danny8630 Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 im a complete jerk. My girlfirend and I are dating for the 3rd time in one year. Twice she broke up to me because she could not open up to me, then realized im a 'great' guy. She told me she was spring breaking to Cancun this year and the first thing i thought of was "guys". Apparently, i give her crap about guys so much that it finally was brought into discussion today. It came to my attention that some of things i said today and previously made her feel low, degraded , like a "sl*t", even makes her cry. I dont saying things like shes fat and this is bad about her. And it is NEVER my intention to make her cry, Ever. She worked at a strip club as a waitress( she wore clothes) and i told her that it wouldnt surprise me if she evolved into a stripper. this upset her deeply inside and later cried about it. However on the surface she just laughed it off. for those of you who are asking yourself if i trust her or not. I do, a lot, but for some reason, im feeling the previous heartbreaks are restraining me. Would it be relevant to feel this way? i love her to death, if something happened to her, god i cant even imagine. The point is, is that im an a**h*** and it is against my morals and ethics to make this girl feel bad. She has changed so much for me and i guess im taking it for granted and forgetting what im about.
Bubbles Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Sounds to me like you are the kind of person who is brutally honest with his feelings and thoughts.....you need to take a step back and THINK about HOW you are saying things to your g/friend and is it really worth saying it? In the end....is it going to change anything for the better? I'll bet you sometimes you have said something and then regretted it as soon as the words have passed over your lips. I had a boyfriend like you. He told me that the reason that he was honest with me was because he didn't want me to be left in the dark about him. Well, lemme tell you.......I did'nt need to know half of the things he told me and yes I did cry many, many times. He was the kind of guy that would speak his mind, hurt and embarass people and then sit back and throw his hands up and say "what? What did I say that was so wrong?" Sound familiar? Another thing before I sign off.......acknoweldgement is half the battle........recognizing the problem and being willing to work on it means everything! bubbles
Author danny8630 Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 oh my god you have me so right that it isnt even funny. holy ****, i AM opinionated. im very honest and i often speak what is on my mind regardless of how it might affect that person. HOW DO I FIX IT? i still get scared that a problem like this will lead to the end of us. which tends to cause me to freak out and give in and say sorry instantly
Bubbles Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 At least you have the guts to say you're sorry! That's step in the right direction! THINK, THINK with your BRAIN NOT your emotions! If you are upset about something? Stop and think about what you really want to say and how would YOU feel if it was being said to you. I'll bet your girlfriend is a real genuine sweetheart and I'm willing to bet that that is most of the reason why you are dating her. Remember that while you are speaking to her. She is soft hearted and I am not. I must be cautious of HOW I speak to her because one of these days she might just tell me to hit the road and I'm going to be left standing here with my hands in the air saying "What?, What did I say wrong this time?" I used to ask my boyfriend to do that. He would be alright for a while and then just back to his opinionated ways again so that's one of the reasons he's my ex. bubbles
7on Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Yeah, I made it a New Years resolution to be nicer to people. I'm such an ass. I'm not a bad person, people do like me, it's just I can say mean things. I really need to cut back on the whole craziness. probably why I've never had a relationship. Well, one of the many reasons.
Bubbles Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 IMHO the both of you need to lighten up. What I mean by that is this, everytime someone says something to you......they are NOT accusing you they are questioning you so there is no need to be DEFENSIVE. I would always tell my ex "stop defending yourself and listen to what I am saying to you......it's a simple question.......calm down please" I would ask my ex a simple question and he would always think that I had an alterior motive. NOT SO. 7on....you are quite handsome......based on looks alone I would imagine that you have plenty of "opportunities" to date a nice lady. Calm down guy.....it can happen for you bubbles
Queen B Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 I don't think you can just stop behaving a certain way when obviously you've been doind this for a long time...but if you truly want to make some personal changes for the benefit of your relationship maybe you have to think really hard about why you do this? Where did you learn this? Why did you think it was okay up until now? Maybe try some counselling or get a book on intimate communication from your local library or bookstore.
Bubbles Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Or........a really good read is: "Who moved my Cheese?" It's quick easy read that expleans why you react the way you do and how it affects the peole around you & what you might consider doing the next time an emotional situation confronts you . You can pick it up at a local book store. Many, organizations in Canada and the US use this as a learning tool for their employees. Trust me, this book WILL help you.....I promise, cross my heart bubbles
Author danny8630 Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 thanks a lot everyone, especially Bubbles, im going to the bookstore today. I did question myself on why it works me up so much to where i get defensive, I couldnt even answer myself and thats when i ruled my behavior innappropriate
Bubbles Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Good for you Danny!!!! The book can be read in one day. Really. Let me know how you're doing and by the way......your girlfriend should read this book also. It will have such a postivie effect on your life. I know it helped me get through and change things in my personality - unfortunalty.......the ex refused to read it so......sucks to be him man! bubbles
7on Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Bubbles 7on....you are quite handsome......based on looks alone I would imagine that you have plenty of "opportunities" to date a nice lady. Calm down guy.....it can happen for you Wow, thanks. First "handsome" I've ever received. I usually only get "cute" and I've gotten one "hot" before. It's just that I act immature a lot and naïve. Though ironically I'm quite mature on the inside.
Bubbles Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 7on, Slick that hair back Handsome.......you're very Hugh Grant! bubbles
Recommended Posts