renzen14 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I was dating a great guy for a several weeks, he is sweet, honest and total gentlemen. I really like him, but I got scared and broke it off with him!! Asked if we can remain friends he said ok, but been distance. I asked him to have dinner with me so I can own up and be honest as I was afraid to get attached to him. But he wouldn't let me apologize, told me I didn't have to say sorry. He thinks I was apologizing for breaking up with him.. I asked if we can rewind the last 2 weeks, or has he checked out? He told me he doesn't want to give me the wrong idea if I'm looking for total exclusivity. Assuming he's saving face and feeling rejected!! How can I make it right again? Does he still like me? It was 4 weeks since I saw him last. His Birthday is tomorrow so I invited him this last Saturday for bike ride/ kayak and dinner!! After 5 hours together we stopped and had a glass of wine. He then out of nowhere mentioned.. "I'm dating Martha" My gut told me he was fibbing to get my reaction.. So I asked if he liked Martha? He said well she's witty enough, but she's not hot enough and rated her a 7! I was bothered by his shallow side, however still believe he's lying! Then he said he's thinking he might want to make it exclusive with her!! Of course I felt he's now playing games! SO I said 'Sometimes a 7 turns into an 8 and sometimes a 10 goes down to 6! He immediately retracted and said well they've only been on 4 dates! WE both got quiet! Once we arrived to my home, he took a shower and kept his shirt off for another hr. He offered to fix my internet and connect my new T.V. Again, walking around my house to get a reaction from me.. I just don't get it. I guess since I didn't throw myself on him.. He asked if we can have dinner another time, I said sure no worries and didn't tell him I have prepared a 7 course!! I'm so confused, if he still likes me why can't we just talk and go back to how things were! But I can't seem to have a mature honest dialogue with him!!! What should I do
d0nnivain Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) You can't go back to the way it was because you broke his trust & he is only working his way back to trusting you slowly. Somebody shared this analogy & I think it makes sense. Grab a plate. Throw it on the ground so it breaks into pieces. Tell it your sorry. Notice that it didn't knit back together on the power of your words. Understand now? Edited January 23, 2014 by d0nnivain 4
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 He's dating somebody else and doesn't want you to get the wrong idea if you're after exclusivity... He's only looking for sex. If you're happy with that, have sex with him. If not, don't go there. Don't read into every little thing hes says and modify it to fit what you want it to mean (i.e. 'I'm dating Martha' turns into 'I think he's lying about it'). He is being very clear, open and honest. Frankly in his position I wouldn't have given you a second chance after sacking it off the first time, I'm not sure why after four weeks you think you can rewind it back to being good again? 2
Kevin811 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I was dating a great guy for a several weeks, he is sweet, honest and total gentlemen. I really like him, but I got scared and broke it off with him!! Asked if we can remain friends he said ok, but been distance. I asked him to have dinner with me so I can own up and be honest as I was afraid to get attached to him. But he wouldn't let me apologize, told me I didn't have to say sorry. He thinks I was apologizing for breaking up with him.. I asked if we can rewind the last 2 weeks, or has he checked out? He told me he doesn't want to give me the wrong idea if I'm looking for total exclusivity. Assuming he's saving face and feeling rejected!! How can I make it right again? Does he still like me? It was 4 weeks since I saw him last. His Birthday is tomorrow so I invited him this last Saturday for bike ride/ kayak and dinner!! After 5 hours together we stopped and had a glass of wine. He then out of nowhere mentioned.. "I'm dating Martha" My gut told me he was fibbing to get my reaction.. So I asked if he liked Martha? He said well she's witty enough, but she's not hot enough and rated her a 7! I was bothered by his shallow side, however still believe he's lying! Then he said he's thinking he might want to make it exclusive with her!! Of course I felt he's now playing games! SO I said 'Sometimes a 7 turns into an 8 and sometimes a 10 goes down to 6! He immediately retracted and said well they've only been on 4 dates! WE both got quiet! Once we arrived to my home, he took a shower and kept his shirt off for another hr. He offered to fix my internet and connect my new T.V. Again, walking around my house to get a reaction from me.. I just don't get it. I guess since I didn't throw myself on him.. He asked if we can have dinner another time, I said sure no worries and didn't tell him I have prepared a 7 course!! I'm so confused, if he still likes me why can't we just talk and go back to how things were! But I can't seem to have a mature honest dialogue with him!!! What should I do It seems like he's just playing games with you. Just back off and see what happens. I wish u the best 1
Thegreatestthing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Look the exact same thing happened to me guy was practically stalking me for a month,I told him to stop chasing me and to pursue other girls because I was a bit confused,scared and wasn't sure how I felt. he emails me the next day tells me he has a date but she can't get there,why he emailed me this I don't know,I reply well you should pick her up. Next day he emails me again about this date, for some reason I just got jealous and mad and just blocked him ,probably realised I liked him a lot. Anyway he hasn't contacted me since,I've unblocked him I don't know if he realises that,but gees I messed up too. You can't turn back time,probably you were right being apprehensive because this guy wasn't even looking for anything exclusive says he.
onceagainitson Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 How does this make any sense? If you like him why did you reject him? " I really like him, but I got scared and broke it off with him!!" I was dating a great guy for a several weeks, he is sweet, honest and total gentlemen. I really like him, but I got scared and broke it off with him!! Asked if we can remain friends he said ok, but been distance. I asked him to have dinner with me so I can own up and be honest as I was afraid to get attached to him. But he wouldn't let me apologize, told me I didn't have to say sorry. He thinks I was apologizing for breaking up with him.. I asked if we can rewind the last 2 weeks, or has he checked out? He told me he doesn't want to give me the wrong idea if I'm looking for total exclusivity. Assuming he's saving face and feeling rejected!! How can I make it right again? Does he still like me? It was 4 weeks since I saw him last. His Birthday is tomorrow so I invited him this last Saturday for bike ride/ kayak and dinner!! After 5 hours together we stopped and had a glass of wine. He then out of nowhere mentioned.. "I'm dating Martha" My gut told me he was fibbing to get my reaction.. So I asked if he liked Martha? He said well she's witty enough, but she's not hot enough and rated her a 7! I was bothered by his shallow side, however still believe he's lying! Then he said he's thinking he might want to make it exclusive with her!! Of course I felt he's now playing games! SO I said 'Sometimes a 7 turns into an 8 and sometimes a 10 goes down to 6! He immediately retracted and said well they've only been on 4 dates! WE both got quiet! Once we arrived to my home, he took a shower and kept his shirt off for another hr. He offered to fix my internet and connect my new T.V. Again, walking around my house to get a reaction from me.. I just don't get it. I guess since I didn't throw myself on him.. He asked if we can have dinner another time, I said sure no worries and didn't tell him I have prepared a 7 course!! I'm so confused, if he still likes me why can't we just talk and go back to how things were! But I can't seem to have a mature honest dialogue with him!!! What should I do 2
Lansing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Can you explain why you got scarred? Were you insecure about the relationship? Were you thinking that he might break up with you? Did it feel too good to be true? I am curious to know more about this. 2
Frank2thepoint Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Somebody shared this analogy & I think it makes sense. Grab a plate. Throw it on the ground so it breaks into pieces. Tell it your sorry. Notice that it didn't knit back together on the power of your words. Understand now? This is a real profound statement. I like it so much, I'm going to write it on post-it notes and slap it on people's foreheads. 2
Author renzen14 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 I genuinely got scared, felt close to him and didnt want to get hurt.. Reactive and immature I know. But I have been trying to own up to being a coward! He wanted a relationship with me, I kept on pushing him away. Right after I was miserable with my action, but he got really cold with and and says he didnt want a girlfriend. Now he's trying to make me jealous about a girl that he's not even into!! Thats why I think he's playing games!! Maybe I should leave him be and he'll come back around and stop punishing me.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Lesson learned. Some people just aren't going to wait around for you because you got scared. You think he's playing games? He probably thought/thinks the same about you. You rejected him and now you want him again. I wouldn't be too eager to jump back in either. OP, what did you expect to happen? He's told you where he stands. You can't really expect more. I don't think this is going to work out in your favour. Out of curiosity, how old are you both? 1
truth_seeker Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Look the exact same thing happened to me guy was practically stalking me for a month,I told him to stop chasing me and to pursue other girls because I was a bit confused,scared and wasn't sure how I felt. he emails me the next day tells me he has a date but she can't get there,why he emailed me this I don't know,I reply well you should pick her up. Next day he emails me again about this date, for some reason I just got jealous and mad and just blocked him ,probably realised I liked him a lot. Anyway he hasn't contacted me since,I've unblocked him I don't know if he realises that,but gees I messed up too. You can't turn back time,probably you were right being apprehensive because this guy wasn't even looking for anything exclusive says he. This is unbelievable. You liked the guy the whole time but paint him as some obnoxious, thorn in your side, stalker. He tested you. By you getting upset told him how much you liked him. If you didn't get jealous or upset, then he would have known you had no interest in him. Why don't you be an adult, contact him and just be honest? You know, if people were more honest, less problems, more happiness. I digress...
emva07 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 this is the viscious cycle of insecure people who don't want to get hurt....they don't want to get hurt, therefore THEY do the hurting and IF the other person keeps coming around like a lovesick puppy time and time again, then they have proven their love for the person. Thing is most people aren't up for those games anymore. Most people will just walk away (or maybe stick around to hurt you back). Either way...no, things will not go back to the way they were.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I did,he wrote back that he was very happy to hear from me again. Then he started talking about dates again,this time I did not respond and talked about something else,really what's the point. He also is online then offline every ten mins,like he'll write two messages then I'll reply ,he'll reply etc then he'll be offline come back in ten mins,write three messages,go offline and come back in ten mins continually I can't converse like that and it says a lot about his true interest. I'm not wasting another second on it,op you were anxious cause he wasn't the right guy, This is unbelievable. You liked the guy the whole time but paint him as some obnoxious, thorn in your side, stalker. He tested you. By you getting upset told him how much you liked him. If you didn't get jealous or upset, then he would have known you had no interest in him. Why don't you be an adult, contact him and just be honest? You know, if people were more honest, less problems, more happiness. I digress...
floranfrancis Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I think, He is interested in dating you only. And he didn't give his complete attention on you like the olden day. If you are interesting you can proceed or else better to leave him why because he already engaged with other women.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) I don't know if he A/likes this new girl B/ is trying to make me jealous C/ trying to be aloof ,cause he was talking about acting clingy desperate the other day. I'm thinking he likes this new girl,and it's my fault cause I rejected him and told him to Pursue other girls,hadn't done that,he wouldn't have looked for another girl.maybe. Basically I'm in the same position as the op,and I think we should both move on,as it seems they have new love interests due to our being flakes. Lesson learnt. Edited January 25, 2014 by Thegreatestthing 1
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