freetolove Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 We've been dating for about 7-8 weeks and he's always been really sweet (we're both adults mid 30s and mid early 40s). The last few weeks, the texting have slowed down quite a bit to about 1/day. I'm not big on conversations via text but usually he would at least say good morning/goodnight. Now he doesn't do that unless I text him. The last 2-3 weeks, I had to initiate the getting together (e.g. asking him to hangout). He always seems very excited and eager but if I don't ask him, he wouldn't ask me to hang out. I'm a little confused what to make of this...advice?
onceagainitson Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Playing hot and cold..hot when you initiate, cold when you don't, is pretty common..if he lost interest completely he would probably end it before it went further, but by playing hot/cold he is working the game..kind of surprising being the age group you're talking about and this game would be happening, but that's how it is these days...so chances are he is still interested, but is now driving on second gear to see how far you'll be willing to go to get him. 1
Author freetolove Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 really? i'm not aware of this game...any other input? 1
SunnySide0418 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I would stop initiating and if he's really interested he'll start contacting you. 5
Ruby Slippers Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Men reveal themselves in their effort (or lack of it). Dating advice I read somewhere that I think is true. If a man doesn't make an effort, the woman's interest usually dies. 3
Emilia Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 It sounds like he has lost interest. I wouldn't put an effort in for someone who doesn't care all that much.
Lansing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 How were things progressing on those dates? Maybe he thinks you aren't interested so he pulled back?
d0nnivain Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 You are adults. Talk to him. Don't play the I'm going to disappear to see if you chase me game.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Men reveal themselves in their effort (or lack of it). Dating advice I read somewhere that I think is true. If a man doesn't make an effort, the woman's interest usually dies. See, that's how it works for me, if a guy stops putting in any effort I lose interest in him and move on. So 'playing hard to get' doesn't really work for me. But from reading these boards, I can't believe the number of women that seem even more interested in a guy after he goes cold on her, wondering what she's done wrong, how to fix it, what's wrong with her etc. It's startling. 2
Emilia Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 But from reading these boards, I can't believe the number of women that seem even more interested in a guy after he goes cold on her, wondering what she's done wrong, how to fix it, what's wrong with her etc. It's startling. Abandonment issues unfortunately. Very common when one is from a broken family/has divorced parents.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Abandonment issues unfortunately. Very common when one is from a broken family/has divorced parents. I am the opposite... I've had many things happen that contribute towards abandonment issues but if anything it makes me more self-protective. If a guy starts messing me about/stops showing he's interested I walk away for my own self-protection so that he doesn't have chance to get further into my life and then hurt me more if he leaves. 1
Emilia Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I am the opposite... I've had many things happen that contribute towards abandonment issues but if anything it makes me more self-protective. If a guy starts messing me about/stops showing he's interested I walk away for my own self-protection so that he doesn't have chance to get further into my life and then hurt me more if he leaves. As long as you are not doing it to pre-empt the situation, it's the smart thing to do. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I am the opposite... I've had many things happen that contribute towards abandonment issues but if anything it makes me more self-protective. If a guy starts messing me about/stops showing he's interested I walk away for my own self-protection so that he doesn't have chance to get further into my life and then hurt me more if he leaves. That's exactly what I do. I probably expect the man to take more initiative than most women do, because I know I'm very sensitive and have to be careful with my heart. It has served me well. A guy has never just disappeared on me, or anything like that. Before I get close to a guy, I take measures to make sure I'm not likely to get burned. 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Men reveal themselves in their effort (or lack of it). Dating advice I read somewhere that I think is true. If a man doesn't make an effort, the woman's interest usually dies. If only my current man could understand this (bf cold fish thread).
TXGuy Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Men reveal themselves in their effort (or lack of it). Dating advice I read somewhere that I think is true. If a man doesn't make an effort, the woman's interest usually dies. Women reveal themselves in their effor (or lack of it), particularly after the initial period. Opinions vary, but if a woman is not putting in at least equal effort after the first couple months, I lose interest in her. 2
rocketman122 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Men reveal themselves in their effort (or lack of it). Dating advice I read somewhere that I think is true. If a man doesn't make an effort, the woman's interest usually dies. For me as a male its the same. No effort in small things and i walk away. Just homeboy here who doesnt put effort to text or get things flowing, it works the same with me. If i text and dont get feedback to my energy, it kills it for me Also, zero tolerance for games. Im 42, not 24. Im open and transparent. I expect the same or piss off. Games are for intimacy time 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Women want to put in as little effort as they can get away with in a relationship. I'd even say for the most part... Women don't put in any effort at all in relationships/marriages. I think that's a very generalized thing to say. And it's not that women don't put effort, it means our efforts are different. We put in the effort to wax our vaginas and make sure everything looks and smells good. That's still effort. We cook meals so you don't go hungry, that's effort. Wives raised your children and sacrifice their bodies for your children, don't tell me that's not effort. Not saying ALL women do this, but I think it's wrong to generalize like this. And I speak for myself when I say this, but to give yourself completely to man, THAT'S EFFORT! At least for me. Not an easy thing to do.
Keenly Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Really ? Women don't put in any effort? You must not really be worth the chasing then. How can some one claim an entire gender puts in zero effort.... have you never had a girl actually like you ?
Phantom888 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 He's not excited about this relationship as he was 8 weeks ago. Have you given him everything he wants, and now he feels he has you for sure? A man takes more initiative when he is still trying to woo you. I've been with my woman for 8 months and I am still wooing her. I am so crazy madly in love with her. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 We've been dating for about 7-8 weeks and he's always been really sweet (we're both adults mid 30s and mid early 40s). The last few weeks, the texting have slowed down quite a bit to about 1/day. I'm not big on conversations via text but usually he would at least say good morning/goodnight. Now he doesn't do that unless I text him. The last 2-3 weeks, I had to initiate the getting together (e.g. asking him to hangout). He always seems very excited and eager but if I don't ask him, he wouldn't ask me to hang out. I'm a little confused what to make of this...advice? He's shifting into relaxed mode already. I think since you two had a quick 7-8 weeks, where a lot of texting during the day, and intensity, he probably thinks the relationship is now secure (in just 8 weeks of dating). He doesn't feel he needs to put a lot effort in. I suggest for you to talk to him, voice your concerns, ask him what he thinks, and have a dialogue going. And for your sanity, and ours, have this discussion in person, not via text.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Women reveal themselves in their effor (or lack of it), particularly after the initial period. Opinions vary, but if a woman is not putting in at least equal effort after the first couple months, I lose interest in her. Makes sense. Basically, if a man or woman really likes you, it will be clear and you won't have to wonder. 1
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