BruisedBNBroken Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Been three months of pure no contact on my end. I am the dumper but a forced dumper due to him being emotionally unavailable, etc etc In the first month he tried to email me a handful of times about work related nonsense, which I ignored and deleted (I can't block due to work red tape). It's been silence since then. One of the things we always used to do together is find cool hiking trails. Anyway, this morning out of nowhere I get an email: "found the most amazing hiking trail in the world." That's it. What the he**?? Just delete and ignore right? Come on LSers give me some tough love. I know what the right thing is to do but I still really really really miss him so of course this just sends me into a complete spiral. I just want indifference. I hate this. Anyone wishing for a breadcrumb, don't.
xUnknown Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Been three months of pure no contact on my end. I am the dumper but a forced dumper due to him being emotionally unavailable, etc etc In the first month he tried to email me a handful of times about work related nonsense, which I ignored and deleted (I can't block due to work red tape). It's been silence since then. One of the things we always used to do together is find cool hiking trails. Anyway, this morning out of nowhere I get an email: "found the most amazing hiking trail in the world." That's it. What the he**?? Just delete and ignore right? Come on LSers give me some tough love. I know what the right thing is to do but I still really really really miss him so of course this just sends me into a complete spiral. I just want indifference. I hate this. Anyone wishing for a breadcrumb, don't. Yeah, BCs suck. But, think of it in a positive way....you're doing better than him because you AREN'T reaching out - like he is. So don't respond. Keep doing what you're doing...or, respond telling him again, not to contact you so you both can heal. If he responds to that - delete it. You're in NC, so you shouldn't respond to what he says in return. 2
Author BruisedBNBroken Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Thank you. I deleted it. Just can't believe how much a stupid one line email still effects me. Thought I would be way past this by now.
BC1980 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I remember getting an email from my ex about a special that one of the airlines was running. It's sad that I sat there and debated answering it, but then I realized how pathetic is was. It just made me sad because it reminded me how far off the rails the relationship had gone. Months before that, I would never have sat there and cared about such a email. You did the right thing. Just delete it before you start thinking about it too much. 2
songbyrd Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Since I've gone NC almost 3 weeks ago, I've got several breadcrumbs. Once he starts texting or emailing me, he can't seem to stop. It drives him nuts that he's being ignored. It makes me sad because he's not yet saying what I want to hear, but it makes me happy because I know I'm heavy on his mind. It ultimately helps me move forward because we are the ones they will never forget..or "the ones who got away". It will forever be on their minds while in another relationship. It all depends on how u look at it. 1
Author BruisedBNBroken Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I remember getting an email from my ex about a special that one of the airlines was running. It's sad that I sat there and debated answering it, but then I realized how pathetic is was. It just made me sad because it reminded me how far off the rails the relationship had gone. Months before that, I would never have sat there and cared about such a email. You did the right thing. Just delete it before you start thinking about it too much. That's great! A special that an airline was running!!!! Seriously, what goes through these people's minds? I deleted it thanks. Doesn't stop the obsessive thoughts unfortunately. Pushing forward . .
Author BruisedBNBroken Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 Just got another breadcrumb - email asking if I'm interested in meeting for coffee? I deleted it. But not before I analyzed it for a good 10 minutes, reread it like it had some sort of secret meeting, made my stomach drop, and had my heart racing. I have adhered to strict NC for close to three months but how the heck am I supposed to get over this when I keep getting breadcrumbs. I'm clearly nowhere near even beginning to heal if a stupid one line email has this much of an effect on me. Ugh.
Winter blue Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Just got another breadcrumb - email asking if I'm interested in meeting for coffee? I deleted it. But not before I analyzed it for a good 10 minutes, reread it like it had some sort of secret meeting, made my stomach drop, and had my heart racing. I have adhered to strict NC for close to three months but how the heck am I supposed to get over this when I keep getting breadcrumbs. I'm clearly nowhere near even beginning to heal if a stupid one line email has this much of an effect on me. Ugh. Understood. Did he give a reasonw why he wants to catch up for coffee when you haven't spoken to each other for 3 months? Sound like my ex, trying to sneak back into your life without making any announcement/apology. Coward. 1
Elias33 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Now we'll never know about the hiking trail 1
Caliguy30 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 What really sucks is that I just restarted NC, and what I am most concerned about is if I get weak and break NC that she will not answer. I know I shouldn't look at it that way, but that's how I feel.
Author BruisedBNBroken Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Understood. Did he give a reasonw why he wants to catch up for coffee when you haven't spoken to each other for 3 months? Sound like my ex, trying to sneak back into your life without making any announcement/apology. Coward. Nope, it was literally one line. "Interested in meeting for coffee?" That's it. And you're absolutely right. Total coward. This is the fifth or sixth email in the last three months that he's sent. Always one line or two, never of any substance. I've deleted and ignored every one. But it sets me back every time. It's almost like I want to have one more conversation but I know that will just open the door.
Winter blue Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 If it's just one line, I wouldn't reply, or you could just reply with 'no thanks'. Good on you for keeping ignore them, it takes a lot of willpower. My ex sorta gave me a reason when she asked me out for coffee at month 5, since we bumped into each other the weekend before, she emailed me saying it was tense therefore she suggesting coffee soon.. (you can read my posts if you wish) but still, I didn't buy it. I took my time and told her no. See it as a personal victory that you win in your own NC challenge. Surely it sets you back somewhat but don't forget you are the stronger one, and he is the one who is caving in. Be proud of yourself for not tempted to reply to his non-sense reaching outs.
JaneDoe27 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I got a text last night (5 days NC; he dumped me) "Can I borrow your snow shovel?" Seriously? Like we don't have 100 neighbours with snow shovels. It's Chicago d'uh. It is sad that it gives a secret thrill "oh, he's thinking about me!" but it doesn't mean ANYTHING and it just reopens the wound.
Musing Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Not going to lie. I'm kind of envious of you guys getting small texts. At least your ex has some sort of feeling, it feels like I was forgotten. Which is sucky in its own right. I'm so thankful it's healing my healing process but, yeah a part of me really wants a little something. But I'm usually a glutton for punishment. 2
BC1980 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Not going to lie. I'm kind of envious of you guys getting small texts. At least your ex has some sort of feeling, it feels like I was forgotten. Which is sucky in its own right. I'm so thankful it's healing my healing process but, yeah a part of me really wants a little something. But I'm usually a glutton for punishment. Trust me, it sets you back. You start reading into it, and you give it meaning it doesn't have. You have to actively work to realize that it means nothing. Then, you feel sad and pathetic because you used to have a relationship where you didn't worry about that kind of stuff. I always feel better the less I think about my ex. 3
Musing Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Trust me, it sets you back. You start reading into it, and you give it meaning it doesn't have. You have to actively work to realize that it means nothing. Then, you feel sad and pathetic because you used to have a relationship where you didn't worry about that kind of stuff. I always feel better the less I think about my ex. I kind of get where you're coming from. My ex acknowledged my presence (he walked passed me so it's not like he went out of his way or anything) nearly 2 weeks ago and all I did for a week was analyze the tone of voice, if it meant anything, and all that. And crashed when I realized he would have done the same thing for anyone, that I am now a stranger to him and he wanted it this way. It all just kind of gets me bummed.
Caliguy30 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I cutoff contact after I spoke with her on my birthday. Just wanted my night to go well so I spoke to her quickly. Took it as closure for me. But then she texted me later in the night like I wanted to talk to her. She then texted and called me the next day, yesterday, didn't asnwer. Now today all I get is "Hello?"
BC1980 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I kind of get where you're coming from. My ex acknowledged my presence (he walked passed me so it's not like he went out of his way or anything) nearly 2 weeks ago and all I did for a week was analyze the tone of voice, if it meant anything, and all that. And crashed when I realized he would have done the same thing for anyone, that I am now a stranger to him and he wanted it this way. It all just kind of gets me bummed. My ex would send me breadcrumbs constantly for months, and I liked it at first. He was initiating it, and it made me feel in control. However, I was the one being played because the truth was that I expected something from the crumbs. I wanted them to mean that he regretted his decision, but it wasn't like that at all for him. He would send me these nice messages and wanted to meet up a few times. He would call me. All of this was initiated by him, so I stayed in LC. After a few months, I asked him what he wanted, and, of course, he was unsure at the moment. Maybe in the future, not right now, but I can't completely rule it out, maybe in a few years, I still love you, I wish it could work, but I don't want to to be with you right now. So I ended up getting rejected again, and I could have been devoting time to my own healing. Maybe I needed that lesson to learn because I will never do that again. I learned that we make things so much harder than necessary. We read all kinds of stuff into breadcrumbs when, in reality, people are very capable of telling you if they want to be with you or not. It's not that difficult. 2
BC1980 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I cutoff contact after I spoke with her on my birthday. Just wanted my night to go well so I spoke to her quickly. Took it as closure for me. But then she texted me later in the night like I wanted to talk to her. She then texted and called me the next day, yesterday, didn't asnwer. Now today all I get is "Hello?" It's all games. Just cut it off like ripping a bandaid off. Trust me, it gets so much better. I'm so much better after 6 months NC (broke it once). I've had some depressing moments, but I pulled myself out of it. I'm doing really well at the moment, so things are looking up. I finally feel like I'm hitting a stride and going down my own path. 1
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