stansmam Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I was with my ex for around 1 1/2 years. We had a very turbulant relationship. For the first 3 months, we were amazing, i thought id won the lottery!!! Then he fell out with my friends, he started calling me nasty names and was constantly putting me down. But its like he had a split personality. One minute, he was amazing. He'd do anything for me and we had marriage plans etc. Then the next, id do something wrong like his washing wasnt right and he'd go mad. Things got worse, he stopped having sex with me, telling me "why would i want to have sex with a depressed c**t ?" He told me he avoids coming to bed. He started sleeping downstairs with the dog saying he'd accidently fallen asleep. But on the flip side, when we were good, we really were. We used to go out to eat together and on walks and holidays. But each time, something woukd ruin it like my accent that he didnt like. Seeing my family got less and less as he told me i didnt need them as i had his family now. He literally became my life. He split up with me numerous times, mainly just before something important, like starting my dream job. Ive been in a mess about him so many times. But he'd always tell me he loved me and would beg me not to leave him, He'd always get so angry and most of the time, i didnt know why. He'd raise his fists to my face and snarl at me but he never touched me until the last break up. He grabbed my throat then caught my jaw with a playstation controller as he tried to hit me. I was in such a state of shock but i still pleaded for him back. I was convinced he was cheating on me aswell but still, i wanted him back. That was just before xmas. We were split up but still living together. I was trying my hardest to make it up to him. He said he wanted the old me back. He seemed so cold, i didnt know who he was but i know i wanted him back. A few weeks later, i finally lost it after he came into my room and told me hr was going to ruin my life when he tells me what he's been doin to me. Its like, if i dont react, he just has to get nastier and nastier to ensure he hurts me. I went into work and blabbed all to my boss cos i literally couldnt cope anymore. As a result, the domestic violence unit has been informed and loads of bosses are coming to speak to me. He has been moved (we worked together) and is now being properly investigated. I keep switching from wanting to make a complaint against him to not. I dont want to ruin his life. I still love him but i dont know why. Im really worried about him. I thought i was feeling better about it, almost free, but ive just been told that the time/date had been arranged for me to get my stuff. It seems so final. I feel devestated all over again!! Someone please tell me whats going on
k10k Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Sorry that you're feeling devastated but please know that getting free from him is a major blessing... If you were to stay with him your life would continue on a downward spiral, traumatic. Remember, this man is damaged, has some sort of personality disorder and you are a victim of emotional and physical abuse. Are you going to, or have you considered some therapy? Would be a big benefit if you do. Also, google and read up on "codependency in abusive relationships" - see if that strikes a chord. Sending you lots of well wishes, you have an opportunity to stay free from him this time x
Author stansmam Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Thank you for your replies. I need to know im not going mad!! I moved out 2 weeks ago when i broke down at work and told all. Ive just found out that all his shift are going on a night out in support of him. I feel physically sick, i felt like id been punched when i was told. How can they support him!!?? But why, still, do i miss him? There must be something wrong with me!
Author stansmam Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Are you going to, or have you considered some therapy? Would be a big benefit if you do. Also, google and read up on "codependency in abusive relationships" - see if that strikes a chord. Sending you lots of well wishes, you have an opportunity to stay free from him this time x Im going to see an ohu councillor next week, im desperate for someone to talk too! Ive just googled the codependancy, id never heard of it but it really has struck a chord, described me perfectly. Thank u for suggesting it, i need to do some work on myself x
k10k Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Im going to see an ohu councillor next week, im desperate for someone to talk too! Ive just googled the codependancy, id never heard of it but it really has struck a chord, described me perfectly. Thank u for suggesting it, i need to do some work on myself x Great to hear that stansmam - here are some things that you can do in the meantime: Try not to obsess or worry about him - turn it back to YOU. Others are responsible for their behavior, and you’re only responsible for yours. Write about your feelings in a journal. Read it to your therapist. Also, write positive things about yourself in your journal every day. Look at your accomplishments and what you like about yourself, and write them down. Perhaps look into meditation or spirituality. Make a list of the things that you're grateful for. Reach for help when you feel bad, phone a friend/family and post here xxx
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