Girlfriend of four years left almost two years ago, here's my lesson in moving on.

[ProjectSiK]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm sure none of you will remember me. I was a long-time lurker and posted very sparingly. I'm not here permanently but I have a day off tomorrow, I've been drinking (a very small amount to get a slight buzz ) and I wanted to offer the same support this site offered to me when I need it to someone else.

 

It's been a long journey, my friends. I have felt each and everyone of your pain. It's not easy, it wasn't for me but I made it through and I'm here to tell you my story in full detail. Be warned: this will be long but if you're in the same boat that I was, a boat that I was certain would surely sink with absolutely no chance of rescue, then this read will be beneficial. I'm not here seeking advice, I'm here to advise.

 

I started a wonderful relationship with a girl when I was 19 years old. I thought I knew what love was before we met, I didn't. This girl had changed my world. She was everything I could have asked for in a person... Personality wise and beauty wise. I was lucky to have her. I felt lucky to have her. I couldn't imagine a life without her. We last four miraculous years until I was 23 years old. The break-up was out of the blue, I still have a movie stub dated three days before the break up which took place in the middle of summer '12. Everything seemed so perfect and bam, done in an instant. Needless to say, I was broken. Everything I've attempted to maintain was destroyed in a matter of mere seconds when I received the dreaded text that said "We need to talk."

 

I won't delve much further into depressing details because I am WAY past that point in my life. However, I was in the same boat as you. Searching this forum for ways to cope, ways to win her back, searching for something I did wrong when there was absolutely nothing to find. I was heartbroken and you, at this moment are too. I'm here to tell you that it does get better. Don't believe me? Click on my name, look at my posts, see where I was and look how similar we were.

 

I'm here writing a new man. I started a new job after that summer, I met some phenomenal people and made life-lasting friendships during a time I thought I had lost everything. I literally though every single person on this planet had abandoned me with the exception of family. I lost all of my 'friends,' and I had absolutely no support system to get through my break-up and I'm writing to you now... with friends I can guarantee will be at my wedding.

 

Yes, I'm in a new relationship. It's been nearly two years but I can truly say I am happy. I am in love, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If I had the opportunity to go back in time and live the life I once had with the person I once loved I would deny it completely without a second guess. I am here writing to give you faith that one day, you too will feel the same way. I know it sucks at this moment and trust me, it will suck for a long time but it will past. And when it does pass, you won't look back. I can promise you that.

 

I hope this long tangent gives you the hope and courage you need to get through this. I had no intentions of writing this. I didn't even think I would come back to this site but after a couple of drinks I figured I owed it to this community after everything you all have done for me. Moving on isn't such a scary thing after all and I now know that, officially. Thank you all... So very much.

[ayudorama]

For some reason, your words made me tear up.

 

I share your joy, stranger. And I find hope and comfort in the things you've shared. I do hope to get there at some point, one day. I now see it is entirely possible, and that gives me strength.

 

Thank you, truly.

[SadNLonley]

Without looking at any of your previous posts, can you tell me how you found new friendships and how long were you alone before you found the new person? When you found this person, did you find you were apprehensive about a new relationship or did you just take it one step at a time?

 

I ask this because I am in a similar situation with friends. I only really have a couple real girlfriends, and being 43 it seems hard to make new friends to get out and do things with.

 

I am also a bit afraid that when the time comes for me to actually start the dating process that this heartache i am going through will rear its ugly head and make me keep my wall up to feeling love again.

 

So happy that you have found love and friends and feel good about life. I know many of us on this forum just have a hard time coping on a daily basis with these stupid breakups.

[organizedchaos]

Without looking at any of your previous posts, can you tell me how you found new friendships and how long were you alone before you found the new person? When you found this person, did you find you were apprehensive about a new relationship or did you just take it one step at a time?

 

I ask this because I am in a similar situation with friends. I only really have a couple real girlfriends, and being 43 it seems hard to make new friends to get out and do things with.

 

I am also a bit afraid that when the time comes for me to actually start the dating process that this heartache i am going through will rear its ugly head and make me keep my wall up to feeling love again.

 

So happy that you have found love and friends and feel good about life. I know many of us on this forum just have a hard time coping on a daily basis with these stupid breakups.

 

 

 

Check out meetup.com.

[ProjectSiK]

Edit: @SadNLonely

 

Hey man, it kind of just happened for me. I'm not one to really go out and socialize with random people. I'm somewhat of an awkward character when it comes to just going up and starting conversations with people, it sucks but what can you do. The one thing that really helped was getting a new job and conveniently, a lot of my co-workers shared the same interests as me. The best thing I can say is put yourself out there, family, neighbors, etc. Going out with a group of people and having a drink definitely makes it easier for me to open up and socialize, especially if I have someone with me that I know that can help carry the conversation when it starts to dwindle on my end.

 

In regards to your question (and I apologize this took so long)... I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was still just looking for people to fool around with, hook-up here and there and just have a good time. But when my girlfriend started at my job for her internship (she no longer works there) there was just something special about her. For one, she wasn't like the other girls who just easily put herself out there. The chase definitely attracted me but her glowing personality and just general sweetness is what really dragged me in. I couldn't imagine it just being a "one time and move on" ordeal with her.

 

It's funny to think about but... when someone special comes along it just happens. It's never forced. Love has an interesting way of just appearing, even amidst any doubt. Just keep lifting your head up, man. Live each day to the fullest and most importantly, always have fun. I'm here if you need to chat.

Edited February 26, 2014 by ProjectSiK

[picnicinthepark]

My situation is exactly like yours. My ex left me after almost 5 years. Its been 6 weeks since the BU and almost 3 weeks NC. I'm doing better and I'm trying my best to move forward. I'm rock bottom but you have given me hope. Thank you!