lonesurvivorever Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Hi folks, I just joined this site and found it enlightening regarding love life. Here is my story: I've been falling for a professor of mine pretty hard since fall 2013. He is in his early 40's, teaches only part time, has a solid semi-prestigious day job. Manly, humorous, and mature. What really captured my heart is the way he treats people: very kind and responsible. A very very decent guy in general. He is neither married nor engaged, 100% sure. About me, I'm older than the college age, attend school for self-advancement, no pressure and I have multiple degrees already. So I really like this guy and I view him as a marriage material. I'm very serious about him. However, I was being very careful and waited a whole semester to make real moves. Of course during the semester, I kept flirting with him secretly so he knew what's going on and he acted pretty receptive and playfully. Finally it came to the end of semester and the holiday season. I was so eager to set the record straight and spend some time with him at this crucial time of the year. I started contacting him to make plans right after I got his number. Both my texts and calls went to no reply. I started being frustrated and confused. Then I sent an email and he told me right away that he had no reception because he was vacationing in the mountains. His excuses are proven to be true later and I believed. In the new year's eve, I sent a wish via both text and email but no reply to both. I was hurt and even mad this time, thought how I might misunderstand everything about how I stood with him and how his acts showed zero interest. After a battling of mind, I deleted his number earlier January. had a really hard time to absorb the fact though. Ironically, TO MY SURPRISE, the day after I deleted his number, I got a text from him asking what I planned out for the new semester, regarding school. I waited a day and texted back saying directly" I think you should have known what I really want from you" to cut the crap between us. Soon later, he started leading the way the first time since I knew him, asking me what I've been doing before asking me out for lunch in the next week. So my "cut the crap" approach worked! At that time, I was out of town. He said something that really boosted my faith between us that" when you are back we will fine time to get together". Right at that moment, I totally forgave him and became happy again. In the end, I told him we may need to talk over the phone in the following couple days. He said OK. In the following couple days, he didn't call or contact which I was totally ok because I thought he is just very reserved. After another three days, I texted him "what's up" and he replied after a few hours at late night. Started asking me a lot of questions like where I'm at, what I'm doing, when I will be back, etc. I said ask me over the phone and will call him the next day. The next day, to my surprise, he called me first in the evening and I missed. I was very glad he finally made some moves. After I called back right away, he didn't pick up. I texted and he told me he tried to catch me before meeting with his friends. I was a little disappointed thinking how he couldn't even take few minutes off his friends time to talk to me for the first time over the phone. Then he asked me to tell my recent whereabouts and so over the text, so we exchanged texts playfully, both really fast. Later that night, I found I missed his another call at 9 again. And I called back around 10 knowing how it would not be too appropriate to call this late but he used to text me around midnight. The call was cut right away and went to voice mail. I texted last saying will try a better time. THE END OF CONTACT. By the way, earlier I told him I would be back by the end of the month. Till now, one week has passed. He never texted or called again, NEVER. Above are our all communication. I'm feeling hurt again, given how many threads on this site saying if a guy is interested, he will initiate contact. Are there any exceptions like this guy, like is he just passive? He don't play games, I'm sure. I'm very bothered by this zero contact over the past week but should I initiate one more time to give the last test to see what kind of man he is and how he really thinks of me? At least, to get the first date done or I should try HARD to forget about him? Thanks a lot!
Claysmommy Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Hi folks, I just joined this site and found it enlightening regarding love life. Here is my story: I've been falling for a professor of mine pretty hard since fall 2013. He is in his early 40's, teaches only part time, has a solid semi-prestigious day job. Manly, humorous, and mature. What really captured my heart is the way he treats people: very kind and responsible. A very very decent guy in general. He is neither married nor engaged, 100% sure. About me, I'm older than the college age, attend school for self-advancement, no pressure and I have multiple degrees already. So I really like this guy and I view him as a marriage material. I'm very serious about him. However, I was being very careful and waited a whole semester to make real moves. Of course during the semester, I kept flirting with him secretly so he knew what's going on and he acted pretty receptive and playfully. Finally it came to the end of semester and the holiday season. I was so eager to set the record straight and spend some time with him at this crucial time of the year. I started contacting him to make plans right after I got his number. Both my texts and calls went to no reply. I started being frustrated and confused. Then I sent an email and he told me right away that he had no reception because he was vacationing in the mountains. His excuses are proven to be true later and I believed. In the new year's eve, I sent a wish via both text and email but no reply to both. I was hurt and even mad this time, thought how I might misunderstand everything about how I stood with him and how his acts showed zero interest. After a battling of mind, I deleted his number earlier January. had a really hard time to absorb the fact though. Ironically, TO MY SURPRISE, the day after I deleted his number, I got a text from him asking what I planned out for the new semester, regarding school. I waited a day and texted back saying directly" I think you should have known what I really want from you" to cut the crap between us. Soon later, he started leading the way the first time since I knew him, asking me what I've been doing before asking me out for lunch in the next week. So my "cut the crap" approach worked! At that time, I was out of town. He said something that really boosted my faith between us that" when you are back we will fine time to get together". Right at that moment, I totally forgave him and became happy again. In the end, I told him we may need to talk over the phone in the following couple days. He said OK. In the following couple days, he didn't call or contact which I was totally ok because I thought he is just very reserved. After another three days, I texted him "what's up" and he replied after a few hours at late night. Started asking me a lot of questions like where I'm at, what I'm doing, when I will be back, etc. I said ask me over the phone and will call him the next day. The next day, to my surprise, he called me first in the evening and I missed. I was very glad he finally made some moves. After I called back right away, he didn't pick up. I texted and he told me he tried to catch me before meeting with his friends. I was a little disappointed thinking how he couldn't even take few minutes off his friends time to talk to me for the first time over the phone. Then he asked me to tell my recent whereabouts and so over the text, so we exchanged texts playfully, both really fast. Later that night, I found I missed his another call at 9 again. And I called back around 10 knowing how it would not be too appropriate to call this late but he used to text me around midnight. The call was cut right away and went to voice mail. I texted last saying will try a better time. THE END OF CONTACT. By the way, earlier I told him I would be back by the end of the month. Till now, one week has passed. He never texted or called again, NEVER. Above are our all communication. I'm feeling hurt again, given how many threads on this site saying if a guy is interested, he will initiate contact. Are there any exceptions like this guy, like is he just passive? He don't play games, I'm sure. I'm very bothered by this zero contact over the past week but should I initiate one more time to give the last test to see what kind of man he is and how he really thinks of me? At least, to get the first date done or I should try HARD to forget about him? Thanks a lot! He's not interested, sorry. If he was, believe me, he'd be doing a lot more to interact with you. I think he's trying to be polite and nice, and maybe there is a little bit of interest, but I don't think he's into you... I think that he'd be into sex with you, if the situation presented itself, or even a friendship, but his actions so far have not suggested that he is interested in you romantically. I've noticed that you've pursued him--flirting, asking him out, texting, calling, etc... Did he ever show you true romantic interest, prior to you taking the initiative? I wonder if maybe you've misunderstood how he views your friendship/relationship and maybe that is why things are so harry. But his lack of contact, the inconsistency, and the hot/cold behavior just indicate that he really isn't into you, especially not like you are into him. I'd move on, if I were you... He might be marriage material, but not your marriage material(unless you're interested in doing all the work and chasing after him). 1
Author lonesurvivorever Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 He's not interested, sorry. If he was, believe me, he'd be doing a lot more to interact with you. I think he's trying to be polite and nice, and maybe there is a little bit of interest, but I don't think he's into you... I think that he'd be into sex with you, if the situation presented itself, or even a friendship, but his actions so far have not suggested that he is interested in you romantically. I've noticed that you've pursued him--flirting, asking him out, texting, calling, etc... Did he ever show you true romantic interest, prior to you taking the initiative? I wonder if maybe you've misunderstood how he views your friendship/relationship and maybe that is why things are so harry. But his lack of contact, the inconsistency, and the hot/cold behavior just indicate that he really isn't into you, especially not like you are into him. I'd move on, if I were you... He might be marriage material, but not your marriage material(unless you're interested in doing all the work and chasing after him). Thank you so much! Very insightful advice. I appreciate it a lot. If that's the case, I think I deserve to confront him face to face to get it straight. I really want to ask him directly how he thinks the thing between us. He might be the real reason I want to remain in the U.S. I want an clear answer before I leave. Fair enough? By the way, I pursued him aggressively, that's because of our specific professor-student relationship. Sure he wasn't in any position to officially make a move until the very end, right? Should we take that into consideration?
scorpiogirl Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Thank you so much! Very insightful advice. I appreciate it a lot. If that's the case, I think I deserve to confront him face to face to get it straight. I really want to ask him directly how he thinks the thing between us. He might be the real reason I want to remain in the U.S. I want an clear answer before I leave. Fair enough? By the way, I pursued him aggressively, that's because of our specific professor-student relationship. Sure he wasn't in any position to officially make a move until the very end, right? Should we take that into consideration? No stop being aggressive. There's no need to ask him anything face to face. He knows you like him so I think if he felt the same he would show more interest. Why would you put him on the spot like that? If a guy acted with you the way you're behaving with this man, how accepting would you be of his advances? Don't do anything more. If he wants to see you he will get in touch. 2
Mascara Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 If you put him on the spot, all that's going to happen is that he'll feebly make excuses and make contact for a little while, before vanishing again. Because most people don't like confrontation, and there's no way they'll say "you're right, I'm not interested". Let him show you by his ACTIONS, not his words. If you have to continually chase, there is your non-verbal answer. 2
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