Signs that a man (me) is probably emotionally unavailable

[MrNate 2.0]

Give 'em to me, ladies.

 

As bad as it is to say this... I don't think I could sleep with someone I like.

 

I'm not sure if the two would be related, but it is possible.

[CherryBlossom200]

Not sure what you means? What are the signs a guy is emotionally unavailable?

 

I thought it would be the opposite you wouldnt want to sleep with a girl you WERE not attracted too. Doesn't make sense to me

[Ronni_W]

What are your own reasons for thinking that you can't sleep with someone you like? I'm assuming it has to do with how you'd feel after the fact?

 

It is possible that there's an unconscious fear of having to reveal yourself to someone you like...after which she may not like you anymore. That is, you may fear or suspect that your own fears, flaws and failings -- and also desires, pleasures, dreams -- make you somehow unlikeable, unlovable.

 

Or. It is possible that you're just not yet ready to be in a place where you have to care, listen, communicate, share feelings, likes, dislikes, needs, wants, desires, etc.

[MrNate 2.0]

Not sure what you means? What are the signs a guy is emotionally unavailable?

 

I thought it would be the opposite you wouldnt want to sleep with a girl you WERE not attracted too. Doesn't make sense to me

 

Emotionally attracted, no.

[MrNate 2.0]

What are your own reasons for thinking that you can't sleep with someone you like? I'm assuming it has to do with how you'd feel after the fact?

 

It is possible that there's an unconscious fear of having to reveal yourself to someone you like...after which she may not like you anymore. That is, you may fear or suspect that your own fears, flaws and failings -- and also desires, pleasures, dreams -- make you somehow unlikeable, unlovable.

 

Or. It is possible that you're just not yet ready to be in a place where you have to care, listen, communicate, share feelings, likes, dislikes, needs, wants, desires, etc.

 

Hm. These are some possibilities.

 

It's interesting. Some people I view as dating prospects, even though they're beautiful/hot, I don't really get turned on. However, if that romantic prospect isn't there,the sexual desirability is much more present.

[Ronni_W]

However, if that romantic prospect isn't there,the sexual desirability is much more present.

Hhmmm. Well hopefully it's not about you objectifying women. Hopefully it's something else.

 

How do you know, judge, assess if or not the "romantic prospect" is there? I'm assuming you're referring to women you're just seeing or meeting for the first time...is that accurate?

[OpheliaSong]

I personally think you are a normal male as this is what I observe about most guys. They want sex without strings. The only thing is to make sure the girls know you only want sex with no emotional entanglements.

Guarding yourself because you have been hurt in the past is normal too. Almost everyone does that from what I observe.

[regine_phalange]

I attracted an emotionally unavailable man when I was going through a phase where I was detached. In this phase I didn't believe in anything. Love, relationships, nothing. The more distant I was, the more drawn he was to me. I could see that he felt safe with my detachment (until he realized that he fell in love with me, then he felt threatened by it, communication didnt flow, and the rest is a love story that never bloomed fully because of bad timing and insecurities).

[MrNate 2.0]

I attracted an emotionally unavailable man when I was going through a phase where I was detached. In this phase I didn't believe in anything. Love, relationships, nothing. The more distant I was, the more drawn he was to me. I could see that he felt safe with my detachment (until he realized that he fell in love with me, then he felt threatened by it, communication didnt flow, and the rest is a love story that never bloomed fully because of bad timing and insecurities).

 

Hm. I see.

 

It's interesting things turned out that way.

[regine_phalange]

Hm. I see.

 

It's interesting things turned out that way.

 

What I meant to say with this "story", is that you never know how you are going to feel after some time. Even with the women you don't find emotionally or otherwise attractive at a certain moment. I also didn't intend to fall in love with him, but I did. Chemistry can be sneaky, and develop without us noticing.

 

Years ago, this man had a relationship that ended in a very sad way. He also became an outcast from his family because he cancelled an engagement to some woman. Maybe all these reasons contributed to his unavailability.

[CherryBlossom200]

Regine - I'm interested in your story as I was in a similar situation recently. The guy liked me a lot but grew distant the closer we became. Is this what happened in your situation? Do you think guys do this to protect themselves? I think this guy was massively insecure and worried one day I would leave him.

[regine_phalange]

Regine - I'm interested in your story as I was in a similar situation recently. The guy liked me a lot but grew distant the closer we became. Is this what happened in your situation? Do you think guys do this to protect themselves? I think this guy was massively insecure and worried one day I would leave him.

 

Hi

 

No. The oppossite happened to me. Stories with emotionally unavailable people can vary I guess.

 

Actually, he started off casual, flakey, detached, etc. I was genuinely distant my self, and somehow that kept him coming around. I think he felt comfortable with another emotionally unavailable person (me) .

 

He was also very insecure; instead of talking with me, he seeked external validation -- my detachment intimidated him and I had no idea about it. I was detached allright, but dated only him.

 

After me finding out about the "validation", I "broke up" with him numerous times. Each time he wanted me back. His dignity truly reached the bottom. At some point he just wished he would stop being in love with me and be able to move on. It was like he transformed to another person. He tried to make it up to me in lots of ways. When things were good, they were out-of-this-world good. But when they were bad, they were awful. I couldn't trust him.

 

Each time I went back, I felt terrible, like I was allowing both of us to suffer (because I suffered too, my emotions started hurting physically). It was such a pity. He ate a lot of sh*t for me, and I have regretted the way I behaved.

 

Never again. It ended up being a draining sport.

[shinealight]

Well i have learned that when someone is in a relationship and yet they still go after you they go after you for only 1 thing and that is sex nothing more. If it was more then they would end it straight away and chose you.

[CherryBlossom200]

Regine - thanks for that

 

Sorry, feel like I'm hijacking this thread but it's useful chatting to you. When you say he sought external validation you mean he cheated?

[regine_phalange]

Regine - thanks for that

 

Sorry, feel like I'm hijacking this thread but it's useful chatting to you. When you say he sought external validation you mean he cheated?

 

Yes

 

(im sorry too nate)

[MrNate 2.0]

Yes

 

(im sorry too nate)

 

Hm? Nah you're good babe.

[gaius]

Is this a recent thing or an always thing?

[CherryBlossom200]

Sorry Nate

 

In response to your initial question personally I think it's a bit strange, and can only think you are just not into them? Otherwise you would want to have sex with them. If the chemistry isn't there then not much you can do about it

[MrNate 2.0]

Sorry Nate

 

In response to your initial question personally I think it's a bit strange, and can only think you are just not into them? Otherwise you would want to have sex with them. If the chemistry isn't there then not much you can do about it

 

Well I mean I'd be into them to be attracted in the first place I'm sure.

 

I think it's more about splitting the physical/emotional attraction

[xxoo]

Do you have trouble reconciling that "good" women can be sexual?