absogle Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I met this girl on Thanksgiving and we have hung out a few times. I finally asked her if I could take her to dinner after a NYE party where we exchanged numbers. She said yes. We went, I paid for everything, drove her, walked her to her door, hugged her, said goodnight. Pretty solid first date. Last night we went out for drinks. At the end of the night I walked her to her car and tried to kiss her... She started laughing. Just like, really nervously laughing. She kept saying "I'm sorry I'm so awkward when it comes to this stuff." I told her that I like her and asked if something was wrong. She said "No. It just has never been about...that...for me. I like hanging out with you but it's really soon. I don't even know you that well. Just hug me?" I hugged her and then she left. Haven't talked to her since then. Thoughts? It was the "it's never been about that for me" line that really kind of bugged me. Should I wait for her to reach out to me? There's a good chance we'll both be at the same party Saturday night. Should I just wait until then to chat with her again?
clia Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 If you want to continue dating her, yes you should reach out. It sounds like she just meant that she felt it was too soon to kiss you. She may like to move slow physically. If that's not okay with you, you should move on. 2
Phantom888 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 No it looks like she just want to be friends, and she really enjoy your company. She likes you as a person, but doesn't want to go the romantic route. If you want a nice true friend, here is your chance. Doesn't sound like she wants to be in a relationship. 3
halflight Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Honestly, she sounds like me. Some women (and men I'm sure) like to move slowly, and reserve kissing for once they get to know someone and decide they're really interested. The second date can be too soon to know that. Like the other person said, if you're interested in dating her then reach out. Don't take this as being friend zoned. 4
Author absogle Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Yeah I should have phrased a question better: Is she trying to friendzone me or should I keep pursuing? I know the obvious answer is to just talk to her about it, I'm just curious what you guys thînk is going through her mind...
Zahara Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Hmm...if I was interested in a guy and eventhough I move along very slowly -- if he was coming in for a kiss, I would do a quick peck on the lips or give my cheek. I would want to give some little indication that I don't mind him getting a little close. I say ask her out again and go from there. I'm sure you feel awkward too, almost feeling shot down but maybe now she knows what to expect and will react differently on your next date. 1
Philosopher Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I would continue to date her and try to kiss her again if she gives off the right signals. If she accepts then game on. If she says it is too soon again or something similar then she probably sees you more as a friend rather than a potential partner. I have been in a similar situation before, and was friendzoned after I tried kissing her again a couple of dates later, so in my experience being turned down for a kiss is a sign she just wants to be friends. That said, she may react differently in later dates, so I think it is very hard to tell.
TXGuy Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 She isn't into you and is toying with you. I'd let this one go and keep looking for someone who does see you as a potential boyfriend.
Phantom888 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 One time last year I got friend-zoned by a girl after we had sex. She said she loves the sex, but doesn't see me as boyfriend material. She wanted to be FWB, but I declined. I would never have sex without the potential of a serious relationship. That being said, a woman knows if you are her "type" really early on, just as men do.
Zelias Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 She backed out of the kiss, it's over, you did everything right on the first date, and it seemed like you had a good 2nd, and it was smart of you to try to kiss her on the 2nd date, she obviously declined and basically told you she wants no relationship with you Move on good sir, it's over Find yourself another girl, don't contact her at all, don't waste your time. Best of Luck
Aquanut Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 If I were you I'd put "her" in the friend zone for now and date someone who is really attracted to you. I always found the after date kiss thing to be awkward at best so I don't do it if I can avoid it. I don't go in for the kiss at the expected time. Much better to surprise them during the date if you get a chance. Reading her body language is crucial though. If we kissed first during a date we *always* ended up doing multiple kisses after the date. I'd always excuse myself and leave before it started to become a make out session. This behavior has scored big points with more than one woman. One of them described her feelings about it as a combination of disappointment that I stopped but admiration that I could. She couldn't wait for the next date. Literally. Two nights later she invited me to to her place to hang out.
StanMusial Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I met this girl on Thanksgiving and we have hung out a few times. I finally asked her if I could take her to dinner after a NYE party where we exchanged numbers. She said yes. We went, I paid for everything, drove her, walked her to her door, hugged her, said goodnight. Pretty solid first date. Last night we went out for drinks. At the end of the night I walked her to her car and tried to kiss her... She started laughing. Just like, really nervously laughing. She kept saying "I'm sorry I'm so awkward when it comes to this stuff." I told her that I like her and asked if something was wrong. She said "No. It just has never been about...that...for me. I like hanging out with you but it's really soon. I don't even know you that well. Just hug me?" I hugged her and then she left. Haven't talked to her since then. Thoughts? It was the "it's never been about that for me" line that really kind of bugged me. Should I wait for her to reach out to me? There's a good chance we'll both be at the same party Saturday night. Should I just wait until then to chat with her again? The first part in bold, doesn't sound so good. It sounds like she didn't view your previous interactions as any sort of date at all. I've never heard it before so that's the only way I could interpret it. The second part, is it true? You met her a couple of months ago, hung out a few times, exchanged numbers, went on one/two "proper" dates...
RedRobin Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I'm not sure how well you know this woman... but I will say for myself that I don't like it when a man I hardly know tries to kiss me. Doesn't matter how attractive he might be to me. If he does it too soon, it will kill interest for me. Mostly because I'm old enough to know what trajectory he's operating on, and most men's trajectories have nothing to do with getting to know each other or even if he likes me as a person. A lot of women get it that men try to kiss them, not because he's really interested... but more to see what they can get away with. See comments from Mr. Saveaho as an example. I'll also add that a lot of guys these days are completely clueless about the lead up to a kiss. If you haven't exchanged any other physical intimacy at all (hugs, touching, etc)... then diving in for a kiss is probably going to feel awkward for her. To answer your question... she likely doesn't know how she feels about you romantically. You hardly know each other. If you keep pushing just to make yourself feel better or ease your own insecurity about the stupid 'friendzone' you are just as likely to push her away as you are to attract her. The key is to respond to her signals. She's telling you to slow down. 2
BeholdtheMan Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Move on. You have already done her the courtesy of making your intentions crystal clear. The ball's in her court. If she's interested, she'll reach out to you. If not, plenty more where she came from
RedRobin Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) Move on. You have already done her the courtesy of making your intentions crystal clear. The ball's in her court. If she's interested, she'll reach out to you. If not, plenty more where she came from There are lots of things a man can do to make his 'intentions' clear other than trying to suck face with a woman they hardly know. All a second date kiss means to me is that the guy wants to f*ck me. Big deal... doesn't show intentions at all... Just because she's not going all in with the physical stuff ASAP doesn't mean she isn't interested... It just means he's gonna have to show her he is interested in other things besides just sex. *shrug* If he's not willing to do that, then yea, move on. Edited January 23, 2014 by RedRobin 1
Dallers Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) I notice that people have said she has not friend-zoned you or do not allow her to friend zone you. Brother, you are friend-zoned. The issue here is to make sure you do not lose any confidence or self respect and after two kisses a man is at his limits and must retreat, regroup and fight another day. Do not pursue as others have said the moment is long since gone and you are now in danger of being an annoyance which will only hurt your feelings. You did unfortunetely give her the power/hand and stopped the chase after only two meetings. If you want any more reassurance that what the others have said is wrong, she asked you for a "hug" that is like saying, you are cute let me console the fact that you are a pathetic little man with no chance of getting in my knickers and I would like to take you shopping while I look at other guys..... GTFO of there. Edited January 23, 2014 by Dallers 2
Lansing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 A lot of women get it that men try to kiss them, not because he's really interested... but more to see what they can get away with. So, at what point do you start trusting the guy and give him a chance? Or, in the back of your head do you just keep thinking "he is only looking for sex". To OP... I am in a similar situation where the girl has said she wants to take things slow/etc. I think you should keep meeting new people and not put too much focus on her. I wouldn't discount her completely though. Having said that, if she wants to keep things at the level they are at then she should be the one to make some efforts as well and it shouldn't just be on your shoulders.
ChatroomHero Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 The best thing you could have done when she asked for a hug was say, "Jackpot! I have really wanted to smash up against your boobs all night!". You probably would have gotten a kiss instead. 2
Babolat Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) I met this girl on Thanksgiving and we have hung out a few times. I finally asked her if I could take her to dinner after a NYE party where we exchanged numbers. She said yes. We went, I paid for everything, drove her, walked her to her door, hugged her, said goodnight. Pretty solid first date. Last night we went out for drinks. At the end of the night I walked her to her car and tried to kiss her... She started laughing. Just like, really nervously laughing. She kept saying "I'm sorry I'm so awkward when it comes to this stuff." I told her that I like her and asked if something was wrong. She said "No. It just has never been about...that...for me. I like hanging out with you but it's really soon. I don't even know you that well. Just hug me?" I hugged her and then she left. Haven't talked to her since then. Thoughts? It was the "it's never been about that for me" line that really kind of bugged me. Should I wait for her to reach out to me? There's a good chance we'll both be at the same party Saturday night. Should I just wait until then to chat with her again? Thoughts? She sounds like a a good girl to me. Stick with it for a while, see if she warms up to you. If getting physical quick is importnat to you, move on. Edited January 23, 2014 by Babolat
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I notice that people have said she has not friend-zoned you or do not allow her to friend zone you. Brother, you are friend-zoned. The issue here is to make sure you do not lose any confidence or self respect and after two kisses a man is at his limits and must retreat, regroup and fight another day. Do not pursue as others have said the moment is long since gone and you are now in danger of being an annoyance which will only hurt your feelings. You did unfortunetely give her the power/hand and stopped the chase after only two meetings. If you want any more reassurance that what the others have said is wrong, she asked you for a "hug" that is like saying, you are cute let me console the fact that you are a pathetic little man with no chance of getting in my knickers and I would like to take you shopping while I look at other guys..... GTFO of there. I am a woman and I tell you that you have not been friendzoned. Just listen to what she said: she said she did not know you that well and that is was too soon. So if you like her get to know her and don't stop pressuring her for physical contact. She will most probably appreciate it and see it as a sign that you are interested in her as a person.
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 She isn't into you and is toying with you. I'd let this one go and keep looking for someone who does see you as a potential boyfriend. How on earth has she been toying him? They have hung out together, she seems to be good company (I presume that if he wants to kiss her it is because they have a good time together - although these days from what I read on this forum I sometimes thing that people kiss when they don't like someone). A woman does not have to "pay" for the time a guy spends with her with physical intimacy I think... After all she also spends time with him... so it's even.
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 So, at what point do you start trusting the guy and give him a chance? Or, in the back of your head do you just keep thinking "he is only looking for sex". To OP... I am in a similar situation where the girl has said she wants to take things slow/etc. I think you should keep meeting new people and not put too much focus on her. I wouldn't discount her completely though. Having said that, if she wants to keep things at the level they are at then she should be the one to make some efforts as well and it shouldn't just be on your shoulders. See that's how guys screw it up with decent women. Apparently giving a guy a chance is kissing him on the second date. I'd say that the fact that she is giving some of her time to the guy is already giving him a chance. There are no iron rules here but what guys don't seem to understand is that some women don't like to give a blanc cheque to someone. We want to know who you are and we want you to know who we are. And if you are so needy for physical intimacy that this need overshadows everything you become unattractive to us. Starting to date other women is exacty what you should not do because that will show you that we cannot trust you because the impression you give is that you just try out women until you find one who you can physical with. How can we trust a guy like that? Imagine we are married to such a guy and have a baby, and the first year there is not a lot of sex because we are very tired. If you cannot control your need for intimacy it means you will cheat on us. The cynical thing about it all is that I am sure that a lot of women who get intimate very quickly are the ones who once they have caught their guy never want to have sex with him again .
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