cnh520 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 My GF and I have broken up a week ago. I am the "dumpee". We have been together for three years. We are both international student from China. She just graduated and went back to China for work and I have one more semester left. It was me who totally ruined this relationship. I tried to control her, which was the thing that I regret doing it. I could have done better to love her and treat her better. Due to the pressure from school and heavy workloads, I often yell at her, even for tiny little things. About a week ago, she went to work and forgot her phone at home. I felt insecure and keep reaching for her. I kept texting her for about 12 hours since it was unusual, she would text me back when she has the time. However, I just felt insecure that day. We fought..and she totally broke down. She wanted to break up with me, she said the past three years, I have been saying that I would change, but she said the fact is that the relationship is getting worse. I cried and begged her, which only made the situation worse. I am the one who ruined this relationship. I really love her and I really want her back. She told me to leave her alone and she said she doesn't even want to think about it. She said im putting too much pressure on her...She said the more I push her, the more she wants to run away from me. I tried the "no contact" rule, but I couldnt hold it. Today, which is the fifth day since the last conversation, I texted her and here is the conversation: Me: Sammie, hows first week of work? is everything fine? Her: Everything's fine Me: Great, any OT? Her: Yea I work basically from nine to nine Me: Oh wow...can you get that OT pay? Her: IDTS Her: Anyways Her: Actually I just got home and I have work to finish so Her:I have to go Me: OK, take care Her: Thx It was like 12:30 am... It has been three years, and I have finally realized my mistakes. I know everything is too late now. As for now, I really want her back and treasure her. On the day she broke up with me, she said she loves me, but she doesn't love this relationship. I really really really love her, but I don't know what to do now. Do I even have the chance to prove that I will change and get her back? Please give me some advice. Thank you.
pickflicker Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Her texts were cold and indifferent. There is nothing you can do, except go No Contact and disappear. I'm not saying it will get her back, there isn't anything you can do to get her back. It's up to her now. 3
Author cnh520 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Valentine's day is coming up. Should I send her flowers and gift? 2/14 is not just a valentine's day to me and her. Its the day that we be together..
pickflicker Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Valentine's day is coming up. Should I send her flowers and gift? 2/14 is not just a valentine's day to me and her. Its the day that we be together.. No. Her texts were as cold as that winter the US has been having. She couldn't wait to end the conversation with you. She doesn't want to hear from you. Continuing to contact her is a sure-fire way to ensure she never speaks to you again. You've already made a mess of this, do you want to continue, or do you want to heal and move forward? 1
xUnknown Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 You have to remain NC. You must not text her, call her, FB her..nothing. Two or three weeks after my ex and I broke up, was our 2 year anniv. I was 2-3 weeks NC at that time. She reached out to me, but I never responded. The only difference here is Valentines Day. But, you two aren't together now. So, I would suggest still remaining NC. The best chance you have at getting her back is moving on. Just because her texts were cold and indifferent (which they were), doesn't mean you werent on her mind. You are. You will be, especially on V-Day. But, let her be the one to come to you. That is all you can do. For now, disappear to her. You have to work on moving on if you want her back. 1
Author cnh520 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I don't mean to challenge you guys and I really appreciate your reponses, but if I don't send her anything, wouldn't that make her feel I don't have her on my mind anymore? On the day she broke up with me, I kept begging her to come back. She said she would give me another chance, meaning that she would keep an open mind and not shut me out the door forever, but that doesn't mean that she wants me drowning her with this relationship thing..and asked me to leave her alone at least for now..
pickflicker Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I don't mean to challenge you guys and I really appreciate your reponses, but if I don't send her anything, wouldn't that make her feel I don't have her on my mind anymore? On the day she broke up with me, I kept begging her to come back. She said she would give me another chance, meaning that she would keep an open mind and not shut me out the door forever, but that doesn't mean that she wants me drowning her with this relationship thing..and asked me to leave her alone at least for now.. She asked you leave her alone. So leave her alone. No gift, no flowers, no call, no text, no smoke signal, no. Nothing. You'll only reinforce her decision if you do. Right now, she finds you needy and pathetic. You need to step back. 5
organizedchaos Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I don't mean to challenge you guys and I really appreciate your reponses, but if I don't send her anything, wouldn't that make her feel I don't have her on my mind anymore? Of course not. No one forgets someone they've been with for that long. On the day she broke up with me, I kept begging her to come back. She said she would give me another chance, meaning that she would keep an open mind and not shut me out the door forever, but that doesn't mean that she wants me drowning her with this relationship thing..and asked me to leave her alone at least for now.. Bolded part - and yet you want to go ahead do exactly the opposite of what she asked you to do?! (which of course, you've already ignored once) If she's going to keep an open mind, the worst thing you could do would be to ignore her requests to leaver her alone for awhile. That will surely shut the door forever if you don't do that. 1
Author cnh520 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I wish I could move on and keep her off my mind at least for now. I tried to occupy myself by playing basketball yesterday, but that made me think more about her because she was always there while I played. We have been together for three years and basically we were physically together 24/7 until she graduated and went back to china. While I am writing this post, the tears start to fall down again. I know I cannot blame anyone else, but only myself. If I do the "no contact", what should I do if she doesn't contact me for a month?
pickflicker Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I wish I could move on and keep her off my mind at least for now. I tried to occupy myself by playing basketball yesterday, but that made me think more about her because she was always there while I played. We have been together for three years and basically we were physically together 24/7 until she graduated and went back to china. While I am writing this post, the tears start to fall down again. I know I cannot blame anyone else, but only myself. If I do the "no contact", what should I do if she doesn't contact me for a month? You can think about her, just don't contact her. You have to look at NC as a permanent state of being, until she contacts you. As the dumper, she has to make the first move. Anything you do to attempt to breach the gap, will only succeed in driving her further away. As NC goes on, you will be able to move forward because she will occupy your thoughts less as time goes on. From this point on, you do not contact her. At all. If she does, you come back here first to ask for advice. Ok? 5
xUnknown Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 If I do the "no contact", what should I do if she doesn't contact me for a month? You do nothing. You stay no contact. She may or may not come around. But this is time for you to heal your broken heart - not as a plan to get her back. She may get upset that you didn't get in touch with her on V-Day, but you two arent together. The night my ex came back she told me the following. She was upset when I didn't run after her when she left. But, she told me - the more she thought about it, it would have just pushed her away even more if I did. She was upset I didn't text her on our anniv, but, she asked for her space and I respected that. She said "it seemed like you wanted nothing to do with me and were done". I told her something along the lines of "that's right, you broke up with me, you cut me out and wanted nothing to do with me, we were broken up....I wanted to heal". She understood this. So will your ex. Follow the advice. You have to go No Contact. Don't reach out under any circumstances. If she says "I miss you and thinking about you", Don't respond. She wants you to stroke her ego and make herself feel better...she wants to know that you're still there waiting around for her. Don't. Take away her safety net. Show her you're done and moving on. Because thats all you can do. Time heals all wounds. Its all so fresh. You will be hurting for a while. Don't expect to feel better in a day, week, month...it'll take time. But, NC is there to help you. So, cut her out from facebook. Block her, or, hide her from showing up in your feed. Continue living and loving your life and focusing on you. Its your time now. 1
Author cnh520 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I am afraid of that she might not contact me forever. I am scared. When we were together, we thought about our future and plans. Yes, it may sound too ideal (just like little kids dreaming about their future), but we were both serious. We were both from Macau and my family has business in Taiwan. On the day she broke up with me, she had a breakdown. She said that she had thought about going to Taiwan and stay over there with me if I couldn't find a decent job in Macau. I don't want to give up on her and this relationship.
xUnknown Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I am afraid of that she might not contact me forever. I am scared. When we were together, we thought about our future and plans. Yes, it may sound too ideal (just like little kids dreaming about their future), but we were both serious. We were both from Macau and my family has business in Taiwan. On the day she broke up with me, she had a breakdown. She said that she had thought about going to Taiwan and stay over there with me if I couldn't find a decent job in Macau. I don't want to give up on her and this relationship. Let the cards fall as they may. You have to work on you now.
pickflicker Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I am afraid of that she might not contact me forever. I am scared. When we were together, we thought about our future and plans. Yes, it may sound too ideal (just like little kids dreaming about their future), but we were both serious. We were both from Macau and my family has business in Taiwan. On the day she broke up with me, she had a breakdown. She said that she had thought about going to Taiwan and stay over there with me if I couldn't find a decent job in Macau. I don't want to give up on her and this relationship. And that could happen. But you can't force her to love you. The next move is hers. You must walk away now, and let her do what she wants.
Author cnh520 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I know I am annoying. But it has been a week, the more I want to get her off my mind, the more I miss her. I don't know how to delete the pictures on my phone and facebook. They are the sweetest memories that I have ever had in my life. I just can't make it happen. She didnt delete our pictures on her wall. Does that mean anything? Or she might just be too busy to deal with it.
xUnknown Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I know I am annoying. But it has been a week, the more I want to get her off my mind, the more I miss her. I don't know how to delete the pictures on my phone and facebook. They are the sweetest memories that I have ever had in my life. I just can't make it happen. She didnt delete our pictures on her wall. Does that mean anything? Or she might just be too busy to deal with it. Don't delete them then. But get off facebook. It does you no good. I had to cut out facebook until I though I was good to go back on. I quit it for 3 weeks, when I returned, I still didn't go on my ex's page.
pickflicker Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I know I am annoying. But it has been a week, the more I want to get her off my mind, the more I miss her. I don't know how to delete the pictures on my phone and facebook. They are the sweetest memories that I have ever had in my life. I just can't make it happen. She didnt delete our pictures on her wall. Does that mean anything? Or she might just be too busy to deal with it. If you can't figure out how to delete the stuff, hop off FB for a while.
Haydn Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Please think seriously about deleting blocking. There are some of us here who wished we had done it earlier, you have this advice now. Seems black but you are very young and trust in everyone that is posting to help you. They really know what you are going through. I know I am annoying. But it has been a week, the more I want to get her off my mind, the more I miss her. I don't know how to delete the pictures on my phone and facebook. They are the sweetest memories that I have ever had in my life. I just can't make it happen. She didnt delete our pictures on her wall. Does that mean anything? Or she might just be too busy to deal with it. 1
Author cnh520 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I am considering to deactivate my facebook account like what you said, but for now, I don't have the courage to do it. Two months ago, I received a mug from her. That mug is still on my table. On the mug, it says "Happy Birthday, Babe! Love you always, Sammie." How sarcastic. I thought I am not able to cry anymore after two days of crying, shutting myself down in my room. But the truth is, my tears still fall for her.
pickflicker Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 One step at a time. Just don't contact her. 3
Haydn Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Do you know what `mug` is slang for in British English? I wont tell you. Right dont deactivate your account. Block her and all relevant people who you could view and see her. Do this today. get rid of the mug, take it to the rubbish. Outside would be best. All photos etc.. You need to do this asap. Like i said before and others here. Spare yourself the pain by doing what others were not fortunate enough to do. Let us know when you done these things and we will talk again. I am considering to deactivate my facebook account like what you said, but for now, I don't have the courage to do it. Two months ago, I received a mug from her. That mug is still on my table. On the mug, it says "Happy Birthday, Babe! Love you always, Sammie." How sarcastic. I thought I am not able to cry anymore after two days of crying, shutting myself down in my room. But the truth is, my tears still fall for her.
Haydn Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Pick is correct, if it seems like i am rushing you its only because i know how painful this is. One step at a time. Just don't contact her. 1
Author cnh520 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 As you all suggested, I will try my best to not contact her. Does moving on mean giving up on her and this relationship?
pickflicker Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 As you all suggested, I will try my best to not contact her. Does moving on mean giving up on her and this relationship? Yes. For the time being, at least. You have to approach it one step at a time. For now, your only step to fulfill is not to contact her. Look at FB all you want, cry, reminisce, but do not contact her. That's all you have to do right now. Then when you're ready, you'll do the next step. 2
Author cnh520 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Do you know what `mug` is slang for in British English? I wont tell you. Right dont deactivate your account. Block her and all relevant people who you could view and see her. Do this today. get rid of the mug, take it to the rubbish. Outside would be best. All photos etc.. You need to do this asap. Like i said before and others here. Spare yourself the pain by doing what others were not fortunate enough to do. Let us know when you done these things and we will talk again. If the slang means "a fool or someone who will do anything for you.", then it made me feel bad because she was the one who would do anything for me....She had done a lot for me....
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