CherryBlossom200 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Hey everyone, I'm sure this has been covered of numerous times but I'm interested to know your thoughts on the how often a woman should instigate communication within the first month of dating. Lots of my girlfriends say it shoukd always be the man, but I disagree. Surely the poor guy would think you were'nt interested if he always had to instigate texts/phone calls in between dates. The problem is as soon as I start instigating conversations a lot of guys don't seem to like it:confused: they start to faze out.
Philosoraptor Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Contact as often as you'd like to. If they don't like it then you're simply not compatible in that regard, so move on. But the more you think the greater chance of self sabotage and wasting time. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I think it should be roughly equal, but don't overthink it. For the first week or two it's usually the guy instigating a little more for me, not sure why, but then it usually becomes equal. If it's always one person far more than the other I would question how interested the less-active participant is. If I'm into a guy, I'm delighted to hear from him. If a guy is into me, he'll feel the same. If one person is always instigating non-stop with very little return I'd imagine that they start to feel as though they're harassing the other person. If he is put off by you instigating messages then he was never you into anyway. Go with the flow and don't sweat this kinda stuff. 1
Author CherryBlossom200 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Yeah you see I tend to date guys all about the chase so worry if I meet a nice guy I'll ruin things by making him do all the work which I'm sure he will interpret as lack of interest. 1
salparadise Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Yeah you see I tend to date guys all about the chase so worry if I meet a nice guy I'll ruin things by making him do all the work which I'm sure he will interpret as lack of interest. I agree with you and acrosstheuniverse. I prefer a nice balance without keeping score. So even if it's not 50/50 you should be making some effort to keep things clicking. I know not everyone agrees. The all about the chase mentality is foreign to me. I like to be appreciated, surprised and entertained too. I really don't like passive women or a lot of secret expectations with regard to gender roles. That seems so sophomoric. 1
carhill Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 The problem is as soon as I start instigating conversations a lot of guys don't seem to like it they start to faze out. These results would indicate to me that the communication styles of yourself and the men you have chosen from amongst those who approach you are missing. One aspect to consider would be would you find a man who enjoys and reciprocates communication you instigate to be attractive. Don't answer right away. Think about that. There are a number of factors involved, from socialization to peer integration to life experience to social status. All blend to make a person who they are and how they respond (or not) positively to communication you instigate. Myself, reflecting on those dating experiences which resulted in LTR's or marriage, there was never an active 'accounting'. The lady contacted me; I contacted her, each when and how we felt like. It was the synergy of that process which flowed into a relationship. We 'got' each other. My advice would be to do what you do and look at the menu of men you are selecting from. You're in charge of your choices. Good luck.
Author CherryBlossom200 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Thanks Carhill amazing advice
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