irc333 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Well, you may have seen my short posts here. Recently, I had a revelation. I'll start with a backstory. To put this in a category it's one of those, "Everything up to and including the date was awesome, but...then nothing aftwards, no second date, flakiness, etc". Anyhow, I met her on POF summer of last year, we hit it off SO well online, we set up a quick meet (didn't really prolong it) and even on the phone the banter went well. I was ready just for a quick meet for drinks, but turns out she asked, "Hey, I hear there are some pretty nice boat tours in your area, can we get something set up for that?" I was thinking, "Um, okay" and I was expecting some drinks, but I was under the impression she was so impressed with me and my witty banter online and on the phone, she took the FIRST meet up a notch. Then , long story short...no 2nd date, she said she was going through a lot of stuff with a post-divorce child custody situation...and it was financially draining for her, a lot of drama, etc going on in her life and she simply didn't have the energy to date. I actually took her at her word, because she removed her profile from POF. Now.....THIS year (and today) she resurfaced....new pictures, new profile write-up, the works. I contacted her again...she replied...very lengthy reply, too. SHe said the DAY before she met me , she went on a date with a guy from POF as well. Turns out they wound up being a couple, but she had some serious drama going on with this guy, he was still hung up on his ex-girlfriend AND her family. Couldn't get over her, so she was dealing with the drama that THIS guy had. She was heart broken, in fact she still has feeling for this guy and now is back on POF. To condense this, she was into a guy that was STILL into someone else, and it SOUNDS as if she's still having a hard time with getting over this guy. It's a friggin DAISY chain. Basically, she's having a hard time getting over a guy who can't get over HIS ex-wife. Me...."Sorry, IRC, but I think of you more as a friend, I felt no connection" Now, me, stable, non-drama, got it together, straight laced guy, has no ex wife/girlfriend issues, etc. She prefers to chase THIS guy and puts ME in the friend zone?? You have any idea how backwards that is. Her response to my email was quite lengthy, she has some MAJOR drama going on right now....not sure why she's even on POF since she's still not over this guy. Bullet dodged??
Author irc333 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Got further into her response from me "Sorry, you are really nice, and I think of you as a friend, I felt no connection with you, but only with him" THink about this logic, she felt a connection with this GUY?? The guy who can't get over his ex-wife and his family? She feels a connection with a rebounder but not with me? She is a member of Meetup, but doesn't really include them as a means of meeting a possible romantic connection, and keeps online dating and Meetup mutually exclusive. Edited January 25, 2014 by irc333
Disillusioned Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a freakin' ICBM. I knew I needed to get my s. together back in '11 when I netted woman #4 through OLD... that was before I had my huge yard sale and got rid of a lot of stuff... I invited her over to my place and she got really excited, she said "wow! You should be on one of those shows where they invite people over to clean the place up and throw out a lot of stuff!" And she said it with a smile on her face!!!!! Needless to say, she DIDN'T get invited on another date by me! Talk about dodging a bullet... 1
Author irc333 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a freakin' ICBM. I knew I needed to get my s. together back in '11 when I netted woman #4 through OLD... that was before I had my huge yard sale and got rid of a lot of stuff... I invited her over to my place and she got really excited, she said "wow! You should be on one of those shows where they invite people over to clean the place up and throw out a lot of stuff!" And she said it with a smile on her face!!!!! Needless to say, she DIDN'T get invited on another date by me! Talk about dodging a bullet... Your posts crack me up "V" for Vendetta Check out this one on
LurkerXX Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 She didn't click with you after meeting you in person, so there was absolutely no bullet headed your way, at all. Sorry, but that is the way it is.
Author irc333 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 She didn't click with you after meeting you in person, so there was absolutely no bullet headed your way, at all. Sorry, but that is the way it is. She clicks with those who have drama and conflict in her life, not a stable guy...so yeah, bullet dodged. 1
Weezy1973 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Got further into her response from me "Sorry, you are really nice, and I think of you as a friend, I felt no connection with you, but only with him" THink about this logic, she felt a connection with this GUY?? The guy who can't get over his ex-wife and his family? She feels a connection with a rebounder but not with me? She is a member of Meetup, but doesn't really include them as a means of meeting a possible romantic connection, and keeps online dating and Meetup mutually exclusive. She is clearly someone that needs drama in her life - and as you stated previously that isn't you. Why are you even disappointed? As you are not someone that likes drama, I'm surprised you felt any type of connection with her...
LurkerXX Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Yes, but you don't know how the relationship started. He probably was able to hide his drama better than your "too many assumptions" drama. You expect, expect, expect, and it makes people uncomfortable, in online dating and at meet-ups.
GemmaUK Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 She didn't click with you after meeting you in person, so there was absolutely no bullet headed your way, at all. Sorry, but that is the way it is. This. Simpler version is that she didn't fancy you. If she had fancied you she would have chosen you over the other guy she met the night before. She didn't. We can't help who we are physically attracted to. Women are just as visual as men are. Stable never sends twinges of excitement round my body... Sexy does though!
Author irc333 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Stable never sends twinges of excitement round my body... Sexy does though! I think that's the problem of relationships being so short lived or problematic (as the one I had described), they ascribe too much to "sexy" or sensations involving the physical.
GemmaUK Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I think that's the problem of relationships being so short lived or problematic (as the one I had described), they ascribe too much to "sexy" or sensations involving the physical. Except for when you find the sexy who has no drama...:0) The sexy makes me want him. I have to want my man - otherwise I want out.
Author irc333 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Except for when you find the sexy who has no drama...:0) The sexy makes me want him. I have to want my man - otherwise I want out. Yes, but you'd only want him for the short term, but there are times where he may not be sexy, what then? What if he gets in a car accident and that part of his body doesn't function anymore? Let's say it's not even anatomical, he could start doing things that are longer sexy. Sexy is only for the short term.
iris219 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 She clicks with those who have drama and conflict in her life, not a stable guy...so yeah, bullet dodged. No, she clicked with the other guy period, and would have if he had been stable and in place to have a relationship. Unfortunately, he wasn't. You don't know her well enough to assume she likes drama. She, like all women, likes having a romantic connection with a man.
Purepony Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 No, she clicked with the other guy period, and would have if he had been stable and in place to have a relationship. Unfortunately, he wasn't. You don't know her well enough to assume she likes drama. She, like all women, likes having a romantic connection with a man. No! She likes drama! Loves it! Craves it! Needs it!
GemmaUK Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Yes, but you'd only want him for the short term, but there are times where he may not be sexy, what then? What if he gets in a car accident and that part of his body doesn't function anymore? Let's say it's not even anatomical, he could start doing things that are longer sexy. Sexy is only for the short term. I guess it depends what you consider short term. I was talking about a 14 year relationship there. I guess that is short term?
Author irc333 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 No! She likes drama! Loves it! Craves it! Needs it! Ah, that's what she considers sexy I would imagine.
Author irc333 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Funny, short, "Wow...talk about drama!" when she told me all that, and I didn't make much of it, but she said or somehow rationalized it with, "Well, when you're going through a divorce (which is what the guy was going through trying to get over his ex-wife....that with any dating or relationship sitautions you have to take "the good with the bad". Apparently, drama is a necessary evil, I guess that she's not necessarily attracted to it? Yes? No? No ICBM? LOL. I Have my doubts She also encouraged me to stay away from Meetups as an option to meet other singles , she is a member of Meetup, but doesn't do much with them. She actually segregrates her romance with the online world and her "activities or social circles (Non-romantic arena) with Meetup. "Never the twain shall meet" Yes? I have my doubts about her methods
Teraskas Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Truth told, you didn't avoid an ICBM. You avoided Global Thermonuclear War.
ZipperZapper Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 It's clear the woman you were involved with looks like she needs some drama and chaos in her life to feel alive. If you're a straight-ahead kind of guy with no baggage and a preference for a relatively stress-free, drama-free life, someone like this girl would probably eventually drive you around the bend. So in this respect, you did dodge a bullet. I usually define dodging a bullet as having encountered a situation where I could end up in a fairly bad state or even injured, but somehow manage to extricate myself or avoid the situation entirely. I've had a couple of those situations in my life, so I have an idea of where you're coming from.
Author irc333 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Yeah, her situation was like a "Self eating watermelon". Her and her stressful divorce proceedings amplified by the divorce issues her current (but now ex-boyfriend) has. "I currently have divorce issues in my life, so I might as well compound it even further with a boyfriend that also has ex-wife issues!" It's clear the woman you were involved with looks like she needs some drama and chaos in her life to feel alive. If you're a straight-ahead kind of guy with no baggage and a preference for a relatively stress-free, drama-free life, someone like this girl would probably eventually drive you around the bend. So in this respect, you did dodge a bullet. I usually define dodging a bullet as having encountered a situation where I could end up in a fairly bad state or even injured, but somehow manage to extricate myself or avoid the situation entirely. I've had a couple of those situations in my life, so I have an idea of where you're coming from.
JourneyLady Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Oh man.... I "clicked with" an amputee like crazy! Too bad he turned out to be a little less than honest. Not sorry I tried him out though, even if it was my shortest relationship on record.. :-D You just can't tell from chemistry. It's a combination of sex appeal, pheromones, personality, interests and other unnameable qualities dearie... But you... you definitely expect too much.
Author irc333 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Oh man.... I "clicked with" an amputee like crazy! Too bad he turned out to be a little less than honest. Not sorry I tried him out though, even if it was my shortest relationship on record.. :-D You just can't tell from chemistry. It's a combination of sex appeal, pheromones, personality, interests and other unnameable qualities dearie... But you... you definitely expect too much. Not sure what you're referring to exactly. She was expecting to much, I am the one that hardly expects much.
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 You dodged a bullet but she did as well. This woman has problems but so do you. You start one thread after another complaining about not getting reactions from women online or having first dates with women but no second dates, etc... Well guess what, you are not the only person going through this. A lot of people go through this with online dating, and believe me: women also get confronted with all kind of unpleasant stuff. Lots of douches on dating sides: men who are still married, still in a relationship, men wanting women who are 20 years younger, men having a problem with alcohol, men who tell lies, etc... etc... All you can do is keep in mind that it's not easy, that you have to work your way through a lot of BS, and that you have to be careful and take your time to know someone. What you certainly need to understand and so far you haven't is that noone on a dating site owes you anything. Yes you might look at a woman's profile and think that she should praise herself lucky that you show her some interest but the thing is that if she does not fancy you, however stupid she is for not fancying you, it is her right. There's most probably dozens of nice women whose profile you have overlooked as well. I understand your frustration about online dating but I also think that women smell the fact that you feel entitled to their attention, and that's a big turn-off. 1
Imajerk17 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Well, first of all, I am really surprised (and kind of impressed) that she got back to you as she did. A few other thoughts... 1. She and this other guy are in more similar places in their lives than you and she are. 2. If she met this other guy the day before and was already infatuated with him, she just wasn't going to be able to give you a "fair" chance. 3. This sort of thing--women saying they had a good time with you but "no chemistry"--comes up an awful lot. I'm wondering what your date with this girl was like. As in what did you and she actually talk about. If all you did was listen to her problems, then that will lead to the friend-zone.
Author irc333 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) Well, first of all, I am really surprised (and kind of impressed) that she got back to you as she did. A few other thoughts... 1. She and this other guy are in more similar places in their lives than you and she are. 2. If she met this other guy the day before and was already infatuated with him, she just wasn't going to be able to give you a "fair" chance. 3. This sort of thing--women saying they had a good time with you but "no chemistry"--comes up an awful lot. I'm wondering what your date with this girl was like. As in what did you and she actually talk about. If all you did was listen to her problems, then that will lead to the friend-zone. More importantly, what was said BEFORE the date was what really attracted her to me. She loved my sense of humor and we really bounced some off each other prior to meeting. I was wanting to do just a short meet and greet, but, surprisingly, when we met, she wanted to go on 2-hour boat trip. This means that she was probably so impressed with me even before meeting me, that she went against the "rules" of a short meetup and asked that I reserved a couple of spaces for each other on the boat. She asked that we do the price of admission on the boat "dutch". The thing is, she wouldn't give me her phone # prior to meeting, It's usually my firm policy NOT to go with this, as I find it rather suspicious, but I went with her, "A girl can never be too safe" comment and she lived close by,so I figured I'd make an exception. Of course, this consisted of a group of people and a tour guide with a microphone doing some talking. So a lot of that time was taken up with that, but in between "talks" we got to know each other better. Kept it light. When we got back she asked me, "So what are some good places to go hang out at? Any particular place that you enjoy?" Obviously, she was wanting to move forward with our date and go some place to get something to eat. We got to know each other some more, then she starts talking about her situation with her ex-husband and how he's been taking her back to court over her kids as well as dating and I should consider, "Meeting women at church or the library". We're both Catholic, and she specifically mentions that she'll only date Catholic guys in her profile. I saw where this conversation was going, because why would a woman, who is out on a date with a guy, give suggestions on "where to meet women"? LOL After that, I never did get her #, she said, "I'll text you" and that was that. Her profile disappeared shortly thereafter. and she texted me that she "Didn't have time to date because she was going through an emotional rollercoaster with the custody battle and also it was hitting her pocketbook financially....so she wasn't in the 'frame of mind' to be dating now" And that was that. Well, first of all, I am really surprised (and kind of impressed) that she got back to you as she did Well, obviously she thought we had had built a good rapport at least on our date both prior and during our meeting to justify replying to me. *shrug* If all you did was listen to her problems, then that will lead to the friend-zone. Can't really do anything less getting some duct tape and taping it over her mouth and go "Shaddup! I don't wanna hear it!" LOL Edited January 31, 2014 by irc333
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