blackandwhite123 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Sorry I posted so many threads. Well, because I really have too many doubts on myself. And back to the topic. How much communication for LDR is enough ? Let's say your LDR partner have a busy schedule, feels tired when he/she reach home. - Routine messaging. Such as (Good morning, Have you eaten, good night, etc) Does this call communicating ? - Send mails to each other (twice per week?, every night ?) - Video calls (Once a mth ?, Once a week?) - Chit chatting with each other ( Talking about her/his day, etc.) . . . . I am not sure how much communication do LDR really need ? I know that it's not something that can be judged. But I am just thinking if 2 ppl are not communicating, their feelings will slowly fade away.
justwhoiam Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 How much do you need? How much does she need? After putting 1 and 1 together, you'll have the answer. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Sorry I posted so many threads. Well, because I really have too many doubts on myself. And back to the topic. How much communication for LDR is enough ? Let's say your LDR partner have a busy schedule, feels tired when he/she reach home. - Routine messaging. Such as (Good morning, Have you eaten, good night, etc) Does this call communicating ? - Send mails to each other (twice per week?, every night ?) - Video calls (Once a mth ?, Once a week?) - Chit chatting with each other ( Talking about her/his day, etc.) . . . . I am not sure how much communication do LDR really need ? I know that it's not something that can be judged. But I am just thinking if 2 ppl are not communicating, their feelings will slowly fade away. From the couples that I know that made it work; they communicated A LOT. Either a video chat or a phone call pretty much every day and text chat in between. 1
CA2TN4Love Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 After a year and a half, my LDR SO is moving across the country to be with me in a few weeks. I can count on one hand the number of days that he and I haven't spoken on the phone. We never video chat, but we do send photos every once in awhile and we do text daily throughout the day. I work long hours and don't always feel like chatting, but we do it anyway because it's all we have. That works for us. However, everyone is different. You need to find the happy medium with your SO. Maybe ask her?
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 It has to be something you are both comfortable with. I was in an LDR (3,000 miles) before the internet & cell phones. We had daily snail mail & weekly phone conversations. We also luckily got to see each other for about 1 week at a time every 3 months. I think morning & evening greetings, a few e-mails & at least 2 calls a week ought to be OK. Some video chat would be nice, depending on the time zones. You two have to communicate your needs to each other.
soccerrprp Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 And back to the topic. How much communication for LDR is enough ? Let's say your LDR partner have a busy schedule, feels tired when he/she reach home. - Routine messaging. Such as (Good morning, Have you eaten, good night, etc) Does this call communicating ? - Send mails to each other (twice per week?, every night ?) - Video calls (Once a mth ?, Once a week?) - Chit chatting with each other ( Talking about her/his day, etc.) I am not sure how much communication do LDR really need ? I know that it's not something that can be judged. But I am just thinking if 2 ppl are not communicating, their feelings will slowly fade away. I say good morning to my gf daily. She expects and looks forward to that. I rarely say good night. We communicate daily via text, but a couple of messages at most. Random "I love yous", but nothing too involved. Some days are more heavy than others. We are in a serious and secure relationship, so constant, heavy communication is not necessary. We speak over the phone 1x or 2x per week, but not for long. Everyone is different. You need to talk to your SO and gauge what is required. I visit my gf monthly, so that helps. Also, there is certainly a level of insecurity in every relationship. If it's new or one or the other is less secure, certain, communication issues may arise. I have been steadily and clearly showing my gf, the less secure of us two, that I am serious about her and this has happily made her more confident and comfortable. You don't know how important that is to me and how much pressure that takes off me.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 You make a very good point here >We are in a serious and secure relationship, so constant, heavy communication is not necessary. We speak over the phone 1x or 2x per week, but not for long. < I'd be quite surprised at any couple who've been together long term in an LDR talking for hours every day or on skype cam still like you do when you're first getting to know each other. We did talk every night on the phone for the first 3 years, and talk online as well each night, now we still talk each night online, but this varies between 20 mins to 1-2 hours each night, on average probably an hour altogether each evening online (typing not camera), spread out over the night, we tend to leave chat running and to and fro while we get on with cooking or whatever. Some weeks we still talk most nights on the phone, some weeks it's about 3 nights a week. It does feel like we don't need to talk quite as often as we're serious and secure, so we're sort of 'with' each other anyway, if that makes sense. OP, it doesn't matter how much communication is enough for the rest of us, what matters is if what's enough for you and your partner. I say good morning to my gf daily. She expects and looks forward to that. I rarely say good night. We communicate daily via text, but a couple of messages at most. Random "I love yous", but nothing too involved. Some days are more heavy than others. We are in a serious and secure relationship, so constant, heavy communication is not necessary. We speak over the phone 1x or 2x per week, but not for long. Everyone is different. You need to talk to your SO and gauge what is required. I visit my gf monthly, so that helps. Also, there is certainly a level of insecurity in every relationship. If it's new or one or the other is less secure, certain, communication issues may arise. I have been steadily and clearly showing my gf, the less secure of us two, that I am serious about her and this has happily made her more confident and comfortable. You don't know how important that is to me and how much pressure that takes off me.
taiko Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Emerging technology makes this a difficult question. 6 years ago when i was in a LDR some people in my community claimed to have webcams on each other just watching the partner sleep as we were generally 16 plus hours in time zones apart. I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of and I wonder if those couple are still together. In a way it was much easier and romantic when you waited on the postman to arrive and used a few precious dollars to make the long distance call on special occasions.
Maaikekf Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) Modern communication as it is.. it depends. I like to hear something (even if only a text message) from my LDR daily.. videocalls on skype.. that's not something we want or need every day. It only makes the ache to cuddle that much stronger.. we mostly use that when either he or I feel a bit lost or (in my case) insecure. I know his schedule, which is fixed, and he basically told me that if i need to hear his voice, I can call him literally any time. Even in the middle of the night, which might happen because I work irregular hours. Not that I take him up on that... However, I should add that for us, it has sort of become a habit to talk daily, because when my last relationship fell apart, so did I, and I needed friends to talk to... and while at that time he wasn't a close friend (yet), he was one of them. Distance made it actually easier. Ah well, then we really got to know eachother, and the rest is history. so for us, daily communication if possible, even if only a "good morning" text message. If we know in advance that it won't be possible, we let eachother know. And on the whole, that last bis is important; make sure you talk about it, know what the other person wants or needs, and try to find a way to make it work for you. Edited January 26, 2014 by Maaikekf
LittleTiger Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 As much as you need. ^^^ This. Everybody is different and, even in the same relationship, your needs may change over time. In the beginning we Skype chatted (with video) for five hours a day on average. We couldn't get enough of each other - which is pretty normal during the 'falling in love' stage - but five hours a day on Skype isn't sustainable, or even desirable, for a long term relationship. Even so, we're now four years down the road and we still Skype for at least an hour every day, usually two, and more if we have the time. It surprises me when people say they don't need to talk every day, or don't want to. It surprises me even more, when video chat is so cheap and easy, why anyone in an LDR would choose not to do it as often as possible. We conduct our relationship as though we're married and living together. At this stage in any relationship, most people would expect to see each other for several hours every day, so we emulate that, as closely as we can, using Skype. 1
Maaikekf Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 It surprises me when people say they don't need to talk every day, or don't want to. It surprises me even more, when video chat is so cheap and easy, why anyone in an LDR would choose not to do it as often as possible. In general, I can see what you mean, but in my specific case, I know exactly why I don't want to use video chat every single day! Fortunately he and I feel the same about it, and I expect that the need for some solitude will lessen as we move forward in time, and come to terms with our past long-term relationships (which in both our cases involved high expectations from demanding -or rather, needy- partners which is one of the reasons why we don't have fixed times/dates for chatting). As for videoskype.. we haven't been together that long yet (just a couple of months), and there are times when we just want to be together so badly that the sight of the other person brings tears to our eyes. Those are days that I ask to skip videochat and stick to type-chatting.. usually long conversations. When I'm in tears I want an arm around me, and not a person on my screen who feels frustrated because he can't do anything to comfort me! On the whole, we have found a balance that works for us, our communication is very open, we feel comfortable with the way it currently works out and we manage to talk things through.
Author blackandwhite123 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 First of all... Thank all of you guys sharing your views. Suddenly, I know realized that every couple is different. Well... Some need lots of communication, some don't. Anyway my LDR gf doesn't seems like talking too much due to her pressure and stress that is coming from her work(She is working in Korea, work pressure is really HUGE). And also she is weak, the word 'weak' here means her very vulnerable health. She is worrying all of these. I think it's difficult to get a right time to talk/ discuss about this matter. So I came up with a solution is that I should just support her and try not to add more stress on her, which means don't bother too much about the length of communication and talk to her when she needs me. Do you guys think this is a good idea ? Thank you everybody for giving me the chance to share my doubts/problems freely in this website. At least I got replies from this website, because of the number of active members in this site.
justwhoiam Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 If one of the two is up for getting in touch just once a week for like 10 minutes, that's generally a bad sign leading to breakup.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I'm surprised if everyone in an LDR doesn't want some contact each day in whatever form works for them, but not everyone feels comfortable with video chat, or feels the need to do it regularly, my partner's not really into it, so we rarely do. Also, seeing each other on skype makes us frustrated and miss each other more. Sticking to calls and talking online seems to work for us. Each to their own ^^^ This. Everybody is different and, even in the same relationship, your needs may change over time. In the beginning we Skype chatted (with video) for five hours a day on average. We couldn't get enough of each other - which is pretty normal during the 'falling in love' stage - but five hours a day on Skype isn't sustainable, or even desirable, for a long term relationship. Even so, we're now four years down the road and we still Skype for at least an hour every day, usually two, and more if we have the time. It surprises me when people say they don't need to talk every day, or don't want to. It surprises me even more, when video chat is so cheap and easy, why anyone in an LDR would choose not to do it as often as possible. We conduct our relationship as though we're married and living together. At this stage in any relationship, most people would expect to see each other for several hours every day, so we emulate that, as closely as we can, using Skype. 1
LittleTiger Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Each to their own Of course! Like I said, we're all different. 1
Author blackandwhite123 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 If one of the two is up for getting in touch just once a week for like 10 minutes, that's generally a bad sign leading to breakup. Actually we do talk everyday. Just not as much as last time, due to the work n stuffs. Like sleeping early and too busy to use mobile phones during work. But we don't talk very long if it is just a normal day (no exciting event happen to talk about). We would just ask what you are doing sort of messages. Since she get sick really easily, she will tell me how bad she is atm, etc etc. Is this good enough ? It isn't a bad sign right ? I'm in this confusion state so can't think really properly, mind me a little.
Els Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Some people in my community claimed to have webcams on each other just watching the partner sleep as we were generally 16 plus hours in time zones apart. I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of and I wonder if those couple are still together. We did that during our LDR and certainly are still together - 2 years LDR and the subsequent 3+ years living together. I personally think it's much more ridiculous to judge a couple's long term potential by whether or not they like to watch each other sleep on cam. Actually we do talk everyday. Just not as much as last time, due to the work n stuffs. Like sleeping early and too busy to use mobile phones during work. But we don't talk very long if it is just a normal day (no exciting event happen to talk about). We would just ask what you are doing sort of messages. Since she get sick really easily, she will tell me how bad she is atm, etc etc. Is this good enough ? It isn't a bad sign right ? I'm in this confusion state so can't think really properly, mind me a little. It isn't necessarily a bad sign, no. However, if you feel unhappy with the amount of communication, it's a good idea to work out a nice compromise so that both of you don't start feeling resentment. 1
justwhoiam Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Actually we do talk everyday. Just not as much as last time, due to the work n stuffs. Like sleeping early and too busy to use mobile phones during work. But we don't talk very long if it is just a normal day (no exciting event happen to talk about). We would just ask what you are doing sort of messages. Since she get sick really easily, she will tell me how bad she is atm, etc etc. Is this good enough ? It isn't a bad sign right ? I'm in this confusion state so can't think really properly, mind me a little. If you have real time direct communication for a few minutes, it's obvious you can't fit much into that conversation, besides hi, how are you, imu and bye bye. So you can send each other emails now and then, like once or twice a week, where you can say most things you were not able to tell on the phone. Or even simply mention a few things it'd be too long to write down about (e.g. I'm supposed to go to a funeral next Thursday, but I'll tell you more about it when we talk OTP, please remind me if I forget). If this kind of arrangement is just temporary & not long-term, it shouldn't affect your relationship.
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