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Posted

A little history…my 14 year marriage ended in divorce a few years ago because my ex-husband had an affair and decided our marriage was not worth trying to save because he no longer loved me, he loved her and wanted to be with her.

 

With a lot of hard work and help from my therapist and a fantastic support system I was able to heal, forgive and move on, but there is one lingering issue that I just can't seem to resolve.

 

You see, prior to the affair there were absolutely no trust issues whatsoever in my marriage. Looking back, I would even call myself naive. I was blissfully unaware that there was anything I should be concerned about. I was happy. I was stable. I was self-assured and very secure in my relationship. I trusted that man so completely that no thought ever entered my mind that anything would be wrong. I would have adamantly denied any implication that he could ever cheat on me. I just didn't see it coming.

 

In the years since my divorce I have become painfully aware that infidelity is rampant. It's like I came out from under the rock I was living under and I am now seeing what actually happens to real people in the real world….and it is happening a lot more often and to a lot more people that I know than I care to admit.

 

It scares the crap out of me!

 

The end result is that now I find myself to be an overly suspicious, generally distrusting, shell of the person I used to be and I drive myself crazy.

 

The smallest little things stand out to me and I latch onto them and then the wondering starts. Sometimes my over-active mind gets the better of me and I wind up asking my BF questions that make him feel accused. If he only know how many things I don't ask him….how many things I internalize because I know they are ridiculous and I don't want to make him feel accused. He would be shocked.

 

One little thing will happen. I will notice that it is maybe a bit out of the ordinary and I will literally spend days thinking about it. Wondering about it. Trying to convince myself to stop thinking about it.

 

I want to enjoy my life…our life together. I don't want to spend my time constantly wondering about stupid things that prior to my ex's affair I never would have even noticed, let alone spent one second thinking about.

 

One time he thought we had been to a restaurant together that I had never been to. He has a terrible memory, he has an ex-wife and a few other women he was in relationships with prior to meeting me, so it is perfectly reasonable that he was remembering having been to this restaurant with another women before we met, but in 5 seconds flat I had a story made up in my mind that was fit for a Lifetime movie!

 

Does anyone have any tricks or tips to just learn to quiet your mind? I know when I start doing it, I just wish there was a switch I could flip to stop it when I see it starting.

Posted

have you seen a therapist about this?

 

good that you see this is a problem and are making about you and not your b/f

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