Simon Phoenix Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 ..then again, the fact that he is making jokes about gay people all the time isn't really normal either. He is either confused about his sexuality, or he is trying to hide the fact that he is gay, and therefore creates "a shield", by consatntly making jokes about gay people....just my opinion, after reading the thread. This is called reading way too much into stuff. Straight guys make gay jokes or pretend to be gay quite a bit. I can do a gay voice really well, doesn't mean I'm into dudes...not that there's anything wrong with that. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 not that there's anything wrong with that. Caaaaa stanza 4
Haydn Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Thank you Simon, i now have an image in my head of a confident guy in a tafata ball gown wandering around his apartment saying, `have we none of the large ones?` This is called reading way too much into stuff. Straight guys make gay jokes or pretend to be gay quite a bit. I can do a gay voice really well, doesn't mean I'm into dudes...not that there's anything wrong with that.
Zoe Lilith Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 not that there's anything wrong with that. not at all! 1
iouaname Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 It doesn't sound like you have any real evidence that he's gay, so I think you're just giving yourself something to stress over. Try to look at just the facts and don't spend too much time making up stories in your head - it won't do you any good.
D-Lish Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I am a 50-year old woman. When I was 20 I got married and barely five years into my marriage (that, yes, involved swinging), I came home early from work with the flu only to find my husband on our living room floor, having sex with another man. 25 years ago, we didn't bother with condoms... And they didn't know how long HIV might lie dormant in your system, so as my marriage crumbled, I was also subjected to being tested every six months for almost a decade. I can understand the devastation one feels... Same thing happened to my cousin. She's never been the same since. She came home early from a work trip to surprise her husband and found him in bed with another man. That was more than 20 years ago and she hasn't dated since. So sad. I'm of the mind that men that claim to be bi-sexual are just afraid to say they are gay. 1
Author SoulTears Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I pretty much had enough "evidence" to base my suspicion. Obviously, some here did not read all of my subsequent posts. He enjoyed impersonating a "flamer" on his radio call-in show. He told me he entered a drag contest. He told me he was "1% gay. I've seen men that were so hot that if I were a woman, I'd do them!" ....Said no straight man ever! LOL! (I wondered if that 1% was the most prevalent) There were so many other red flags that led me to that epiphany that I did not list here, because that is just not the issue. The issue here is not whether he IS or ISN'T gay and people jumping to his defense. I'm not bashing him. The issue is that I have been impacted by his mistreatment of me and the possibility that he used me for a cover. Thank you for those who took the time to understand and relate.
Kevin_D Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I'm confused... Does he have HIV? Or did you just get tested for HIV because you assume that he's gay and therefore must have AIDS? 1
Author SoulTears Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I'm confused... Does he have HIV? Or did you just get tested for HIV because you assume that he's gay and therefore must have AIDS? Read above his culture and origin. OMG... Why are there some here that are not getting it and I have to keep explaining my pain and sense of loss... and the reading I did on HIV and STD's. Had I not suspected him being gay, I still would have had the testing and been full of regret for taking a risk. I do not know if he has HIV or not. IT IS NOT ABOUT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF HE IS GAY OR NOT, OR ASSUMING THAT HE MAY BE GAY MEANS THAT HE IS MORE OF A RISK. However, the statistics I have been reading point to a higher risk, and more so due to the area that he is from. NOT my statistics... national ones. Please all stop bashing me because of my angst, pain, loss and fear.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 The issue here is not whether he IS or ISN'T gay and people jumping to his defense. I'm not bashing him. The issue is that I have been impacted by his mistreatment of me and the possibility that he used me for a cover. Being used for someone else's wants and needs with no regard for yours is a terrible situation, no matter the specifics behind it. 2
iouaname Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I pretty much had enough "evidence" to base my suspicion. Obviously, some here did not read all of my subsequent posts. He enjoyed impersonating a "flamer" on his radio call-in show. He told me he entered a drag contest. He told me he was "1% gay. I've seen men that were so hot that if I were a woman, I'd do them!" ....Said no straight man ever! LOL! (I wondered if that 1% was the most prevalent) There were so many other red flags that led me to that epiphany that I did not list here, because that is just not the issue. The issue here is not whether he IS or ISN'T gay and people jumping to his defense. I'm not bashing him. The issue is that I have been impacted by his mistreatment of me and the possibility that he used me for a cover. Thank you for those who took the time to understand and relate. I'm not defending him, you're getting overly defensive because people aren't necessarily seeing any of the reasons you're 'suspicious' as confirmation that he's gay. Whether he's gay or not, I don't think that it helps you to go over the details in your head. If he mistreated you, then your goal should be to put him behind you and move forward - not dissect his every move looking for hints about his sexuality. I don't think it helps you. 3
newmoon Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Yesterday was a day from hell. A living nightmare no woman should have to endure. However, it ended with my fears being put to rest. I don't know if I am posting this in the right topic area or not. Yesterday I had to be tested for HIV (as well as other STD's). It was the longest day of my life. I literally wept when the nurse told me I am negative. I ended a 4-month relationship with a man last month. The relationship was so nice at first, but he started withdrawing from me and became emotionally abusive and he was acting bizarre. There were red flags, but I subconsciously denied them to myself. After I broke it off with him, 3 days later I woke in the morning with the cold hard realization slapping me in the face: "OMFG... He's gay!" I started reading on the internet everything I could find, which confirmed my suspicions more. Ladies, has this happened to you? What were your red flags? I would like to talk to others who have walked in my shoes and been in this frightening and surreal situation. What was it like for you when the realization hit you? How did you cope? yes, it has happened. I was with a guy for about 3 years and it ended 5 months ago. I found out he was either gay or bi - not sure which to be honest, but either way he likes men. I had many many red flags that I could see and that I just ignored. I even asked my friends throughout the relationship if they thought he was gay. and I asked a gay friend if he was sending out any gay signals or whatever. it's not a lifestyle I want to be part of - some women are ok with gay/bi, but it's not for me. the final straw came one night at a party when I was separated from my bf and I saw him with another guy - they were hugging and being overly familiar and I would have sworn he was gay if I didn't know him and just saw him randomly. I confronted him after that and he never denied or confirmed anything, but he basically dumped me 3 weeks later and cheated with a woman - imo, to 'prove' he wasn't gay. anyway... yeah, I've been through a version of this and it actually makes the break-up easier because at least you have a reason for why they didn't care for you. I think the red flags are the ones you see on the internet (I also went through "is he gay?" articles). some of my warnings were: excessive concern over his appearance at ALL times, concern over quality clothing and fit of clothing (and clothes tended to be very tight), concern over his body and how it looked, spending way too much time in the showers at the gym, telling me in a funny way that men would hit on him, ridiculous neat-freak and particular about cleanliness, emotional coldness/disinterest in too much sex/passive in bed, never married and no kids at an advanced age (48), buying clothes for his mother, great taste in jewelry (for me), attention to feminine details, no male friends (females only), and the biggest one... he would LOOK at men when we went out and not women! most 'normal' men look at women, he was looking at other men and making comments. Edited January 25, 2014 by newmoon
Haydn Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I am a bit like this. Just metrosexual i guess and strictly butterside up. yes, it has happened. I was with a guy for about 3 years and it ended 5 months ago. I found out he was either gay or bi - not sure which to be honest, but either way he likes men. I had many many red flags that I could see and that I just ignored. I even asked my friends throughout the relationship if they thought he was gay. and I asked a gay friend if he was sending out any gay signals or whatever. it's not a lifestyle I want to be part of - some women are ok with gay/bi, but it's not for me. the final straw came one night at a party when I was separated from my bf and I saw him with another guy - they were hugging and being overly familiar and I would have sworn he was gay if I didn't know him and just saw him randomly. I confronted him after that and he never denied or confirmed anything, but he basically dumped me 3 weeks later and cheated with a woman - imo, to 'prove' he wasn't gay. anyway... yeah, I've been through a version of this and it actually makes the break-up easier because at least you have a reason for why they didn't care for you. I think the red flags are the ones you see on the internet (I also went through "is he gay?" articles). some of my warnings were: excessive concern over his appearance at ALL times, concern over quality clothing and fit of clothing (and clothes tended to be very tight), concern over his body and how it looked, spending way too much time in the showers at the gym, telling me in a funny way that men would hit on him, ridiculous neat-freak and particular about cleanliness, emotional coldness/disinterest in too much sex/passive in bed, never married and no kids at an advanced age (48), buying clothes for his mother, great taste in jewelry (for me), attention to feminine details, no male friends (females only), and the biggest one... he would LOOK at men when we went out and not women! most 'normal' men look at women, he was looking at other men and making comments.
newmoon Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I am a bit like this. Just metrosexual i guess and strictly butterside up. lots of men are... and whatever... a nicely groomed guy is great. but you have to look at the whole picture, every aspect of their life and not just a singular one. meeting one or two items on a "is he gay" list is possible for probably any guy, but when they meet them all and then some... you have an issue. it's the whole package you look at, not individual pieces. and women just know... most of us anyway... we have fairly good gaydars 2
Haydn Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I never use the word `fabulous` lots of men are... and whatever... a nicely groomed guy is great. but you have to look at the whole picture, every aspect of their life and not just a singular one. meeting one or two items on a "is he gay" list is possible for probably any guy, but when they meet them all and then some... you have an issue. it's the whole package you look at, not individual pieces. and women just know... most of us anyway... we have fairly good gaydars
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