n1BB1t Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Had a long talk with mm cause he initiate the texting. He told me that he feel bad because her wife just shared with him that their common friend was having affair with mm. He feel bad from hiding her and not being truthful to her and his wife love his family. He mention since the affair start he is not truthfully happy until her baby girl is out. That the only thing that made him really happy. As for his wife he feel bad that he was hiding her regarding we still meetup and cuddle. He then make comment like they are now trying for their second kid. And his deal breaker is once their second child born, we would not longer cuddle and meet at night but could still have lunch or dinner together. He emphasize he wanted to be devoted back to church and be a good man. He further add he hate his new job and wanted to work in our company. Due to our affair he thought it would be better to not we each other too often. Is he hinting me to leave him alone and let him be the good man that he want. Why is he saying so much things to hurt me and in conclude saying that he just want to share how he feel to me. Whenever I told him how I feel, he just mention this is a wrong relationship to begin with that's why both of us is not happy. Why don't he just leave me alone if he feel that bad inside him. Why do he still want to talk and have lunch with me. Not cuddling and kissing does not means he is not having affair. He just want to shift physical affair to emotional affair to make his guilt feel lesser. I feel so hurt now. To me mm is a cactus whenever I go close to him I would always get hurt. It's time for me to plan for another actual d day since he actual mention that he is not happy with me. But too bad I can't take long leave recently to grief and cutting contact really don't make me feel like working since I would be in depress mode fighting my thoughts against him. I just don't understand what is he trying to do by telling me all these. Share all these to make me feel bad. Am I interpret this wrongly ? Any insights ?
Appreciate Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 You're interpreting it correctly. He's trying to let you down easy. He feels bad about what he's done, to you and his wife and his family. He wants to end it and be "just friends". Being in the friend zone is just going to mean a lot of drawn out pain for you. You're clearly hurting deeply. If you're cutting, you need professional help. By the style of your writing you seemed very depressed and you may need meds if you don't take them already. You're projecting your pain inward, on yourself, and it's not healthy. Please see someone about the cutting or if you are having suicidal thoughts. 1
hippetyhop Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 My xMM just pulled basically the same thing on me; but didn’t give any explanations. We started our A Oct. 2012; things were going well, etc. then in July his W was informed of some things about him (not directly related to us); I told him I needed space. He complied and reached out to me again in October 2013. Missing him like crazy, I took him up on the offer after he asked me if I will give it another "go". We started out basically where we left off with regards to seeing each other, calling, texting, etc. He's been kind of distant so I called him out on it. From November on, he's been hot/cold. One day we would have awesome conversations and whatnot, and the next he's not the same. He didn't call me as often, but if I texted him, he'd always reply. During the day we'll talk and text, and he initiates contact so it isn't always on me. He'll give me more than one lined answers and questions. I asked him what is wrong as he's been kind of "blah" lately (this was one week ago). He responded back "You're fine hun. I know things are not as intense as before and that's by design on my part. As of right now, I need you to be my friend more than anything else. Everything else will fall into place. What will be will be." I told him, "that is fine if you need to take a step back, that is okay." He replied, "it is what I need for now". I let him know, "I have always been your friend and friends talk, not go silent. I let him know that if he ever needs to talk, I'm all ears", which he responded "I know that."." From there, I told him "everything is okay in the end; if it isn't okay, then its not the end." He replied back "it's not the end" and I told him, "I hope not." I know it is the end. From October on, he kept on telling me we are okay and no worries. I’m starting to have my doubts. Around the holidays, we were going to get together for lunch, and he said he couldn’t as the BS was off of work that day, and he didn’t want her driving past his work seeing if he’s there and him not being there. I think either he’s working on his marriage, or the A might be too much for him right now to handle. It hurts; it does. I’m not sure what is going as he won’t tell me. I’m living with I’ll never know, and nor do I want to. At least you have some answers. Do the same thing I am: Do not contact him; close the door on him. It isn’t worth the headaches, heartaches, and frustrations.
Berkley Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 If you're cutting, you need professional help. By the style of your writing you seemed very depressed and you may need meds if you don't take them already. You're projecting your pain inward, on yourself, and it's not healthy. Please see someone about the cutting or if you are having suicidal thoughts. She said cutting contact...not cutting herself
Appreciate Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Thanks. I'm glad I misread that. Still, it sounds like she should consider mood stabilization drugs if she isn't able to concentrate at work. Please see a doctor.
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