Mrlonelyone Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Well M my sort of ex (since we never sat and defined what we were exactly) now wants to meet up... as soon as possible. She wanted to come by my house today but it's not really company ready so I had to say no. So WTH? She seems really eager to at least talk to me face to face. I will be glad to see her again. Even if she only wants something platonic it would be nice to see her again. Yet knowing where we stood before, I'm hoping that she wants to try again.
Philosoraptor Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 There is no issue meeting up if you can accept that nothing may come of it. Don't accept a position where you will be wanting more. If you can just be friends, great. If you want more than friends and only get offered friends... then don't allow yourself to suffer wanting more. 2
xUnknown Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Everything that 'Raptor said. How long has it been since the breakup? Have you "moved on" or are things still fresh? She may just want to catch up and see where you are (keep tabs on you), to see if you've moved on. If she wants to reconcile, she'll make it known. My ex told me, I wanted to ask you to meet up, but I though you would decline, so, I figured the only way was to show up unannounced. I told her, she was right, if she texted or asked, I would have declined --so, she made the right call by showing up without notice. I never thought she would...never, but she did.... So, if she wants to reconcile, she'll make it known when you meet up. But, only meet up if you can understand that it may be nothing at all. Also, if she does reconcile (and DO NOT get your hopes up by my saying this - just trying to prepare you IF it happens), or wants to...DO NOT say yes. Tell her you need time to consider everything. 2
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 There is no issue meeting up if you can accept that nothing may come of it. Don't accept a position where you will be wanting more. If you can just be friends, great. If you want more than friends and only get offered friends... then don't allow yourself to suffer wanting more. True. The thing is I won't really know how I feel about that until I lay eyes on her again. Since we work in the same little field I'd rather us be on good speaking terms at least. So if that's all she wants I'll take that. Either we're just going to formally make peace....or were going to try again at a deeper relationship. Everything that 'Raptor said. How long has it been since the breakup? Have you "moved on" or are things still fresh? She may just want to catch up and see where you are (keep tabs on you), to see if you've moved on. If she wants to reconcile, she'll make it known. My ex told me, I wanted to ask you to meet up, but I though you would decline, so, I figured the only way was to show up unannounced. I told her, she was right, if she texted or asked, I would have declined --so, she made the right call by showing up without notice. Well. I put it this way. We worked/studied together. On any day we'd spend 12 hours at the school and between 4 and six of those hours were just me and her hanging out on and off campus. I did the math and it was like dating for 20 months compressed into eight. It's been about eight months since we were anything. She's dated one other I've dated others, nothing serious yet. I've moved on from feelings of hurt yet I can't say I don't still love her. It just takes more than love to make a relationship work. I never thought she would...never, but she did.... So, if she wants to reconcile, she'll make it known when you meet up. But, only meet up if you can understand that it may be nothing at all. Also, if she does reconcile (and DO NOT get your hopes up by my saying this - just trying to prepare you IF it happens), or wants to...DO NOT say yes. Tell her you need time to consider everything. I don't think I'll play that game. I made it clear long ago that I'm not a dog on a chain she can yank back whenever when it ended. At this point I'd just say listen. If were going to do this we need to be really mature about it all acknowledge what was wrong and try not to do it again.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Any other thoughts advice insights? The meeting is set for tomorrow morning in one of our old haunts.
MrMeh Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Maybe she misses your frequent company, but if she does want to reconcile and revitalize the relationship you once had, I would suggest you strongly consider if you are ready. I know you are a competent person, but I also know that you have had a rough patch lately and would recommend that you truly contemplate on any decisions in isolation before jumping to anything.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Maybe she misses your frequent company, but if she does want to reconcile and revitalize the relationship you once had, I would suggest you strongly consider if you are ready. I know you are a competent person, but I also know that you have had a rough patch lately and would recommend that you truly contemplate on any decisions in isolation before jumping to anything. Well that won't be hard. Just to set a question in my mind at ease I asked the person I've been texting straight out if they were who I thought they were. Are you M Lastname. They then made up something about having had M as a nick name. It was M. but I think, like myself. She was a bit nervous of the meeting as soon as the time was made. It is a hopeful sign that we were both willing to talk, all day, by text about how much we miss eachother. Maybe in a few weeks or months more if nothing changes. If it is meant to be it is meant to be.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 A post script to this whole incident. I am 100% sure looking at the text that I was talking to who I thought I was now. At the time, in the thick of it I wasn't. Their last minute denial that they weren't the M I know convinces me the more. I mean come on explaining why they answered to the name earlier on, and the fact that last year this number called me on her birthday asking to hang out (I did not pick up). Even knowing the place where we first met by name. A convincing deinal would have been a flat no..or who the hell is this I've been texting. For some reason I just did not feel 100% sure. Evidently neither did she. That said it felt good to spend the whole day more or less telling each other how much we miss each other by text at her initiation.
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