Author VirginiaBob Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 "Well, women do it all the time. They may date a guy cause he drives a 'vette or cause he pays for everything or cause he lives in the "right" part of town, even if they are not that physically attracted to him. So what? Most of us have done it at some time. I've dated women I was not that physically attracted to cause maybe they had some other redeeming quality (like large boobz )" exactly, but when they do it, it's justified in thier minds. when a guy does it, they go militant.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Militant? Yeah, I'm over here in my fatigues, for real. Don't forget: you're the one who started this thread, b*tching because you are going out with an ugly girl because you need sex. Perhaps you should take a look at your attitude regarding women, and your luck would change.
Author VirginiaBob Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 "Militant? Yeah, I'm over here in my fatigues, for real. Don't forget: you're the one who started this thread, b*tching because you are going out with an ugly girl because you need sex. Perhaps you should take a look at your attitude regarding women, and your luck would change." I wasn't b*tching, I was just asking if others had a similar experience, and several people have from reading these posts. My luck has gotten a lot better with women since my attitude changed from being the "nice guy" to being the "jerk" - I'm dating a lot of women right now, where I used to have trouble getting dates. Back when I was a nice guy, being used was a regular occurence.
HokeyReligions Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by jellybean That's why it's important to rid yourself of any emotional baggage. I don't think VB has given himself enough time to grieve the loss of his relationship. He thinks he's on the road to recovery because he has immediently jumped back into the saddle - dating non-stop. I think there's alot of anger and bitterness that needs to be worked through first...right now he's intent on 'balancing the scales', it's unfair, and disrespectful to the women he is dating. It might be unfair and disrespectful, but its also a natural human response to be being hurt so deeply. VB, I can see how others are angered at your written approach here, but I *hope* that I see it for what it is -- a way venting your hurt. I also *hope* that you might seriously consider the opinions expressed by those of us who have responded and that you might find it helpful at some point in moving past your hurt and learning to trust again. And I mean trust YOURSELF as much as trusting others. You WILL feel better about yourself if you consider the feelings of others. Don't lower yourself to hurting others because you have been hurt. The one you want to hurt is the one who hurt you---that's natural. Hurting others by proxy is not going to help you heal. Date, but be honest with those you date. They need to know that you are not looking for a relationship and that you are concentrating on healing yourself right now. I've dated a couple of men who obviously were not interested in me for me, but were only interested in having someone fill a void. One was honest with me and one was not, but it was apparent to me. I preferred the honesty. Because you ARE dating, I think that this whole thread is mostly venting and not reality at all. Your remark about depression and sex I don't think is really accurate either. I think you miss being the Nice Guy you said you were, and your comment about dating an fugly girl is a step toward healing. Maybe you feel some sympathy for this girl whom you find ugly and you are being nice by dating her, and yet your pain is still so deep and you are still in denial of your NG status that you created this thread as a way to manage your fear of further hurt. The angry comments by others give you justification and support to NOT be a nice guy -- because nice guys get hurt. I had a poem published years ago that ended with the line ".... and cement cracks as easily as the eggshell of a dove." I wrote it when I was heartbroken and tried to steel myself from further hurt by closing my heart and building a wall around it, while presenting an outgoing and 'healthy' attitude. I cracked after a while. I think that is where you are now.
Pocky Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob I wasn't b*tching, I was just asking if others had a similar experience, and several people have from reading these posts. My luck has gotten a lot better with women since my attitude changed from being the "nice guy" to being the "jerk" - I'm dating a lot of women right now, where I used to have trouble getting dates. Back when I was a nice guy, being used was a regular occurence. Great - sacrifice quality for quantity. Some women are attracted to this image you've acquired, but it doesn't seem like the type of women you'd want. Your new found attitude has gotten you dates with ugly women.
Author VirginiaBob Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 "Great - sacrifice quality for quantity. Some women are attracted to this image you've acquired, but it doesn't seem like the type of women you'd want. Your new found attitude has gotten you dates with ugly women." Just do realize that you have just disrespected ugly women in your post more than I ever have. I'm glad that you have made it apparent that you consider uglieness to mean less quality. Actually, I'm dating a lot of women just to get back into things again and be social. Even if she is ugly, I might learn a few things from her and realize that there are other qualities that I didn't even know that I liked that I could look for in a mate in the future.
Author VirginiaBob Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 Hokey, Some of what you are saying is true. You are right that I'm sort of upset that I can't be the nice guy anymore, because I really wanted to. When it all comes down to it, of course I'll consider my dates' feelings, but in a way I'll wish I looked out for myself instead and didn't think of her feelings. "The angry comments by others give you justification and support to NOT be a nice guy -- because nice guys get hurt." totally agreed. "to steel myself from further hurt by closing my heart and building a wall around it, while presenting an outgoing and 'healthy' attitude. I cracked after a while. I think that is where you are now." the truth is that we have no choice but to present the healthy attitude. If I didn't, I'd probably lose my job, house, and health. I mean seriously, what am I supposed to do, just quit my job and lay in bed and cry and emotionally heal for the rest of my life? I have no choice but to get back out there.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 We've all been hurt before, but its no right to disprespect someone by calling them fugly and talking about putting a bag over their head before you've even had a first date. Do you think she'd really want to date you if she knew you said that? As long as you have an "all women" think this or "all women" think that mindset, you're going to continue being unpleasant and abrasive. I dont know what your wife did to you- man, you have no idea what my ex husband did to me, okay? Am I running around saying that ALL men are ****ers that just want to get laid, or this or that? No. One man screwing me over does NOT excuse bitterness on my part toward all men on earth. Its immature, and its not going to get me (or you) anywhere. I'm going to take my fatigues off now dude. Best of luck, but just do me one favor. Don't repeat what you said on this board about this poor woman to anyone else. Its just cruel.
Pocky Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob "Great - sacrifice quality for quantity. Some women are attracted to this image you've acquired, but it doesn't seem like the type of women you'd want. Your new found attitude has gotten you dates with ugly women." Just do realize that you have just disrespected ugly women in your post more than I ever have. I'm glad that you have made it apparent that you consider uglieness to mean less quality. Actually, I'm dating a lot of women just to get back into things again and be social. Even if she is ugly, I might learn a few things from her and realize that there are other qualities that I didn't even know that I liked that I could look for in a mate in the future. I don't think ugly means less quality - you do. This was determined by your first post that you're dating an ugly woman because you need sex. Therefore, you are only dating someone of this quality because you need something, so in turn you're using her, which means she is not worthy of anything but to be used for sex. That equates to sacricing quality for quantity.
Author VirginiaBob Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 "I don't think ugly means less quality - you do. This was determined by your first post that you're dating an ugly woman because you need sex. Therefore, you are only dating someone of this quality because you need something, so in turn you're using her, which means she is not worthy of anything but to be used for sex. That equates to sacricing quality for quantity." So if I was dating a gorgeous woman because I need sex, then that means low quality too, right?
tiki Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 VB, you'll be the one having the one night stand, I guar-an-tee it. Your next post: "I boned an ugly girl".
Anais Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Have fun tonight. Just don’t marry her, ok? I knew a man, my dad’s friend, who married a woman because he felt sorry for her being very ugly. They couldn’t have kids because of her health but he stayed with her about 20 years. Finally he left her for another lady with whom he had two boys later. He died recently from cancer leaving 2 and 3 years old boys.
Pocky Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob So if I was dating a gorgeous woman because I need sex, then that means low quality too, right? Depends - if you find gorgeous a flaw or not. The point is - You are dating someone you dislike simply because you need sex. If you came on here and said I'm dating a bitch because I need sex, I'd say that means low quality. When you date someone that doesn't meet your standards for a potential relationship, you're sacrificing quality. And when I say quality I mean quality in a relationship. I'm not saying that ugly women lack quality because they're ugly, I'm saying that because you find them ugly, you have already identified your lack of interest in them and have therefore compromised quality.
7on Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 I just want a gorgeous girl, great personality and is a great sexor. So I'm just looking for the female equivalent of me ;P
PatientOne Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by tiki Your next post: "I boned an ugly girl". Sadly Tiki, you're probably right. VB, someday when enough time has passed you may realize that all women are beautiful. You just have to be able to appreciate them for who they are. It's all part of growing up.
Author VirginiaBob Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 "VB, someday when enough time has passed you may realize that all women are beautiful. You just have to be able to appreciate them for who they are. It's all part of growing up." No, sadly, as I've grown, I've come to realize the exact opposite - that some women are plain ugly - such as the women who cheat on thier husband and blame himf for it, the women who use men for money and manipulate, and women who bargain with sex or emotions. I used to believe that all people were intrinsically good and beautiful in thier own way, but that naive period has long past.
alphamale Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by PatientOne Sadly Tiki, you're probably right. VB, someday when enough time has passed you may realize that all women are beautiful. You just have to be able to appreciate them for who they are. It's all part of growing up. hmmm...I wonder why the woman in the cube next to me who is fat and ugly is not in hollywood making major motion pictures for $ millions like Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale hmmm...I wonder why the woman in the cube next to me who is fat and ugly is not in hollywood making major motion pictures for $ millions like Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas. I know that you and I live in the same area and if I'm the woman in the cube next to you I'm gonna friggin KILL YA. Just kidding.
_Saffy_ Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale hmmm...I wonder why the woman in the cube next to me who is fat and ugly is not in hollywood making major motion pictures for $ millions like Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas. yeah maybe she has a really meaningless job, like counselling abused children so that they can live a life that is classed as normal.
PatientOne Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob No, sadly, as I've grown, I've come to realize the exact opposite - that some women are plain ugly - such as the women who cheat on thier husband and blame himf for it, the women who use men for money and manipulate, and women who bargain with sex or emotions. I used to believe that all people were intrinsically good and beautiful in thier own way, but that naive period has long past. I never said all women were angels. Believe me, if the events that you've told us about on LoveShack are the worst that have happened to you, I've got you beat by miles. Many women are truly bad people- ugly inside. However, the topic at hand is beauty. I stick to what I've said. All women are beautiful, if you take the time to look. I will grant that sometimes you have to look inside the person to see her truest beauty. You do realize, I hope, that your original post was really crass. Please treat this girl with the respect you would want to receive yourself.
alphamale Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by PatientOne All women are beautiful, if you take the time to look. I will grant that sometimes you have to look inside the person to see her truest beauty. Susan Smith, who drove her car into the lake whiile her kids were inside the car was a real beautiful person. Hows about the one who drowned her five kids in the bathtub a while ago, here was really a fine updstanding role model for all women.
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 I used to believe that all people were intrinsically good and beautiful in their own way, but that naive period has long past. So someone stomped on your rose-colored glasses, eh? Join the crowd! While I'll agree with you that the world is full of people who do crappy things to each other, there are still some pretty amazing folks out there, both Male and Female. The trick to finding those tiny beacons of light in that ugly sea of darkness is to continue to shine within. Otherwise, you'll never be able to find each other. You'll just disappear in that big crowd of selfish jerks. I admit that your new "if I can't beat um' I'll join um" routine is amusing (even understandable), but I still don't think playing the d*ck will suite you for very long. If it goes against your nature, then you'll only end up more miserable with yourself than you are with the rest of the world. Not only that, but we tend to attract to ourselves the kind of people that we are. Like minds seek like minds, and jerks will only attract jerkettes. The kind of woman you're looking for will never want anything to do with you if you try too hard to blend in with the rest of those miserable cads. Chin up, bucko! We've all been kicked in the ayas more times than we care to remember. My partner and I had BOTH given up on the opposite sex before finally finding each other. It took many years and many screwed up relationships to finally round that learning curve, but in the end we can look back and say that all the disappoint and bitterness of the past was worth every second if that's what it took to bring us together today. And without experiencing the bad, we would never be able to fully appreciate what we have now. Knowing how screwed up the rest of the world is only makes you hold onto the one you love even tighter. PS…I've got myself one of those "nice guys", and I wouldn't trade that soft-hearted, sensitive, loveable man for the world.
katie79 Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Pls don't forget men do nasty things too. Men cheat, lie, ignore, and disappear on them all the time. It's more acceptable for a guy to do this too. It seems, when a woman cheats, lies, etc, she is looked at as a nasty b****. When a guy does it, he's cool.
Recommended Posts