Parixx Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 My ex left me for someone else and lied about it. I explained in this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/456571-he-left-me-another-girl-lied-about I know people are telling me to move on and forget about it, but I keep thinking about him all the time. There is an empty feeling without him and it actually hurts. He was sooo amazing before and I became really attached. It hurts the most before going to sleep and just as I wake up in the morning. He is always in my thoughts. I know I was in love with him but he obviously was not. Does anyone know how to get over this empty feeling? I can't take it anymore because I know he is not coming back
LostConfused123 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 My ex left me for someone else and lied about it. I explained in this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/456571-he-left-me-another-girl-lied-about I know people are telling me to move on and forget about it, but I keep thinking about him all the time. There is an empty feeling without him and it actually hurts. He was sooo amazing before and I became really attached. It hurts the most before going to sleep and just as I wake up in the morning. He is always in my thoughts. I know I was in love with him but he obviously was not. Does anyone know how to get over this empty feeling? I can't take it anymore because I know he is not coming back I was reading somewhere (can't remember where) that when one is rejected and or left for someone else, the pain travels through the same brain waves as physical pain. . . So rejection physically hurts us. Sorry, they (the writers) explain it much better than I but they also did tests on people with this theory and found that when they poked the subjects with a hot poker it hurt LESS than being shown a picture if the ex that left them. It's normal to be so hurt over this and I'm so sorry the pain is so excruciating. But remember. . . . IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!! You are awesome!!! Don't ever forget that! Sending you big hugs!!! 1
purplehues Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Parixx, I am right there with you. Even though my ex didn't cheat on me, the betrayal of our very complicated relationships lingers.…I was dumped Monday night, so this is day 2. It hurts like hell and every fiber of my being wants to be back with my ex. It's an awful place to be, these are heart-shredding feelings, but we've got to believe we'll move on. I'm doing the NC--not because I want to, but because I need to. And not because I don't want my ex back, but because I know that things are over. I keep telling myself this and I can't really believe it. I hang on to hope that maybe a few weeks or months from now she'll contact me and we'll be back together. And then I remember that she evaluated her life and decided that she was better off without me in it. And then I remember the good times and the way she held my hand, tickled me in bed, and made me laugh. And then I blame myself it's over. And then, and then…it consumes every minute of my day and it sucks beyond anything I've ever felt before. I've browsed through these forums extensively (I run here in every moment of weakness) and I've noticed that no contact seems to be the key. It's a win-win really--it helps you heal and may, one day, open a door for the relationship to be reconciled. The forum folk also warn against the latter, namely using NC to win your ex back, and while I agree with that, the thoughts pop in nonetheless. And then I think--well okay, the worst that can happen with no contact is that I'll heal in time and be okay and happy and myself again. The "best" case scenario is that my ex will come back. But I'm moving forward as if she won't though I don't believe it. I hope you're using the nc method as well. I wish you the best of luck and trust me, I know how badly it sucks.
Itspointless Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) I was reading somewhere (can't remember where) that when one is rejected and or left for someone else, the pain travels through the same brain waves as physical pain. . . So rejection physically hurts us. http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20110328/pain-social-rejection-have-similar-effect-on-brain http://wagerlab.colorado.edu/files/papers/Kross_etal_Rejection_PNAS_2011.pdf Also important to note that the same goes for social inclusion of people in society. Gives us something to think about. Edited January 22, 2014 by Itspointless
LostConfused123 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Pain, Social Rejection Have Similar Effect on Brain http://wagerlab.colorado.edu/files/papers/Kross_etal_Rejection_PNAS_2011.pdf Also important to note that the same goes for social inclusion of people in society. Gives us something to think about. Thanks!!
Author Parixx Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Me and my x broke up over a month ago. He lied to me in order to let me down gently. He has in fact moved onto another girl and they are in a relationship together. We weren't together for very long but we had a 2 year friendship prior to that. He has blocked my number, blocked me from facebook so I guess he is over it. But I can't forget him. He is always in my thoughts. I get this empty feeling every time I go to bed, when I wake up in the middle of the night , when I wake up first thing in the morning. I didn't realise that I fell this hard coz he obviously didn't and is happy with the new girl. How do I rid this empty feeling? The feeling and hope that he will come back? I need to feel complete again but I can't see it happening. Someone please help me
jphcbpa Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 see this as a chance to fill up your life from the inside with everything you have ever wanted for you. no person can do this or fill this void. this must come from you. what do you want in life? what are you passionate about? what do you want to create?
flightplan Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 There is only one sure fire way... time and NC. That's the recipe. It works every time. There is no shortcut. Remove all hope of ever reconciling, disappear completely out of his life and focus on healing. That's the answer. 2
Carly Lou Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I'm going through the same, I know how painful it is Posting here has helped me though, everyone's given such lovely advice, so hang in there and let's hope we feel better soon x
semicharmedlife Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I second that! No Contact is very empowering...and it will help you to heal... 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Parixx, you have to stop this obsessive, continuous anxiety-ridden thread-posting. I would respectfully suggest you go to your doctor to get help. You need some form of counselling, because it's patently obvious that nothing anyone says here, is getting through to you. You're merely venting, but paying no attention to the advice your posts garner. Get help. Or this will eat you alive. Much as it seems to be doing now. We can't help, if you won't listen. So get professional support.
herself Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Im really sorry you feel so sad. Do NOT do anything to try and fix this. He will only stay mad for so long and eventually realize HE handled it wrong too. Your best bet is to go underground for awhile. Take a break from fb and friends who are talking about him. Take the high road, radio silence and focus on health and healing and baby steps. This is not ur fault. Sometimes it wasnt meant to be and a friend who would lie to you and drop you and start seeing someone else so soon is not a friend and not worth your tears. Everyday will get a tiny bit easier if you just stay quiet and believe the best for yourself and your life. Its you time. You dont need a guy.
TaraMaiden Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Parixx, you have to stop this obsessive, continuous anxiety-ridden thread-posting...... Parixx, you see, repetition is a problem... You had at least 6 threads going and now, because of their similarity, the Moderators have seen it as appropriate to combine most of them into this one. This is what I meant about your viewpoint having become obsessive. Please, try to get some outside professional help, because no matter how many times you vent, and try to get it off your chest, you're not moving forward, and have stuck yourself into a rut. Please honey, go see your doctor. Start there....
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