Mr me to Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 If I had more self respect I would of left my ex the first time she deceived and broke my trust. In my case it would and should of been after 1 month when I found out she had lied about staying at her cousins when she intact stayed at her ex bf's. When my first child was born I had to have a DNA test to confirm she was mine as her ex bf claimed they were still sleeping together. My ex also told me she was in a abusive relationship when I met her, that was a lie also she actually got in a relationship with me one month after getting engaged and buying a house with him. I didn't know this until after of course. Delightful woman the mother of my children, she is in a relationship with a pal of mine now. If you think you can change them. Your Lying to yourself! Their true colours will show through in the end. I'm Mr me to and I'm a Codependant Anyone else? 7
WYSWYG Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Happened to me and I often question myself about it. Shoulda walked away 3 months before the BU. Maybe we're just too forgiving - hoping they will see the light and be the person we want them to be. We want the good times to keep going and just let her mishaps slip by. But now, I know better. My psychologist defined her as a Sociopath and I apparently, is a codependent. These two traits supposedly attract each other frequently. A codependent - I cared & gave a lot, sometimes to a detrimental point. As they, often times, never return or appreciate that kindness. Yes, we can't change who they are, only our attitudes towards them. If there's a brighter side on this misery: I know myself better now. Learn to set boundaries and not put up w/ emotional recklessness. 1
Hoosfoos Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Right there with both of you guys. I'm codependent and she managed to get her hooks into me very early on. Wish I had known it then, and taken the proper steps to challenge her. Live and learn.
Keke1 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I let women know early if I can't trust you I'm leaving. No more of the endless forgiveness. Hard line I'm walking but screw that. 1
H245 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I let women know early if I can't trust you I'm leaving. No more of the endless forgiveness. Hard line I'm walking but screw that. This is what I plan to do moving forward before getting into a serious relationship with someone again. Also, after reading these forums and looking at the signs, I have learned that I am either super clingy or co-dependent. Either way, I acknowledge my faults and am working on it. Too bad the same can't be said about me ex and her issues that she refuses to work on. And regarding trust...man I should have walked away over the summer when she first left me. The amount of things I went through with her that tested my trust was astounding. 1
iouaname Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 There is so much truth in this post! My first boyfriend and I were 'seeing each other' for a few months before I found out that he had been texting other girls and sending nude pictures of himself to any girl that would give him a little bit of attention. I found out, but he claimed that it all happened before he met me. That was around December? I then found out in MAY that he had fooled around with two/three girls while we were in the phase of becoming official. I ended things with him, and he came crawling back to me saying that he really loved me, these were mistakes, etc. I believed that I could change him, but I realize now that I never did. He lied through the entire relationship, and now we've been broken up for about a year and I hear he's up to all of the same things again that he swore he had 'grown out of.' I feel like an idiot and I wish I had never gotten involved with him. I've learned, though! I don't ignore the red flags anymore and I refuse to settle. I'm sorry to hear about your ex and your friend, though. Some people
Grumpybutfun Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 The reason people cheat or break trust is because they know their SO will cave and there will be no consequences. My wife and I have an agreement, if the other wants something on the side, we respect each other enough to be honest, divorce and then pursue side piece. Needless to say, I get hit on all the time and I avoid it like they have lice and the crabs because I know my wife is serious about saying bye bye. Without trust, relationships are less like a fortress against attacking hordes and more like a castle built of sand..they have no foundation so they get washed away. IMHO, G 4
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Yes, I think many of us have these types of issues, hence my sig below 1
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I have been reading Pia Mellody "Facing Love Addiction"
fixing Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I let women know early if I can't trust you I'm leaving. No more of the endless forgiveness. Hard line I'm walking but screw that. Trust me. Me too. My last girlfriend from the get go, i told her 'The only thing i will never forget is cheating, i will not forgive that' I told her that through out the relationship subtly (Dont get me wrong, i wasnt a control freak or paranoid, i just subtly dropped my resentment towards cheaters) Of course, she agreed, and seemed to acknowledge my feelings on it. So i gave her 100% freedom to see any 'male' friends whenever she wanted, weekends away etc. The one and only time i snooped her facebook inbox (we shared laptop and auto logins) There it was, she had slept with some new guy the week earlier. I was crushed. And of course, kicked her out. NC 15 months now. Turns out she most probably was sleeping around with at least 4-5 other males throughout the 15 months we were together. I let my guard down, i trusted her. We lived together 24/7 too, she was basically always with me so i never saw it coming. I just want to be indifferent now. It cant come soon enough. 2
thompkevin Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 If I had more self respect I would of left my ex the first time she deceived and broke my trust. In my case it would and should of been after 1 month when I found out she had lied about staying at her cousins when she intact stayed at her ex bf's. When my first child was born I had to have a DNA test to confirm she was mine as her ex bf claimed they were still sleeping together. My ex also told me she was in a abusive relationship when I met her, that was a lie also she actually got in a relationship with me one month after getting engaged and buying a house with him. I didn't know this until after of course. Delightful woman the mother of my children, she is in a relationship with a pal of mine now. If you think you can change them. Your Lying to yourself! Their true colours will show through in the end. I'm Mr me to and I'm a Codependant Anyone else? Damn that sucks. Well, better late than never. 1
carl777 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 If I had more self respect I would of left my ex the first time she deceived and broke my trust. In my case it would and should of been after 1 month when I found out she had lied about staying at her cousins when she intact stayed at her ex bf's. When my first child was born I had to have a DNA test to confirm she was mine as her ex bf claimed they were still sleeping together. My ex also told me she was in a abusive relationship when I met her, that was a lie also she actually got in a relationship with me one month after getting engaged and buying a house with him. I didn't know this until after of course. Delightful woman the mother of my children, she is in a relationship with a pal of mine now. If you think you can change them. Your Lying to yourself! Their true colours will show through in the end. I'm Mr me to and I'm a Codependant Anyone else? Yep, that's me. I should've ended my last relationship after a few months when I learned she was still sleeping with her ex but I didn't. Iit took me 8 years to finally go NC and focus on myself. Better late than never I guess. 1
Author Mr me to Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Well we all here for the same thing. Lesson learnt, heal, grow and most of all relise we are all good people who deserve to be happy. I believe if we find that happiness and love within our self and for our self we won't feel the need to stay with self obsessed dick heads and most of all we won't need to because we will attract other health people and have secure loving relationships. NO MORE MAKING DO. WE DESERVE MORE Now that's said I'm going back to my pity party. Going to ride out this emotional roller coaster and when that's done I'm going to work on myself to ensure I never find myself in this situation again... Peace
WalkingDino Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I should have left before we even dated and after a couple of months, she has disrespected me so much and honestly im more mad at myself for letting her. I dont like sympathy for my situation because I let it happen and I only have myself to blame. I actually think if I hadnt gone into her Facebook that night and ended it I never would have because even after that ive been asking her back. I have self esteem issues from our relationship because she always put me down and I think I thought I should be greatful she wants me. I know my worth now, it just took so long to realise it. 1
semicharmedlife Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Been there...done that...totally agree...if they do it to you once, they will do it again...
newmoon Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I like the title of your thread because it's true... The first time trust is broken, Leave - if someone does it once they will do it again and you'll save a lot of heartache if you accept that who is they are right away and move on from them.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I should have left before we even dated and after a couple of months, she has disrespected me so much and honestly im more mad at myself for letting her. I dont like sympathy for my situation because I let it happen and I only have myself to blame. I actually think if I hadnt gone into her Facebook that night and ended it I never would have because even after that ive been asking her back. I have self esteem issues from our relationship because she always put me down and I think I thought I should be greatful she wants me. I know my worth now, it just took so long to realise it. You sound a lot like me... Pissed at myself the most!!!! At least it forces one to dig deep and get real with oneself like nothing else!!!
Woggle Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 A relationship without trust is like a building without a foundation. It will eventually collapse. Both my wife and I have a hard line police against cheating and we both mean since we have dumped people on spot for being unfaithful. Once I no longer trust a woman she is out of there.
Recommended Posts