I am so sad

[lluisa]

Ok, i have very few friends, but my friends truly are the best people i know. My problem is with one of my girlfriends. We have known each other for over 15 years now, and she has been with me through a lot, including a very painful breakup that happened about 7 years ago. She has always been there for me and i for her. The thing is that although she is an incredible friend, she is also quite demanding, and she always wants my entire attention, wants me to always call her, for example if i forget an important date for her, she gets really mad and won't talk to me for weeks!. I have been living abroad for about 5 years, and a lot has happened during that time, and its bothering me although i know it shouldn't. She is a very smart and beautiful woman, and she has had a lot of boyfriends, but she always gets dumped, partly because of her bad temper and also maybe she was looking to marry and start a family, and these guys were probably not ready to settle down. About 3 years ago she started an affair with her married boss, something that she always looked down on. I don't know why she did it, but when she told me about it, i was disappointed and i told her that it was a very bad idea, specially since what she wanted was a relationship and not a fling. She told me that they were in love and that only she and him could know what they felt. This guy has one kid with his wife, and told my friend that he wanted more, but his wife didn't/couldn't. Three months into the relationship, she got pregnant, and quit her job, and moved into a house that her boyfriend bought for her and their son. She told me that he was going to leave his wife for sure, before the baby was born, but till this day he hasn't, and i doubt that he will (which ironically i think is for the best). He didn't legally recognize his son, and apparently has been visiting him less and less, only goes around the house twice a month, for about an hour and thats it. I want my friend to be happy, but i think she is really depressed but won't tell me or anybody how she feels, also she tries to hide from people and other friends, maybe because she feels embarrassed?, but at the same time she seems to be happy with all the money and not having to work for it. I tell her that i think its a bad idea to accept this situation, because i don't think this man is very reliable, but my friend feels that she and her son are set for life. She almost never talks about him around me now, because she can tell that i don't like him (i have never met him btw) and that i think she should be independent financially and emotionally of him, he has an obligation with his son, but it seems a bit sketchy that he hasn't even legally recognized him, and i tell her that even if he hasn't, that there are ways, legal ways to get him to, if it ever came to that.

I just think that she doesn't want to upset him and does everything he tells her. She is always justifying her actions, and she says that its the wives fault for not giving him more children, i wanted to slap her when i heard that, i thought it was disrespectful and unfair, and told her that if she really believed that, then maybe we shouldn't be friends, because i refuse to believe that a women's job is to have children, she apologized and changed the subject.

I don't know if i should be friends with her or not, i really care for her, and don't want to judge her, and also its her life, so maybe i shouldn't care, but i do for some reason. I really feel sad, but also maybe she really is happy and im the one that has the problem for not accepting her. I want to be a good friend but i think that im not, i just want her to know that she can count on me, and i can respect her decisions but i don't have to agree with them. I don't know what to do

Edited January 23, 2014 by lluisa

[haven]

u r a good friend and the most u can do is be there for her. she seems to be living a fantasy. she has to realize her mistake for herself. just be a friend thats the most u can do