LovelyAngel339 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. At the beginning of our relationship things were great! We'd go on dates and have fun spending time together. The past few months however have been shaky. He's taken a new job with a towing company, different from the one he worked previously. Originally he was supposed to work every other weekend so he'd get some time off and we could spend more time together but they haven't given that to him. They haven't even given him is raise he was supposed to get after 90 days. He works all the time and is always on calls. There are some nights when I come over there that he just falls asleep, which is understandable. Recently it's snowed where I live and he's been going all over the place. Where he would call me multiple times during the day, I'm lucky if I get a text message anymore. When I call him after I get off work, my call gets ignored. I've talked to him before about him working so much but all I got was "It is what it is." I don't want to break up with him but I don't know what to do. We don't live together, which might help with us seeing together but I'm not sure. Some advice would help
d0nnivain Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I don't know where you live but the weather in most of the US is brutal this time of year. Therefore people's cars don't start & they run off the road. This is money making season for anyone in the towing business & around storms they may work 18 - 36 hours straight. This guy doesn't have time to cheat on you. 2
angel.eyes Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Well, the weather is bad this week, but it sounds as if this has been going on for a while. Either way, he was calling you before while he worked. He's stopped doing that. Yes, sometimes work schedules get hectic, but if the person is interested, they will convey that interest to you in some way. You're getting a nonchalant "It is what it is." My guess is that he is pulling the slow fade. Either you will get frustrated and end things or things will just slowly die off. Either way, he won't have to deal with the "drama" of breaking up with you. My boyfriend works 80 hours/week. I work more and travel. We're both in very competitive, stressful work environments, and we have different schedules. We still manage to speak on the phone at least a couple of times each day, and spend most of the week together. When interest is there, you find a way to convey that. When it isn't, you have a built-in excuse for chronic absence and ultimately incompatibility--being perpetually busy. Unfortunately, I'm hearing the latter in your description of things. 1
Zahara Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Busy is never an excuse. I'm sure he has time to stop and have a sandwich. I'm sure he stops to take a pee. I'm sure there are moments of time when he is waiting for his next tow. I'm sure when he gets home he has time to take a shower and have dinner. Why not 2 minutes to at least send you a text or just a quick phone call. It's actually very simple. Slow fade. The honeymoon stage is probably coming to an end. If someone is invested in you, they may miss your calls but will call you back but to ignore isn't a good sign. It's obvious that your feelings are not even being taken into consideration. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Busy is never an excuse. I'm sure he has time to stop and have a sandwich. I'm sure he stops to take a pee. I'm sure there are moments of time when he is waiting for his next tow. I'm sure when he gets home he has time to take a shower and have dinner. Why not 2 minutes to at least send you a text or just a quick phone call. It's actually very simple. Slow fade. The honeymoon stage is probably coming to an end. If someone is invested in you, they may miss your calls but will call you back but to ignore isn't a good sign. It's obvious that your feelings are not even being taken into consideration. This. I went through something similar with a former long-term boyfriend. I knew he wasn't so busy all the time every work day that he couldn't respond. I finally realized I just wasn't so high on his list of priorities, and I was right. If this is already happening after just 6 months, I'd say the future doesn't look so bright. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Busy is only relevant if you're not that interested in your partner. When I began my last relationship I was working 70 hours a week zipping between a full-time placement, writing essays, a 30 hour a week job and volunteering, socialising on top. I still made and had plenty of time to text, call, and see my new boyfriend. I would go with your gut instinct on this one. Maybe he's so busy with his new job he has simply lost interest in your relationship.
ThatMan Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Are you familiar with what towing entails? There will be many moments when it is literally impossible talk on the phone. Not to mention there are some who believe in professionalism and keeping the worklife separate from home. Try to have some realistic expectations here. He needs to be independent and to support himself. Being self-sufficient must always come before a relationship, then everything else may follow suit. You need to be more understanding of that. What happens when he goes one single day without contact? If that's really such an issue, then there are people who work less demanding jobs, and people who really don't mind having continued contact every single day. What I would do is arrange a date night together. You need to be crafty and spontaneous if he's on call. But a few honest dates together can help lift spirits. I'm sure he feels bummed out to be so swamped with work, and could probably use some compassion and understanding. While I know that less contact is also a bummer. It might not seem like much but a few dates can make all the difference. Best of luck. 1
WrinkledForehead Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Busy is only relevant if you're not that interested in your partner. When I began my last relationship I was working 70 hours a week zipping between a full-time placement, writing essays, a 30 hour a week job and volunteering, socialising on top. I still made and had plenty of time to text, call, and see my new boyfriend. I would go with your gut instinct on this one. Maybe he's so busy with his new job he has simply lost interest in your relationship. Exactly. I work two part time jobs, take five college classes, and raise two children/run a household on my own. I have time for my bf. I make time for him. I'd be more concerned about his less than heartening response: "it is what it is." He should be trying a hell of a lot harder than that. 2
Dallers Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Busy is only relevant if you're not that interested in your partner. When I began my last relationship I was working 70 hours a week zipping between a full-time placement, writing essays, a 30 hour a week job and volunteering, socialising on top. I still made and had plenty of time to text, call, and see my new boyfriend. I would go with your gut instinct on this one. Maybe he's so busy with his new job he has simply lost interest in your relationship. This ^^ as a guy who loves being left alone and is the complete opposite of needy the only reason I would act the way he does is if I had gone off you or if there was someone else. I wouldn't care if I was on the Moon if you were really my lady I would be phoning home like E.T. The guy may just be really busy with his job but that is not the only problem here. Time to have a serious talk.
hotpotato Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I don't know where you live but the weather in most of the US is brutal this time of year. Therefore people's cars don't start & they run off the road. This is money making season for anyone in the towing business & around storms they may work 18 - 36 hours straight. This guy doesn't have time to cheat on you. Hogwash. My ex cheated on me while working two jobs. They will find time for someone they like, whether it's the gf or the new shiny toy.
hotpotato Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. At the beginning of our relationship things were great! We'd go on dates and have fun spending time together. The past few months however have been shaky. He's taken a new job with a towing company, different from the one he worked previously. Originally he was supposed to work every other weekend so he'd get some time off and we could spend more time together but they haven't given that to him. They haven't even given him is raise he was supposed to get after 90 days. He works all the time and is always on calls. There are some nights when I come over there that he just falls asleep, which is understandable. Recently it's snowed where I live and he's been going all over the place. Where he would call me multiple times during the day, I'm lucky if I get a text message anymore. When I call him after I get off work, my call gets ignored. I've talked to him before about him working so much but all I got was "It is what it is." I don't want to break up with him but I don't know what to do. We don't live together, which might help with us seeing together but I'm not sure. Some advice would help If he is ignoring you now, living together won't work. Do you really want to mesh you life and living space with someone who can't even return your calls?
Author LovelyAngel339 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Well to answer everyone's questions I know he's not cheating. He's told me that and showed me evidence but I kind of figured he wouldn't be. I've talked to him about him working all the time and us not going out or anything. It's because he's trying to save money so he can pay off his loans and get a house. I'm still a little frazzled because of him ignoring my phone calls but it's honestly because he's so busy with work. He worked a 4 hour tractor trailer accident the other day so didn't call me back because he fell asleep at the shop and I was at work. He's always drained between calls (he is on call 24/7) so barely has the energy to get up off the couch to go upstairs let alone text/call me back. I can understand that. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt so only time will tell. Thank you everyone for the advice.
Eau Claire Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 My boyfriend finished a meeting...drove three hours so we we could have a 20 minute cup of coffee together during my evening shift...then three hours back to his hotel. A man will always find time for a woman he loves. Yes, a guy can be physically tired...but he will want to have you there to cuddle when he nods off.
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 It sounds to me like he has his head on straight. Ask him if he can try to fit in a text once in a while. 1
Eau Claire Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Well to answer everyone's questions I know he's not cheating. He's told me that and showed me evidence but I kind of figured he wouldn't be. I've talked to him about him working all the time and us not going out or anything. It's because he's trying to save money so he can pay off his loans and get a house. I'm still a little frazzled because of him ignoring my phone calls but it's honestly because he's so busy with work. He worked a 4 hour tractor trailer accident the other day so didn't call me back because he fell asleep at the shop and I was at work. He's always drained between calls (he is on call 24/7) so barely has the energy to get up off the couch to go upstairs let alone text/call me back. I can understand that. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt so only time will tell. Thank you everyone for the advice. Gee whiz...so all this means he couldn't make a 2 minute call to say he was thinking of you! Keep up the delusion. 2
Zahara Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) Well to answer everyone's questions I know he's not cheating. He's told me that and showed me evidence but I kind of figured he wouldn't be. I've talked to him about him working all the time and us not going out or anything. It's because he's trying to save money so he can pay off his loans and get a house. I'm still a little frazzled because of him ignoring my phone calls but it's honestly because he's so busy with work. He worked a 4 hour tractor trailer accident the other day so didn't call me back because he fell asleep at the shop and I was at work. He's always drained between calls (he is on call 24/7) so barely has the energy to get up off the couch to go upstairs let alone text/call me back. I can understand that. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt so only time will tell. Thank you everyone for the advice. The issue is that he can't even find a minute to text you and doesn't even return your calls. Working hard to pay bills is one thing, ignoring and finding zero time to keep in touch with you is another. I'm sure if he is so tired and is on the run 24/7, he doesn't eat, sleep, pee, poop, shower, etc.? Unlikely. If he can find time for all of that, he CAN text you. It doesn't take but 10 seconds to send a text. If someone wants to do it, they'll 1) find a way to do it 2) WANT to do it. The thing is you complain, don't get the answers you want and then you settle that you're asking for too much because he really is busy. Deep down, you know that "busy" isn't a good enough excuse. And calling you should be the highlight of his day. It shouldn't be a chore or another "tiring" thing for him to do. Edited January 27, 2014 by Zahara 2
Eau Claire Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Zahara...your last sentence is something so important in all relationships. I don't do things for my man because 'I have' to do them. I do them because I want to. Unlike the sitcoms...a man does not forget Valentines, your birthday, anniversary, Or TO CALL. He may be a little stressed to get the right present or say the right words, but his intention is to do something to make his woman happy because he cares. 1
Antenna_Of_Destiny Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. At the beginning of our relationship things were great! We'd go on dates and have fun spending time together. The past few months however have been shaky. He's taken a new job with a towing company, different from the one he worked previously. Originally he was supposed to work every other weekend so he'd get some time off and we could spend more time together but they haven't given that to him. They haven't even given him is raise he was supposed to get after 90 days. He works all the time and is always on calls. There are some nights when I come over there that he just falls asleep, which is understandable. Recently it's snowed where I live and he's been going all over the place. Where he would call me multiple times during the day, I'm lucky if I get a text message anymore. When I call him after I get off work, my call gets ignored. I've talked to him before about him working so much but all I got was "It is what it is." I don't want to break up with him but I don't know what to do. We don't live together, which might help with us seeing together but I'm not sure. Some advice would help These are signs that he is a masked vigilante, undercover agent, or super villain. 1
hotpotato Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Well to answer everyone's questions I know he's not cheating. He's told me that and showed me evidence but I kind of figured he wouldn't be. I've talked to him about him working all the time and us not going out or anything. It's because he's trying to save money so he can pay off his loans and get a house. I'm still a little frazzled because of him ignoring my phone calls but it's honestly because he's so busy with work. He worked a 4 hour tractor trailer accident the other day so didn't call me back because he fell asleep at the shop and I was at work. He's always drained between calls (he is on call 24/7) so barely has the energy to get up off the couch to go upstairs let alone text/call me back. I can understand that. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt so only time will tell. Thank you everyone for the advice. Ok keep telling yourself that. If a man wants you, he will make time for you. Always. You will not be on the backburner, ever. 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I guarantee that, while he may like you, if he found a girl who knocked his socks off he WOULD make time for her, and he would not ignore her calls unless he wasn't physically by his phone. In which case he would call her back ASAP. Please stop deluding yourself. You will find out later on anyway, when you don't turn out to be the love of his life. Although plenty of people prefer to be more "chill" and to only text or talk every couple of days, it is rare, and most guys who are really crazy about you WILL make the time. DO you really want to stay with him when there is a HIGH chance that he is simply not all that crazy about you? I ignored peoples advice. It turns out they were all correct. My ex wasn't all that in love with me after all. I would really consider listening to us. 1
hotpotato Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) I hate to add this, but if you are to the point of asking someone if they are cheating, they probably are. I hate to be negative, but that's been my experience. I'll put it this way. I could call my EX right now, and he would pick up or he'd call me back immediately. I could text him right now, and he'd text back. We have not dated in 4 years, but he still has enough respect for me to return calls or messages. Edited January 30, 2014 by hotpotato
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