erklat Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 ya i see ur point. can i do anything that will increase the chances of us going back out? You can drop from the face of the earth for her.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 ConfusedHumanBeing, if i still remain friends with her and she sees who i have become. also shes stressed out now, studying 12 hours a day. but if im friends with her and i dont mean like me being her bitch, but the way things were a while back when we first met. im a goofy and funny as **** individual, but over the last year i lost myself and she cudnt deal w me and law school. if i can show the relationship isnt going to be troublesome, give her space now, be strong and cool. im hoping to catch her eye and interest. shes liking my stuff on facebook and snap chatting and texting me (a decent amount). i feel she obviously wants to be with me, but doesnt know how to with everything thats on her plate. am i wrong? Again, please create your own thread on the main page for this. Someone else's thread were on here. Quickly, yes you are wrong lol. If she wanted to be with you, she would. This whole "too much stuff on my plate" is excuse numero uno. If you really loved someone, when times are tough, THAT'S when they look to you the most, not leave you and put you in the friend zone. You are NOT going to catch her eye being around her ALL the time...exact opposite in fact. All you do is become too comfortable to her. Yeah, you changed this past year....we all do at times, but trying to be around and reinforce something that she doesn't want to see will get you nowhere. Again, if she cared, she would be with you. It sucks, but you have to move on for right now.
Girlsthesedays Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 alright thanks. i just wanted to ask alexfromboston cuz i was going thru google and stumbled upon one of his threads where he was friends with his ex and got back with her
pickflicker Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 This thread is full of a lot of destructive post-break up behaviour. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Alex, has it ever occurred to you that your system sucks? I mean, your whole goal is to use NC to manipulate her into wanting to see you when you break it. You don't actually ever work on anything, you don't ever solve the problems that plagued the relationship before, you just put a band-aid on a broken arm, then wonder why the arm never completely heals. I mean, if you want to get a bit of ex sex, then sure, go for it, but you always find yourself in the exact same place having to go through the exact same dog-and-pony show. Instead of trying to play some sort of manipulative game, wouldn't it be better to actually work on your issues? Or better yet, find someone who is more in-tuned with who you are and what you want? This is just all very useless and counterproductive. 6
Author AlexfromBoston Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Alex, has it ever occurred to you that your system sucks? I mean, your whole goal is to use NC to manipulate her into wanting to see you when you break it. You don't actually ever work on anything, you don't ever solve the problems that plagued the relationship before, you just put a band-aid on a broken arm, then wonder why the arm never completely heals. I mean, if you want to get a bit of ex sex, then sure, go for it, but you always find yourself in the exact same place having to go through the exact same dog-and-pony show. Instead of trying to play some sort of manipulative game, wouldn't it be better to actually work on your issues? Or better yet, find someone who is more in-tuned with who you are and what you want? This is just all very useless and counterproductive. Phoenix, there are people on here who are hurt and looking for help. The same people who ask, "do I have a chance?". People who are constantly being told to "move on", "deal with it", "its over" etc, etc. Im sharing my stories in order to boost morale in this heartbreak dive. Second, third and fourth chances happen...I am living proof. Love is in fact a battlefield, and all is fair in love and war.
pickflicker Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Phoenix, there are people on here who are hurt and looking for help. The same people who ask, "do I have a chance?". People who are constantly being told to "move on", "deal with it", "its over" etc, etc. Im sharing my stories in order to boost morale in this heartbreak dive. Second, third and fourth chances happen...I am living proof. Love is in fact a battlefield, and all is fair in love and war. Love is not about giving second, third and fourth chances. You're describing the dreaded 'rinse-and-repeat' relationship. Ask yourself, if you and your ex were meant to be together, don't you think you'd both just pull your finger out and get on with it? Instead of the dramatic bust-up/reunion cycle? Your story is not morally uplifting because you're stuck in an endless, exhaustive cycle, abdicating all control in your life and allowing it to be run by drama and games. There is nothing morally uplifting about that, only constant pain. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 So you got NC then contact her whilst she's trying to move on therefore breaking her healing and using it as a way to control her emotions? She doesn't want to be with you, you're just making it harder for both of you to move on. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Phoenix, there are people on here who are hurt and looking for help. The same people who ask, "do I have a chance?". People who are constantly being told to "move on", "deal with it", "its over" etc, etc. Im sharing my stories in order to boost morale in this heartbreak dive. Second, third and fourth chances happen...I am living proof. Love is in fact a battlefield, and all is fair in love and war. Living proof huh? Fascinating. So, how is your dating been going? See any new movies with her? Sleeping at her house every night? Telling each other how much you care? Second, third, and four chances...if she actually cared or loved you, it wouldn't have that many times broken up/"getting back together" (I put "" around back together because you aren't obviously). It always reminds me of like professional wrestling or boxing when someone says "I'm was the 16 time world champ! I'm the best." Yeah, you also lost the title 16 times lol. Yeah, third, fourth, and fifth times happens, but it doesn't mean your theories of NC are even CLOSE to "working." Your views are WAY out of wack. 1
yorkie Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 tbh well done if you have your ex back! i think some people here could be a tad jealous but i also think some people also tell the truth! if a person leaves you and then they come back why would they leave you again you say 3/4 times she came back well tbh mate and please dont get mad and i hope for your sakes it works but she is treating you like a reserve tank one day she will move on and you will be destroyed! unless you both get therapy regarding this as i dont know if you have kids but the more times this happens if kids are involved now or in the future they are gonna be very confused. anyway good luck i hope it does work out for you! if not there is always next time and the time after that do you see my point?
pickflicker Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 tbh well done if you have your ex back! i think some people here could be a tad jealous but i also think some people also tell the truth! if a person leaves you and then they come back why would they leave you again you say 3/4 times she came back well tbh mate and please dont get mad and i hope for your sakes it works but she is treating you like a reserve tank one day she will move on and you will be destroyed! unless you both get therapy regarding this as i dont know if you have kids but the more times this happens if kids are involved now or in the future they are gonna be very confused. anyway good luck i hope it does work out for you! if not there is always next time and the time after that do you see my point? Err...no. Next time, and the time after that? How long do you trap yourself in that ridiculous cycle?
Author AlexfromBoston Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Living proof huh? Fascinating. So, how is your dating been going? See any new movies with her? Sleeping at her house every night? Telling each other how much you care? Second, third, and four chances...if she actually cared or loved you, it wouldn't have that many times broken up/"getting back together" (I put "" around back together because you aren't obviously). It always reminds me of like professional wrestling or boxing when someone says "I'm was the 16 time world champ! I'm the best." Yeah, you also lost the title 16 times lol. Yeah, third, fourth, and fifth times happens, but it doesn't mean your theories of NC are even CLOSE to "working." Your views are WAY out of wack. Confused, maybe I keep losing her because I don't fix what I was doing wrong in the first place. Oh well, thats my business and I will admit, since originally completing this post, we have been in LC. I am just providing a rough outline as to what has to be done in order to get another chance. Its on you if you are willing to fix the problems that bugged the relationship.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Confused, maybe I keep losing her because I don't fix what I was doing wrong in the first place. Oh well, thats my business and I will admit, since originally completing this post, we have been in LC. I am just providing a rough outline as to what has to be done in order to get another chance. Its on you if you are willing to fix the problems that bugged the relationship. Why wouldn't you just fix that stuff first instead of getting into this on-and-off cycle? Or just accept that you and your ex are incompatible long-term and find someone who you don't need to "change" for? I think your advice is destructive because it's a fast-food, Persian-bazaar, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am approach that is strictly cosmetic. Sure, you might get a few dates/rolls in the sack out of it, but most people on here that are looking for reconciliation advice are looking to get back and stay back. If you are just jumping back into the old relationship that died (which is exactly what you do) then you are wasting your time and wasting her time. Instead of this "hey, I read text-your-ex-back and this is what they say" advice, why not take an actual long-term break, figure out what exactly you want (not who you want, but what you actually want from your life) over the course of several months and then go from there? If your goal is to just get laid, then go pick up a random at the bar. If your goal is to be in a lasting relationship, then take your recovery seriously. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Confused, maybe I keep losing her because I don't fix winat I was doing wrong in the first place. Oh well, thats my business and I will admit, since originally completing this post, we have been in LC. I am just providing a rough outline as to what has to be done in order to get another chance. Its on you if you are willing to fix the problems that bugged the relationship. Or maybe you keep losing her because she doesn't really want to be with you. You can attempt to fix everything if you want to, but if they dont want you (like this situation), then its all for not. Again, as I mentioned, you aren't going out with her, so what guide are you trying to install here lol.
pickflicker Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 This is not constructive for either of you. It's a hot mess, not hope.
Author AlexfromBoston Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Or maybe you keep losing her because she doesn't really want to be with you. You can attempt to fix everything if you want to, but if they dont want you (like this situation), then its all for not. Again, as I mentioned, you aren't going out with her, so what guide are you trying to install here lol. She does want to be with me and thats the problem. I think she realizes that I am not good for her at this stage in her life and she really wants to move on. So thats exactly what I am doing, letting her go and move on. The point of my post is NC does create a sense of loss in an ex and can work as a tool to drive them back.
OhThatGirl Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 She does want to be with me and thats the problem. I think she realizes that I am not good for her at this stage in her life and she really wants to move on. So thats exactly what I am doing, letting her go and move on. The point of my post is NC does create a sense of loss in an ex and can work as a tool to drive them back. If by "drive them back" you mean they get curious and need an ego boost so decide to contact you to make sure you haven't completely moved on (while they continue to move on) then yeah... NC is a great tool.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 She does want to be with me and thats the problem. I think she realizes that I am not good for her at this stage in her life and she really wants to move on. So thats exactly what I am doing, letting her go and move on. The point of my post is NC does create a sense of loss in an ex and can work as a tool to drive them back. Manipulating one's ex isn't a positive thing to advocate IMO. 2
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Manipulating one's ex isn't a positive thing to advocate IMO. Exactly. If you need to pull dirty tricks to get someone to love you, you've already lost.
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