I don't know if i should trust him and now I think i've hurt his feelings

[Danica]

Hi, okay, wow, where to start...

So my life up till now, in short - I lived with my mum & step-dad till I was 17, they were alright, we we're never particularly close after my mum met my step-dad. Between the ages of 16 - 18 I dated this guy who, basically wasn't a very nice guy, eventually he cheated on me which probably did me a favour because I finally walked away from him.

Then I kind of ****** things up, I let guys use me basically, life wasn't great.

Then I happen to get in touch with a half-sister, she's a couple of years older than me and I moved her area and we live together.

I'm 23 now, I had, up till recently really sorted my life out.

 

 

So then I go out with a couple of friends and one of my friends boyfriends, Dylan, bought his brother Jack.

I'd never really met Jack but I'd seen him about and I knew of him, I knew he was good looking, and I knew he was considered a "player", I knew he had this reputation for ONS and I knew he was famous for ending up in the centre of trouble.

I was a bit drunk, so was he, we were dancing, I went back to his, we slept together. Afterwards I just felt like the worst person, like id tried so hard to turn my life around and then thrown it away to a guy again. I left right away and I know he knew I was upset.

 

Then he turns up as my flat the next afternoon with like a massive bunch of flowers & was just like "sorry, I didn't mean to upset you", so I let him in and he was dead nice. We talked for a long time and he put his arm round me but didn't try anything else. He asked me to for a drink with him the next night and I didn't she the harm so I agreed.

 

Then when I was telling my sister, she was like no way, she knows his other brother quite well and she was telling me I really didn't want to get involved with Jack, he doesn't care about girls, he'll just hurt me. So I rang him up and told him to raincheck it.

That night me and my sister are watching a move in out PJ's and then he turns up at my door, literally invites himself in and announces that If I wont go out with him then he'll come here and cook for us which is what he proceeded to do.

It's hard to explain, he does love himself there's no doubt about that, even when he started clunking about in the out kitchen & I'm trying to get him to leave like "Jack...Jack...Jack...Jaxon" to which he replies "oh yeah, say my name baby" but at the same time for the last month he's been really really nice, he's been sweet, attentive, he hasn't been pushy. Its like my Jack and the Jack everyone else sees are two different people.

 

 

But then last night I went to a bar with my friends & sister for a friends birthday and I took him with me...and, well it all just blew up

Like all night people were saying things here and there about me and him and then when most people had gone home and he was kind of like "I don't know why you don't like me" to my sister and then she was like "because I care about Danni" he queried whether she thought he didn't and she, I know her heart was in the right place but she was a little harsh she was like "just hurry up and finish whatever game your playing Jaxon because it will be me that picks up all the pieces. I don't want her hurt, I don't care about you, I don't care what you do with your life, I don't care if you have 2 or 3 on the go, I care when one's my little sister".

I was trying to cool it down and he just stormed out.

 

I followed him outside and he basically just said to me "I know I'm no angel, and I know that theres been loads of things I did do, but not this time, this time i'm innocent, I haven't done anything. I really like you Danni, and I tried I really tried to do everything right so you'd trust me, but can't sit there and watch them all pitch a case against me, how can we ever work with them in your ear the whole time! I get you've been hurt before and ive tried to do everything right by you, I'd never of hurt you, I wouldnt of done it. But I can't sit there why you let Sophie [my sister] talk to me like i'm dirt!!

People wonder why I don't have relationships? cause all people do is hurt you right"

 

 

Now I don't know what to do.

I feel really bad, I feel like ive judged him and let others judge him, the same way people used to judge me on what they thought they knew about me.

And I...I didn't think I'd trust another guy but I really was starting to trust him.

But, at the same time, you cant wash away his past and if theres someone I really trust its my sister.

 

Plus I miss him! We haven't spoke since last night.

 

 

I don't know what to do? Just let it go or try and sort it out with him.

[Ronni_W]

Follow your own heart.

 

Yes there is a chance that he will hurt you...or maybe you will end up hurting him.

Your sister and others are well-meaning but they do NOT have a crystal ball into the future. They do NOT know how it is going to turn out.

 

Tell your sister you are a big girl and willing to take the risk of a broken heart -- just be sure you really are willing to take the risk with Jack. You know the potential pitfalls. Tell your sister you know the potential pitfalls and even so, if things with Jack do crap out tomorrow or in three decades, you will more than ever just appreciate her support and helping you get over it rather than her judgements and "I told you so's".

 

Ask her to help you take this chance for your own happiness. Tell her yes it is just in potential and yes it might blow-up in your face (and heart) but you prefer to be brave, courageous about it. And you'd really like her to understand, be compassionate and supportive instead of what she has been doing.

 

And then tell Jack you are a little apprehensive because of his reputation, but you're totally willing to give him a chance and will trust him UNTIL he himself screws up and makes himself untrustworthy.

 

Take the chance, is what I'm saying...your eyes are wide open and you seem to like him...and he seems to like you also

[Danica]

Follow your own heart.

 

Yes there is a chance that he will hurt you...or maybe you will end up hurting him.

Your sister and others are well-meaning but they do NOT have a crystal ball into the future. They do NOT know how it is going to turn out.

 

Tell your sister you are a big girl and willing to take the risk of a broken heart -- just be sure you really are willing to take the risk with Jack. You know the potential pitfalls. Tell your sister you know the potential pitfalls and even so, if things with Jack do crap out tomorrow or in three decades, you will more than ever just appreciate her support and helping you get over it rather than her judgements and "I told you so's".

 

Ask her to help you take this chance for your own happiness. Tell her yes it is just in potential and yes it might blow-up in your face (and heart) but you prefer to be brave, courageous about it. And you'd really like her to understand, be compassionate and supportive instead of what she has been doing.

 

And then tell Jack you are a little apprehensive because of his reputation, but you're totally willing to give him a chance and will trust him UNTIL he himself screws up and makes himself untrustworthy.

 

Take the chance, is what I'm saying...your eyes are wide open and you seem to like him...and he seems to like you also

 

Yeah I get what your saying!

It's hard, its not like I have a great record for making good decisions that work out well and my sister, she always does, she's really helped me her advice has been good before...but I dunno, I feel like maybe that she is wrong on this, on him.