NYyanks819 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 hey Guys, I am on day 15 NC for my ex, quick question though.. Is it normal to become almost obsessed with meeting other women, getting there approval etc now that I have lost my ex? What I mean by that is it seems like all I care about all day is meeting and Hooking up with women and not on things that really matter like my business, making money, hobbies, family, etc.. I think this is what they mean when people get into rebound relationships to fill the void etc. It just seems like I am wasting time on dating websites trying to set up dates and that means more then my own income/ business and does this get better as NC goes on?
k10k Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Well, I can understand why you're doing this - looking towards other women to fill the void - but it's not something that is really healthy and productive for you right now - it's just a quick fix for the pain that NC brings. I'm also feeling the void, but we need to fill this up from the inside instead of trying to get the feeling of fullness back from other people. You're only 15 days in ....slow down a little... and focus on you and those important things in your life.
ElecTriX Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 It gets better, stay NC. I was in that phase also and it's like you have written, just to fill the void. For me it works but it's not "hooking up" but just to have company by friends or family helps to fill that void a little. I did hook up with a girl and I had the worst anxiety the day after. The feeling that I had cheated on my ex... Trust me, you DON'T want that feeling because if you feel like you're suffering now that feeling won't help at all.
strive Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I think it's pretty normal but not necessarily good to pursue. Getting dumped does a hard blow on self-esteem, so we look for approval and validation to get it back up. I think that meeting other people and flirting is ok, but don't pursue too much that you'd do something stupid or end up in a rebound RS. Eventually when your confidence is back up, that nagging feeling of wanting to hookup eventually fades.
iworthmore Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 i agree with all other answers. u can't fill the void by doing this. at the moment u don't need a female company u still need ur ex's company. u must fill ur own void. u must go thru that phase, and prove to ur self that no one can leave a void in ur life. that's how u do a progress. not replacing the chest u need to lay on. and it will backfire, u will start comparing them with ur ex. and u will stop meeting them soon. u still in day 15 on NC. still long way to go. again. its normal, been there. start to fill that void by yourself. it will get better
flightplan Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Everybody is different based on age and BU circumstances, but you're experiencing what a lot of people go through. I think it's ok to date for fun, get your mind off things but don't go serious for anyone. I didn't date for the first couple of months but now I've been out there dating for fun, not looking for a relationship. My BU was 3 months ago with NC. I don't think about her near as much. She's quickly starting to fade. I had a damn good date last night and at a minimum made a new friend. I never once thought about my ex the whole night. 1
Author NYyanks819 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 OMG yeah that is exactly what it felt like.. I hooked up with a couple older women in there 30's gorgeous etc.. but I almost felt like I was cheating on my ex.. I felt terrible after and kept thinking of her… but every where I read it says to get over someone best way is to hook up!
semicharmedlife Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 The best way to get over any breakup is to focus on yourself. Go to the gym...take up a new hobby or focus on your business....get together with a friend that you lost touch with, ect...Take care of yourself...so when that next relationship comes along...you will be ready...
InnocentMan Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 OMG yeah that is exactly what it felt like.. I hooked up with a couple older women in there 30's gorgeous etc.. but I almost felt like I was cheating on my ex.. I felt terrible after and kept thinking of her… but every where I read it says to get over someone best way is to hook up! Random hook-ups are probably the worst way to get over someone. It may give give a temporary pleasure, but any pain will soon return. It's kinda why people take alcohol/drugs when they feel sad/depressed. It provides a temporary release, but in the morning, all your problems are still there, and you have the added bonus of a hangover/comedown. People are so afraid to feel any negative emotions, they will do virtually anything to avoid them. The truth is, you can't avoid them. You can only block them out. This is why you see people stuck on their ex's 1 or maybe 2 years after a break-up, sometimes longer. Accept what happened, take any pain that's coming your way, and you will heal much faster. Hooking up, or even considering a new relationship should be the final part of your healing, not the first choice. The people that get help from new relationships, so quickly after one has just ended, probably weren't in too much pain to begin with. They just felt sad because they missed the sex. Emotional attachments are much more complex to deal with.
LostConfused123 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Everybody is different based on age and BU circumstances, but you're experiencing what a lot of people go through. I think it's ok to date for fun, get your mind off things but don't go serious for anyone. I didn't date for the first couple of months but now I've been out there dating for fun, not looking for a relationship. My BU was 3 months ago with NC. I don't think about her near as much. She's quickly starting to fade. I had a damn good date last night and at a minimum made a new friend. I never once thought about my ex the whole night. Glad you had a good time on your date! You must feel so good, not thinking of her the whole time. I can't wait until I can go hours and not think of what's his name. This gives me so much hope!! I'm so happy for you! Best of luck!
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