irc333 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Saw this profile of a woman that had a "footnote" the bottom: "After I've received 65 emails in ONE day, I decided I simply cannot reply to all of them, so if I haven't replied, I wish you luck in your search" Yikes...65...no wonder men are struggling with online dating, we are but just a number. lol
GemmaUK Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 That's an awful lot of mails! That would be a full time job! I don't reply any more if I'm not interested but I always used to out of politeness. I've found that many send insulting mails back if you say you're not interested and wish them luck. Then there's the ones who desperately try to converse even though you have said you're not interested.
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) From the women I have talked to about that they almost all say they used to reply to them all until they got tired of the guys who send rude insulting replies back after being rejected or they try to convince them to give them a try by engaging them in more conversations. In short it's some men and the way they respond to being rejected that has caused this issue.. Those men who can't handle rejection have ruined it for all the other men. What women wants to be called names and told off for nicely sending a no thanks note to a guy ? no one...it's easier for them to not reply and then not have read that they are some biotch or wh0re for not being interested. Edited January 25, 2014 by Art_Critic 4
Author irc333 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Oh okay, though I don't resort to name calling, in some RARE circumstances I'd attempt to engage them in further conversation. Esp. if we have quite a few beliefs, activities, and other things in common. Esp. when they say, "I don't think we'd make a good match", I'd attempt to counter that with, "Well, we're into the same Sci-Fi genres, same Christian beliefs, and also seek the same in a relationship, so how would we not be a match?" I guess they grow weary of trying to get caught up in such a debate back and forth, even though the man is trying to be polite about it. But the "But, but...why not" argument gets tiring like a 5 year old asking "Why can't I have that candy?" Yes, I know, I admit it's not something I should do, but....I dunno...I THAT's the tipping point of my frustrations with ONLINE dating. It's so mechanical and also I guarantee if I met these women in real life, they'd probably considering dating me because they'll get to know me, over time, in a natural environment. You have a better ability to "Shine" through in real life than online which lacks body language, the ability to display your sense of humor, mannerisms, voice tones, etc. From the women I have talked to about that they almost all say they used to reply to them all until they got tired of the guys who send rude insulting replies back after being rejected or they try to convince them to give them a try by engaging them in more conversations. In short it's some men and the way they respond to being rejected that has caused this issue.. Those men who can't handle rejection have ruined it for all the other men. What women wants to be called names and told off for nicely sending a no thanks note to a guy ? no one...it's easier for them to not reply and then not have read that they are some biotch or wh0re for not being interested.
GemmaUK Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 From the women I have talked to about that they almost all say they used to reply to them all until they got tired of the guys who send rude insulting replies back after being rejected or they try to convince them to give them a try by engaging them in more conversations. In short it's some men and the way they respond to being rejected that has caused this issue.. Those men who can't handle rejection have ruined it for all the other men. What women wants to be called names and told off for nicely sending a no thanks note to a guy ? no one...it's easier for them to not reply and then not have read that they are some biotch or wh0re for not being interested. Exactly! I used to always let someone know after a first meet or date or even a few mails that I wasn't 'feeling it' but I have admit I don't always do that either now if I get an inkling that I might get an abusive response and get hounded by mails/texts/calls. I still get it wrong on occasion but I can only go by instinct.
Teraskas Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Feels more like the 'Damned if you do, damned if you don't' saying related to OLD these days. :/ Edited January 25, 2014 by Teraskas 1
GemmaUK Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Feels more like the 'Damned if you do, damned if you don't' saying related to OLD these days. :/ Surely though it's better to receive a mail from someone who is interested in you than from someone who is being polite? I am on a small UK site which has a forum and has regular little meets going on. Maybe meets might be a good way to let those personalities shine through? I've been to party type meets, fell walking and museum/historical meets too. All have been great fun.
Aquanut Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 When I was on I actually never initiated a conversation. And I'm a guy. When I did get messages I did not respond to most. If I wasn't interested I did not respond. At any given time I might be having 3 conversations and an occasional meet and greet. I just didn't have time or energy to pick up another conversation and didn't feel right about dropping an existing conversation if it was moving along. So I did not respond to some women that I found interesting because I was too busy already. It really was a case of first come first served. 1
Teraskas Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Surely though it's better to receive a mail from someone who is interested in you than from someone who is being polite? I am on a small UK site which has a forum and has regular little meets going on. Maybe meets might be a good way to let those personalities shine through? I've been to party type meets, fell walking and museum/historical meets too. All have been great fun. I know, and truth told I'd rather prefer to receive a mail from someone who's genuinely interested rather than receiving a 'You've been rejected' response out of politness. However what I meant by that statement is that I come across a lot of people who state in their profile they're looking for friends and maybe something more. Yet when you actually send a message which has content and though to it compared to the 'Hi', 'EHRMAHGERD, YOUR HAWT' 'ONS Plox ?' they don't even bother to respond lol. I'd honestly love to find these smaller kind of dating sites which you mentioned. Personally, I feel that on such sites, (especially those with a forum) allow for greater cohesion of the dating pool. And on top of that I feel as if I can be myself online on such forums, heh.
Disillusioned Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Only 65 messages??? Criminy! I dread to think of what my life would be like if I was a stunningly beautiful woman who wanted to keep her virginity. I'd probably need to become a walking armory just to keep the horny creeps at bay. That's assuming, of course, the one who got those 65 messages wasn't just another man pretending to be a woman (smirk, smirk)... Irc333, TBH I really think you're squandering your energy by puttering around with OLD... you need to see the light of meetups and start doing something real. I did!
BlametheIrish Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Esp. when they say, "I don't think we'd make a good match", I'd attempt to counter that with, "Well, we're into the same Sci-Fi genres, same Christian beliefs, and also seek the same in a relationship, so how would we not be a match?" I guess they grow weary of trying to get caught up in such a debate back and forth, even though the man is trying to be polite about it. But the "But, but...why not" argument gets tiring like a 5 year old asking "Why can't I have that candy?" ______________________________ I think if you have a lot in common with the women but she says " I don't think we would make a good match" is a "nice" way of saying she doesn't find you attractive.
GemmaUK Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I know, and truth told I'd rather prefer to receive a mail from someone who's genuinely interested rather than receiving a 'You've been rejected' response out of politness. However what I meant by that statement is that I come across a lot of people who state in their profile they're looking for friends and maybe something more. Yet when you actually send a message which has content and though to it compared to the 'Hi', 'EHRMAHGERD, YOUR HAWT' 'ONS Plox ?' they don't even bother to respond lol. I'd honestly love to find these smaller kind of dating sites which you mentioned. Personally, I feel that on such sites, (especially those with a forum) allow for greater cohesion of the dating pool. And on top of that I feel as if I can be myself online on such forums, heh. The meets and the friends I have made are great. The mails are just the same as anywhere though. :0(
MixedUpChick Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I think if you have a lot in common with the women but she says " I don't think we would make a good match" is a "nice" way of saying she doesn't find you attractive. Depending on how much info. is in your profile, it could be: 1) looks 2) height 3) income 4) job 5) what you're actually looking for vs what she's looking for 6) kids/no kids 7) past experiences with someone remotely like you 8) etc. etc. etc. I mean, really... there are a variety of things a woman could be looking at that she's using to decide before meeting, that you won't be a good match. Is she right? Very possibly not, but it's really better not to reply back asking why she decided you're not right for her. I've never heard of that working to get a date & relationship out of it
BlametheIrish Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Depending on how much info. is in your profile, it could be: 1) looks 2) height 3) income 4) job 5) what you're actually looking for vs what she's looking for 6) kids/no kids 7) past experiences with someone remotely like you 8) etc. etc. etc. I mean, really... there are a variety of things a woman could be looking at that she's using to decide before meeting, that you won't be a good match. Is she right? Very possibly not, but it's really better not to reply back asking why she decided you're not right for her. I've never heard of that working to get a date & relationship out of it All of those can be reasons someone doesn't find someone else attractive. So I guess we're on the same page. 1
MixedUpChick Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) All of those can be reasons someone doesn't find someone else attractive. So I guess we're on the same page. Yeah that's true - I just wanted to make it clear that it's not always just about looks. I've seen multiple threads that seem to think it's only about looks but that's just not the case. Of course looks play a part, but there's so much more, at least for most women. Men might put a bigger importance on looks than anything else, but we're complex creatures & are generally looking at the whole package. Edited January 25, 2014 by MixedUpChick
Thegreatestthing Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I think it's so ridiculous to basically reply to a guy and tell him he sucks,I looked online and saw continuous stories where insults back were only being sent to girls who had written the not interested you suck emails,that's what those emails convey . i would hate to get an email like that,it's so unnecessary, if you're not interested just don't reply,if he keeps writing like they do just block them. I've never gotten these insults,because I've never sent a not interested email. From the women I have talked to about that they almost all say they used to reply to them all until they got tired of the guys who send rude insulting replies back after being rejected or they try to convince them to give them a try by engaging them in more conversations. In short it's some men and the way they respond to being rejected that has caused this issue.. Those men who can't handle rejection have ruined it for all the other men. What women wants to be called names and told off for nicely sending a no thanks note to a guy ? no one...it's easier for them to not reply and then not have read that they are some biotch or wh0re for not being interested.
GemmaUK Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Yeah that's true - I just wanted to make it clear that it's not always just about looks. I've seen multiple threads that seem to think it's only about looks but that's just not the case. Of course looks play a part, but there's so much more, at least for most women. Men might put a bigger importance on looks than anything else, but we're complex creatures & are generally looking at the whole package. Totally agree. There was a guy recently who expressed a lot of interest in me recently (even though he ignored that I have in my profile that I am not looking to meet nor even chat with anyone just now and that I'm only there for the forums). Anyway, he is 14 years older than me,58 years of age. He has dated one woman prior to now for 6 months and he always has and still lives with his parents. He is planning to move out when he is 60. He isn't a carer for his parents but they look after him so he has so far seen no reason to move out. Even if I were physically attracted in any way I wouldn't want to get involved with someone like that. Shoot me if it sounds shallow!
xxoo Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Yes, I know, I admit it's not something I should do, but....I dunno...I THAT's the tipping point of my frustrations with ONLINE dating. It's so mechanical and also I guarantee if I met these women in real life, they'd probably considering dating me because they'll get to know me, over time, in a natural environment. You have a better ability to "Shine" through in real life than online which lacks body language, the ability to display your sense of humor, mannerisms, voice tones, etc. If you have common interests, why aren't you meeting these women (or women like them) IRL?
BlametheIrish Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I think it's so ridiculous to basically reply to a guy and tell him he sucks,I looked online and saw continuous stories where insults back were only being sent to girls who had written the not interested you suck emails,that's what those emails convey . i would hate to get an email like that,it's so unnecessary, if you're not interested just don't reply,if he keeps writing like they do just block them. I've never gotten these insults,because I've never sent a not interested email. I know its hard to believe it for some people, but ive been there myself. A guy contacts me that I have zero interest in. I tell him sometjing along the lines of "Thanks for the message but IM just nit interested". Only to have a guy follow up with " Your loss you look like a bitch anyway" or some other highly inappropriate comment I dud nithing to.provoke. Some men have fragile egos and can't handle rejection of any kind. I always answered my messages in OKC, never was impolite and if a guy continued his awful messages hr was blocked immediately. I don't think its mean to reject a guy like I did. Life is full of rejections, if you cant handle a nice one then work on your self esteem before considering dating.
Scales Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I am in the party of wishing that women would give feedback to men instead of rejecting them. Ladies, you do not understand how much more helpful and useful you are being when you reject men for a reason. There is nothing more disappointing then saying "no connection" or "not feeling it". What it comes down to is not wanting to hurt the other party and not coming off like a total b*tch. You should though because those guys never make changes or improve if you don't. How will the guy who lives with his parents, is too overweight for you, is too needy for you, not strong enough, or doesn't plan the dates or initiate enough for you ever going to know that is one of his main issues? Even if your reason is incredibly shallow or superficial: it still exists. Let guys know. If they come back and tell you all kinds of nasty things who cares. If you reject them no need to communicate and they won't get it anyways. Some guys do have fragile egos, but most guys are wanting to improve with women but have no idea where to start. They are getting advice from all kinds of places that pull them in every direction. "Be yourself. Don't look for it. Women want man's man but also sensitive." When really what they should be hearing is "Your pictures aren't good for X reason, your message was boring and not different from other guys, and I'm looking for a man who is more independent." I would love to be rejected like that, especially if it was in person. Someone said some men have fragile egos and fire back telling women they are fat and ugly to even the playing field but really it just validates your rejection. I understand that no reply is a discreet and no effort form of rejection, but please don't be afraid to tell guys about their sticking points. You are under no obligation to date them even if they change anyways.
Art_Critic Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I am in the party of wishing that women would give feedback to men instead of rejecting them. Ladies, you do not understand how much more helpful and useful you are being when you reject men for a reason. Oh yeah, like any of those men who are being rejected would like to hear what is wrong with them too, talk about asking to have nasty emails sent to you, I think a woman who does that from a first email would be someone who has some issues and would be labeled from the get go.. That IMO would be asking for an inbox full of emails where every one called them names. Just my opinion though, don't let me change any of the women's minds doing OLD that they should try and correct the guy they are rejecting..
Recommended Posts