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A guy who has lots of ideals re relationships but never been in one?

melell

By melell
in General Relationship Discussion

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melell Established Member

melell

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What would you think of a guy that was 27, never ever been in a relationship, but has all these ideas about how they are and what they are.

 

I would think they would have no comparative, just a bunch of secondhand experiences?

 

I know for me personally my idea of a 'relationship' was much different before I actually experienced them.

 

This person is always talking to me about relationships- I don't know I just don't buy it.

mutualove Established Member

mutualove

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First I would find out the reason as to why he has not been in any kind of RS before.Then I could probably weigh in.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I would think these "ideas" might have something to do with not ever having had a relationship. Perhaps their expectations are unreasonable and nobody can possibly satisfy them.

Frank2thepoint Established Member

Frank2thepoint

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Someone that has not been in a relationship and has all these ideas is someone that has no idea what they want and are just too selective. They have some deluded idea of perfection in their minds, and are willing to allow opportunities to pass by because of a few "flaws".

Haydn Established Member

Haydn

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Maybe to many brit flicks?

 

Or maybe he is learning from us?

 

 

What would you think of a guy that was 27, never ever been in a relationship, but has all these ideas about how they are and what they are.

 

I would think they would have no comparative, just a bunch of secondhand experiences?

 

I know for me personally my idea of a 'relationship' was much different before I actually experienced them.

 

This person is always talking to me about relationships- I don't know I just don't buy it.

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Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
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What would you think of a guy that was 27, never ever been in a relationship, but has all these ideas about how they are and what they are.

I think it is self-aware to know what one likes, dislikes, expects, will not tolerate...in life in general including for career, friendships, romantic relationship, sexually, philosophically.

 

Yes our feelings, preferences will change over time and with new experiences...and hopefully we're open to those changes and willing to expand our views, tastes, etc.

But nothing at all wrong with at least having a starting point.

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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Sometimes it's possible to learn a great deal about something by carefully observing it but not being part of it. Indeed, it is a fundamental law of all science, that if you want to really learn about something you don't want to interact with it more than necessary.

 

i.e. I can learn about the planets in the solar system Gleise 581 by careful observations of that star.

 

IF the person the OP is talking about has bee watching how other peoples relationships go they may know more than a more directly experienced person.

 

Someone who comments based only on their own experiences is only giving one deep perspective. They know what works for them and what hasn't worked in their life. Someone who has looked at many relationships may be giving a broader perspective. They know what works more times that not in a variety of circumstances.

 

i.e. A parish priest who was never married before taking vows yet they have married many couples and now know what kinds of couples tend to last.

 

i.e. A psychoanalyst who has a little personal experience....yet has studied the human mind and has treated peoples relationship problems.

 

If the person in the OP has been observing closely they may know more than someone who has had just one long relationship their whole lives.

 

Conversely, someone who has...say... been married since they were 15 and is now 55 will know lots about how to stay married but they won't know much about dating as a 30 year old. Further, people who are deep 'in love' often believe their own BS in ways those around them do not.

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Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

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Conversely, someone who has...say... been married since they were 15 and is now 55 will know lots about how to stay married

I agree with your post but feeling a need to point out that every person is different so while this long-married couple may know a lot about how to stay married to each other, does not necessarily mean they know how to have the happiest, healthiest, most inspiring and supportive marriage.

 

That is. I myself am an excellent partner...but only for the people who think and experience me as such. People with different needs, dislikes, personalities will think that I have crappy relationship skills and suck as a partner.

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FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Does the guy only have one night stands or is he still a virgin?

Guitarisgood Established Member

Guitarisgood

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The problem is his world will come crashing down when he does get into a relationship. No time is a better time to start dating. Experience is essential or he will believe in these ideals but then settle for the first crazy gal he meets after a dry spell who shows an inch of attention to him.

 

Take it from someone who was in a similiar boat I'll admit. Living in a female dominant house, I was bought up with all that disney romance and chivalrousness yet reality is, the dating world just ain't it!

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melell Established Member

melell

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Does the guy only have one night stands or is he still a virgin?

 

He has had several one night stands. I am not sure that he is highly desired or anything- perhaps he struggled to get a girlfriend so his opinions on the matter are more about trying to justify his not ever being in a relationship? I have no idea.

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melell Established Member

melell

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The problem is his world will come crashing down when he does get into a relationship. No time is a better time to start dating. Experience is essential or he will believe in these ideals but then settle for the first crazy gal he meets after a dry spell who shows an inch of attention to him.

 

Take it from someone who was in a similiar boat I'll admit. Living in a female dominant house, I was bought up with all that disney romance and chivalrousness yet reality is, the dating world just ain't it!

 

These were my thoughts as well. I feel like his opinions on relationships are very abstract from reality.

Shufflin New Member

Shufflin

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He has learning to do. Having said that I know people with lots of relationship experience who still don't know a damn thing. Just saying.

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newmoon Established Member

newmoon

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I have a friend like this - 44 years old and no relationship has gone beyond 6 months. but he has thoughts and opinions on everything love-related and believe he's basically got it all figured out. he spends his time reading about relationships instead of being in them. I think these types have varying degrees of social anxiety or social awkwardness - the inability to actually get out there and 'do', so they just form opinions based on what they see/read

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