seriously. I would surely follow up on a girl that did that for me because I would take her seriously and this man doesn't seem to be.

A friend of mine suggested that I okay hard to get and make it seem like I could become interested in someone else. She said that I should stop contacting him and see if he'll miss chatting with me.

January 25, 2014

Playing hard to get is a good way to stay single.

I agree with this opinion here. Doing the hard to get game is for high school and I'm pretty sure your past that by now. You have 2 options here, you can make a small date with him to gauge his interest or forget about him. Aren't there other men you can show some interest in? Why get so infatuated I just don't understand?

January 25, 2014

I agree with this opinion here. Doing the hard to get game is for high school and I'm pretty sure your past that by now. You have 2 options here, you can make a small date with him to gauge his interest or forget about him. Aren't there other men you can show some interest in? Why get so infatuated I just don't understand?

Well we already had a coffee date in late December.

January 25, 2014

It's really not that easy. He's in a position of higher authority. We're both working towards something. If we were to get caught, we would have to change locations. It's complicated but I'm really interested in him.

STOP! If you two aren't of the same approximate rank at work don't do this. the one who is in management risks getting fired for sexual harassment.

January 26, 2014

Gosh, I guess you missed all the threads on here about the disastrous relationships people have with coworkers. You might want to read them. Or quit your job.

January 26, 2014

This is crazy. Focus your energies on personal development before

delving into romantic interactions.

I might be jumping the gun here, but if you were ready for a relationship you wouldn't be misreading situations like this.

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I'm interested in my co-worker but I'm not sure if he's interested in me, too.

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