isabellemarss Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 *Warning: Long post When I started college this year one of my first friends was this guy named Nate. We started hanging out with two other classmates, but then a misunderstanding ensued among the three of them while I was away for a week, so when I came back Nate wasn't speaking to us that much anymore. Why was he distancing himself from me when I wasn't even around when they had a fallout? I deduced that he was probably reluctant to continue the friendship considering that I'm really close with the friend whom he had a misunderstanding with, and I guess it was awkward for him to hang out with us now. Flash forward to the present. We're all okay now but we're not really close with each other anymore. Let me describe Nate: he came from a prestigious high school and he's popular in his social circle (in other words, the rich kids). He's not exactly open or friendly, though, and he's distant from people he doesn't know very well (case in point: our classmates). He has two close friends in class and doesn't talk much to anyone else. But he's not a robot - he actually likes to make immature jokes and he teases and laughs a lot when he's comfortable around certain people. He's awfully "uninvolved" from all school activities and he skips class sometimes (he's been making a habit of it lately, though). He's extremely unmotivated. He gives of this "closed off" aura and being an attractive rich kid doesn't help this image of detachment he projects. So... I want to be friends with him again because I don't think he has any "real" friends in college and I want him to at least be comfortable with our classmates through me considering that we're in the same course and we'll all be with each other for the next four years. I'm also concerned about his poor academic performance and his friends are encouraging this behavior. What to do? I can't be straightforward and ask him to hang out, that would be too weird because although we're cordial now, we're still a little awkward... I want to know how I can build up our friendship slowly. After all, we got along well before.
TaraMaiden Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I don't believe this is possible. As people grow and mature, they develop the character which they will present to the world. let's be honest; he's actually less likeable now than he used to be. he's less dedicated to his school work, seems to mix with people more of his social standing, and skips classes.... he seems, from what you say, to even be developing a 'sense of entitlement'... 'Rich kid don't need to make too much effort, because he has it all, already....' he has changed from the person you once knew. He has grown, and cultivated a 'separatist' attitude, because that's what he wants. People are affected and programmed by their circumstances. he had an experience he did not enjoy, and has thus separated himself from that group, focusing more on what he perceives to be like-minded individuals. I fear you may get knocked back. 3
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 He may feel rejected or slighted. If you want to be friends with him you reach out & make an effort. Call or text him to see if he wants to hang out. Perhaps you can study together or get something to eat. Is there anything fun going on at the student union?
preraph Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 If I were you, I wouldn't pursue someone who was keeping me at arm's length (and not just you but a lot of people). I had a friend who met a guy like that on the internet and pretty much did all the work traveling to see him and just moved in on him. Took her a few years to understand he's an antisocial person who really hates people, and now she's got kids with him and it's not a good situation with him. Don't try to change people. Move on. Read what you wrote about him objectively and ask what you see in him.
DL2mer Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 This guy sounds a lot like me.. I would leave him alone, if he wanted to be friends he would have done so. On a side note anti-socials can have meaningful relationships, but when they can't escape unwanted perusal they tend to give in and that's how situations like mentioned above happen.
No Limit Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 He has a friend circle, maybe not in the class you both share, but he clearly prefers them and I doubt that he'd want to hang out with someone who doesn't encourage his behavior also, 'likes him just the way he is'. I'd advise you to lay low and try to make your turn once you're in college. If he really does end up alone, he'll be glad to have you with him (or others through you). I'd also like to say that it's really a good thing to do, keep it up. This guy sounds a lot like me.. I would leave him alone, if he wanted to be friends he would have done so. On a side note anti-socials can have meaningful relationships, but when they can't escape unwanted perusal they tend to give in and that's how situations like mentioned above happen. My thought exactly. Especially about that skip-classes part... once I got the marks I need I consider school to be a waste of time, and I've never had any trouble with this so far. My class teacher dislikes me for it, but as long as I keep earning my school a few prices the rest doesn't care much. But, once I go to the equivalent of college in my country I know I'll stop this. The teachers in that new school I want to impress, for sure.
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