shadowsfall Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Hi Everyone, I'm in a little predicament with my girlfriend of 3 years. Recently she has went back to school after her winter break of 2 weeks. It turned out to be a nice holiday for us and great couple of weeks with few problems. However, now she seems very overwhelmed from resuming school with her current work schedule. She works at night about 4days a week and goes to school mon-fri. She's been doing this work/school thing since last May and during that time has had some days where she feels very overwhelmed. What makes me nervous is that we've actually broken up over this before. By her being so overwhelmed I mean. It was almost the exact situation. Tonight for example, she was in a very bad mood and told me she really didn't prefer to speak to anyone tonight. What doesn't help is the fact that she has a dramatic household and there most often is drama between her and her mom. I'm guessing something happened between her and her mom, but I don't know for sure. And she for damn sure won't tell me anything. So I respected her wishes and told her I would listen if she needs to talk about anything. I know she was very tired this morning because she stayed up late last night doing homework and had school this morning at 7am so that could also play into effect. Anyway I hate the fact that she gets so irritated from school and work because it ruins our relationship and has literally broken us up once before. She has talked about quitting work (because she doesn't necessarily HAVE to work) but I don't know if that will happen. My question is: Do you think this is a big deal? Is this something I should be worrying about? Or should I just let it go and give her the space she needs tonight and hope for a better tomorrow (we do not live together)? Also, I like to do nice things for her when she has bad days, like bring her coffee or offer her a massage. Would you suggest anything like that after she has made it clear she wants to be alone tonight? Please any positive advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Justin
Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Justin, It seems that you've done all you can. She asked for some time alone... you let her know IF she want's to talk, you're there. So at this point, as much as it hurt's.. for tonite.. leave things alone. I would suggest to choose a time when she isn't so stressed and the both of you are relaxed, to talk to her and tell her that when she is so upset about things in her life that you want to be there for her... tell her that you feel "shut out" of her life at times.. that while you understand that everyone needs thier space and time alone... that you want to still be included in her life even when it's hectic. Good Luck
tanbark813 Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 You sound like a good guy, Justin, but really, what's this girl doing for you? She rarely wants to have sex with you, she gets upset if you masturbate because she won't give it up, and she doesn't want to see you when she's stressed. People shouldn't be selfish in relationships, of course, but it seems like everything is on her terms. When is the last time she catered to your needs?
Devildog Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Justin, here is a bit of advice I learned the hard way. It is great that you are so understanding of her frustrations. But be careful with how far you let this go. My STBXW was the same way. I know all about the drama family thing. And the stress from work too. Early in our relationship, she would just go off on me for some small stupid reason, and apologize shortly after that. She was just venting on me. So I shrugged it off, figuring it didn't hurt me any to allow her to blow off steam at me when she needed to. But it got to the point where it happened more and more and she stopped apologizing for it. Eventually she started to believe that I was the person that she was really angry at, not people at work, not her parents. I became her punching bag and it was one of the numerous things that caused our relationship to fall apart. Is she close to finishing school? If so, you might be able to stick it out a bit longer and see if it gets better afterwards. I don't think it will personally, but time will tell.
Author shadowsfall Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 That is exactly what I did Merin. I just sent her a text message stating that I'm here if she wants to talk about anything that's going on. And I think you're right that we do need to talk about this because I DO want to be there for her when she has a problem and I DO want her to feel comfortable enough to come to me with it. After all it has been almost 3years now. It's just hard because she's such a closed off person sometimes, that I find myself making assumptions about things that happen with her. I mean I understand, I know I need my space sometimes, but I usually let her know why. And I just wish a lot of the time I could just stop worrying what the problem is with her and just let things go. I always like to hear from ya Tanbark. I know deep down inside I agree with you, as hard as it may be for me. I know on LoveShack I've painted a picture of my girlfriend that isn't too vibrant, but there are so many great things about her I wouldn't know where to start. It's hard to disagree with you that because she's not having sex with me that she's not catering to my needs, but I feel like this problem is different. I know how it is to be completely overwhelmed with things, but I think I might just give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't feel like talking to anyone at the time. Yes Devildog, she is 4months away from finishing school. What's difficult is that she's still in High School. I think that if she was in college, which would allow alot more free time, that she would be a lot more relaxed with things. It's tough on her going to school from 8am to 2pm, and working from 4-9:30pm 4days out of the week. She finishes High School in May, and I think when she does she will be a lot more laid back. The only problem I'm worried about is making it through that time. But like you said time will tell... I appreciate all your advice, I welcome anymore you may have. I should hear from her sometime today, hopefully, I will keep you posted on the situation. Justin
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