hayleym Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I have never experienced the level of addiction in my life like I am addicted to this guy! He has casually let me know he will be home alone all night and my head is completely spinning. Nobody or nothing else could get me in such a mind set. It's all I can think about now, and although I haven't replied to his message I know I most likely will soon. I thought I'd distract myself here first and avoid it, maybe altogether? I'll try to explain, best I can. I don't want to end the affair. I just want to level out my emotional attachment because it's way out of control right now. So far it's been about 8 weeks!!! Since our last physical encounter and really we have been very low on contact since then as well, not really initiated by anything specific just taking a break I think it was obvious we both needed. A lot of our affair has been unspoken in a lot of ways, we seem to read each other very well. He knows my plans tonight, and his wife will be at the same event. He knows I was really looking forward to it. He knows in order for me to meet him I would have to leave the event early. He may not have known his total affect on me but I was really in a good mood about tonight and now I can stop planning ways to leave early and am flustered like a teenager thinking will or won't we meet because I do want too, but don't want to change my plans. We've never changed plans for the affair before. It's never happened, we were all about the moment, no real planning. I feel different about this and although I've never turned down a chance to be with him ever, and want to very much, this is the first time I'm thinking of declining for my own sanity. Thoughts? *Telling me how awful I am won't do anything but make me want to meet him more. Just throwing that out there. It's not intentional on my part, but it's the truth.
Owl Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I think you're still head over heels locked into the addiction. And nothing will change until the pain of the situation will eventually overcome the pleasure. Beyond that, I haven't a clue on what else to say, or what other possible advice or comments someone could post that you haven't already ruled out. 5
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 You are obsessed and still want the affair. Not too sure what type of advice to give you other than if you want this craziness to stop, the obsessive thoughts and addiction to him to lessen, you gotta totally stay away from him and end this once and for all. Are you happy? Can you see your life like this in another year or two? Aren't you exhausted from the drama and intensity of the affair, your feelings for him? Don't go to the function at all. It's asking for trouble.
sunburned Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Yes you should stop the craziness but you know that already. Turn him down for tonight at least. Don't be too available. And geez what if his wife leaves 15 mins behind you? 1
Author hayleym Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 You are obsessed and still want the affair. Not too sure what type of advice to give you other than if you want this craziness to stop, the obsessive thoughts and addiction to him to lessen, you gotta totally stay away from him and end this once and for all. Are you happy? Can you see your life like this in another year or two? Aren't you exhausted from the drama and intensity of the affair, your feelings for him? Don't go to the function at all. It's asking for trouble. I have no other option but to go. It's for another couple of friends and I am pretty much the reason it's happening. He won't be there, he will be home alone. He hasn't asked me to come there, I just felt the only reason he had to mention it at all was because he wanted me to reply that I'd be over later. I am not exhausted at all. I could picture my life exactly the same for years, except that I'm too crazy for him. I'm a strong woman. I've never had this issue before. Not being able to say no, being indecisive, he makes my head spin. I just need to get a hold on that. We live very very close. To avoid him for more than a couple days at a time I would have to move or he would.
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I have no other option but to go. It's for another couple of friends and I am pretty much the reason it's happening. He won't be there, he will be home alone. He hasn't asked me to come there, I just felt the only reason he had to mention it at all was because he wanted me to reply that I'd be over later. I am not exhausted at all. I could picture my life exactly the same for years, except that I'm too crazy for him. I'm a strong woman. I've never had this issue before. Not being able to say no, being indecisive, he makes my head spin. I just need to get a hold on that. We live very very close. To avoid him for more than a couple days at a time I would have to move or he would. So you thrive on the drama and all it brings into your life.. Sorry I'm not much help, not sure what advice it is you're really looking for.
Author hayleym Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Yes you should stop the craziness but you know that already. Turn him down for tonight at least. Don't be too available. And geez what if his wife leaves 15 mins behind you? Thinking I can act as if I hadn't got the message until too late. Avoid it altogether. His wife won't be going home at all. If there was a possibility she was it wouldn't even be an option to meet.
Lady2163 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Groan....as hard as it is, and I do know it, DO NOT be too accessible for him. I'm assuming you're single. You are already giving up so much for him. Don't start dropping things you want to do to have a quickie with him. I started an exercise class that meets twice a week. I REFUSE to miss it, no matter how available MM is on that night. But I am allowing myself one skip every calendar month. January has been used already.
ladydesigner Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I have no other option but to go. It's for another couple of friends and I am pretty much the reason it's happening. He won't be there, he will be home alone. He hasn't asked me to come there, I just felt the only reason he had to mention it at all was because he wanted me to reply that I'd be over later. I am not exhausted at all. I could picture my life exactly the same for years, except that I'm too crazy for him. I'm a strong woman. I've never had this issue before. Not being able to say no, being indecisive, he makes my head spin. I just need to get a hold on that. We live very very close. To avoid him for more than a couple days at a time I would have to move or he would. Really? Would you want to though? I remember how addictive my A was and I look back now, a lot of it I created in my own mind. Try to limit the amount of contact to distance yourself if you feel this addicted. It couldn't feel good, or at least it feels good but in a bad way . Affairs are addictive and like the other posters said, until the pain overrides the pleasure you are in for a ride. 1
Author hayleym Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 So you thrive on the drama and all it brings into your life.. It doesn't seem very dramatic from my point of view. So much of this has been so simple and I think that's why I didn't expect to feel so intense about it.
Owl Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Hayley...what advice were you hoping to hear when you posted this thread? What 'support' did you expect to find? I'm at a loss...WWIU's comment about drama seems spot on, if for no other reason than I can't see what you hoped to discuss here. What responses were you looking for to this thread?
Author hayleym Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Groan....as hard as it is, and I do know it, DO NOT be too accessible for him. I'm assuming you're single. You are already giving up so much for him. Don't start dropping things you want to do to have a quickie with him. I started an exercise class that meets twice a week. I REFUSE to miss it, no matter how available MM is on that night. But I am allowing myself one skip every calendar month. January has been used already. I'm not single, I am very married. We have never changed plans before, maybe altered a but but I would be leaving a few hours earlier than I otherwise would have in this case. He hasn't asked me to come, he's just let me know she's not going to be him until Friday night. That was the message, and he's expecting me to write back and ask if I can come over. If I don't reply my guess is he'll ask me what I'm up to in a few hours.
Author hayleym Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Hayley...what advice were you hoping to hear when you posted this thread? What 'support' did you expect to find? I'm at a loss...WWIU's comment about drama seems spot on, if for no other reason than I can't see what you hoped to discuss here. What responses were you looking for to this thread? I didn't ask for any advice at all. I asked if any one had thoughts on my situation. I also used writing here as a distraction from replying to him and so far that's worked. That's support, no?
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Okay, let's say you go over there. What about your husband? Isn't he going to be suspicious? And, how do you know 100% for sure his wife won't come home? Maybe all this is a set up and she's hiding somewhere, with a PI, waiting to bust you and her husband together. Never say never.. 1
Berkley Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 He knows my plans tonight, and his wife will be at the same event. He knows I was really looking forward to it. He knows in order for me to meet him I would have to leave the event early. He may not have known his total affect on me but I was really in a good mood about tonight and now I can stop planning ways to leave early and am flustered like a teenager thinking will or won't we meet because I do want too, but don't want to change my plans. . Go ahead with your plans...asking you to meet him when he knows how much this event means to you and how much you're looking forward to it is selfish and arrogant. He hasn't bother making time for you for two months or even contacted you much...but now you're expected to jump when he says to jump even though he knew you had something important to do . 2
MissBee Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I have never experienced the level of addiction in my life like I am addicted to this guy! He has casually let me know he will be home alone all night and my head is completely spinning. Nobody or nothing else could get me in such a mind set. It's all I can think about now, and although I haven't replied to his message I know I most likely will soon. I thought I'd distract myself here first and avoid it, maybe altogether? I'll try to explain, best I can. I don't want to end the affair. I just want to level out my emotional attachment because it's way out of control right now. So far it's been about 8 weeks!!! Since our last physical encounter and really we have been very low on contact since then as well, not really initiated by anything specific just taking a break I think it was obvious we both needed. A lot of our affair has been unspoken in a lot of ways, we seem to read each other very well. He knows my plans tonight, and his wife will be at the same event. He knows I was really looking forward to it. He knows in order for me to meet him I would have to leave the event early. He may not have known his total affect on me but I was really in a good mood about tonight and now I can stop planning ways to leave early and am flustered like a teenager thinking will or won't we meet because I do want too, but don't want to change my plans. We've never changed plans for the affair before. It's never happened, we were all about the moment, no real planning. I feel different about this and although I've never turned down a chance to be with him ever, and want to very much, this is the first time I'm thinking of declining for my own sanity. Thoughts? *Telling me how awful I am won't do anything but make me want to meet him more. Just throwing that out there. It's not intentional on my part, but it's the truth. Feeling out of control isn't a good feeling and if you feel like you need to preserve your sanity by not seeing him, you should. I think declining and maintaining control of yourself will give you a boost of confidence versus running around at whim to see him. You don't want to end the affair, fine. But, at least maintain control of yourself and decide to see him when you are relaxed and make it something you can take or leave versus losing your mind over...as sooner or later esp when you're losing your mind, that will probably cause a dday. Were you gonna go to his house to meet him? I hope not.
Owl Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I didn't ask for any advice at all. I asked if any one had thoughts on my situation. I also used writing here as a distraction from replying to him and so far that's worked. That's support, no? True...and having forgotten that you are married, I'd offer you an alternative distraction. Focus on your husband, on your marriage. Next time your head fills with OM, think about what life will be like when the walls come down and it's all out in the open, and you're trying to figure out what to do next. That's a great method for cooling the ardor of this kind of situation. When you think of OM...next, picture your husband sitting on the bed, head in his hands, sobbing like you've never seen him do before. There's a distraction. 2
Sub Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 If his W isn't going home at all, why would you have to leave early? Just curious. Also, as in another situation on this board...heck, tons of situations on this board....you'd just be feeding his ego if you give in to him. Focusing on your husband is a sentiment I agree with, but I'm pretty sure that's a futile endeavor. 1
Author hayleym Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Go ahead with your plans...asking you to meet him when he knows how much this event means to you and how much you're looking forward to it is selfish and arrogant. He hasn't bother making time for you for two months or even contacted you much...but now you're expected to jump when he says to jump even though he knew you had something important to do . I don't think it was his intention but that's how it comes across yes, I am not a fan of it. If he had out right asked me to meet or if he does I'll have a really hard time not even though I feel like I shouldn't.
violet1 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 True...and having forgotten that you are married, I'd offer you an alternative distraction. Focus on your husband, on your marriage. Next time your head fills with OM, think about what life will be like when the walls come down and it's all out in the open, and you're trying to figure out what to do next. That's a great method for cooling the ardor of this kind of situation. When you think of OM...next, picture your husband sitting on the bed, head in his hands, sobbing like you've never seen him do before. There's a distraction. Oh Owl, you're wasting your time with this one. Until D Day happens, which I can guarantee it will, she won't care. Cheaters don't think about the pain they cause because they don't think they'll get caught. I didn't think I'd get caught either, but it happened. 5
Berkley Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 True...and having forgotten that you are married, I'd offer you an alternative distraction. Focus on your husband, on your marriage. Next time your head fills with OM, think about what life will be like when the walls come down and it's all out in the open, and you're trying to figure out what to do next. That's a great method for cooling the ardor of this kind of situation. When you think of OM...next, picture your husband sitting on the bed, head in his hands, sobbing like you've never seen him do before. There's a distraction. And...you could focus on a forum that is not here to support people involved in affairs if you have nothing non-judgmental to add
ladydesigner Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 And...you could focus on a forum that is not here to support people involved in affairs if you have nothing non-judgmental to add Owl offers sane advice and is pretty knowledgeable on A's. He offers a lot of wisdom to MANY of the forums. 3
Owl Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 And...you could focus on a forum that is not here to support people involved in affairs if you have nothing non-judgmental to add Who is judging? I gave you advice on how to distract yourself from focusing on your affair partner. In fact...probably a very effective method, if you try it. It wasn't judgemental...I didn't say a thing about you personally. I simply pointed out to you what a likely outcome of your actions will be...and focusing on that is a great distraction away from the enjoyment and pleasure of the affair. It's a good way to keep yourself from wanting to call him tonight...just picture to yourself what your husband will feel when the truth comes out. Nothing judgemental with the advice I offered. 3
Berkley Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Owl offers sane advice and is pretty knowledgeable on A's. He offers a lot of wisdom to MANY of the forums. We'll have to agree to disagree...telling her to remember that she's married and envision her H sitting on the bed crying is not supportive advice...it's judgemental. 1
ladydesigner Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 We'll have to agree to disagree...telling her to remember that she's married and envision her H sitting on the bed crying is not supportive advice...it's judgemental. It's not judgemental, it's true 3
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