Hopeful30 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I had a recent thread about how my man doesn't show affection. Many posters (and thank you!) recommended that I look into the 5 love languages. That perhaps his love language is acts of service (he shows love through doing things for me). Well recently in a current situation, we had to work on a business project together because we are both experts in two different fields that go hand in hand. This project is personal to him, and he asked me for my help. I said yes of course because I want this project to work out for him. ANYWAYS, long story short, after putting in some hard work together, out of the blue he told me "I really appreciate you helping me, I couldn't do this without you." BAM! First time he's ever really shown any kind of appreciation for me. And that's when I got it. He is an Acts-Of-Service man, and he's the kind of man who feels loved through acts of service (and shows love through acts of service as well). I just wanted to say thank you to all the posters who brought this to my attention, it really did help. Now all I gotta do is make him read about MY love language and I think we are set (No word yet on the sex, but something tells me it will improve. I'll keep you posted!!) 7
somedude81 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 You're welcome BTW, have you bought the book yet? You could read it together. Or just talk about it with him and tell him what things you would really appreciate and wish he would do for/to you. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 You're welcome BTW, have you bought the book yet? You could read it together. Or just talk about it with him and tell him what things you would really appreciate and wish he would do for/to you. I haven't been able to find a physical copy, but I was doing research online and took the test on their website
somedude81 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Amazon! There is more in the book than is available online. Either way, I'm glad the knowledge is helping your relationship. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 I hadn't thought of that. Hah! Amazon it is. And thank you 1
Sunlight72 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 The love languages are really helpful I am one of a team of teachers in a Nurturing Parenting class, and the love languages give some super! insight. From what you've written in your other 6 threads about your ex-sort-of-boyfriend though, this is not the issue. Please break up with him and don't get back together. Pretty please? He is not the right guy for you.
FitChick Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Please post the link to the test. Some people may want to take it to see which language suits them. I certainly would.
somedude81 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Home | The 5 Love Languages® Click on discover your love language. My primary love language is physical touch and secondary is quality time. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I'm going to be a downer here....what?????!!!! He showed appreciation b/c you helped him with a BUSINESS project. So, you don't ever do other things for him outside of work? So, there has never been any non-business acts of service you've done for him? Just my opinion, but this is BS. 1
FitChick Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Difficult test because often both answers were "right." My top three categories were Physical Touch Quality Time Acts of Service That in mind, it's amazing that I've been able to have distance romances without too much angst. Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts are not that important to me.
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I'm going to be a downer here....what?????!!!! He showed appreciation b/c you helped him with a BUSINESS project. So, you don't ever do other things for him outside of work? So, there has never been any non-business acts of service you've done for him? Just my opinion, but this is BS. Of course I have, but he's never shown that much appreciation. I mean the standard "thanks" of course. But he's not going to say "I wouldn't be able to do this without you" if I help clean his room. That's kinda silly lol He says thank you, but he never really showed that much appreciation (well maybe he did by return the favour, but I never noticed before because I was too busy thinking about why he doesn't tell me I'm pretty etc..)
isisisweeping Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Words of Affirmation is by and large my biggest one. Then physical touch. But the rest, other than quality time, are all pretty close together. Quality time does not appear to mean anything to me.
soccerrprp Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Of course I have, but he's never shown that much appreciation. I mean the standard "thanks" of course. But he's not going to say "I wouldn't be able to do this without you" if I help clean his room. That's kinda silly lol He says thank you, but he never really showed that much appreciation (well maybe he did by return the favour, but I never noticed before because I was too busy thinking about why he doesn't tell me I'm pretty etc..) So now I am even more confused. How did reading the book help you? After helping him with HIS BUSINESS project he told you how pretty you are? He gave you MORE attention for helping him with his BUSINESS project and not enough for the things you do on a daily basis? I don't see the epiphany here. I'll keep asking my gf what she needs w/o having to read a book. Direct communication seems to be the safest and most accurate way to get to know someone. Sorry, cynical about the book and what it seems to substitute for you. Eh, I'll shut up.
Emilia Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I'll keep asking my gf what she needs w/o having to read a book. Direct communication seems to be the safest and most accurate way to get to know someone. Sorry, cynical about the book and what it seems to substitute for you. Eh, I'll shut up. Not everyone does. I express love with acts of service and physical touch and I like quality time in return (physical touch being very close second). Most of us think our way is the only way until we become conscious of the fact that people express their love differently. 2
soccerrprp Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Not everyone does. I express love with acts of service and physical touch and I like quality time in return (physical touch being very close second). Most of us think our way is the only way until we become conscious of the fact that people express their love differently. Emilia, I don't dispute anything you've said. My bewilderment is with the OP's sudden epiphany that the guy expresses, no, responds to acts of service. I get it and understand that. My eye-brow raising concern is, as the OP has said, she HAS been demonstrating acts of service regularly and didn't receive the response she expected or wanted. But when she helps with a business related endeavor, she suddenly has an awakening. My concern would be why is he more expressive with this act of service, but not the day to day ones? Is he really an ACT OF SERVICE type or is there something more value-based involved? Sorry, said I would shut up. 1
Emilia Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 (edited) Emilia, I don't dispute anything you've said. My bewilderment is with the OP's sudden epiphany that the guy expresses, no, responds to acts of service. I get it and understand that. My eye-brow raising concern is, as the OP has said, she HAS been demonstrating acts of service regularly and didn't receive the response she expected or wanted. But when she helps with a business related endeavor, she suddenly has an awakening. My concern would be why is he more expressive with this act of service, but not the day to day ones? Is he really an ACT OF SERVICE type or is there something more value-based involved? Sorry, said I would shut up. No need to shut up, if you think the poster has her head in the clouds, it's good to point it out. The way I read her post is that certain things are more meaningful to him and this is what I have seen in my personal experience too. Also a work situation, something the guy couldn't do without me and ever since I started helping him out (very small effort on my part, big deal for him because he doesn't have the expertise) it's been clearly a big thing for him. Yes it's work but more that he likes that I help him with something difficult. He makes sure I get credit for it at work but he is really really appreciative. Of course he likes a nice meal whatever but certain things are bigger than others. I think he is proud that I'm smart - or along those lines. Edited January 24, 2014 by Emilia 1
FitChick Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Some acts of service are taken for granted and others are "above and beyond."
soccerrprp Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Some acts of service are taken for granted and others are "above and beyond." And the "above and beyond" ones should be commended. But, helping one with a business project and getting desired reinforcement, but being ignored for other, more intimate, daily acts smells of selfishness and lack of true appreciation. I just think the OP has exaggerated this "eureka" moment. I think it shows where his priorities lie, not that he appreciates it when someone does something for him. He picks and chooses what is acceptable at the expense of the common and more endearing acts that occur with greater frequency and thoughtfulness. Just my ignorant take on it. 2
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