snappytomcat Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 hello all just thought I would share this,i don't know why as it was 26 years ago,but they all say the same thing,even my husband did,this is my second post as I shared about the crazy ow,who threatened my children,and I have spoke to he local sheriff,thank you all for your advice,my husband and I are doing great,i do have my bad days still its like a roller coaster ride. anyways,when I was 16 years old,i met a guy who was 28,he pursued me for months,i was addicted to drugs,so he would give me all the drugs I wanted,and I thought at the time I loved him,and I couldn't live without him,i see now that I never did love him. it wasn't until about 2 months into our relationship,that he just happens to tell me that he was married,so I told him I didn't want to have anything to do with a married man,and told him never to contact me again,this was before cell phones,and computers so what he did was stalk me,wherever I went there he was begging me to go back to him,telling me hes only with his wife,because of his son,they sleep in separate bedrooms,shes involved with the church that takes up all her time,never has time for him,and I believed him,then he started abusing me,telling me if I ever left him,i would be sorry. he started getting crazier,i think a lot had to do with the drugs,but on Saturdays he would take me to his apartment,as the wife was in church all day,and showed me his bedroom,this went on for about a year,the whole time I wanted out,i lost many friends over this as&h&le,cause he was so possessive of me didn't want me talking to anyone,i did everything I could to try to leave him,i even called the cops after on of his beatings,thinking he will be locked up for a bit,but nope it would just make him angrier. one day as I was walking into the drugstore a pregnant woman with a little boy was just staring me down,i found it odd but went about my business,and when I came out the woman called my name,i turned around and asked who she was,it was the wife,she asked if I could sit,and talk with her which I agreed,first off she asked me how old I was?and I think the age thing really devastated her the most,i remember thinking to myself as I was talking to her,shes so nice,and very pretty. she asked me all kinds of questions,some I remember like how long has this been going on?where and have I been to her house,it was so hard to answer them,but I did honestly,and I told her that I have been trying to get him to leave me alone,that he had been abusive,and hes crazy. so one last thing I did ask her about was if the baby was his,because he told me they didn't have sex,even had separate bedrooms,guess what the baby was his,and she said this is why she didn't understand him cheating,as they had a great sex life,i was so naïve to have believed him,i did apologize to her,and a week later I found out I was pregnant too,my daughter is 24,shes never met her biological father,hes in prison,where he belongs,and my husband adopted her when she was 2. so I do know what its like to be the ow,even though I was so young,i have always felt guilty about it,and I hope his wife went on to marry a good man,you can say karmas a bi&ch,but I was so young,and naïve
Ronni_W Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 snappytomcat, I'm sorry you had that experience...you did not deserve it. You were young and vulnerable, and he took advantage of you. At minimum he was a sadistic perv. You did not consent to having a relationship with a married man...you'd have needed to know that he was, first. I wish you the best, and that you'll be able to free yourself of any guilt you are carrying about this. It was not your fault as you were young and vulnerable and lied to and abused/brutalized.
krazikat Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I was the OW unknowingly for a year. I was 19. He actually left his gf for me and I didnt know anything about her... He continued to be involved with her. We lived together for like 6 months. When I found out from a mutual friend that he was still involved with the girl, and they had just had a baby that he missed the birth of because he had been with me and they just couldnt ignore what he was doing so they let me know. When I found out I was pissed and left as fast as I could...I left him without warning. Some of these guys out there are so dirty. The ones that cheat on pregnant gf/wives are the worst 2
Author snappytomcat Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 thank you both for your kind words and yes he was disgusting especially cheating while his wife was pregnant 1
thummper Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 OMG, Snappy! What a terrible memory to have to remember for the rest of your life! Something good did come out of the mess, although at the time it probably felt like the end of the world: your daughter. I've always felt, since I'm an old retired teacher, that children are the true lights of our lives. They can make everything seem much better just by being there with you. I'm into the "grandchildren" mode, now. What is it they say: "If I'd known that grandkids were so great, I'd have had them first." I'm so glad that you and your hubby are working this out between you. There are so many temptations in the world, sometimes bad things happen and people are left to work out some kind of solution. You sound like a really good woman, Snappy. I wish you all the good luck you can have, and I hope there are many good memories in the future.
Author snappytomcat Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 thank you thumper for your kind words,and yes grandkids are awesome my grandson is 10 months old,and my buddy didn't realize how attached I would be to him
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