BornToDie Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 My boyfriend have been together for 4 years. We transitioned from high school to college. We didn't know what we wanted when we first got to college, so we broke up, matured over a few months, and reconciled. Now, we've been talking about a real future together. His ex has always been an issue. Before we broke up, she was a big issue because neither of us knew what we wanted. Now that my boyfriend and I are doing great, she's just an annoyance to me because I don't know what she wants from him. She and I talked on the phone once and she said "I only want to be his friend and see how he's doing because it's hard to know someone this long and not check on them now and then." At first I was comfortable with it. She didn't try to push any barriers with him. She still hasn't. Then, after talking to my friends, I got really insecure and anxious and told my boyfriend I wasn't comfortable with it. This semester, he's out of town at his job, so I was really scared about what would go on without me being there. Tonight, he told me that he wanted to be honest with me, so he said that she had tried talking to him, and he responded. Of course, I got upset and broke down crying. He kept telling me I had nothing to worry about because all they talked about was how the other one was doing. This girl DOES have a boyfriend, so when I asked how all of this made him feel, he said "insecure." My boyfriend then told me that me being so adamant about him staying away from her made it almost a taboo for him. He kept reassuring me that he loved me and that "I was in a different place now than I was before because now I love you and want a future with you, and that's certain." He told me he didn't have any feelings for her and didn't want to be with her because the future he has with me is better than any past he had with her. I keep thinking I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. It feels like if I do tell my boyfriend he can't respond to her, it'll become more tempting, and he will want to respond more. It also feels like if I let my boyfriend occasionally converse with her and I try to trust him, some feelings will arise, and he'll leave me for her. He told me he wanted "closure" and to tell her that whatever they had was over because we're grown up now, and he's been moving on with me and wants to continue doing so... just in case she had any intentions. I told him that being with me for the past 4 years should be closure enough, so by the end of our conversation, he agreed that he didn't really need it and that I didn't have anything to worry about because this issue wouldn't arise again. I understand that reading this, it doesn't look good... but I'm an emotional wreck and don't know where to turn. I've lost a lot of people I love at a young age, so my boyfriend and his awesome family are all I really have anymore, and the thought of losing them makes me feel like I have nothing. So please, please don't read my story and start railing on me about how dumb you think I am. Try to see it from a neutral point and just give me your take.
countryrider13 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I would suggest you looking at yourself and your relationship before you go tell him what he can or can't do with his friends. If you're that insecure and untrustworthy what makes you think it'll work out in the long run with these issues of yours? People do get jealous. But you can't tell him who he can and can't talk to, that will push him away if anything. And you can't build a relationship on no trust. You need to trust your man unless he's given you reason not to. otherwise cut your loss.
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