Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I thought I had recovered but I just have so much hatred within me tonight. I feel dirty and used as a rebound and want to just tell him he doesn't deserve loving any people and could rot in hell Sure many of us have hatred towards our ex, will you send it to relieve your emotions? Or do we all just subconsciously look for a reaction from them? and it hurts us more in the end if we dont even receive a single reply? Should I just keep NC? Has any of you really sent a hatred email to the dumper? How did it end up?
Ronni_W Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Has any of you really sent a hatred email to the dumper? How did it end up? Usually the sender just comes off looking weak and pathetic. And then as a bonus have to suffer self-loathing and traumatic guilt later on, once they regain their senses and good judgment, and start living from their own values and high self-esteem. Hang in there. Be strong and brave...do not sink to his grotty level. Staying on the high road is much more difficult but the view from up there is always better. Big hugs. 5
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 It won't help... Try to let go. That will help!! 1
JDPT Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Think about how detrimental this anger is for YOU and no one else but YOU. Come to terms with the fact that you harbor anger which is perfectly fine, you feel as if you've been wronged and why should your ex get to walk free and clear yes? Well that doesn't matter any longer, you two aren't together, you are fighting an imaginary image, holding resentment towards something nonexistent. Reroute your thoughts and stop throwing aimless blows at nothing. Focus on yourself and finding serenity and peace. I was dealing with anger for so long and perhaps I still am. But when you start using this passion you have for revenge and morph it into something positive for YOU, you will start seeing positive results and will rid of this aimless hatred you have inside. Take your time with this no need to rush, you'll get through it. 1
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 I remember when we first broke up I told him I was drafting a hatred email for him...and he said it hurt him...that moment was quite satisfying to be honest...
JDPT Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Of course it was, and how long did that last until you wanted to do the next hurtful thing and then the next and the next? I too impulsively did something to relieve anger but once I was done I realized how useless it was and I was only hurting myself rather then letting go once and for all. It's all about letting go, sometimes you just need to walk away. 3
darkmoon Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 me re-living the woe, me feeling silly when I saw him, I say leave it
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 you feel as if you've been wronged and why should your ex get to walk free and clear yes? you speak my heart out.... yeah and to know he will happily get back to his ex...
JDPT Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 you speak my heart out.... yeah and to know he will happily get back to his ex... You don't know this. You are solidifying fictitious scenarios. Once you realize that there is no need to give those thoughts importance is when they will become utterly irrelevant. 1
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 You don't know this. You are solidifying fictitious scenarios. Once you realize that there is no need to give those thoughts importance is when they will become utterly irrelevant. I "know" this because this is what he told me he was going to do after he broke up with me... he was so cruel...why would he let me know this besides to break me? What did I do to deserve this...henceforth the hatred
JDPT Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I "know" this because this is what he told me he was going to do after he broke up with me... he was so cruel...why would he let me know this besides to break me? What did I do to deserve this...henceforth the hatred Perhaps him being realistic came across as cruelty. The last thing you want to do is analyze what occurred and wish for a better past. Live in the present with one eye in the future. I understand how frustrated you are, we have all been through that phase it's completely normal. However, know that it will eventually subside but not without proactive efforts on your behalf. I know you want revenge, I wanted it badly too at one point, I wished her nothing but the worst this life could bring her and cursed the day she was born. I later started to realize that I was fueling this anger all by myself, it was detrimental to me an no one else. Focus in you and focus on letting go, leave the past where it belongs.
bubbaganoosh Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 It isn't worth your time to hash out a letter but if you do, I would just say "Thank you for me seeing how you really are and I'm grateful that you helped me open my eyes and see things more clearly" I still wouldn't do it though. Not worth your time and believe me you will heal.
TrappedWanderer Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) I, too, have wanted at times to do let that it all out, tell him exactly what I think of him, how horribly he acted, what his actions have caused, etc. But then I do everything in my power to NOT send that. When things first started going bad with us, I had typed this beautiful "goodbye" email to him, basically saying that I don't know why things are bad, and I don't understand, but if that's how it's to be, then so be it and thanks for the great memories, essentially. I really dug deep and poured my heart out. I found out a few weeks later (when things got so bad it was obvious it was over) that he had shared my extremely heartfelt and personal email with other people. And boy did that hurt and make me mad at the same time. No trust. At. All. So everytime I think of writing the same kind of email you want to write...and believe me, I understand and want to do the same thing, I either talk to someone, read/post on here...or sometimes even write it out in a word doc...that way it won't actually get sent to him but I get it out a little. If sent, it would just be fodder for him and I know that temporary release will only turn into feeling foolish. Stay strong. But man, they really do suck, don't they?!? Edited January 25, 2014 by TrappedWanderer
falxmanolo Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Of course it was, and how long did that last until you wanted to do the next hurtful thing and then the next and the next? I too impulsively did something to relieve anger but once I was done I realized how useless it was and I was only hurting myself rather then letting go once and for all. It's all about letting go, sometimes you just need to walk away. I cannot agree with this more. Trust me, I've not drafted but actually SENT my ex absolutely sarcastic (hatred) emails and I promise you I would feel good for the first one hour and then i'll start feeling horrible because that's not ME! I'm not even a bitchy person in general.. don't do it.. it's mean. However badly your ex hurt you, forgive him for your peace.. you don't deserve it but bad things some times happen to good people, let go, you'll look back on this and realise how maturely you handled it!! I know how you feel. My ex dumped me and then cut all contact with me and there was no way to even unleash my anger lol, that's when I realised I was angry with myself for most part and not him.. a little step back and some perspective will really help your healing process 1
lollipopspot Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I feel dirty and used as a rebound and want to just tell him he doesn't deserve loving any people and could rot in hell Why don't you write it in a diary and leave it there or post it here, to vent it out. But don't send it. I'm not so strict on no contact, and I was just thinking that I wouldn't be against sending something like, 'I was really hurt and angry being used as a rebound for you. Please don't contact me, I'm trying to get over this, but I'm just wanting to let you know the effect you had." But you know what - you've indicated here that he already knows it - so what's the benefit of having any contact at all at this point? 1
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I thought I had recovered but I just have so much hatred within me tonight. I feel dirty and used as a rebound and want to just tell him he doesn't deserve loving any people and could rot in hell Sure many of us have hatred towards our ex, will you send it to relieve your emotions? Or do we all just subconsciously look for a reaction from them? and it hurts us more in the end if we dont even receive a single reply? Should I just keep NC? Has any of you really sent a hatred email to the dumper? How did it end up? Don't do it man, it won't make it better. You need to work on your anger though. I once heard it said that anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
wistfulgirl Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I was just about to start a similar thread then I came across this! I had sent a heartfelt "goodbye" message on NYE after he had broken my heart yet again for the final time, not putting any blame or guilt on him (even though he had treated me so badly, strung me along on the backburner, persued and rejected me few times and would not make a commitment to me etc then suddenly committed to a girl he'd just met through POF) and said I knew was for the best but just wanted to leave on a good note so could both remember the good times and not leave it so nastily. He had read the message and not replied, even to simply say "happy new year" back to me, or "take care" - no acknowledgement at all. I had put him on a pedestal and my self esteem completely plummeted during the time we were in contact/ on- off etc. I had always took the blame and been so loving and accepting of him no matter how much he'd hurt me, and all i'd wanted was for some kind of acknowledgment so I could look back and feel that he had actually cared about my feelings and had some remorse for how we'd ended. I had always held back on expressing the "angry" feelings he'd brought up in me as I always thought the best of him and wanted him to be happy. As he did not even have the decency to respond knowing how much I loved him and how hurt I was I felt devestated and rejected all over again. I have written out an "angry/hurt" message expressing how much he's hurt and used me and thrown me away and didnt even think I was worth a reply to respect the time we'd shared. He knows how hurt I am but i'd always left things friendly between us despite the pain he'd caused me as I'd idolised him so much and didnt want him to feel guilt or any negative emotion when he thought of me. I haven't sent it as feel it will only make me look bitter and pathetic but so hard that he moved on so quickly and has now written me off when I've done nothing but be good to him. Would this type of email cause a dumper to think twice or feel any remorse?
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 you've indicated here that he already knows it - so what's the benefit of having any contact at all at this point? He brushes off my feeling of being used as "jealousy"
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I was just about to start a similar thread then I came across this! I had sent a heartfelt "goodbye" message on NYE after he had broken my heart yet again for the final time, not putting any blame or guilt on him (even though he had treated me so badly, strung me along on the backburner, persued and rejected me few times and would not make a commitment to me etc then suddenly committed to a girl he'd just met through POF) and said I knew was for the best but just wanted to leave on a good note so could both remember the good times and not leave it so nastily. He had read the message and not replied, even to simply say "happy new year" back to me, or "take care" - no acknowledgement at all. I had put him on a pedestal and my self esteem completely plummeted during the time we were in contact/ on- off etc. I had always took the blame and been so loving and accepting of him no matter how much he'd hurt me, and all i'd wanted was for some kind of acknowledgment so I could look back and feel that he had actually cared about my feelings and had some remorse for how we'd ended. I had always held back on expressing the "angry" feelings he'd brought up in me as I always thought the best of him and wanted him to be happy. As he did not even have the decency to respond knowing how much I loved him and how hurt I was I felt devestated and rejected all over again. I have written out an "angry/hurt" message expressing how much he's hurt and used me and thrown me away and didnt even think I was worth a reply to respect the time we'd shared. He knows how hurt I am but i'd always left things friendly between us despite the pain he'd caused me as I'd idolised him so much and didnt want him to feel guilt or any negative emotion when he thought of me. I haven't sent it as feel it will only make me look bitter and pathetic but so hard that he moved on so quickly and has now written me off when I've done nothing but be good to him. Would this type of email cause a dumper to think twice or feel any remorse? I sent him an email at last, not hatred, but did let him know how hurt I was. (since he sent me an email of valuing me as a friend and I needed to tell him I wont see him a friend) He did not bother to apologize and explain his actions, just saying he would "leave me alone" So this is the end, I dont think we will ever see each other again
wistfulgirl Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Are you glad you sent it? Did his response to knowing how hurt you were give you any comfort or were you hoping for a different response? For me I am reluctant to send it as would be even more devastated if I went ignored (like my nice goodbye message) so don't want to do anything that will make me feel worse...
Arieswoman Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Being angry is a normal part of grieving after a breakup, Anger is energy that can be channelled into productive areas. Get hold of that anger energy and put it into something useful for you. Join a gym, clean the house, dig the garden. When my marriage broke up I joined a gym and used my anger-energy to build a better body - for me. I cleaned the house to make it a nicer place - for me. I dug, weeded and planted the garden to make it a nice place for me to sit in. Being angry is better than being depressed which can stop you doing anything. Good Luck.
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) Are you glad you sent it? Did his response to knowing how hurt you were give you any comfort or were you hoping for a different response? For me I am reluctant to send it as would be even more devastated if I went ignored (like my nice goodbye message) so don't want to do anything that will make me feel worse... I am glad that I sent it, since after his friendly email, it is absolutely certain that he has no feelings for me ever again, so I have no need to please him anymore. So why refrain myself? I have no obligations to relieve his guilt. I know that I will never ever see him again, it is a closure, but a painful one. But at least I feel like it is closed now letting him know how I feel used. oh and he did not apologize, how TYPICAL of him, I was not surprised. You need to make sure the purpose of sending the message, are you hoping for an apology? or just to let him know how you feel without expecting a reply? If it is latter, then go ahead, if the former, then no, you will be disappointed Edited January 27, 2014 by Tryingtobegrateful
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