AlexfromBoston Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Well last night around midnight, I began to receive a few "accidental" texts from the ex, followed by a few "loving" emoticons. This happened after I initiated NC almost three weeks ago. As I am one of those guys who doesn't get too wrapped around the axle over a relationship, I politely replied and broke NC. We then had a chat over FaceTime(her request) and I made sure I cut contact first, saying I needed to go to bed. I will tell you boys(and girls), when he/she breaks up with you, just accept it and go NC. Thats it...simple as that. You don't need to waste money on these so-called "guides, written by some shyster "love guru" who is just taking advantage of you while you are at your weakest. Just go NC and watch how well things play out. After terminating our contact I will not make any attempts to contact her again...this will make her nuts. I would venture to say that me and her will be back together in less than a month and the way I had handled the break has cemented this belief. Play it cool and go NC...I promise, you will see how well it works. Obviously if the love wasn't real or just a fling, this probably won't be effective. Regardless, NC is gold...it will either allow you to heal or drive him/her back into your arms. In the meantime improve yourself and have fun. FYI...I only responded because A. I can easily handle it and B. I know how my ex's mind works. Had I ignored her, it would have reinforced her belief that I never cared about her and would have actually drove her away. If you were a needy, clingy guy, you may want to wait a bit before you respond.
Philosoraptor Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 So what makes you believe things will be any different if you two get back together? Simply manipulating her insecurities is not enough to build a relationship. In fact, if the issues are not corrected it will be nothing but a ticking time bomb before you get dumped again. 8
Author AlexfromBoston Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 You are 100% correct and I will fix the problems that plagued the relationship. I need to put in a stronger effort and make her my priority. If you can identify the problem and are willing to fix it, then I think its worth the effort. 1
David87 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 You are 100% correct and I will fix the problems that plagued the relationship. I need to put in a stronger effort and make her my priority. If you can identify the problem and are willing to fix it, then I think its worth the effort. Bad ideea to make her your priority, never put her on a high pedestal. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Well last night around midnight, I began to receive a few "accidental" texts from the ex, followed by a few "loving" emoticons. This happened after I initiated NC almost three weeks ago. As I am one of those guys who doesn't get too wrapped around the axle over a relationship, I politely replied and broke NC. We then had a chat over FaceTime(her request) and I made sure I cut contact first, saying I needed to go to bed. I will tell you boys(and girls), when he/she breaks up with you, just accept it and go NC. Thats it...simple as that. You don't need to waste money on these so-called "guides, written by some shyster "love guru" who is just taking advantage of you while you are at your weakest. Just go NC and watch how well things play out. After terminating our contact I will not make any attempts to contact her again...this will make her nuts. I would venture to say that me and her will be back together in less than a month and the way I had handled the break has cemented this belief. Play it cool and go NC...I promise, you will see how well it works. Obviously if the love wasn't real or just a fling, this probably won't be effective. Regardless, NC is gold...it will either allow you to heal or drive him/her back into your arms. In the meantime improve yourself and have fun. FYI...I only responded because A. I can easily handle it and B. I know how my ex's mind works. Had I ignored her, it would have reinforced her belief that I never cared about her and would have actually drove her away. If you were a needy, clingy guy, you may want to wait a bit before you respond. I don't even know where to start with any of this 2
Author AlexfromBoston Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Sorry David, I should reiterate, I should pay her more attention. I would literally blow my ex off on the weekends so I could go barhopping or clubbing with my buddies. I was the polar opposite of needy or clingy. But you're 100% right, never put them on a pedestal.
Author AlexfromBoston Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 I don't even know where to start with any of this Haaaa, I know it sounds manipulative but I am willing to fix my relationship. If for nothing else, its good to give some of the people on this forum with a little bit of motivation to maintain NC.
Girlsthesedays Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 AlexfromBoston I have read a few of your threads and I agree with your methods 100% and the reasons for them. I want to incorporate those methods, but as every situation is different every method is a little bit different. My problem is that we are long distance. It's only 3 hours though, so those dates you had ever so often I wont be able to do. Also, she is in law school and stressed out about her studies/life now. I am too heading towards professional school, but have had low grades, which showed my unseriousness and immaturity. She broke up with me because I was unstable with my life. Also, I was going through a lot and I neglected her feelings. I'm working on myself and stuff like that, which is really no problem. I put my troubles behind me and decided I'm tired of my bull**** ways. My question to you is, how would I do what you did, but long distance? I am her friend at the moment and agreed with her reason to break up. I pretty much agreed with everything and said I too am not ready for someone to be with me because I am a mess and any girl that I was with would have left me for the way I was acting (this was true and I was encouraging her that she wasn't a bitch because she kept saying sorry and crying and how much of a bitch she must be).
Author AlexfromBoston Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 AlexfromBoston I have read a few of your threads and I agree with your methods 100% and the reasons for them. I want to incorporate those methods, but as every situation is different every method is a little bit different. My problem is that we are long distance. It's only 3 hours though, so those dates you had ever so often I wont be able to do. Also, she is in law school and stressed out about her studies/life now. I am too heading towards professional school, but have had low grades, which showed my unseriousness and immaturity. She broke up with me because I was unstable with my life. Also, I was going through a lot and I neglected her feelings. I'm working on myself and stuff like that, which is really no problem. I put my troubles behind me and decided I'm tired of my bull**** ways. My question to you is, how would I do what you did, but long distance? I am her friend at the moment and agreed with her reason to break up. I pretty much agreed with everything and said I too am not ready for someone to be with me because I am a mess and any girl that I was with would have left me for the way I was acting (this was true and I was encouraging her that she wasn't a bitch because she kept saying sorry and crying and how much of a bitch she must be). Tbh, this is a pretty difficult situation you have found yourself in. I truly believe that most long distance relationships are doomed to failure. However, if the love was true between you two, I would relate your feelings and apologize for your past behavior either via phone, text, or email. This is 2014, so I'm not partial to writing a note; however, thats up to you. Make sure you convey your feelings and let her know you're working on your issues. See how she receives your message and go from there. Let her know that friendship isn't an option at the moment because you have such strong feelings for her. If she declines to progress forward with you, wish her well and go NC. I can't stress how well NC works. When(not if) she gets back to you, you better be prepared to make that 3 hour trek to go see her. Maybe spend a weekend with her if you are in a position to do so. In the interim, if you would rather maintain your friendship, try to Skype, FaceTime, Tango, etc her and give her some face to face contact...albeit digital. These listed forms of communication are so effective...trust me. She will see your face, expressions, confidence and draw out some of those buried feelings for you. I hope it works out man.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Haaaa, I know it sounds manipulative but I am willing to fix my relationship. If for nothing else, its good to give some of the people on this forum with a little bit of motivation to maintain NC. For the love of God, please dont tell me its the same girl you were writing about in like March... 1
Author AlexfromBoston Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 For the love of God, please dont tell me its the same girl you were writing about in like March... yeaaaaaaaaah, confused it is and I know what your are thinking. But this time I feel far more confident that I can change as we have had a sufficient break this time. Also, if we reunite, I intend on starting this relationship as if we had just met. This is something I have never done in the past. Despite how it looks, I am not a cheater, abusive, etc. I just spend too much time with friends and often neglect my girls feelings. Otherwise I am a good guy.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) yeaaaaaaaaah, confused it is and I know what your are thinking. But this time Imm more confident that I can change as we have had a sufficient break this time. Also, if we reunite, I intend on starting this relationship as if we had just met. This is something I have never done in the past. Despite how it looks, I am not a cheater, abusive, etc. I just spend too much time with friends and often neglect my girls feelings. Otherwise I am a good guy. Haha.....Jesus Christ..... First, never said you were a bad guy Second, NONE OF IT MATTERS IF SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH YOU! All your plans, gimics, hoodwinks, and whatever wont matter. If she wanted to be with you, she would have all the way back in March. You said all this stuff about NC and how its helped but then YOU ARE TALKING TO HER lol. You did it three weeks ago?!?! Thats your time frame? So, without talking for three weeks, she wants you back? I can bet apples to oranges she is playing off her own insecurities. You are only using it as a tool to make her want you more. Yeah, you say "go NC its this and that" but if you're still wrapped up like this after a year, all you did was waste your own time. You keep saying "If we reunite" and when it happens and stuff....you were saying the same things a year ago. How your getting a "third" chance or whatever. How was your relationship tbis past year? If the answer is something other than "we wernt dating" Id love to hear it. What needs (needed) to happen is you completely cut yourself off from her and move forward. Three weeks is NO WHERE near a time to assume she is coming back. From my chair, you say you are indifferent and can handle it, but if she said she was sleeping with other people and in a relationship currently, it would not be like this. Edited January 23, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing 7
erklat Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I was encouraging her that she wasn't a bitch because she kept saying sorry and crying and how much of a bitch she must be. Fail right there. She emotionally walked over you and you eased her guilt with this. So the message you sent to her it is alright to walk over you. Don't do this "friendship" stuff to yourself. 1
Girlsthesedays Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 3months ago she called a break and we talked and were working on things. then over winter break we acted as if we were going out aside from sexual intercourse, but there was intimacy. we were talking about going back out and goofing around and it was really good. then before she left i told her some of my troubles she didnt know about (wasnt cheating or anything like that). she asked me if we would talk about it in the future, if we went out, and made me promise and i told her of course. she doesnt want to see me though in person, not yet at least because we just broke up. I am stable about this and can do the friend thing and be myself because i no in the back of my mind i want to win this girl back and idk how to put it. it thrills me that i want this girl this bad. i was doubtful of us having a future together because of my troubles but now i just put my troubles behind me and ive decided to become as optomistic as i can be and know that if i give it my all everything will fall in place. Also ive been dating this girl for 4 1/2 years and im her first, and shes the kind of good girl that is very loyal no matter what and always has her head on straight and will never have a one night stand, rather she will husband the guy up before 2nd base. by not being friends with her am i letting her go?
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 3months ago she called a break and we talked and were working on things. then over winter break we acted as if we were going out aside from sexual intercourse, but there was intimacy. we were talking about going back out and goofing around and it was really good. then before she left i told her some of my troubles she didnt know about (wasnt cheating or anything like that). she asked me if we would talk about it in the future, if we went out, and made me promise and i told her of course. she doesnt want to see me though in person, not yet at least because we just broke up. I am stable about this and can do the friend thing and be myself because i no in the back of my mind i want to win this girl back and idk how to put it. it thrills me that i want this girl this bad. i was doubtful of us having a future together because of my troubles but now i just put my troubles behind me and ive decided to become as optomistic as i can be and know that if i give it my all everything will fall in place. Also ive been dating this girl for 4 1/2 years and im her first, and shes the kind of good girl that is very loyal no matter what and always has her head on straight and will never have a one night stand, rather she will husband the guy up before 2nd base. by not being friends with her am i letting her go? Dude, she already let you go. It's done. Anything on your doing right now (being friends, sending notes, skyping ans whatever) is just taking the shovel and digging it deeper. You can't make someone want you back. Only they can decide that. You have the power to make sure they DONT EVER want you back and that's by letting them go fully and not talking to them. Will she want you back later? Odds are against it, but doing what you're doing will make the chances worse. 1
Babolat Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) Sorry David, I should reiterate, I should pay her more attention. I would literally blow my ex off on the weekends so I could go barhopping or clubbing with my buddies. I was the polar opposite of needy or clingy. But you're 100% right, never put them on a pedestal. Listen to your "shoulds" and ask yourself why you "blew her off" to begin with. It's ok to blow her off, if, that's what YOU wanted to do, meaning you were probably no ready for a relationship and/or she was not the one. And the tone of your comments are almost like "I won" "I got her back". I don't feel much more than that. Edited January 23, 2014 by Babolat
Girlsthesedays Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 we also went to high school together and we were best friends and everything. being friends with her isnt going to hurt me. trust me i am a strong individual. im mainly beating myself over why i caused this and why i didnt take my life in my hands. she put up with me thru a lot of things and was there for me. with law school and our relationship problems she blew up. i relied on her a lot and that was one of her fears she stated; that I would always be a brat (which i really was). she said shes not closing the door on us, but right now she wants to be alone and emotionally put herself back together after everything shes been thru with me. she said she wants to remain friends and that she still loves me and doesnt want to lose me in her life and maybe we could be something in the future because we did have something good going(btw i mentioned i was working on grad school, this grad school is apparently 30mins from her by subway). she told me "u need to get ur life together, as well as me. get into that grad program and move forward with ur life, not because of me, but for urself and then we will see."
Girlsthesedays Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Alex is just happy he got her back, but still, don't make the same mistakes. As what im going to do also, if you dont make the same mistakes and you break up then it wasnt meant to be. I feel the mistakes people make in a relationship are simply that mistakes. a break/break up is what wakes people up and gets them to learn from those mistakes or at least the final straw to learning them. what u do from there is up to u.
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 we also went to high school together and we were best friends and everything. being friends with her isnt going to hurt me. trust me i am a strong individual. im mainly beating myself over why i caused this and why i didnt take my life in my hands. she put up with me thru a lot of things and was there for me. with law school and our relationship problems she blew up. i relied on her a lot and that was one of her fears she stated; that I would always be a brat (which i really was). she said shes not closing the door on us, but right now she wants to be alone and emotionally put herself back together after everything shes been thru with me. she said she wants to remain friends and that she still loves me and doesnt want to lose me in her life and maybe we could be something in the future because we did have something good going(btw i mentioned i was working on grad school, this grad school is apparently 30mins from her by subway). she told me "u need to get ur life together, as well as me. get into that grad program and move forward with ur life, not because of me, but for urself and then we will see." I really wish dumpees wouldn't put so much stock into a "we'll see". It doesn't really mean much at all. Essentially it's just the dumper putting a mattress outside for you to land on when they throw you out the window. Make no mistake they want you gone, they just don't want to have to deal with the fall out of crushing you completely. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 we also went to high school together and we were best friends and everything. being friends with her isnt going to hurt me. trust me i am a strong individual. im mainly beating myself over why i caused this and why i didnt take my life in my hands. she put up with me thru a lot of things and was there for me. with law school and our relationship problems she blew up. i relied on her a lot and that was one of her fears she stated; that I would always be a brat (which i really was). she said shes not closing the door on us, but right now she wants to be alone and emotionally put herself back together after everything shes been thru with me. she said she wants to remain friends and that she still loves me and doesnt want to lose me in her life and maybe we could be something in the future because we did have something good going(btw i mentioned i was working on grad school, this grad school is apparently 30mins from her by subway). she told me "u need to get ur life together, as well as me. get into that grad program and move forward with ur life, not because of me, but for urself and then we will see." Dude, she is giving you every line in the book. She is screaming "I want something else, but stay around just in case I fail." Your last sentence made me throw up in my mouth a little. You're young...this stuff happens. Keep moving forward and STOP BEING HER FRIEND. If you are cool with hearing about her fun weekends, her possible hookups with other guys, her telling you about a guy she is crushing on without you getting upset, then by all means, be friends with her. Btw, create your own thread about this please. Dont Want to threadjack 2
erklat Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 You're in the denial stage of the Kubler-Ross cycle. I'll interpret for you some parts: being friends with her isnt going to hurt me. trust me i am a strong individual. If you can imagine her knocking skins with some random dude, than yes, it won't hurt you. but right now she wants to be alone and emotionally put herself back together after everything shes been thru with me. she said she wants to remain friends and that she still loves me and doesnt want to lose me in her life and maybe we could be something in the future because we did have something good going She wants to be alone and see will a dude which fills her imaginary "ideal dude chart" in her head better than you do, and you empower this behaviour with your friendship. When she does find what she looks for, your friendship will be recalled and so will you.
Girlsthesedays Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 ConfusedHumanBeing, if i still remain friends with her and she sees who i have become. also shes stressed out now, studying 12 hours a day. but if im friends with her and i dont mean like me being her bitch, but the way things were a while back when we first met. im a goofy and funny as **** individual, but over the last year i lost myself and she cudnt deal w me and law school. if i can show the relationship isnt going to be troublesome, give her space now, be strong and cool. im hoping to catch her eye and interest. shes liking my stuff on facebook and snap chatting and texting me (a decent amount). i feel she obviously wants to be with me, but doesnt know how to with everything thats on her plate. am i wrong?
erklat Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 but doesnt know how to with everything thats on her plate. am i wrong? Does this seem legit to you?
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 ConfusedHumanBeing, if i still remain friends with her and she sees who i have become. also shes stressed out now, studying 12 hours a day. but if im friends with her and i dont mean like me being her bitch, but the way things were a while back when we first met. im a goofy and funny as **** individual, but over the last year i lost myself and she cudnt deal w me and law school. if i can show the relationship isnt going to be troublesome, give her space now, be strong and cool. im hoping to catch her eye and interest. shes liking my stuff on facebook and snap chatting and texting me (a decent amount). i feel she obviously wants to be with me, but doesnt know how to with everything thats on her plate. am i wrong? Does this seem legit to you? I don't know, but it's making me hungry.
Girlsthesedays Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 ya i see ur point. can i do anything that will increase the chances of us going back out?
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