JonathanAnder Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Waking up in the morning - She's on my mind Going to shower - She's on my mind Driving going to work - She's on my mind Eating lunch/dinner - She's on my mind Hanging out with my buddies - Wish she's here with me Visiting new places - Wish she's here with me Sleeping at night - Wishing she's beside me In my dreams - She's on my mind.. (argh!) and another day is just another cycle of moving on. Wondering if she's thinking about me , Wondering if she already met someone that making her happy, Wondering if she still loves me.. sucks it's been 3 months and I can't get her out of my head. :/ 1
AnyaNova Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Coming up on 5 months here. And I have to admit, even when I'm okay with things and the treatment for my deficiency is going well (ie-my brain isn't using my ex as the explanation for why my brain feels bad with too few b vitamins, which it infuriatingly seems to always want to do), and even when it really doesn't matter either way to me, he still ends up on my mind. There will be a business law question that he could answer, or because apparently my stupid subconscious is still chewing on the whole thing, I'll keep out of the blue when I wasn't even thinking about it having realizations about the relationship or him. So yes. It is a matter of brain training. Redirecting focus. And also being very careful to ensure that you aren't trying to not think of her (or in my case, him). I mean, try this (loosely quoted from Lakoff, I freely admit!). Don't think of an elephant. Right now. Don't think of a big pink elephant with purple polka dots tramping through your living room right now. Just don't. (of course, the only way you know what not to think about, is by thinking about them, so trying not to think about them is effectively thinking about them). But yeah. I know what you mean. And I'm sorry.
radiodarcy Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I have gone through this as well. It's your brain's way of processing the fact that they're not there. Of course emotions play a big role in it as well. Honestly, it just takes time. But you can start to replace some of those thoughts by either talking back to them or replacing them with new thoughts altogether. So if I found myself thinking "I wish he loved me as much as I loved him". I firmed told myself "Nothing I can do about it". Or I would force myself to think of something totally unrelated, like what am I going to have for lunch or should I buy that dress I saw online or not? One trick I learned was to set aside time to think about him. If a thought about him popped into my head and it wasn't during that designated block of time I would push it away. By the time I got to that time I had set aside to think about him, I no longer had the urge. This worked for me as oftentimes the thoughts about him would creep into my mind without even my realizing it; to the point where I felt powerless to stop them. So, allowing myself to have those thoughts in a more structured way, made me feel more in control and less anxious. And overtime - -more confident that I didn't need him in my life - - not to mention my thoughts either 2
Author JonathanAnder Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 last talk is December 8.. She greeted last new year but I didn't reply. how long have you been NC?
Kate22192 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Hello friend, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm only on day 11 NC and I still feel no different, really. My heart aches, I miss him constantly, and my stomach sinks when I imagine him doing just fine without me. I'm here, and there are so many of us, going through the same thing. 1
SadNLonley Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 One trick I learned was to set aside time to think about him. If a thought about him popped into my head and it wasn't during that designated block of time I would push it away. By the time I got to that time I had set aside to think about him, I no longer had the urge. Wow, I like that idea. How long did you give yourself to think about him? 30 min/ 1 hr? How did you stop the thoughts when they popped into your head other times? Just think "nope, not yet"? 1
Volthi10 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Gosh I am on the same boat. It has been three months and I still go crazy. I had been feeling better until we started talking again (trying the whole lets be friends) and now I am a mess again. Thinking and wanting to see him day and night.
Carly Lou Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Totally in the same boat, even though I know logically me and my unborn child are better off away from him. Hang in there, let's hope we all feel brighter soon x
NYyanks819 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 same boat over here, I am on day 15 and still is always on my mind… I am just staying strong, trying to keep myself busy with work, the gym, and going out.. I think the big thing is NOT to act on it.. aka check social media or stalk them but we will think of it is normal
ithappenedagain Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I am right there with you man. You are not alone. - The sick feeling you get in your stomach - The anxiety rushes that pop up throughout the day - The shakes - The dreams of false hope - Looking at your cell, email, etc. looking for breadcrumbs It totally sucks, but you are not alone. Sometimes I like to keep repeating over and over "She broke my heart She broke my heart She broke my heart" until I get mad and forget about the nice thoughts I was thinking. 1
NYyanks819 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Yea that is what I do.. I also get really mad and am like F*** this girl, and say all ridiculous things like she is a H** etc.. I feel you have to speak it sometimes tell yourself over and over again so you believe it… way to convince your mind our words are powerful!
purplehues Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I've joined the "broken hearts club" 3 days ago and 3 days nc. It hurts so much, I feel like I can't breathe @ times. It's amazing how I can read all these posts about ppl going through this crap, and yet feel all alone. I keep reminding myself that break-ups happen all the time and that people get through them. I can't even imagine dealing with this for 3 months, so hats down to you for maintaining nc for over a month and everyone else on this forum.
WYSWYG Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 My BU was last November. She still lingers in my head to this day but I'm in the angry stage now. I remember thoughts and longing for her - not getting any sleep, not able to focus, jittery, that hollow in my chest, lump in my throat, that kick in the tummy etc....waking up after dreaming was the worst One thing I did is to write the things I hated about her and the names she called me. I would look at that list everytime I think of her. This gave me clarity and fortitude for all that misery. I saw her w/ her new man last sunday at the dance studio. We haven't talked sine the BU. It was a major reality check. Surprisingly, I stayed calm and didn't really pay attention to them as the night went. My guess is that, she's larger than life but only in my imagination. 1
Hoosfoos Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I am exactly in the same boat as you are. 2 months out, 1 month NC. I crave her like crack cocaine. This is the hardest f*cking thing I have ever dealt with.
LadyM Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 It's like that movie Groundhog Day. Wake up and it's the same day over and over, same thoughts over and over. On and on and on. 2
Author JonathanAnder Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I wonder when it will stop.. Is it when I meet someone new?
LadyM Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I think the thoughts fade in time, but they will for sure stop when you meet someone new who you like. That is the cure-all!
Lennon Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 coming up 5 months myself, only properly started N/C just before christmas, got three emails since, ingnored all even merry christmas, i feel the exact same as you, i'm even currently dating a girl and i just think its not the same, I wish it was her. I'm breaking it off with her this weekend, its better than hurting her in the long run, i hope we get over this bullsh*t soon, never knew a person could cause so much pain, I just arrived home from work and said to myself "5 months man, its nearly been 5 months, this has to stop, she's not coming back, you have been pretty much depressed for 5 entire months of your life, its nearly half a year, this has to stop," then i spark up a cigarette turn on my laptop and find myself lurkiing here again, everybody who has been and still is here, has been through it and they do say it will turn around. we'll get through it, i guess this is life :/
WYSWYG Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 YUP... Have faith, fellas. We are grieving a loss and it will take time to fade... To think that I used to stand in front my ex's apartment building in the winter rain a few nights hoping for a glimpse. I was an emotional fool. I'm in good terms w/ that ex now. That was 3 years ago and was definitely more miserable than the recent one. Now, is any of you doing something actively to distract yourself? Keeping your mind busy is crucial for healing. I'm currently taking dance lessons, got new clothes w/ the money that wud have gone to dinners etc. Bought myself a new guitar to resurrect my love for Hard Rock. These helped me a lot.... Don't forget to write that LIST, fellas..
carl777 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I think the thoughts fade in time, but they will for sure stop when you meet someone new who you like. That is the cure-all! Dating sure helps but jumping in a relationship right away isn't the best thing IMO. 2
radiodarcy Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Wow, I like that idea. How long did you give yourself to think about him? 30 min/ 1 hr? How did you stop the thoughts when they popped into your head other times? Just think "nope, not yet"? Thanks! I got the idea from my therapist at the time. I would usually give myself 10-15 mins. It doesn't seem like a long time - - but when you think about it - - that's about the amount of time other random thoughts tend to linger in our mind - - at least it does in mine If thoughts of him popped into my head outside of the time I had set aside, I would just tell myself: I'm doing this right now. I can think about that later. It seems like it would take a lot of willpower, but really it's just a matter of delayed gratification. I also noticed that urge to think about him would peak and fall. And I found that when I was able to fend that urge off when it was at its highest, that's when I tended to not want to think about him when I was "allowed" to. 1
xUnknown Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Thanks! I got the idea from my therapist at the time. I would usually give myself 10-15 mins. It doesn't seem like a long time - - but when you think about it - - that's about the amount of time other random thoughts tend to linger in our mind - - at least it does in mine If thoughts of him popped into my head outside of the time I had set aside, I would just tell myself: I'm doing this right now. I can think about that later. It seems like it would take a lot of willpower, but really it's just a matter of delayed gratification. I also noticed that urge to think about him would peak and fall. And I found that when I was able to fend that urge off when it was at its highest, that's when I tended to not want to think about him when I was "allowed" to. I did this too. I saw it on a thread then Radio mentioned it to me and figured I would give it a shot. I did 30 minutes. I wanted to be generous so that if it did come up later in the day, I wouldn't dwell on it. That was my cry time. A lot of times I would just get so upset I wanted to cry. So I let my anger, sadness, all my thoughts out. I just let it all out. After a while, this becomes so mentally exhausting. I got so tired of it...said screw it, I can't keep doing this. And that was it. Sure, she would pop in my head every now and then, but it was just for a second, a minor thought. You'll get there. 1
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