peruano99 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 This is a story I read on another forum about a guy whose wife cheated on him with 25 different people. Men and women. Obvious throwaway because it's bad. Ok, I'm incredibly emotional and in shock and I don't know if this will come out clearly, but I have to get it out or I'll ****ing die right now. Background...I love my wife more than anything on this planet. We have had ups and downs like any other marriage, but for me, it was all ups really. She is incredible. She is the most intelligent person I have ever known first hand. She is ****ing gorgeous. She is a wonderful mother and an even better wife. She is a ****ing whore though, apparently. In our first year of marriage, I found messages on her phone from some guy. She told me that it was just a friend she had met at the gym. The messages had been vague, but he had mentioned his wife and had said something along the lines of, use this email so my wife doesn't find out. Obviously something else was going on. She denied it and said they had talked about possibly meeting up to **** around but that it never happened. Like an idiot, I accepted what she said as truth. I dug a bit and realized she was telling half truths. We kissed and made up and she promised to be more honest with her urges and feelings.(She has a past history of sexual abuse and has a lot of sexual problems in general). We go through some other external issues and like I said, I had no idea what was really going on here for years. Cue to 2 nights ago. She is in the shower and her phone starts buzzing. I check her messages(I know, douche move) but I have had a really hard time trusting her since that first year, even though she seemed fine. It's a text from some guy talking about how he couldn't wait to force his cock down her throat again. Holy ****. Ok. She is cheating on me. Ok. This is bad. She gets out of the shower and I confront her. Her eyes glaze over and she just falls to the floor. She is sobbing hysterically. I asked her who he was and what he was talking about. She continued to sob for a good 10 minutes before looking me in the eye and confessing to me what she has been up to for the last 3 years. Jesus. She has a sex problem. She needs to have sex with strangers in order to get off. She confesses that over the course of our marriage, she has slept with 25 different people, men and women. She has been meeting these people on craigslist for years and having sexual encounters of varying degrees with all of them. WTF. My heart has been in my stomach ever since. I, I tried to just listen and not ask questions because I was so overwhelmed with the info she had given me. I have always kind of known that something has been going on, but I forced myself to believe that we were ok. What the **** am I supposed to do with this knowledge? Apparently, she has been so guilt ridden, that that is the true reason she drinks...a lot. I thought she was numbing herself because of a loss she experienced, but no, it's because she has been ****ing random internet strangers for years. Jesus. I left her there and told her I needed to think about all of this. I know the most common advice will be to leave her ass, lawyer up, blah blah blah, but that does nothing to help me work out in my mind what the hell is wrong with her. How could she do this? How could she ruin everything. I don't think there is any way I can get over this, but I also really do love her and know that she has issues that need to be resolved. I'm just so lost right now. I'm pissed. I'm utterly disgusted. I'm hurt. Please, help me not jump in front of a bus right now. TL;DR: Thought my life was ****ing fantastic because I had an amazing wife. Found out she has been ****ing a lot of random people over the course of our marriage. ****. EDIT: I feel loads better than an hour ago, so thank you all for your advice. I think I am going to call her tonight and find out if she is willing to get help. I think I may even show her this post and all of your responses, so she knows she needs to get help. I love her and I want to help her. I will update if you guys want me to. Thanks again. I have a lot to go over and think about tonight.
dichotomy Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) I think your really asking if you would stay married vs forgiveness ??? Forgiveness is complicated issue especially if you adhere to certain beliefs, with deciding to stay married and put up with this. The marriage would end for me. Forgiveness is a whole another issue. I forgave my first cheating wife about 4 years after we divorced. Edited January 23, 2014 by dichotomy 1
Author peruano99 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Yeah I meant if you would stay with your spouse if he/she did this.
Fluttershy Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I would say I am not in a place where I would be able tp support my spouse with such huge issues. Thats a lot of sht to sort through. But it didnt happen to me so i really have no idea.
road Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Married short term, young, no kids, head for the hills.
BetrayedH Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Married short term, young, no kids, head for the hills. He says she's a wonderful mother so I'd assume they have kids.
thummper Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 She could take her sick sexual addiction on the road because I'd be through with her. There's no way I could have anything to do with her once I made that discovery. If you can, more power to you.
harrybrown Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 But what about all the stds and pregnancy? There is no way to stay married. She needs help before she meets the wrong person and ends up dead. 1
EverySunset Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 When I found out about my stbx WHs "sex addiction" I was through. Multiple d days and I love you declarations gave way to STD testing and forced MC that frankly, made me sick. I never touched him with a sexual thought or manner again. A complete and utter destruction of trust may actually be forgivable. However, I do not have to live with the "forgiven". I certainly don't love him anymore and yesssss it is very possible. Just like that. Outta love. Every. Single. Ounce. Fresh outta give a ****, I guess. 1
BetrayedH Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I would like to say, no, but I did try to forgive my wife for her 60-some hotel stays with another man over the course of a year; it just wasn't 25 other people from Craiglist (which certainly adds to the equation). I was set to divorce until she collapsed on the bathroom floor in a bawling mess like the OP's wife. Easy to say until it happens to you. Like him, I also had kids and thought I had a great marriage. I had a ridiculously strong desire to forgive but never really could. But I did try even though I previously never would have thought so.
MrMeh Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I would cringe while reading that text message. I would leave.
katielee Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Forgiveness would be the least of my concerns 2
Spark1111 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I guess it would depend on how remorseful my spouse is and how willing they were to deal with their sickness. I would still, cautiously, take a wait and see attitude. And I would not live with them while they sought help and went thought the process of healing their demons. Not healthy for ME....until they are healed and can show, through their actions, that they are a partner worth betting a future on. So, ball in her court, for a long, long time.
Author peruano99 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I guess it would depend on how remorseful my spouse is and how willing they were to deal with their sickness. I would still, cautiously, take a wait and see attitude. And I would not live with them while they sought help and went thought the process of healing their demons. Not healthy for ME....until they are healed and can show, through their actions, that they are a partner worth betting a future on. So, ball in her court, for a long, long time. What does ball in her court mean?
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