rumbleseat Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 There is a question about A's that has always puzzled me. Most ow/om and ws will say "I knew it was wrong but....". So if one knows it us wrong, what is the possible justification for doing it? In this one area, I have a little bit more understanding for the ws, as at least they can justify it to he selves by saying " my bs is doing/not doing x,y or z , so they deserve this" ,but how can an om/ow say they know it's wrong but go ahead anyway? Of course, I know there are people out the who ha earl issues with A's and don't see them as bad, but that it not really the topic of this thread. 1
underwater2010 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 When you figure it out....let me know. I have still yet to figure out why another woman who is married and has kids would think that it is perfectly fine to screw with my husband let alone another family's life. Besides the fact that he had just as much to lose as she did. 1
Bishop556 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 No one wants to seem wrong in any circumstance because it is damaging to the ego. It is psychology 101. If someone admitted that what they did was hurtful and deceitful, they would have to admit that they are not a pillar of goodness. No one wants to do that. Only a few exceptional people can truly go beyond their ego. 1
Lady2163 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I am an OW and I post here with extreme hesitation, because I may get slammed for this. I have a fwb who is married. He is not "my MM" we are not in a relationship. Okay, I do usually say is a long distance relationship, but I don't mean it in the same sense. I do not love him, but I like him and enjoy his company. There's no tactful way to say this, but uh...if we don't get caught, no one is being hurt. Many will say, but his wife is being lied to, cheated on, she IS being hurt! That isn't how I feel. A comparison is: months ago my mother had back surgery. The statistics for recovery were not good. I didn't tell her that AND I told nobody to tell her any negative stories they had ever heard. I did a huge push for the power of positive thinking. I made up people..."so and so had an uncle who had the same procedure and he said it was the best thing he had ever done." I lied my butt off. She went into the surgery with a positive attitude and recovered great. Do I ever plan to tell her about the propaganda? Not a chance. She is happy. Ignorance can be bliss. FWB doesn't hate his wife, he is 99% satisfied with her. The 1% comes from the bedroom. Conservative Christianity makes nice girls prudes. Why an affair? I knew married man 26 years ago. We were at the same social function seven years ago and reconnected. I hadn't had sex in 27 weeks. The one chance I had at a date was seduced by my bisexual male roommate before we had a chance to go out for dinner. I was horny. Neither of us planned for things to go on this long. An affair like this benefits me in that I get to pick and choose when I see him. I don't always have to adjust my schedule to his. He can't tell me where I can go, who I can see, how I am to spend my money. We don't fight...about anything. If I could find a single fwb who was as reliable, I'd start to distance myself. I'm not speaking for all OW, just for myself. You asked the question. I've tried to be thorough and tasteful in my answer. While you may not agree with ,y thought process, it is how I think.
Eggplant Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 In this one area, I have a little bit more understanding for the ws, as at least they can justify it to he selves by saying " my bs is doing/not doing x,y or z , so they deserve this" ,but how can an om/ow say they know it's wrong but go ahead anyway?What happens is it feels better to engage in the affair, and the cognitive dissonance in the brain is left to come up with a creative excuse. The excuse is just made up, imo, at least on a subconscious level. The conscious person may believe his or her own lies. So you can understand the WS' reasoning here? To me it's just gripping at thin air, not a solid argument. The OW/OM could use the very same bogus argument, I suppose.
underwater2010 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I am an OW and I post here with extreme hesitation, because I may get slammed for this. I have a fwb who is married. He is not "my MM" we are not in a relationship. Okay, I do usually say is a long distance relationship, but I don't mean it in the same sense. I do not love him, but I like him and enjoy his company. There's no tactful way to say this, but uh...if we don't get caught, no one is being hurt. Many will say, but his wife is being lied to, cheated on, she IS being hurt! That isn't how I feel. A comparison is: months ago my mother had back surgery. The statistics for recovery were not good. I didn't tell her that AND I told nobody to tell her any negative stories they had ever heard. I did a huge push for the power of positive thinking. I made up people..."so and so had an uncle who had the same procedure and he said it was the best thing he had ever done." I lied my butt off. She went into the surgery with a positive attitude and recovered great. Do I ever plan to tell her about the propaganda? Not a chance. She is happy. Ignorance can be bliss. FWB doesn't hate his wife, he is 99% satisfied with her. The 1% comes from the bedroom. Conservative Christianity makes nice girls prudes. Why an affair? I knew married man 26 years ago. We were at the same social function seven years ago and reconnected. I hadn't had sex in 27 weeks. The one chance I had at a date was seduced by my bisexual male roommate before we had a chance to go out for dinner. I was horny. Neither of us planned for things to go on this long. An affair like this benefits me in that I get to pick and choose when I see him. I don't always have to adjust my schedule to his. He can't tell me where I can go, who I can see, how I am to spend my money. We don't fight...about anything. If I could find a single fwb who was as reliable, I'd start to distance myself. I'm not speaking for all OW, just for myself. You asked the question. I've tried to be thorough and tasteful in my answer. While you may not agree with ,y thought process, it is how I think. And yet you feel not regret. Speaks volumes.
Lady2163 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 And yet you feel not regret. Speaks volumes. Shrug. It wasn't a post that discussed that.
Arieswoman Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I never got a reason from my exWH for his affair. When he was in the process of moving out (which took him a month) he made the following profound statements, "I knew it was wrong but never thought you would find out" "I wish I could turn the clock back" "If you had anything about you, you would have known there was something wrong " - ( I should have to be psychic ?!) "I love her more than I ever loved you but I respect you more" (Uh?) "I envy you because you can start your next relationship 'clean' ". "I take full responsibility for what I did, it wasn't you it was me" and of course the classic ;- "I didn't do it deliberately to hurt you" - ( whaaaat ?) To me these were the ramblings of a very confused person, so I didn't set any store by what he said. I think some people can't explain why they did what they did, because they just suffer from muddled thinking.
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