Fairytale to nightmare!

[Carly Lou]

Hello. I’ve never posted here before, so sorry if this is just a MASSIVE ramble, but I need somewhere to get it all off my chest and writing things down in this way is helping me gain a little clarity.

 

I’m a 32 year old London lady who has relocated to Australia for my (now ex) boyfriend, who is 28.

 

In the (English) summer of 2012 I met an Aussie guy who was working in my hometown of London on a 2 year visa. He had 6 months left on his visa before he had to return, so we had a whirlwind relationship and fell head over heels for eachother in the remaining time he had left- he was tall, handsome, funny (a stand up comedian) and we had so much in common, the chemistry was electric.

 

When he departed at the end of 2012, we were both heartbroken and thought that would be the end, but we Skyped twice a day everyday and sent constant texts/photo/emails etc, so realised it was worth exploring as we were still crazy for eachother, so I said I’d come over to visit him on a visa for 1 year and see if we had a future together.

 

In September 2013 I quit the 4 jobs I’d been working to build up enough funds so I didn’t have to work there at first and jetted off to live with him in the new apartment he’d rented for us- I felt the happiest girl in the world beginning this new adventure with the man of my dreams.

 

From the minute my plane touched down in Oz and he collected me from the airport in a big cinematic style reunion embrace, he was attentive, kind and even better/sexier than I remembered him, we were stupidly in love and barely left his apartment for the first 3 weeks, gazing into each others eyes as I settled into the love nest he’d been decorating for my arrival and recovered from my jet lag/acclimatised to being in a new country with no friends or family around me.

 

On my second night in the country, he asked me to marry him. I was ecstatic and couldn’t wait to tell everyone back home, I couldn’t believe it was all real and I was on cloud 9 that we were back together after all the long distance Skype sessions and heartache of being apart, we’d overcome all the waiting and the future looked amazing, so we went out buying stuff for the apartment and I set about creating a nice little home for us, cooking, cleaning, ironing his work shirts etc- regrettably now playing the dutiful “wife” role too soon.

His parents and siblings came to visit and they were so nice, welcoming me into the family and saying they were pleased he’d found a lovely girl to settle down with.

 

Then after about 4 weeks, things changed, he started staying out late after work (he works 3 evenings a week in a bottle shop (off license) whereas he said he was actually the manager of a restaurant when he wasn’t being a stand up comedian and sleeping in until 5pm each day, totally ignoring my presence, so I was left to explore the city alone and try to make some new friends as he still hadn’t taken me anywhere except the local weekly pub quiz night and the pokies (gambling) with his teenage friends.

I confronted him and he just became even moodier, turning to taking sleeping tablets and drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, staying out with his teenage mates even more and then just crashing into bed in the small hours beside me with his back to me saying he needed space.

 

Our once active sex life dwindled, we barely touched and he even forgot my birthday- I was devastated as we were supposed to be going to Sydney for the romantic weekend he hinted at whilst I was still in the UK, but he “forgot” to book it and made excuses that we’d go another time when the weather was better and he could borrow his brothers car for a road trip (turns out he can’t even drive).

My mum, suspecting something was wrong, transferred some money into his bank account so he could treat me to a belated weekend away, but of course he just kept the cash, bought more discount booze from work and we didn’t go anywhere.

 

Yes I realise now I should have left then as I deserved better after coming all this way, but I was so stupidly in love with him and still adjusting to the move to Oz with no friends around, that I just gave him chance after chance- the next day he’d apologise, cry, tell me he loved me and would try harder to take me places, plan trips etc, but then of course let me down again by just staying in bed drunk/out of it on Temazepan and then going out drinking/gambling after work with the 18 year olds.

 

His phone would constantly go off and I kept seeing a girls name flash on the screen, but he’d hide it and say it was his sister or someone from work. I even found a lipstick and ladies bangle in the bathroom cabinet, but he said it was left over from a fancy dress party and became quite aggressive I was questioning what he got up to before I arrived in Australia, then joked it was probably from a “Prostitute he liked to pick up when he was feeling low”

 

I carried on and did my best to fit in with Australian life, took myself on day trips, made friends with some truly lovely people in the local area and my new neighbours too who were also all English girls who’d married Aussie guys, so at least had some friends now to turn to and go places with, but still felt very isolated in a new country and was starting to really wish I hadn’t uprooted, but kept up the pretence when Skyping my friends and family back home that he was still Mr Wonderful and I was having a ball being treated like a princess. I was too ashamed to let on after the hype surrounding me leaving London and starting a new life there as his wife.

 

Things then came to a head when he didn’t come home for 2 nights. I was worried sick, nobody could get hold of him and I thought he’d been in an accident or something terrible as 5 years ago he suffered a serious head injury and almost died by the roadside before being found, which left him deaf and blind on one side – so he says....

 

Desperate, I went into his work with a friend for moral support- there he was on the checkout, alive, but he instantly became angry I’d gone in there and invaded his territory unannounced- he had shaved off his beard, cut his hair and bought new glasses, he looked like a completely different man to the one I was living with just 2 days previously.

 

He was rude to my friend and flew off the handle saying I was never to come into his work again and how dare I involve someone else, so I left in tears and my friend advised me to pack some stuff and stay with her as everyone was worried about me being so isolated in the apartment alone with him in that mood.

 

As I was packing he came home, we argued and he grabbed me by the throat. He is incredibly tall and I'm tiny, so was terrified as I’d never seen him violent before- he was like Jekyll and Hyde, this was a complete contrast to the loving guy who collected me from the airport weeks before and spent all those months Skyping me, sending romantic gestures and promising the world.

 

My friends begged me to report his violence, but I was so blinded I refused- there were no marks to show on my neck and I believed he was sorry and we’d eventually make it up, I wanted him so badly, so after a week away and him crying down the phone for me to forgive him, I returned to his apartment and we tried to patch things up with him insisting he would change and stop drinking/taking the sleeping tablets.

 

Again this lasted a week or so, before he slipped back into drinking late with his young mates and ignoring my calls- or constantly texting when he was at home and just watching TV or sleeping.

We still hadn’t even been out anywhere other than the pub as a couple yet, I was in a new country and wanted to explore everything it had to offer/dress up for a night on the town, or at least go for a coffee, sit on the beach, anything except stay indoors, but he wouldn’t even leave our street- his workplace and the pub quiz/pokies are in the same street just metres opposite from his house- this is his bubble, let alone venture further to take me out for the day, despite only working 3 evenings a week.

 

We were having sporadic, emotionless/rough sex and he just seemed like an empty shell, pulling the deaf ear act when I said something he didn’t want to answer, but I was still viewing him through my pathetic rose tinted glasses, fancying him like mad and hanging onto the hope he still loved me as much as I did him. Had I been in the UK with my lifelong friends talking sense into me, it might not have happened, but being in a strange place really affected my judgment it seems.

 

One day it all got too much after we finally went for a brief coffee in a café just across the street- he flirted outrageously with the waitress and shouted at me in public when I pulled him up on it, I was crying on the walk back and begging to talk things over as we got in the front door, but he just stood there blasting music when we got home and laughed hysterically in my face, insisting I didn’t love him and he certainly didn’t ever love me, that I was better when I was just a person in a computer screen in a far away country...he said he wasn't my boyfriend, never was and he didn't know why I followed him to Australia as he never asked me to, not taking in the seriousness that I’d spent thousands of pounds moving to the other side of the world for him and shrugging his shoulders, turning up his favourite song on the stereo and asking if his hair looked nice, so I packed all my things, jumped in a taxi and left. He didn’t even say goodbye or look up as I went for the final time, just carried on drinking his coffee in bed, laughing and listening to the music he was blasting.

 

With all my possessions hurriedly shoved in numerous carrier bags/cases etc, the taxi took me to the suburbs and I found myself in yet another new place. My new friends were outstanding, welcoming me into their lovely, comforting home, giving me time to heal by cooking me delicious meals, watching trashy TV with me and generally putting me back together for the next few weeks whilst I just sat like a zombie in a borrowed dressing gown cuddling their cats, taking it all in whilst they told me I deserved better and he wasn’t worth it etc.

 

I called his brother to ask if he knew what went wrong and could he maybe speak with my now ex to see why he acted like he did after we were supposed to be getting married in the new year, but he ignored all my messages, so after a few weeks I felt a bit stronger and moved into a new apartment I’d rented myself, vowing to start afresh, cutting all contact with the entire family and finally enjoy Australia alone.

 

However I’d missed a couple of periods by now and was feeling constantly sick, but I put that down to the enormous stress I’d been under and tried to ignore it. My friends made me take a pregnancy test though when I became faint out shopping one afternoon and there it was- positive. I took 3 more tests, they all said the same.

 

My whole world just seem to implode. My ex and I weren’t really planning children and I’ve never been one to coo over babies much, so finding myself in this situation, so far from home was terrifying.

 

The worst was yet to come though. I later saw him in the street near my new apartment, kissing a girl and putting furniture/shopping into a car....my friends from a local shop had seen him frequently too with this same girl over the past weeks- a tall skinny Asian teenager- I am short, curvy and blonde- and upon further investigation, I discovered they had actually been a couple since March 2013, so he had a 19 year old girlfriend all along, but she was conveniently overseas for a few weeks when I arrived in the country, so he knew he was safe until she returned from her holiday and panicked when she came home earlier than expected.

I felt like I’d been hit by a bus- every hope and dream just plummeted- I can’t even recall the next few days, just a blur of agony as the rug was pulled from under me.

 

I decided he had a right to know about the baby none the less, but didn’t want to see him face to face- cowardly perhaps yes with such important news, but he now terrified me, so I wrote a letter, enclosed the pregnancy conformation and put it through his door whilst I knew he’d be at work. Nothing. I went away for Christmas for a couple of weeks to try and unwind- my first Aussie Christmas and I was pregnant and sleeping at a friend’s sister’s house, not quite what I envisaged, as lovely and welcoming as they made the stay for me. Still no reply, so I left him a voicemail saying I hoped he’d got the news and we needed to decide what to do.

 

He promptly replied by text telling me to “Shut up, f*** off and die” and to “get rid of it”- if I wasn’t lying- he refused to even believe I was actually pregnant despite seeing the evidence.

 

He then sent further nasty texts saying it was all my fault, that I’d lied about being on the pill (in hindsight, I suffered a bout of sickness early in October, so I reckon my pill failed and I fell pregnant because of that)

He said I should have made him use condoms and that he’d find me and badly hurt me so I’d miscarry “the brat”. My friends told me to show the threats to the police which I did- they took note of them and his address etc and said they’d keep an eye on him, but that was that. He was back to playing happy families with his 19 year old and showing her off to his family/friends.

 

I sobbed for days and yet again my new Aussie friends were amazing, looking after me and making sure he didn’t find out my new address. The dream holiday had turned into a nightmare.

 

I made the decision to have an abortion and was all set on it, but in 2005 I had a horrendous miscarriage from a relationship with a childhood sweetheart and realised I’ve never fully dealt with that, so have decided I can’t go through with a termination and that I am going to raise this baby alone.

 

My family want me to come home, so I think I will end up returning to London ASAP before I grow too big to fly, but have no job to go back to and will find it difficult getting work now in my situation I think as my normal occupation is very active and have never claimed benefits in my life, so that upsets me.

 

I’ve been advised not to put his name on the birth certificate and have the baby born in London so he/she won’t have Australian citizenship, but its all so much to take in at this stage, I really don’t know the legal ins and outs and don’t want to bother going to an Australian legal adviser if I’m not going to stay in the country anyway- however I have seen a doctor here and the pregnancy is progressing well so far, plus I’m miraculously free from any nasty diseases I could have caught from him as I’ve since found out he has some STI’s, thank God I escaped catching anything.

 

He has made it clear he wants nothing to do with the child if I did keep it and is so smitten with his teenage lover, that I’m never to contact him again and ever let her find out about us.

 

My head is still spinning and I’m an emotional wreck as my hormones rage and I come to terms with the future I envisaged with him being completely ripped from under me.

I’m 32, have my own place still, thankfully, back in the UK and my parents are great so I’m not in a bad position to raise a child, but it just wasn’t what I planned and his spiteful reaction is constantly playing over and over in my head, so I just feel permanently drained and puffy eyed by the enormous hurt and overwhelmed as my body changes.

 

I need to start keeping more food down as I’ve lost a lot of weight and actually get some proper sleep without nightmares, but that’s easier said than done as I’m so worried about being a bad Mother and that I won’t even love the child as it might look like him, but I can’t put myself through a termination and wish he would accept some responsibility so his family could at least be involved with their new grandchild/niece/nephew etc, so I’m torn and also worried he will seriously hurt this young girlfriend of his as I’ve seen how violent his temper can flare up. I want to hate the girl, seeing them kissing was excruciating, but its not her fault, she’s probably as manipulated/spellbound as I was. Then I think I should just get the abortion and be done with it, there’s still time, so all is not lost and being pregnant is terrifying me everyday. What a mess.

 

I am driving myself insane picturing how it could have been and blaming myself when rationally I know he is just a severely damaged man with mental/alcohol and drug issues so it was nothing I did or said wrong- my head tells me that, but my heart still won’t let go of this monster.

I stupidly checked out his girlfriends Facebook page too- further torturing myself. I’ve blocked him and his family on there, plus via email and Whatsapp, but her page is covered with happy photos of them declaring their love for each other, excited about celebrating their one year anniversary soon and he also threw her a massive fancy dress birthday bash recently with limo’s in a country mansion (he couldn’t even leave his street or buy a card/bunch of flowers for mine, now we know why!) He has all her family/friends fooled into believing he is Mr Perfect.

 

Why didn’t his family tell me he already had a girlfriend- did they really not know?! Do they deserve to be involved in the baby’s life now if they are that deceitful? Why didn’t his work friends say something at the pub quizzes, or question who I was? Were they all in with the scam too?

Why did he propose? Just for a twisted kick?? If he wanted a UK visa, he didn’t get it as we never married, so what was he playing at? Re-reading all the messages he sent me since we met in 2012, it’s like a carefully crafted novel, he certainly isn’t the man who sent those, or who I was in a relationship with in London in reality.

 

I feel sick thinking he was stringing us both along together and that she knows nothing about the man she and her college friends value so highly- thinking he’s her Prince Charming and she’s so lucky to have an older, sexy comedian boyfriend who can get booze from work etc when really he’s going to a Father later in the year if I go through with it and is riddled with disease/drink/drug problems.

 

I’m pretty sure I’m doing the right thing returning home early and it’s a blessing in disguise knowing what he really is sooner rather than later before he could seriously hurt me physically with violence, or take any more money from my account, but I just hope I’ve made the right decision about keeping this unplanned baby and I can make a new life again for myself back home with my tail between my legs after its all fallen through in Australia after so much hype. I feel such a MASSIVE idiot and think nobody will ever want me now in my 30’s as a single mum.

 

Any words of encouragement and advice would be welcome though as I feel so low and just can’t stop crying, I’m like a walking corpse going from grieving the relationship and howling all night, to raging anger at myself for getting into this mess and being SO very stupid and trusting- I can’t get my head around how someone I loved turned out to be such a conniving monster, so please respond if you can, however briefly- I still feel so scared and alone until I’m reunited with my friends and family in London and hate myself beyond belief for not being stronger before it went this far, I feel like I’m slowly going insane.

 

Thanks for reading all this, I know it’s VERY long, but it has helped just writing it all down to clear my head. I hope someone can make me feel a bit better about the future as right now I don't want to carry on.

 

Carly Lou x

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Once u are over the heartbreak u will be okay x u took a gamble on someone & it didn't work out how u had hoped but it shows your commitment & what a good person u are x

 

The bloke sounds like an idiot & u are better off without x

 

U should come home ASAP & be with your family x

[fixing]

WOW! Omg, so sorry to hear about this. You must be in so much shock and emotional turmoil.

This guy is a dangerous sociopath. You need to get back to London asap. Cut all contact with him and block him EVERYWHERE. You are very brave to have this child. I applaud you.

He is scum. His family are scum too. They do not deserve to have the child in their lives imo.

GET HOME. He is a monster. A cheater, a horrible pathetic excuse for a man who i would love to smash his face in for you.

 

Seriously. Just go home. You need to be back with your mum. MAKE SURE THAT ANIMAL CANNOT FIND YOU ANYMORE.

 

Your lucky this happened now, as opposed to getting mortgage, kid together. He's a drug addled looney.

 

NO CONTACT AND GET THE NEXT PLANE.

[Zahara]

I hope someone can make me feel a bit better about the future as right now I don't want to carry on.

 

Carly Lou x

 

Err...Carly, any future would be better, far brighter, far more healthier, far more happier than being around this man. You could be living in a matchbox, under a bridge with the love of your child and the clothes on your back and have a much more better life and future without this monster. Please, this absolutely horrendous. You have to believe that being a single mum at 30 is far better than this BS.

 

Carry on for your child. You lost that chance with your childhood sweetheart, and here you are carrying a gift. Let that be what makes you want to carry on. This piece of dog shytt will be a far distant, and I hope forgettable memory in time. He's a temporary blip on your radar and in time he will fade. But what you carry will be your life. Let it be your inspiration.

 

I wish you could get out of there now and go home and start getting the support you need. But once you are home, your environment will change, you will start to progress in your pregnancy, you will have love showered on you by family and friends and you will start to feel supported and loved. Things will begin to change and you will start to feel hopeful and optimistic about life.

 

Stay strong. I commend you for leaving and having the courage to stay away. Most would go back and try to mend it, especially when they have a child. You're doing the right thing, for you and baby.

 

Keep us posted.

Edited January 23, 2014 by Zahara

[Carly Lou]

Thank you both so much. I feel better just knowing I've written it all down and I'm not going mad or did anything wrong, other than trust him.

 

 

He is poison, I cannot believe a human being can treat someone like this- how he hasn't had his face smashed in before is a wonder.

 

 

Flights are cheaper next month so I'm hoping to fly back in February, but I will miss the good friends I've made in my short time here who've been amazingly supportive. They deserve to know more about the baby than his own family! I hate the fact he's carrying on with not a care in the world, having fun taking this girl out and advertising his comedy gigs when I'm sitting here a red eyed, swollen mess, but hopefully once I'm home things will improve and I won't feel so scared all the time.

Thank you x

[Carly Lou]

Zahara- that made me cry, thank you for such lovely words and advice. So glad I posted x

[fixing]

He's a coward. Only a weak bully of a man can lay his hands on a woman. Seriously, your post read like a novel. Im sure he hasnt had his face smashed in so far is because he wouldnt dare antagonise a man.

Dont worry about your lovely friends. You can invite them to England anytime. Just get the next cheapest flight.

 

He sounds like a vile worthless POS. Your life is already so much better.

[fixing]

Plus, he is 28, yet he hangs around with teenagers and has a girlfriend have his age. A real loser in life. You didnt deserve such treatment. Its not your fault, none of it.

 

You will come out of this a stronger woman

[Carly Lou]

Yes I can't wait to be back in my own bed and get my thoughts together on home soil.

You're right, he'd never dare do it to a man- he is incredibly tall, but built like a stick so he could easily be taken out by a big guy, so preys on women- vile.

2 of my new friends are going to visit London in June so that will be nice as they've been so helpful.

So glad I wrote it all down as its been swimming in my head for weeks- just wish I could stop seeing his face every time I close my eyes, how can someone you loved so much now be so repulsive? Just mind blowing....

Thanks again, it means a lot x

[Carly Lou]

Thanks, I guess we don't really know how strong we are until we are tested eh?! Just wish my test wasn't so massive and expensive.

I thought it odd when I met his friends at the weekly pub quizzes and they were all 10 years younger than him and still students, now I know why....he has them SO fooled.... and he's a terrible comedian! x

[Carly Lou]

Forgot to add- after I'd left and found out about his girlfriend, I was waiting for a tram one day and heard a commotion behind me, with people staring up at the balcony of a bar and gasping. He was standing on the edge staring down at the pavement, looking like he was going to jump, then just laughed and climbed back inside, it creeped me out- I don't know if he saw me and it was for my benefit/attention, or I just happened to be passing, but either way, he's beyond unstable....

[Zahara]

Zahara- that made me cry, thank you for such lovely words and advice. So glad I posted x

 

You're most welcome, Carly.

 

You really don't realize how strong you are. You're alone, in a foreign land, pregnant, swollen eyes and all but you're thriving and moving forward. Having been through abuse and having been abused, it's difficult to break free -- but you're doing it all by yourself. Keep going.

 

This man is mentally unstable. And feel sorry for the woman that is with him because in time, she will probably see him for who he is. How he behaved with you is who he is -- not the sweet, fun, loving guy that you initially saw. At some point, that monster will emerge again. You dodged a bullet.

[fixing]

Zahara excellent Post/advice. She is right Carly, you are one exceptionally brave and strong woman.

I wish i had a woman who would move across the world for me.

 

Oh well, its this tramps loss. Stay strong. And avoid him like the plague

[rosedl]

Go home immediately, if you can. You need your family and friends. Anyone who can provide support and compassion.

 

This guy is nuts and seriously troubled.

 

I am so sorry.

[Volthi10]

I wish you the best and you will see that in time once you're back home things will get/feel better. I will pray for you and your baby so that God helps you pull through. Like you I can relate in the aspect of moving for somebody you love. I left the town I lived in to move in with my boyfriend and well unfortunately things didn't go well. But you will be ok. Stay strong and have a little faith! God bless

[Carly Lou]

I'm so touched by everyone's lovely replies and good advice- thank you SO much. I've kept some porridge down and have been reading about Sociopaths online- it all rings so sadly true.

It's so hard to get him from my mind, part of me still stupidly loves him in a strange way, no idea why, perhaps I'm thinking of the few good times or the man I hoped he'd be after the sacrifice I made to move here, not the monster he is in reality. I'm livid he is out there with no remorse and will do this again to more girls, but I need to just cut my losses here and focus on what happens next I agree.

Bloody terrified though about having a baby, won't lie If any mums out there have any tips for what to expect in these early months I'd be really grateful, I'm just scaring myself Googling childbirth!

Thanks again everyone, this is the first time I've stopped crying for more than an hour, so writing it all down has definitely done some good, thank you x

[Eggplant]

Your story frightens me. I predict this man was in fact a sociopath. It seems to be a recurring story, in which a man is overly charming or romantic at first, and then becomes Mr. Hyde. Terrifying. I think you've handled it great.

 

Congratulations on your baby! I would not associate with the psychos down under. They might all be loony in his family, and you don't want your child exposed to them.

[Carly Lou]

Thank you Eggplant you are right, I think his whole family have mental issues and excuse/encourage his behaviour far too much. It feels weird having someone say "your baby"! Will take some getting used to.

It scares me how easily it is to slip into an abusive relationship. I never thought I'd fall for that, always been a strong, independent woman, especially the older I've got, but how terrifying that these manipulators are so clever they can fool even the most headstrong of women. I've been reading about sociopaths, it's all spookily accurate....

Just wish I could keep some food down and sleep for longer than an hour at a time, but I guess/hope it will get easier once I'm home.

 

If anyone has any tips for early pregnancy I'd really appreciate it- is there somewhere I can post to ask other mums? I'm worried my bump is too big/small, I've got nothing to compare or base my experience upon, thanks x

Edited January 24, 2014 by Carly Lou
Need advice on pregnancy

[Zahara]

Carly, maybe you should post on the health forum and see if there are any takers. Specifically ask for help per your pregnancy. It wouldn't hurt for you to visit a doctor in your area and get a consult. For one, stay away from googling because sometimes you'll only scare yourself and cause yourself to worry. You have to start eating healthy, try and exercise, find was to calm yourself. Stop reading about what he is, who he is -- trying to diagnose him when focus should be solely about you.

[Carly Lou]

Thank you, yes I agree. I will post there, everyone's been so helpful, thank you. Healthcare is so expensive here as I'm not an Australian citizen so don't have medicare insurance, I need to see my own doctor in the UK really. Will try and eat little and often, the sickness tends to ease around early evenings now I'm finding- Googling does scare you I agree, I've looked at so many baby bumps to compare mine and now feel more upset as I don't think mine is right/too big/small etc, which is silly because every woman is totally different, my rational thought tells me that, but I'm still a big mess, crying in supermarkets (!) so I'll stop looking and try to just focus on myself- thank you x

[Zahara]

Thank you, yes I agree. I will post there, everyone's been so helpful, thank you. Healthcare is so expensive here as I'm not an Australian citizen so don't have medicare insurance, I need to see my own doctor in the UK really. Will try and eat little and often, the sickness tends to ease around early evenings now I'm finding- Googling does scare you I agree, I've looked at so many baby bumps to compare mine and now feel more upset as I don't think mine is right/too big/small etc, which is silly because every woman is totally different, my rational thought tells me that, but I'm still a big mess, crying in supermarkets (!) so I'll stop looking and try to just focus on myself- thank you x

 

Slipped my mind that you're in a foreign land and you may not have health insurance.

 

Yes, every woman isn't going to carry and show the same way. My girlfriend had a baby in her 40's and she had such a little bump full term.

 

If you do want to google, then do searches on what foods to eat, exercises that can help you strengthen, learn some meditation techniques offered online (it helps calm you down and center your thoughts), pre-natal vitamins -- things of that nature to help you get some tips on being healthy and positive.

 

I know hun, I cried everwhere and anywhere after my last break-up. Cried at the grocery store. Cried at work. Cried while in line at the fast food restaurant. Cried in church and everyone was staring. It's normal. It's good to let it out. You're grieving and they say an ending to a relationship is almost as if one is experiencing a death, a loss of a loved one -- eventhough he's a piece of crap, you had dreams and hopes and you've been dissapointed and hurt at how it all turned out. Cry, feel your sadness but at the same time care for you as well. If you can't emotionally at this moment, then at least physically.

 

I bet you that once you get home and you are surrounded by people and loved ones and the familiarity of home, you're going to start feeling so much better. You're going home soon. Stay optimistic.

 

Keep posting. And expose your questions on some of the other forums about your health and pregnancy. I'm sure people will respond.

[FrostBlaze]

Loong story, but i actually read it all cuz it was intriguing, and frankly very sad.

Well good luck to you in the future and as others have said, go home quick and block any communication with this GUY.

I'm glad you have the power to move on.

 

I know a friend in a almost exact similar position to you...but she always breaks down and goes back to the guy that is utter trash to her, maybe one day she will understand, but it will be too late.

 

And i hope you aren't like that >_>, never look back at the scum, go home, familly will treat you well and help you get over it.

Nothing like friends and familly.

[Carly Lou]

You summed up everything I'm feeling, thank you for being so understanding. It's such a raw, horrible pain in my gut all the time. I'm fuming he is just preparing for his comedy festival and having fun with her whilst I'm dealing with all this and I wish I could get it out of my head Kept some dinner down though so that's a small victory.

I think I'm further ahead than 12 weeks, I've got quite a bump now in this past week, but won't get my scan done here as it's ridiculously expensive. Just want to be home now, I need shares in tissues the way I'm going through them crying! x

[Carly Lou]

I hope your friend finds the strength to leave her monster- nobody deserves to go through it, it's disgusting Good luck to her and thank you, I never want to see him again x

[FrostBlaze]

Why am i so freaking sympathetic, i actually feel genuinely sorry for you, i can see how you are struggling to get over it, like feel it in your posts.(i mean really feel it xD)

Chin up..well as much as possible, you will get over this and be safe soon.

I know it's hard but try to be more positive, do you still have people to talk to right now? do it. You are quite engulfed in sadness right now and you don't need to fester on sad thoughts because they will try to take over.

 

People have a bad habbit of doing SAD stuff when they are sad, thus, worsening their state. Soo, seriously try and have some fun and just not think about it. To do this, talk to a friend/familly, engage in some sort of activity, keep yourself busy. Dont act like "how can i have fun now?" that's just acting like you have allready lost.

 

And yeah you can vent here, but don't pity yourself or blame yourself for any of this. Screw him and whoever else, it's not your problem anymore and you shouldn't care about anything that he is doing from now on, he is out of your life.

 

Here's a *hug* from me. Cheers.