Bishop556 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I have come a long way from who I was two months ago. I am much happier, healthier, and things seems to be looking bright for me. The only gripe I have is that I cannot relieve the grief that I feel knowing my depression was one of the reasons why my relationship failed. I was undergoing trauma that caused me to feel like my world was coming to an end. It made my ex very unhappy, and due to a fight we had and that, she left me. The only thing that truly makes me feel better about this is recognizing how far I have come, and by restating to myself that I am not that person anymore. I also feel that my ex wasn't strong enough to deal with my depression, as I would have stuck by her no matter what as I supported her through her hard times. Does anyone have any advice to give because I could really use it right now?
LostConfused123 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I have come a long way from who I was two months ago. I am much happier, healthier, and things seems to be looking bright for me. The only gripe I have is that I cannot relieve the grief that I feel knowing my depression was one of the reasons why my relationship failed. I was undergoing trauma that caused me to feel like my world was coming to an end. It made my ex very unhappy, and due to a fight we had and that, she left me. The only thing that truly makes me feel better about this is recognizing how far I have come, and by restating to myself that I am not that person anymore. I also feel that my ex wasn't strong enough to deal with my depression, as I would have stuck by her no matter what as I supported her through her hard times. Does anyone have any advice to give because I could really use it right now? I left an eight year relationship with someone with depression and mood swings. I begged and begged him to go to a doctor. . . . He never would. . . I went through this for YEARS. I didn't want to leave him but I felt so defeated and drained. I'm not attacking you and I hope you don't hate me already but, did you seek help for your depression? If so, then she's just not a strong woman! I'm so sorry! I would have stayed with my ex forever, had he just made an effort and sought treatment. 2
Onmymind Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I have come a long way from who I was two months ago. I am much happier, healthier, and things seems to be looking bright for me. The only gripe I have is that I cannot relieve the grief that I feel knowing my depression was one of the reasons why my relationship failed. I was undergoing trauma that caused me to feel like my world was coming to an end. It made my ex very unhappy, and due to a fight we had and that, she left me. The only thing that truly makes me feel better about this is recognizing how far I have come, and by restating to myself that I am not that person anymore. I also feel that my ex wasn't strong enough to deal with my depression, as I would have stuck by her no matter what as I supported her through her hard times. Does anyone have any advice to give because I could really use it right now? Read that sentence back to yourself, repeatedly. We all have to accept things a certain way because they are gone...You need to remind yourself that you're stronger than her. We all have times in our lives where we are in a dark place, I was in a dark one when I was with my ex. Although we were happy and I was becoming happier as things went on, I still needed someone to lean on. She was too weak to keep up with it, granted she was way more depressed considering how she let herself go in the way she did. It's apparently common that peoole will blame their own problems on their significant other, it's easier for them to escape from their own insanity. People are really sick...If I had to break up with someone, there would be a damn good reason for it.... ****ing cowards!!!! I know I seem bitter 3 months forward, but it's so goddamn true. People are too weak to trust their own emotions, and walk the walk instead of talking the talk. They promise eternal support and devotion, but once a little drama gets introduced, they BAIL. 1
Onmymind Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I left an eight year relationship with someone with depression and mood swings. I begged and begged him to go to a doctor. . . . He never would. . . I went through this for YEARS. I didn't want to leave him but I felt so defeated and drained. I'm not attacking you and I hope you don't hate me already but, did you seek help for your depression? If so, then she's just not a strong woman! I'm so sorry! I would have stayed with my ex forever, had he just made an effort and sought treatment. Aside from my post, THIS is a legit reason to break up with someone. Someone who is depressed and carelessly lets it go on, knowing it hurts their significant other is different. Someone who is depressed and is TRYING to work with it, is a different deal altogether. 2
sportzhl24 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I completely agree. My depression was one of the causes for my breakup but I was seeking help for it by seeing a therapist as well as a nutritionist. She only stuck around for about a month before letting me go. Exs like that dont deserve people like us. Not to sound conceded or anything. Ex's leave for reasons that are beyond us, ya know? You can't ever pinpoint what exactly made an ex leave. There could be a million reasons. Don't toil over them. Move forward. Move on. We all must.
fixing Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Bishop, you sound like a great guy. This woman ran at the first sign of trouble. It was NEVER meant to be. Believe that, because if she was for real, she would be right by your side through thick and thin. Im very glad you have gotten yourself feeling better. Depression is an Mental illness, its no joke. Its not like you selfishly decided you wanted to be miserable and dragged her down intentionally. I would say forgive yourself, but there is NOTHING for yourself to forgive. Maybe try forgiving your ex in the fact that she let you down. Look after your mental health man, and rest assured, you will find your life partner one day.
LostConfused123 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Aside from my post, THIS is a legit reason to break up with someone. Someone who is depressed and carelessly lets it go on, knowing it hurts their significant other is different. Someone who is depressed and is TRYING to work with it, is a different deal altogether. Thank you I'm glad you shared. Something you said, that I didn't even think of and I'm so glad you stated was . . . . not making an effort and knowing it hurts their bf/gf husband/wife. . . . . and they continue to refuse to help themselves was awesome! . . . . I never even thought of that but yeah,. . . me begging, pleading, explaining how I feel, tip toeing around him, the tears, the anxiety. . . . ALL of this I shared with him, telling him this is. . . . how I feel!!!!! None of it mattered. . . He never would go to a doctor. . . . it's as simple as that! Anyway, thanks again because sometimes I feel guilty. 2
Author Bishop556 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I left an eight year relationship with someone with depression and mood swings. I begged and begged him to go to a doctor. . . . He never would. . . I went through this for YEARS. I didn't want to leave him but I felt so defeated and drained. I'm not attacking you and I hope you don't hate me already but, did you seek help for your depression? If so, then she's just not a strong woman! I'm so sorry! I would have stayed with my ex forever, had he just made an effort and sought treatment. I was in therapy at the time. When she dumped me, I told her I would go to more therapy appointments and go to couple counseling with her, but she did not accept this. We had a big fight the night before, but I thought we could have made it work. I was willing to go the extra mile to make it work as my love for her was genuine.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Dude, you raised your hand at her. That's the main reason why you'll probably never get a second chance with her. You really need to come to grips with that. You learned a hard lesson, but a lesson that will benefit you greatly if you allow it. But to do that you have to stop looking behind you.
LostConfused123 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I was in therapy at the time. When she dumped me, I told her I would go to more therapy appointments and go to couple counseling with her, but she did not accept this. We had a big fight the night before, but I thought we could have made it work. I was willing to go the extra mile to make it work as my love for her was genuine. WOW!!!! She's just a selfish, shallow, weak and pathetic excuse for a girlfriend!!! I would have LOVED my ex to display the heroic actions you took. She sucks!!! You rock!!! and it's as simple as that! 1
LostConfused123 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Dude, you raised your hand at her. That's the main reason why you'll probably never get a second chance with her. You really need to come to grips with that. You learned a hard lesson, but a lesson that will benefit you greatly if you allow it. But to do that you have to stop looking behind you. Ooow!! you left that out. What???
Author Bishop556 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 (edited) Dude, you raised your hand at her. That's the main reason why you'll probably never get a second chance with her. You really need to come to grips with that. You learned a hard lesson, but a lesson that will benefit you greatly if you allow it. But to do that you have to stop looking behind you. I have learned my lesson. I would never do something like that ever again to someone, hence the bad fight I mentioned. I was undergoing a panic attack at the moment in which it occurred, but that was no excuse. I know that was part of the reason why she dumped me. My ex though specifically told me that my depression was also one of the main reasons as well. I attempted to work through this hard moment between us, I really did. People make mistakes, and I made a big one in regards to that. I told her after the break up that I would do anything to make it work with her, couple counseling, therapy, you name it. I'm just as much at fault. Everyday I tell myself that if I could have once chance not to act in such a manner, I would, but I can't. That hurts me like hell. I just thought my ex would be able to differentiate between myself in such a state like undergoing a panic attack, and being able to see that after a year and a half relationship, I was very loving and caring for her. I thought she would be able to see that I was willing to go to the world's end for her. Edited January 24, 2014 by Bishop556
fixing Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I remember now. Mate, you were undergoing a panic attack and you started hitting yourself right? You never actually hit your ex either did you? She bailed because she couldnt be bothered to work with you. Instead she chose the highway. You'll see in the long run that she wasnt at all the woman you had hoped for.
LostConfused123 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I have learned my lesson. I would never do something like that ever again to someone, hence the bad fight I mentioned. I was undergoing a panic attack at the moment in which it occurred, but that was no excuse. I know that was part of the reason why she dumped me. My ex though specifically told me that my depression was also one of the main reasons as well. I attempted to work through this hard moment between us, I really did. People make mistakes, and I made a big one in regards to that. I told her after the break up that I would do anything to make it work with her, couple counseling, therapy, you name it. I'm just as much at fault. Everyday I tell myself that if I could have once chance not to act in such a manner, I would, but I can't. That hurts me like hell. I just thought my ex would be able to differentiate between myself in such a state like undergoing a panic attack, and being able to see that after a year and a half relationship, I was very loving and caring for her. I thought she would be able to see that I was willing to go to the world's end for her. Well, you sound really sincere. I am really sorry you're in so much pain. I have absolutely no right to judge. Sending you a big hug! Everyone screws up ROYALLY at least once in their life.
Author Bishop556 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 (edited) I remember now. Mate, you were undergoing a panic attack and you started hitting yourself right? You never actually hit your ex either did you? She bailed because she couldnt be bothered to work with you. Instead she chose the highway. You'll see in the long run that she wasnt at all the woman you had hoped for. I didn't hit my ex, I didn't even cock my hand back. Afterwards, I apologized multiple times for what had just occurred. I tried everything in my power to make right the fight we had. I thought I was doing well though. My ex actually seemed to forgive me for the fight as I made a persistent effort to show her I was truly sorry. I helped her with her classes as I ensured she had the books she needed so she wouldn't fail (we were in the same class), I did favors for her that I could have easily said no to, but I cared about her. She even told me I was a good person and wanted to be friends with me, but she didn't want to date me again due to her unhappiness about my depression. I know the fight contributed a lot, and I am forgiving myself day by day for it. I am just trying to deal with the fact that my ex was actually thinking of breaking up with me beforehand. She told she wasn't, but that was a lie as she wrote later on tumblr that she was thinking for a while about ending it with me due to my depression. Edited January 24, 2014 by Bishop556
fixing Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 No man, i can tell by your tone that you are still very deflated about this, and you are blaming yourself WAAAAY TO MUCH. You didnt hit her, you didnt even cock a fist. That was her ****ty excuse to get out. Stop this pining over her. The more you think about her the more likely your going to get back to depression. She bottomed out. Period. You deserve so much better. I know how you feel, i really do. Im on max AD dose for depression. The uneducated are ignorant ****s when it comes to mental illness. So **** them, and **** her too. Chin up and get back out there 1
Author Bishop556 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 No man, i can tell by your tone that you are still very deflated about this, and you are blaming yourself WAAAAY TO MUCH. You didnt hit her, you didnt even cock a fist. That was her ****ty excuse to get out. Stop this pining over her. The more you think about her the more likely your going to get back to depression. She bottomed out. Period. You deserve so much better. I know how you feel, i really do. Im on max AD dose for depression. The uneducated are ignorant ****s when it comes to mental illness. So **** them, and **** her too. Chin up and get back out there The fact of the matter is that I should have had enough self control to make sure that there wasn't even the chance of hurting her. Hell, I was crying my eyes out five minutes after the fight because of the possibility I could have hurt her while she was still there. I was in a very emotionally unstable state at that moment. My ex asked me if I was going to hit her, and I told her I wasn't, I told her I was undergoing a severe panic attack and that I never would by any means. I was willing and offered to go to couple counseling and therapy to maintain our relationship, something an abusive partner would never do, to make it healthier than it ever was, but she told me that she didn't want to work on it. I just felt like I deserved a second chance for everything that I have done for her. She emotionally cheated on me once and I forgave her and trusted her again. I was hurt for months, but I loved her enough to attempt to make it work through these rough patches. I just thought she would have done the same for me.
Never Again Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 You cope by dealing with the depression first. Dealing with unresolved emotions about her will come later. It's a rough road to travel, I know. I contained my emotional problems as best I could, but they made me grumpy and lazy with work and myself. Never with my ex, as I only showed her happiness, love and respect. But she grew bored during my 6-8 week breakdown, and didn't find this "new me" to be exciting or attractive. She fell right out of love with me with no complaints, communication, or effort to fix things. I was torn to pieces. Still am, on some level, but reliving what happened doesn't help so I force myself to look forward whenever possible. No one wants to mother their partner, but everyone should offer support to those who are willing to work on themselves. Sometimes, however, a line in the sand is crossed...and you cannot uncross it. Figure yourself out, focus on you and your problems. You'll get over her as you get begin to sort out your anxiety and depression. It's hard when you know you weren't entirely in control at the time...but now is the time to gain control.
Author Bishop556 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 You cope by dealing with the depression first. Dealing with unresolved emotions about her will come later. It's a rough road to travel, I know. I contained my emotional problems as best I could, but they made me grumpy and lazy with work and myself. Never with my ex, as I only showed her happiness, love and respect. But she grew bored during my 6-8 week breakdown, and didn't find this "new me" to be exciting or attractive. She fell right out of love with me with no complaints, communication, or effort to fix things. I was torn to pieces. Still am, on some level, but reliving what happened doesn't help so I force myself to look forward whenever possible. No one wants to mother their partner, but everyone should offer support to those who are willing to work on themselves. Sometimes, however, a line in the sand is crossed...and you cannot uncross it. Figure yourself out, focus on you and your problems. You'll get over her as you get begin to sort out your anxiety and depression. It's hard when you know you weren't entirely in control at the time...but now is the time to gain control. It really is. I just wish she would be able to see that. If it was an ordinary fight and I raised a fist, I understand completely why she would want to end it, but being in the state that I was in, I thought she could tell that I was not in the best frame of mind, to say the least. I was having an emotional breakdown. The worst thing she could have done for my mental health at that moment was to leave me, but it is understandable if she believed I was a threat. I'm not abusive, I never will be. I was dealing with terrible depression, and besides this incident my track record with her was great. I just don't know how she an automatically believe someone who has shown her nothing but love for a year and a half can become abusive, even after they are willing to work through the issues with you by going to couple counseling or therapy.
Never Again Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 It really is. I just wish she would be able to see that. If it was an ordinary fight and I raised a fist, I understand completely why she would want to end it, but being in the state that I was in, I thought she could tell that I was not in the best frame of mind, to say the least. I was having an emotional breakdown. The worst thing she could have done for my mental health at that moment was to leave me, but it is understandable if she believed I was a threat. I'm not abusive, I never will be. I was dealing with terrible depression, and besides this incident my track record with her was great. I just don't know how she an automatically believe someone who has shown her nothing but love for a year and a half can become abusive, even after they are willing to work through the issues with you by going to couple counseling or therapy. Did she think you were really a threat? Maybe. What's more likely, is that she was already bored, scared or frustrated by your emotional state, and took this as the final straw to leave. Your panic attack was just a convenient excuse. It pushed her over the edge, but she was already straddling it. She was looking out for her own happiness and well being, and stopped caring about yours. It sounds harsh, but that's likely the reality of it.
Author Bishop556 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 There were signs that she was losing interest in me. I would tell my ex that she was the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and that she was the best thing that has ever happened to me. My ex would feel guilty, and tell me that I shouldn't say that as if it didn't work out between us, she didn't want to hurt my feelings. I was in love, so I was blind to this red flag until recently. I don't think my ex felt I was a serious abusive threat. I mean, if someone is abusive, why would you want to be friends with such a person? Hell, why would you tell the person that they are a good person, and still ask for favors post BU? She doesn't seem very hurt by what happened. I mean, three days after the event, she was walking with me and.was talking about her happiness that she was single and could now live the college experience of hooking up.
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