Gingerlee Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Hi everyone, sincere apologies if this is in the wrong section, but I have always received good advice from this forum. A guy I used to date for about 4 weeks last summer died tragically last night in an accident, and I'm not sure how to react. We remained good friends, but hadn't really spoken in about 3 months. I'm not sure how to grieve, as I feel I have no right, as I was not his current girlfriend (The girl he left me for, but I imagine she is in absolute bits and does not want to hear from me, should she even know I ever existed.) nor a close friend. I wasn't even a really serious girlfriend and we were never 'Facebook' official, if you get what I mean, but we did class each other as 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'. I feel deeply saddened by this news, and knowing I wont have any access to the funeral makes me feel upset. I cared about this boy, and although it was a very lust-filled relationship, I know he cared about me and we left on okay terms. I don't want to be disrespectful to his poor girlfriend or family, but I really want to pay my respects somehow. Can anyone advise me as to what to do now? Or maybe I just do nothing but grieve quietly. Any help is appreciated.
jphcbpa Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 perhaps best to pray for his family and if they ask to send a donation to your favorite charity in place of flowers, do something like that. 1
mammasita Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I can somewhat relate as an ex of mine was in a tragic motorcycle accident back in 2009 - we were broken up for about a year when he passed. He was a terrible cheater, narcissist, sociopath.....matter of fact - I reference him frequently here. I kind of hated him actually. I hated people who got all boo hoo over his death because I knew the real him. He wasn't all that great. Sorry, tangent. I think grieving silently is best, maybe look up where his service will be. Usually the family will set up something and you can send your condolences. I would do that, especially if he has left behind any children.
Author Gingerlee Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 I'm sorry to hear about your loss, even if he was a horrible person, a loss is a loss. It's the fact that he was so young that gets me, I'm young myself, but he was barely 23 years old and left behind a girlfriend and his sister and mother. I think I'm going to leave it for a day or two and maybe send my condolences to his sister and maybe offer some money to a charity or something, I never met her, though he talked about her a lot, and I'm worried a charity offering from a stranger will be offensive.
Babolat Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I'm worried a charity offering from a stranger will be offensive. Then do it anonymously. I would NOT contact any family he did not introduce you to.
Never Again Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 However you do it, do it properly and fully express all of your emotions. I had an ex die last year - and I bottled it all up. Locked everything away, and 6 months later it all came to a head. I had a complete emotional breakdown, but I did it silently. Hid it from everyone. Cost me everything. My health, sanity, job opportunities, relationship...I had never, ever hit rock bottom before. When someone you were that close to passes, it can eat at you unless you do SOMETHING. At the very least, talk about it more here. 2
JDPT Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I understand your intentions come from a good place but it's best that you don't contact them. They are clearly dealing with a great loss and are not in a position to deal with an ex girlfriend. 1
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