Jess41 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 First of all, I have a problem saying 'No', a whole separate issue I need to work on. Because of this I'm sure I've been known as a flaker. My coworkers have planned a girls trip to Vegas. We've done it once before about 2 years ago and it was a lot of fun. But this time around I don't really want to go... My boyfriend and I are planning a lot this year: moving into a bigger place, planning our engagement and a family trip in the summer. This year we are really looking forward to making it our year. With that being said I don't feel comfortable going on another trip with the girls while I'd rather plan one with my boyfriend. I tried to tell my friends that I have a lot planned this year and want to save money, but they are really pushy and promise it will be a 'cheap' trip and continue to guilt me about how this may be the last time we get to do something like this. They've pretty much ignored my excuses and have assumed I'm in (and with my issue of not just being strait forward and saying no, I understand that's my fault). So I just picked up a new part time job with an after school program (about 3hrs a day). With a new job and this trip just 3weeks ways, is this reason enough to tell them I don't feel comfortable asking for the time off? I think they already feel I'm going to flake because I didn't buy tickets to the show some are going to 'to save money'. I feel like I'm a flaker and bad friend all because I would rather stay home with my boyfriend. Uhg the internal stresses of overthinking...
Cakess Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 if that's not what you want to do right now then don't let them force you. You are your own person. That being said, your friends care about you and only want your happiness. What's wrong with having some fun? It doesn't mean you are ignoring your boyfriend, or that it still can't be "your year" together.
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Three weeks out you really need to say NO now. They may be counting on you as they calculate their costs. Why you don't want to go isn't as important as telling them you aren't going.
Author Jess41 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 if that's not what you want to do right now then don't let them force you. You are your own person. That being said, your friends care about you and only want your happiness. What's wrong with having some fun? It doesn't mean you are ignoring your boyfriend, or that it still can't be "your year" together. You're right. I know they just want to include me and have fun! I guess I'm just not into clubbing and would rather plan a coed Vegas trip so the boys could join in on the fun too. Trying to learn to be my own and speak up... Thanks for ur advice!
preraph Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Whether you can flake at this point depends on if someone is counting on you to be their hotel roommate because as you know if there are two to a room and you flake, your roommate will also have to quit or pay double. So are you sharing a room? If so, I say you go or cause them financial problems. It's not their fault you can't say no (and yes, you really need to work on that, but not at the last minute, and this IS the last minute.) You can ask them if they can find someone else to take your place, but if not, you need to go because you waited too long letting them think you're going.
Author Jess41 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Whether you can flake at this point depends on if someone is counting on you to be their hotel roommate because as you know if there are two to a room and you flake, your roommate will also have to quit or pay double. So are you sharing a room? If so, I say you go or cause them financial problems. It's not their fault you can't say no (and yes, you really need to work on that, but not at the last minute, and this IS the last minute.) You can ask them if they can find someone else to take your place, but if not, you need to go because you waited too long letting them think you're going. Definitely see your point. The trip is kind of last minute in itself. We live within driving distance and we are all sharing one room that my friend got a killer idea on. I wouldn't even mind still paying my share it's literally that cheap.
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Definitely see your point. The trip is kind of last minute in itself. We live within driving distance and we are all sharing one room that my friend got a killer idea on. I wouldn't even mind still paying my share it's literally that cheap. Then go ahead & flake. But if somebody squawks about the additional costs, pony up your 1/4 share of the room.
preraph Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Well, then tell them you'll pay your share but that you really have other things you want/need to do and maybe next time and thank them for asking you.
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