avoforastig Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I've had some real ups and downs with the dating market over the past 8 months since I started dating again. I have a hard time knowing when to pull the plug on women and move on to the next. I'm not sure if its my indecisive nature, lack of dating experience, or desire for a long-term relationship. For example, I have recently been on three dates with a woman. We seem to have a fair amount in common and she's physically attractive. However, there seems to be a lack of smoothly flowing conversation and I'm having a little trouble trying to sort out her sense of humor. After 3 dates, is this normal or should I prep myself for moving on to the next one? Another woman I dated before that had a great sense of humor but also turned pout to be totally crazy. Is there a happy medium out there or do you just have to pick your poison?
Frank2thepoint Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 You have to recognize the moment you feel there isn't much going on for you. If you are having difficulty digesting the woman's humor and there are lulls in the conversation, and you feel something wrong in your gut, act upon that instinct. Tell the woman it's not working out or you two are not compatible and move on. The other thing, and most important, no one is perfect. Everyone will have some qualities that you may not find attractive. The trick is accepting those qualities, especially if you realize they are not threatening to you. 2
WrinkledForehead Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 At this point you should have fairly easy conversations. You sound like you have some major doubts about her. I'd let her go at this point.
Philosoraptor Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 It's only been three dates. If there is chemistry then give it time. It takes longer than that to get to know someone. If there is no chemistry and you have these quirks then it may be best to see what other options are out there. Are you opposed to multi dating? No reason you can't continue to get to know her yet still see what options are out there. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I've had some real ups and downs with the dating market over the past 8 months since I started dating again. I have a hard time knowing when to pull the plug on women and move on to the next. I'm not sure if its my indecisive nature, lack of dating experience, or desire for a long-term relationship. All of the above. The reasons why you have a hard time deciding when to end are all of the above. For example, I have recently been on three dates with a woman. We seem to have a fair amount in common and she's physically attractive. However, there seems to be a lack of smoothly flowing conversation and I'm having a little trouble trying to sort out her sense of humor. After 3 dates, is this normal or should I prep myself for moving on to the next one? Another woman I dated before that had a great sense of humor but also turned pout to be totally crazy. Is there a happy medium out there or do you just have to pick your poison? Some people, more understandably, the ladies, can seem guarded. It may take time for them to open up. So, patience may be required.
Author avoforastig Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 You have to recognize the moment you feel there isn't much going on for you. If you are having difficulty digesting the woman's humor and there are lulls in the conversation, and you feel something wrong in your gut, act upon that instinct. The other thing, and most important, no one is perfect. Everyone will have some qualities that you may not find attractive. The trick is accepting those qualities, especially if you realize they are not threatening to you. I know no one is perfect and I am very accepting. Really, I haven't seen any red flags from her. She might just be a tough read. I actually think I have a similar personality, maybe we are both just a bit on the reserved side? Its just hard for me for to be certain she is enjoying herself. I assume she has some interest in me to go on 3 dates. Honestly, I feel pretty neutral towards her at this point. Would it be wrong to explore things a little more? Is it possible some people just take more time to open up?
Author avoforastig Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Are you opposed to multi dating? No reason you can't continue to get to know her yet still see what options are out there. Interesting you bring up multi-dating. I have thought long and hard about it but never tried it. The idea seems great in theory but it makes me feel sort of guilty. I think it might be worth trying though, especially with folks who like to take it slow.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I know no one is perfect and I am very accepting. Really, I haven't seen any red flags from her. She might just be a tough read. I actually think I have a similar personality, maybe we are both just a bit on the reserved side? Its just hard for me for to be certain she is enjoying herself. I assume she has some interest in me to go on 3 dates. Honestly, I feel pretty neutral towards her at this point. Would it be wrong to explore things a little more? Is it possible some people just take more time to open up? There is nothing wrong with wanting to explore things a little more. But there is a point where you have to realize you are wasting your time if nothing is happening. If something happened such as meeting initially was positive then it progressed to negative, then it's a clear sign not to proceed. If there is nothing compelling you to see the person at least a little, then it's best to move on.
Philosoraptor Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Interesting you bring up multi-dating. I have thought long and hard about it but never tried it. The idea seems great in theory but it makes me feel sort of guilty. I think it might be worth trying though, especially with folks who like to take it slow. Nothing to feel guilty about. You don't owe anyone anything, and if it's not exclusive then there is no reason to limit your options. 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 The moment you don't feel good about it anymore is the moment to pull the plug. At least that's how I am. If you can't have good conversation from the get-go, I doubt it will get better. On the first few dates you always put your best foot forward and try to impress. If her best foot forward is a lack of flow in conversation, I can tell you from experience it won't improve. And I understand your frustrations too. It's so hard to connect with people. Everyone is on a different level.
ExposedBrick Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 The moment you don't feel good about it anymore is the moment to pull the plug. At least that's how I am. If you can't have good conversation from the get-go, I doubt it will get better. On the first few dates you always put your best foot forward and try to impress. If her best foot forward is a lack of flow in conversation, I can tell you from experience it won't improve. And I understand your frustrations too. It's so hard to connect with people. Everyone is on a different level. It's hard to say exactly how good or bad the conversation is. There aren't really awkward pauses. I know I am a more reserved person. She seems to have a similar demeanor, which maybe isn't such a bad thing. It does make it tough read her interest level though. It seems inappropriate to inquire about such things. She is still a virtual stranger, so I could see someone being sort of reserved. Any thoughts?
myothernic2 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 It's hard to say exactly how good or bad the conversation is. There aren't really awkward pauses. I know I am a more reserved person. She seems to have a similar demeanor, which maybe isn't such a bad thing. It does make it tough read her interest level though. It seems inappropriate to inquire about such things. She is still a virtual stranger, so I could see someone being sort of reserved. Any thoughts? I think you should give her a chance. I don't think 3 dates is THAT much to just write it off. It seems that you enjoy her company for the most part but you are unsure of her interest level because perhaps she might be reserved for the moment.
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